Desteni NA Meeting

On the weekend was the Desteni North America meeting. My experience in this was unexpected. I did not expect the support, the friendship, the acceptance, the family like environment.

             

   So before the trip I was excited. I was excited to meet all of these people that I have known for a year, that I have seen walk their processes for a year and seen them move and expand themselves. When I landed at Houston Katie and I found Eachother, and we immediately hugged. I did not expect that as in society it is unheard of to hug pretty much a stranger as a greeting. We started talking and there was a single moment of I do not know what to say…only a moment that maybe lasted 3 seconds. After that moment we realized that yes we do know eachother, and started conversation from there that did not stop at all until we hit the car. I was able to communicate freely and opening and about things that interest me instead of the bullshit that is talked about in everyday life. I got to the house and met up with everyone there as well. Again there was an immediate welcoming, and no awkwardness only meeting the people that we have shared with for a few years now. It was awesome no judgment no hate, no uneasiness, there was welcoming, there was acceptance, and there was a family there.

Once I got there I settled in and I would usually feel a discomfort, a home sickness, like I do not know the place where I am in. I did not experience any home sickness I was comfortable with myself. There was a point within me that I was trying to hide and that was that I still smoked. So I was holding off on a cigarette longer than usual, but which I had to eventually bring out. So I brought it out and I thought that there would have been judgment or some kind of nagging but there was none at all. In fact all others shared their experiences within stopping smoking and how they experienced that exactly which was absolutely cool from my perspective.

When more people arrived again more hugs from everyone around welcoming all unconditionally. I would never expect something like this to happen. Only because of desteni we are capable of doing this. We share ourselves unconditionally over writing (blogs) and video (Vlogs) and within that we are sharing ourselves, so we end up knowing eachother intimately because we share ourselves entirely on an open forum which is the internet and we all come together for one purpose and that is because we all care about the state of the world, we all realize that the state of the world is fucked and that we must do something and that we alone cannot do anything so since we are in a group together and within the group sharing of ourselves in required we all start to know eachother intimate and thus a bond is formed between eachother. In Houston this bond became physical that we were all in the same place physically living together under one roof and within that since we all know eachother.

Points were brought up in Houston that we were all participating in, that we were all assisting and supporting eachother, there was a communication for the point all as one communicating the point to allow each of us to come to an understanding of the point. There was no ego involved of `I am right, and this is the way that it is` which happens in most discussions. There was a communicative understanding there of how to direct each point that came up. Living there together was simply as well, sleeping was all arranged and there were no conflicts whatsoever even with 15 or so people sleeping under the same roof.

During this meeting a realization occurred that we are all a family and a family that is not within the Family structure. Cameron Pointed out that if this were an actual family reunion it would have been a lot weirder because truly we do not know our familes we do not communicate regularily so we have no idea what is going on within their lives, what they are interested it, and there are no common standing grounds for a conversation. Yet at the meeting we all came together on the same standing ground which is life, and through this we were all able to share unconditionally and express ourselves without judgment. Desteni has become a family, a family that is nothing like the family structure that is here today. It is a family where each of us is allowed to move as ourselves, and will get assistance immediately unconditionally when asked.

All in all I fucking enjoyed it. Much learnt, much lived.

Writing Within Ego

Mar 21th 2011 5:27am


I have been allowing myself to participate within ego again. I was just participating in it this morning and fighting with myself to remove it until I realized that I am not it. I am not within my mind I am here. I feel disgusted that I have allowed myself to place myself within a more than role, it is something that does not need to be done and I do it because I `feel good` about myself for something that I have defined myself as. For example if I believe that I have written something `worthwhile` through that belief I make myself believe that I am of worth, and place myself in a position of some worth, if I do not write for a few days I then start to feel of no worth.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself of a measurement of worth

I cannot measure my worth

worth is an idea of the mind based on something defined as `valuable`

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to stabilize myself here when writing

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to place myself here while I write

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place value within writing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to write to value myself

When I write I place myself here feeling each key stroke to stabilize myself here within the physical.

I am not of the ego

I am not what I think I am

I am not this value and/or worth I have defined

This point bothers me as I get a feeling of disgust because I know that I have not honoured life.

I looked back at my writing from the day before about the suffering of an apple and I realized that it was out of ego, that it was resonating ego. I did not enjoy that realization because I know that I am not more than anything, I know that it really has of no worth or value. “So I have answered the question as I am equal to the apple as life as a being that can feel. “ Within those words…I re-wrote them on the blog post because I knew what I did…It obvious resonates a placement of being more than.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to write out of ego.

This point I know is of ego because I was thinking about that for some time, believing it to be a good question, holding onto it to fuel my ego, and as I posted it to I was looking for a response. So all of those things I noticed yet did not `register` in a sense of exactly what I was doing so I allowed myself to post it not allowing myself to become aware of the fact that it was out of ego.

I stop allowing myself to post out of ego.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to write to be seen

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to write out of ego

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to write to share myself

I start here writing to share myself.

A Cool Day

Yesterday I enjoyed. I woke up and did my morning routine. I started to write about rape and got through writing that. I was waiting for the library to open so I started to watch tv to pass some time. I ended up falling asleep. I allowed myself to sleep because I did not having anything of perceptual value to do. I did not have another task in my day so I waited. I slept to wait. I woke up when the library was to open and did not care about getting up or not. I stayed asleep. I kept on sleeping through the day and woke up at noon. I went to the library and posted some blogs and wrote and watched videos. I was trying to use up my time as best I could since I had slept a lot longer than anticipated.


After a 2 hours at the library I had an urge to not continue pushing myself in the direction of abuse to myself in watching videos and forcing myself to write trying to be an idea of myself within writing and to let go and participate in something I enjoy. I called up my friend and went skateboarding. I was looking at myself when being around my friend. I noticed that I was being a yes man. At times I did not even look at his words and said yes or agreed about something. I observed this and stopped it within the moment, but it came back.

We went skateboarding in a walkway. We played a game of lines, after we warmed up. In the walk way there are three segmented sections divided by a small strip of metal embedded into the concrete. We each take a turn in doing tricks over these three strips of metal, to create a `line`. If someone lands all three tricks the other has to copy it. Looking at this the word Has to is not self-expressionate. There is not competition in this game. It is simply to express yourself in three tricks. They do not have to be hard or complex it is only up to self, and since there is no winning or losing, for me at least, I do not try to do hard tricks I simply stuck to what I felt within the moment according to the movement of me and the board. I enjoyed this quite a bit. Within me there is no want to win, and the fact of copying his tricks is cool as well because it takes me out of my comfort zone, I learned a trick a few weeks ago because of copying his line. The goal isn’t to do hard tricks so that the other will fuck up and `lose` but to express yourself as you want to.

After we got done we went for a coffee and started talking about some random things and skateboarding. I looked at my cell phone and asked him if he thought if cell phones should be free. I said this because in that moment I saw it as a necessity right now in this world to communicate. The abuse that it is currently being used as is extensive to the point where 2 people are walking together and both are texting. But It is an absolute useful tool within this world. And I saw it as a necessity and asked him if he saw it as the same and should money limit one from having a cell phone.

This was absolutely cool. I segued into talking about an Equal Money system, and what was even cooler was the fact that he had no reaction to it. He said simply if that would come into existence that would be awesome, that would solve a lot of problems. He understood it completely and understood the beneficial purpose of it. So I think that I am going to introduce him to desteni as when I was open about desteni before, this was about 2-3 years ago, I was telling him that his pants are aware that they are pants and that they can communicate about their existence of/as pants. I told him about toilet paper communicating through the portal and he said he wanted to know what toilet paper talked about. I never pursued this further but now am confident that he can comprehend the material. A cool question he thought of and it was that are all entertainment materials going to be equally valued? To this I had no answer, so for example is a 50’ TV going to be the same as a 20’. I had no answer but the answer is no. Simply people will get paid the same…and the prices stay relevant as they are today. People will simply be paid the same creating equality through labour credits. Meaning that everyone working a different job will get paid the same for the amount they work, and all of the prices of products will still be the same, thus creating an equality between purchasing power…so people will work the exact same amount to purchase the exact same thing. Simple now that I see it. I enjoyed the fact that he could understand the benefits on an EMS.

After this I went over to my moms house to use the internet more, she has been quite generous at letting me do this. I got a text from a friend who I rarely talk to and honestly this was my first time actually getting to know her. She used to hang around us when we skateboarded, then she went into rehab for drinking and drugs. I ran into her a while ago and asked how she was doing, we got onto the topic of self, and quitting smoking, we exchanged numbers and decided to meet up again sometime, as we enjoy talking about ourselves and the experiences we’ve gone through - lol for me it is ego. She has texted a few times before and I have been busy. I could have decided to not meet her and stay home to write and or watch videos, but I rathered go out and doing something.

Talking with her was enjoyable as I do not have too many people in my life in which sharing self exists. So we talked and we were able to share ourselves quite easily, from my perspective. I was surprised that she would end up sharing herself the way she was, because she seemed to hide a lot of shit a year ago when we met. It is cool to see someone go through that transformation and realize themselves. We got to talking about self and how we each experienced ourselves and we got to the topic of self-forgiveness which was again surprising to me because I have not experienced speaking about SF outside of desteni forums or anything of the like. We were open with eachother and allowed ourselves to push eachother through somethings…again I opened myself to my most intimate and repressed experience of having sex with my best friend when I was adolescent, which shows me that I am no longer repressing that, again that was surprising because she is a person who I have defined as a `other friend` where I would live my other life, but the desteni life is taking over . As well it shows that I am becoming more intimate with myself unconditionally. As well I helped her push through point of being more specific with herself and opening points within herself through specificity.

After that I went home and wrote abit more on the topic of EMS and the Zeitgeist movement then went to sleep. I enjoy actually living my life rather than constantly participating on the computer. Writing is a awesome tool and the environment that destonians have created is also awesome, but I am not going to allow myself to only have that environment on the computer, I am incorporating it into my reality in everyway.

Sharing my Life

Right now I am working 2 jobs that I do not really mind, I was getting very low hours and decided to switch positions to a facilities shift at the clothing store job, meaning that I clean the washrooms and floors. This position provides guaranteed hours which I like and need, and the work I enjoy as well I move at my own pace and there is absolutely no stress that I create. So that is one job the other is a grocery store job in which things have been rocky. I cannot get done much of the work that they ask me to do, and I feel worried about that believing that I need to get done everything that they ask or they will be frustrated with me. That job I have backchatted within a lot and the consequences are now coming out. They are required to cut hours, and that is what has been done…For the week of Feb 16 I have no hours. If that continues for 4 weeks I get laid off. So I have been directing that point and When I opened up my email I had a job offer from a kijiji add I posted a while ago, so that was perfect timing. I have options here. I can transfer from the one store that I am at to another store where I will get more hours, or I can follow this new job. This new job sounded cool where they are a business that helps middle-class families help allocate their monies, and I suppose sell products that help with that, They do not push their products they only want to help… which is really cool. So that is an opportunity. But the point is that having the grocery store job I will have benefits after another 1 ½ of working there and all of my medicines will be covered 100% which will be very helpful as I am not using some of the tools available because of the expense of them. I am wanting to keep the grocery store job and am going to look into switching stores as my clothing store job is in a mall that has the same grocery store so that could work out pretty well.


That is one point that is going on, another point that is semi-related is my family. I asked my sister to put a word in for me at her store as she works at the same grocery store that is in the mall that my clothing store job is in…fuck it I am going to name names. Clothing store = Old Navy, Grocery store = Zehrs. So I asked her to do that for me and told her that I am going in to talk with a manager from that Zehrs the next time I work at Old Navy, she said that that was not a good idea because they are busy and that I should not pester them…looking at those words she is hiding something, or has a different reason, as they are nto really busy because it is the beginning of the year and all stores are pretty slow. Her reaction most likely is coming from my response to my dad. He sent me a facebook message saying that a smile takes a lot less energy and muscle, and this had been continuing on for sometime….him saying that I need to smile more and that this world isn’t as bad as I say it is, and that there is love and such other positivities, to which I replied that this is unacceptable and that I am not going to smile because you want me to, just to give him some satisfaction of trying to keep me away from the shit in this world, as all parents do. So this whole point has been revolving around my family. My mother is cool with who I am and does not impose too much shit onto me, but my father and sister are one and the same, trying to get me to smile and stop being so `negative`, to which I have been saying fuck off recently to. So I laughed when my sister told me not to pester them because she has been preaching unconditional love and family love for quite a long time to me, and that I should love my family because they are my family. She shows no unconditional love in her trying to keep me away from her…that is most likely the reason, she will not want me working around her, and most likely does not want to see me. This point has been around since I started to participate in and watch desteni videos. My mother over time `gave` in and noticed that this was helping me. My mother gave in because I have been around her since I started, so she has been able to notice a change and since I have been living this now I am able to explain it better to her and talk easier about it. My Father and Sister are still held down by their belief of what desteni is and dislike me participating in it, because of their belief of what it is. So there has been a conflict within my family but slowly they are starting to accept me for what I am doing and not trying to impose anything on me and allowing me to express myself. Slowly they are starting to stop pushing their views onto me.

My physical life is easy, and my mental side is difficult. I was watching a interview from a being (not sure which who) through the portal, and they said that everyone will have an easy mental life and difficult physical life or the other way around to have that polarity of things. So my mental is what I have been dealing with for some time now, trying to figure everything out by thinking, which I have realized does not work, and that only breath can assist me In seeing clearly. I have been trying to figure out my life through thinking, so I have not been looking at the situation clearly, I have not been using common sense to see where I currently am within my participation in this world/system/life. The mental is what I have been focusing on, and trying to get through, as my physical position is enough to support me as life. My life at the moment is ok, I have been working through stress and emotions and feelings to get to me, for me to support me, and working on equalizing myself to the physical as me.

Reaction Towards Looking out for Only Myself and Not the group

Reaction towards Being a light-worker an agreeer and a knowledge person who Only cares about myself and not the entire group…

I must focus on me as life as all, and focus on what is best for ALL, Ok so now this point is relevant…Me focusing only on my life. My life is fucking fine!, I am rich, I have internet access I have food, I have everything that I need to live and more, yet I am still looking for more, wanting more money so that I can support myself better…For instance I am waiting until I have enough money to get internet, to support an EMS. I am waiting for me to have enough money, so that I can always have a basis of 3000 in my account out of fear of losing my job…which has become relevant right now, but nevermind. I am waiting to save money so that if anything happens I have a support so that I do not need to find money immediately..I will but I mean within the context of the exact moment. So I have been putting off and only saving for myself and not wanting to spend money at all, so that I can save to survive. Wow all ego, So If I have all that I need why not give now? I do not see any more point in collecting more and more and more money if I am not going to invest it and use it properly. So I have only been focusing on myself within my application of my money, that I do not give to others what I would like to receive which is consideration for myself as life. And I can invest in EMS and Desteni to give consideration to that life because I support something that does consider what is best for ALL. I am going to do this but I would not like to be so focused on myself…and not so full of myself, The problem is that I do not care about myself thus not caring about others.


I have only been focused on my own life, and how to establish a position for me that I am completely stable within as I fear the instability of this world…how it can drop out from you if you do not direct every moment. Just like now My might get laid off from my job that would provide benefits in 1 ½ years. So this was unpredictable and I am not back to again not being stable and worrying about the future of my income, and how to support myself effectively. I feel that I am too focused on my life and not myself as life, and trying to be grand in life, trying to make my life grand rather than living…the feel, I feel like I am doing an injustice to all that suffer by only focusing on my life, but I must place myself in a position that I can support others, and I must support myself first, so that I am able to support others, and to support myself first would to first focus on my life.

Still only focusing on myself and not the group, I am still focusing on ego and supporting myself as ego. Just like how I become happy within believing that I am effective and supportive within my application of myself. It is still about me, So I removed being happy through believing I am effective, I will share and not hope or wish my words to be effective or supportive, they may and may not, it is a learning process, as well that it does not matter, If I think I can help then I will. Not for happiness, not for myown beliefs but so that their experience becomes easier, or there is insight into it. Not for an energetic experience of myself….when This reaction occurs since I have written about it I have stopped it.

Reading Matti’s post on facebook, yes it is true that one has to make money to establish self appropriately within the world to support all life. I have not seen effort in me to look at the whole, there are times when I have and do look at the whole, but for the most part I have been focusing on me and worrying about my application and involved in ego. I see this because I have been writing and vlogging from ego, to support my belief of myself. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to support/entertain a thought/belief of myself as being `good`. I focus majorly on my own life, and I rarely am caring about anyone elses, and seeing myself as better, trying to be better. I am still playing a game of popularity. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel guilty for focusing on my life, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to focus on myself as ego. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to support ego, I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to pay attention to all life living on this planet, I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that I can only correct myself and that takes me looking at me. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to write from the starting point of ego.

Daily Writing

Writing has assisted me immensely. Especially writing out one topic/point each day. Writing out my desire within cigarettes I was able to remove all wants and desires to have a cigarette. Each time I wrote a new article of cigarettes more points came up, so I could see more points and expand on more points each time I talked or wrote about myself within as desiring a cigarette. Through writing the point out like this I am able to see the point when desiring a cigarette, before I would only see and move on the fact that I was desiring a cigarette, now I can see the feeling related to it, and remove that feeling. Writing has assisted me immensely, this whole sharing process has assisted me immensely, I was able to work through the point of wanting to be supported yesterday through talking it out with myself, and speaking and sharing it whenever I could. I am ABSOLUTELY grateful for everything that desteni offers. I would not be able to stop if it was not for the existence of desteni. I am experiencing energetics related to gratefulness towards desteni…like `choking` up and wanting to cry…I understand now Bella. She was trying to explain that to me before, and now experiencing it I now understand…simple.

Through writing and sharing I have been able to take on many points within mylife and share it , as well I have been able to push past points of feeling inferior to myself by sharing myself….shame and embarrassment are what I felt inferior within, and I have been able to share points where I have had shame and embarrassment, and moved through it, through writing and sharing. I really cannot express to the degree how much desteni has assisted me within looking at my life. I enjoy this immensely and have gotten rid of a lot of my fears within sharing myself…I remember now that being around people was one of my biggest fears, I feared now saying the `right` thing, not being liked, because of an idea of who I was, and within sharing myself I see that the idea was not real, and now I can socialize much easier, and I do not FEAR sharing myself…I wrote fear in capitals because that fear of my around other people was a large point that controlled my expression, and limited me greatly.

When writing and sharing I have been able to find out how to stop. I have been finding out so much about me…for instance the fear of being alone is a point that I have just written/spoken/shared about. Through writing about the point I was able to find many points that was not seeing previously. I could only see the main point which was that I was participating in my mind constantly….like the cigarette point where I would only see the fact that I wanted a cigarette. Through writing out being alone, I noticed that my body was completely tense, from fear. And when I would be around someone who I `knew` I would relax, my body would not be tense. Through writing this out I was able to see that I was fearing myself and my ability to support myself, and through noticing that fear I was able to notice my body being tense…I was not aware before I wrote that my body was tense.

Writing has assisted me to an Nth degree. From my experience from writing I would recommend that you write as well, and be honest to yourself, and do not fear sharing anything….that one thing that you do fear is where you will find another opening to yourself.

Sharing my Days

I have not been sharing my days and my experinences within my days...it is useful to do so. Speaking about a day will show me where I am within my reality and process.

Yesterday.
I woke up after sleeping six hours and felt fine. I have been sleeping six or under for an effective 4 days. I have been moving myself within sleeping for six or less  hours a night for probably around 1month right now. I want to right about feelings and how I felt, and I felt `good` that I have been sleeping more effectively. This is a energetic movement inside of me, believing that I am doing something good for myself within sleeping less. And I am currenty juding myself for participating in good and bad, believing polarity to be bad. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that participating in polarity is bad. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be inferior to polarity. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give my power away to beliefs of morality and polarity. Yesterday, I did not have my laptop, and was wondering how I would move without it. I went to the library to use their computer. On my bike over there I noticed that I was rushing myself, trying to get there as fast as possible to utilize as much time as possible. I noticed myself in the movements of the pedals and how I was pushingmyself hard and not coasting when I could, continually pedalling as fast as I could. I got to the library, and went on the computers that were available. There was a 2 hour time limit, so again the point of believing to have to use as much of the time effectively revolving around speed was relevant. I checked my email, and watched a few videos and read some posts on the forum and facebook. I wsa trying to do as much as possible within each moment so I was not really takng in all the information provided only skimming through it picking out pieces. I picked up 2 cds a book by Lao Tsu on Tao Te Ching, and a movie called Savages. I was debating on what I should do first when I went home to utilize the amount of time that I had before work. I decided to watch the movie as it is loaned for 2 days. I went home sat down watched the movie and ate. After about an hour in the movie I realized that I needed to buy insulin. I was debating on whether or not to do that now or later, if I did it later it would make it much harder on me. The fucked up point is that I still wanted to sit and watch the movie and I would have if I did not intervene. What happened was the my psychosis moved and as the thought of I want to sit here and finish the movie, the movie said a phrase consisting of "well that's a hard choice". This meaning to me that its fucking OBVIOUS on what I should do. Participating in my wants was more of a `priority` to me. But again the psychosis helped because (I)t allowed me to see what I was participating in and I moved myself to buy insulin because I needed it for the next day.

I got the insulin and went back to my house did dishes and finished that movie lol. I allocated time to pick up my laptop that day and glad I did as it is useful now. I have a virus that I received in an email and had to get it wiped and reloaded. I went to work, and found out that I was supposed to work 2 hours more then what I was expecting and already created a point for my mother to pick me up after work. So I had to find a way around this and as I worked I knew that I had to direct this point effectively. Usually they would not let me off 2 hours earlier, but they were 77 hours underbooked meaning the needed to get people to work those 77 hours so I made a deal with my manager, with me working 9 hours today to get off the 2 hours earlier. Before this happened and before work I was in the break room reading Tao Te Ching and it was calming me down, giving me `peace of mind` = a mind state. As I walked onto the floor to start work I knew again that I had to direct the point and believed that I could now that I had that state of mind. I worked and went to my moms house for food and interenet - a point that I must deal with. And I came here and reloaded my laptop with the software that I was using and created it back to what it was without the virus. Slept 4 hours and now I am here typing this

:) Enjoy

Devil's Advocate

During a conversation with Patti (my mother) An intersting point came into play and that was `playing devil's advocate`. Looking at the `saying`, why would someone want to advocate for the devil? Isn't the devil supposed to be bad, but everyone seems to enjoy it. So the devil is enjoyment...HA. Anyhow she said that she was playing devil's advocate, combating every point that I brought up, allowing me to combat every point that she combated. It went fucking no where. We ended up in the same position as before. So what I noticed is that playing devil's advocate one does not stand for self, but stand for spiting the other with the words that they spit. And she realized it as well, which is nice. she noticed that she was putting up a boundry so that it can be pushed passed, then she got angry that I was pushing her boundries.

Playing devil's advocate does not work in conversation, because one will always look towards any faults within the words that the other speaks, not allowing one to see the common sense being applied, Or any truths, only looking at the faults. Being the devils advocate goes no where. Listening as oneself is how to actually communicate.

The conversation was revolving around Equal  Money and the application of it. She was using the idea of a utopia to create a stand against point.

The conversatan whent nowhere, as I previously stated. The way I see it I was pushing her boundries as she was trying to close mine. I was standing for an Equal money system, supporting it, she was standing for the belief that it cannot happen. The conversation whent back and forth. It lasted maybe a half hour. And playing the devil's advocate, she got upset, upset that her boundries were being pushed. And I was pushing because I wanted to get the point through that an EMS is the best solution for this world, to stop the abuse. So she was standing her gorund, not opening up, and I was standing mine open to her words but not accepting them, because I would have to submit to submission of the system to accept the words that she was speaking. I am having trouble communicating. I do not know what point I am exactly thrying to get across. the point I want to get across the being the devil's advocate in conversatan is not useful. When one uses that tactic you are closed within only being combative and not listening to the words but constantly looking for faults.

So the point of conversation, I was talking to a person today trying to explain how I have been stuck in my mind, and the person got defenseful, because I was pushing. This is definately a point that I need to work on within conversation. I have been pushing information and knowledge onto the other person rather than applying that information and knowledge within sharing. I have been trying to slow myself down to share myself but It is tough as I have programmed myself to "prove that I am right". So within that conversation I noticed that I was pushing once it was done and what was interesting was that I felt rejected after. And I noticed that it was because I was pushing myself to be heard. I was listening to the words that she was typing, and applying ym point of view but pushing not, sharing. I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to slow myself down to the point where I am sharing myself constantly rather than pushing myself onto others. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to push myself onto others. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing ymself to feel rejected when people walk away from a conversation.

Within conversing I am not usually here participating and living each word Even now I am not here I am projecting a point and using words to get to that point...not directing myself here in each and every word that I am typing. Conversing is a point that I need to slow myself down within and be here in each moment directing myself and not reacting.

So playing the devil's advocate is a useful too to test ones understanding but to use that to communicate is useless.

Most Miserable City in Canada

Least happy city in Canada


Toronto Was voted the most miserable, not voted but concluded upon, city in the country. Lets look at Toronto. It has roughly 1 million people living in the city. There are a lot of businesses, It is not self sustainable. Toronto Vs the Country. The country is open, the country, you can see a lot of nature. In a city one is bombarded with lights and advertisements, always looking for something to buy, being programmed to search to buy something. Being programmed to search outside of self with the use of money for happiness. No one is there to help, everyone looks out for themselves. Where is the enjoyment in that. When no one is around to help out one becomes depressed. Everyone is searching for there next paycheck, Everyone is in a rush to get the next paycheck, so no one is looking out for the neighbour. So when people help eachother out it is much nicer to live, because you are living with someone, you are not alone, which when one looks at it there are people all around us yet we believe ourselves to be absolutely alone, that everyone else is a stranger, they are stranger than you, do not speak fear them for their strangeness. Everyone is walking around for themselves. Anyhow Happiness is immeasurable, people are happy and sad, and when one has to constantly fight for survival because no one is helping then one will become frustrated, because we all like to be helped out in this world. I tested this out, In work I work alone and with people, I enjoy working with people because the more people working on a task the faster it goes and the more fun one has because you can help eachother out. When working alone it becomes much more stressful because one has to work out all problems alone and sometimes we do not give ourselves the insight we need because we are blinded by the stress and anger and frustration. That is why Toronto is the most miserable city in Canada, In an Equal money system everyone will be working for everyone=unlimited fun and joy and self-Expression.