Letting go of love within Physical Reality

Ok so something happened with me. I am now inferior and not happy, I am existing in sadness, I am allowing myself to hate myself. And again I am looking for that happiness…..it is because I removed love! Awesome. I am facing the consequences of my actions…I am just worried about my life right now but there is absolutely nothing to worry about…I can write every day, it is incredibly fucking easy, I have been worried that I will not have time for love…for friends, for others. And within that I became sad I became worried about my life but I give this up. What happened was that I went to the job interview and it is exactly the same process as the DIP. I will become an agent for Primerica, which specialized in debt consolidation and then get commission for each person I `help` Now I do not know how exactly this will work, but not the point the point is that I am giving up myself my wants my love to make money and to get through this shit. I am pushing this point within me to go through this and step beyond my boundaries. I am facing my past within this moment. I have faced Zehrs within quitting I fell on the point of dishwashing again, and now I am facing the deception that I can control to get to a point of financial stability. I started this because this will provide me a bit more income to move around and it will be put towards an EMS. The cool thing is that I will be dealing with people about debt and credit situation which obviously revolves around money. My starting point is to not push anything onto these people, not to force myself onto them, but to help them deal with their money and show them that they do not need to accept this shit. So I am giving myself up to this and the only fear that I had and have was the fact that I am giving up most of my time to money so that I can use money to push for an EMS, right now I do have enough to donate money but this will easily provide the basis for an income to direct to an EMS. Again Love point. I felt like shit when I started writing this and now I know why…I still wanted that love and within looking at that I removed it within removing the veil I removed it. So it does not matter about my own happiness I am doing this to get this shit done in this life time. The idiotic thing within this job is that it all revolves around debt…and getting people out of debt. It is like dieting – the market only survives on failure – meaning that the dieting market will only prosper if people give up on diets and stay fat or if they fail and become fat. Same thing here that this company only prospers on the fact that people must have debt, and luckily this whole system is based on debt, The entire system is all indebted. I was feeling like shit because I was holding onto love for dear life, and I was not letting it go. I did not want to let it go. And now I have created my reality where I either hold onto it or let it go, and I am moving mysef to let love go….I look at it and would like to be poor and loved,  then rich and without love, but either or it is still bullshit. The happiness that one has with money is bullshit, and the love that one has when poor is also bullshit. Looking at reality I am able to support real love within supporting and EMS, that is love. And to get rd of my own feelings for this is fine, I am doing what is best for me along the way. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear losing love. I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to remove love. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as love. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to search for love. This is now done and am directing my reality entirely based on what is best for all.

Daily Writing

Writing has assisted me immensely. Especially writing out one topic/point each day. Writing out my desire within cigarettes I was able to remove all wants and desires to have a cigarette. Each time I wrote a new article of cigarettes more points came up, so I could see more points and expand on more points each time I talked or wrote about myself within as desiring a cigarette. Through writing the point out like this I am able to see the point when desiring a cigarette, before I would only see and move on the fact that I was desiring a cigarette, now I can see the feeling related to it, and remove that feeling. Writing has assisted me immensely, this whole sharing process has assisted me immensely, I was able to work through the point of wanting to be supported yesterday through talking it out with myself, and speaking and sharing it whenever I could. I am ABSOLUTELY grateful for everything that desteni offers. I would not be able to stop if it was not for the existence of desteni. I am experiencing energetics related to gratefulness towards desteni…like `choking` up and wanting to cry…I understand now Bella. She was trying to explain that to me before, and now experiencing it I now understand…simple.

Through writing and sharing I have been able to take on many points within mylife and share it , as well I have been able to push past points of feeling inferior to myself by sharing myself….shame and embarrassment are what I felt inferior within, and I have been able to share points where I have had shame and embarrassment, and moved through it, through writing and sharing. I really cannot express to the degree how much desteni has assisted me within looking at my life. I enjoy this immensely and have gotten rid of a lot of my fears within sharing myself…I remember now that being around people was one of my biggest fears, I feared now saying the `right` thing, not being liked, because of an idea of who I was, and within sharing myself I see that the idea was not real, and now I can socialize much easier, and I do not FEAR sharing myself…I wrote fear in capitals because that fear of my around other people was a large point that controlled my expression, and limited me greatly.

When writing and sharing I have been able to find out how to stop. I have been finding out so much about me…for instance the fear of being alone is a point that I have just written/spoken/shared about. Through writing about the point I was able to find many points that was not seeing previously. I could only see the main point which was that I was participating in my mind constantly….like the cigarette point where I would only see the fact that I wanted a cigarette. Through writing out being alone, I noticed that my body was completely tense, from fear. And when I would be around someone who I `knew` I would relax, my body would not be tense. Through writing this out I was able to see that I was fearing myself and my ability to support myself, and through noticing that fear I was able to notice my body being tense…I was not aware before I wrote that my body was tense.

Writing has assisted me to an Nth degree. From my experience from writing I would recommend that you write as well, and be honest to yourself, and do not fear sharing anything….that one thing that you do fear is where you will find another opening to yourself.