2012 Courage facing our thoughts

Does Process take Bravery? Courage? + How does one develop said courage

In the process of self awareness we must face ourselves unconditionally. We must face the ugliness that is ourselves in/as the reflection of the world who we are living as. Meaning that the world is a reflection of ourselves and we must face who we are as the world equal and one. Self-honesty is a must and that is where courage comes in, because if you look at what and how humans are living as themselves they are quite fucked up, and that is what we in fact have to face = how fucked up we are living as.

Look at your thoughts and see how many thoughts that you have had over your lifetime that you have attempted to stuff away into your physical and suppress within your sub and unconscious minds in order to not face the fact that you have accepted and allowed those thoughts to take space within as yourself and your reality. That is where courage comes in, looking at ourselves in self honesty to the point of facing the ugliness that is ourselves. Anything less than that will be a fuck up that we will have to move through only to get back to the point of self-honesty again. It takes dedication to be consistently willing to look at ourselves in the mirror and to see who we are in fact are. I mean fuck, I have resisted many thoughts because of the ugliness of the thoughts and in that I have become weak in my application because I have not had the courage to face myself in/as the thoughts that I have accepted and allowed as me as mind.

So yes facing ourselves is going to take courage from self and self will because no one can do this for us except for us and in that we must take responsibility for ourselves and in that we must be willing/courageous to look at who we are in/as the ugliness that we have become and developed ourselves as. The ugliness is not our enemy it is who we have become and in self honesty can we face that which we have become and transcend ourselves to become human in fact. For all that struggle with this point I suggest listening to this interview (http://eqafe.com/p/reptilians-who-is-the-mind-part-15) done by Anu which will assist tremendously with this point.

Justice and Anger

A Man In Scarborough, Ontario has been accused of assaulting his family a number of times and of sexually assaulting one of his patients in his dental practice. He has been charged on three incidents of assaulting his family members. He got angry at his daughter for wanting to leave a family friend’s house and hit her ankle with a metal rod when they came home, ending her up in the hospital the day after. He became angry with his wife and threw a knife at her piercing her leg. He Threw a metal toy car at his son for telling his father to stop beating his wife. He has been charged six months in jail for his crimes and his dental license has been revoked.

2 things that can be discussed here are the point of justice and the point of the demon possession that is anger.

The fact that he has been sentenced to six months in jail is not going to solve his problems of lashing out on others because of his anger. The entire point of the justice system is not a correction it is a `quick fix` solution that does not actually fix the problem. Incarcerating this man is not going to give him the tools and understanding that he needs to deal with his anger. The only point that this may serve is installing fear in him so that he does not lash out again in this matter causing him to suppress the anger which causes a lot of health problems as well. In the justice system when people are jailed, it never ends up as a solution. It is a Temporary fix to the problem. It does not allow the person to investigate themselves in how they have made themselves angry, and why they choose to lash out on other in a way to deal with their anger. It does not provide tools to release the anger from within him, nor does it offer assistance to realize himself in his anger. Jailing a criminal does not solve the problem from happening again as it always deals with the problem after the fact, the real solution here would be stopping the issue from ever happening, thus the justice system is not a solution for this man’s anger, it is a punishment when anger should not be punished but understood.

The possession of anger is the accumulation of thoughts that manifest outbursts such as these that cause harm to others and self. This world does not support the self-understanding nor the ability to deal with through living a solution to anger. Thus events like these are able to happen. This world system does not stop events from happening prior we only deal with the consequences after which is not a solution to the events themselves, as a solution to the events would to be preventing them from happening in the first place. In the article it is never said or investigated as to why he got angry, or what was bothering him to the extent that he would lash out on his family members. He simply was sentenced to sit in jail = it is similar to being sent to sit in a corner when we were children = it didn’t solve our actions, only installed fear in us. This world is not set up in a way to give us the time to understand ourselves, thus we need a new way of living, and since our way of living is based on money we need a new way of dealing with money. Would this man beaten his family if he would have been given the funds to support his life? Would the family have stayed with this man if they were financially supported on their own? For the answers visit http://equalmoney.org and to start learning tools for self-investigation visit http://desteni.org

Not being Here.

Here I am in breath. While I am not here I am thinking about some situation or possibility or what if or outcome or what to eat all in contexts of what is not here at the moment meaning It is not in my direct reality and I cannot physically participate with it.

I had an experience of not being here at work today and it is a vivid one, meaning I experience myself not here quite frequently with participating in thoughts of what ifs and speculation etc etc, yet this one was a bit more `interesting`.

I was working and at my job it is VERY systematic as is most jobs in this world, so once we get used to it we can basically go through our jobs blindfolded and deaf. I was low as well, meaning blood sugar low and when this happens I have noticed I participate much more in thoughts or negativity, and I cannot establish myself as effectively in the physical.

I pick cases at a warehouse on put them on skids, so I was moving from my machine to the slot and putting it on the skid and this entire movement I had no awareness of. Meaning I was not able to place it as myself I was not in the physical doing this action it was systematic it was automatic. I got back to my machine and was about to pick up another case and I saw that I had no memory of moving from the machine and picking up that last case and putting on the skid. I was not here in the physical at all I was not here I was completely not here I didn’t even remember the sights that I saw while doing that action which I am usually able to do, my senses were shut off to me, If someone asked me exactly what happened in that moment I could not tell them truth I could only relate to past experiences.  

Looking at this it is very dangerous to participate in reality like this yet we all do as we are all constantly thinking about what ifs, or speculating, or thinking about what they will do in the future = programming ourselves, or thinking about memories etc etc, Most of the time we are not here in the physical. Most of the time we humans are not aware of the physical, aware of our physical actions, aware of our physical breath, aware of our hearing or sight or anything that is PHYSICAL.

This is how FUCKED the mind is. It is not a benevolent placement of the human, it is devious as hell and separate from the physical though/as thinking thus we are not able to be here with the physical with our true selves, and since we are separate from our true selves, we believe that the mind is us, that thoughts are us, when in reality we are HERE in the physical in breath, in/as our senses. For an experiment go through your day and see how many things you have not heard the entire time = electrical noises, or birds, or cars, mostly ambient noises, and then realize that they were always making that sound, YOU were just not HEREing, so where were you? Then look at the thoughts and if they have any relevancy to Reality = what is here = what we can physically participate with in the moment HERE.

This is what desteni has shown me and many others, but in essence they showed me the opportunity and the fact that I had the ability to see, in essence I saw, desteni showed me the tools on how to allow myself to see. Desteni showed us that we are not here and to take our power back = our RESPONSEability = we must be here to respond correctly, or else we are only responding within/as a system = a pre-programmed automatic response. Our responsibility is our ability to respond through being here  and through taking our ability to respond back to us through being HERE we are taking our power back as ourselves = we are taking our power back from the systems that WE have ACCEPTED giving it up to.

This is what being a destonian is about. It is about taking our responseability of/as ourselves and responding with what is best for all so that we may bring about what is best for all. Being able to see what is best for all is a simple accumulation process of 1+1+1, looking at the consequence of each action that we participate in and what will be the side effects as well.

So no more speculation about what/how desteni is operating, it is out in the open it is for all to see, yet the irony is that you must allow yourself to see reality which through/as the mind you cannot as the mind is not in reality, it is in a sphere or a delusion self created reality, where as REALality is not SELF created it is created by ALL as self, it is a accumulation of all of us to make ONE reality. Stand up to see your true self, forgive yourself for all that we are holding onto as a collective community (the world) let it all go so that we may see what is here, let ourselves unconditionally go from the mind as we are the only ones who are enslaving ourselves.  Join Desteni, share and start investigating yourself at http://desteni.co.za – it is time to stop the mind so that we can get ourselves back to reality where we BREATHE, not think.

Thoughts = Matter?

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/peter-baksa/who-is-god-can-he-be-expl_b_894003.html

In this article it is being said that thought proves that God exists = in the article it is written Thought = Energy,  Energy = Matter,  Thought = Matter. That being said `God` thought this world into existence and thus we are thinking this world into existence.

To an extent this is understandable whereas many use the fact that without thinking a couch a couch cannot come into existence, so therefore the thought/idea of the couch made the couch exist, or allowed the couch to exist. From this perspective sure thought creates reality, but the simply fact is that the couch is not a couch disproves it.

The idea of a couch still exists within out mind, if we see a couch and say a couch then yes we are seeign a couch, but simply we are not seeing for what is actually is = physical matter = we only sculpted the physical matter into the shape that we now call couch, the physical matter is still the same and it did not originate from thought. The idea of a couch originated from thought, and thus we placed that idea into existence but that idea still exists only within out head, that is when we look at a couch we see a couch and not the fact that it is fibres intertwined with wood to create the structure that it is.

So a couch is not from a thought it is from/as the physical, only the idea that has surrounded a couch is from a thought. The idea is not real, the idea of a couch is not real, the actual couch is real the physicallity of the couch is real.

We sculpted the idea of a couch from out minds, the idea still exists within our minds, as the couch has always been the same, meaning it has always been the physical = just because it is within a different form does not mean it is new, meaning the couch has always been a couch it has always been the same WAY before the idea of a couch existed = thus it was not created from thought = the physical was not created from thought we only percieve it to be that way through a fucked up perception, because we believe a couch to be a couch not considering the fact that is was here a lot longer before we thought of it, same with Bodies and here we all are existing in our minds = we have been here for a lot longer than we can remember.

A look at A Though and Backchat

Apr 12th 2011


So I just placed myself in a position of believing myself to be the backchat and could observe what was going on. I had a thought of allowing the voice to again reappear that was `psychosis` and within that there was a fear, to which I smiled and realized that I could use that to move out of the fear. But all of this was irrelevant, what is interesting is that I created the thought and the fear to play off of eachother, and believing myself to be the fear and the thought was the point to which I allowed it to exist.

So I thought the thought, felt the fear, looked at that and laughed, and then thought that I could use the voice to move past the fear, and then realized that I participated in both the thought and the fear and allowed it to play off of eachother allowing the backchat to continue. I am not the backchat. The backchat can only run with me believing it is me and participating in it. So I felt a fear and thought that that fear was me, like the thought had control of me and then became fearful. I realized that the fear was not me and only a reaction to the thought, that I was allowing to play off of eachother. One backchat led to the next and then I allowed myself to continue it through believing that one aspect was me, man this whole thought process is fucked, it is playing different roles, continuously taking on different roles to play out a movie that I am creating as myself, and through believing that the one aspect was me I gave into allowing the backchat to exist.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to allow backchatting to continue

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be the voice within the head

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be fear

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to be here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create a movei as me

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to move I as a movie

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to play, to create a play that is supposedly me within thoughts/backchat.

I am not these thoughts, I am not the backchat.

I am sorry that I cannot word this better. I was looking at the experience and was having trouble wording it.

It was me playing on the thought with the fear believing myself to be the fear and thus I believed myself to only be the entity of fear, and that the thought was more then me as being the fear, to this I thought that I could use the fear as me as the mind and thoughts to `solve` the fear. I then stepped back and took a moment of looking at the playout of that and saw that I was believing myself to be the fear, I realized that through believing myself to be the fear that I was allowing myself to playout the scenario/scene of the movie.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that thoughts are real

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that the scenes that I create within thoughts are real

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I am the thoughts within the scenario

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create a scenario

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I am a reaction

I cannot word it better because IIII cannot word it better, it is me who cannot understand it.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to understand myself

I believed that I was the reaction of fear, thus allowing myself to participate in the playout of the thought process/pattern

I purposely participated in the thoughts, allowing it to continue with a reaction/pushback of the thought, not allowing it to pass through me standing as myself unwavered, I wavered through believing myself to be that fear and within wavering I played with the thought process combating it thus allowing it to combat back through my acceptance of the combat.

As well I have many times participated within the thought I am not that, believing myself to thus be the thought that thought `I am not that` thus allowing the combat to take place through fighting with myself within my mind thus believing myself to be an aspect of the mind, which is just not true.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fight with myself within the mind
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from being here through believing that I am a thought within the mind
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to combat with myself instead of stopping myself within the mind

Money `Woes`

Feb 28th 2011 4:12am


I woke up this morning at my moms house made a cup of coffee and thought I do not want to use all of these beans because of the money, because of their monetary value. Not because there would be no beans left…there is another type of coffee aswell but because of the money involved. I thought that I did not want to use as much beans as I normally would because it is not my money. As well I am driving to work today in her car, and the thought that has occurred before is I hope I do not get into an accident not for my health but because of the money that I would pay. Fucked up. Shows that I am placing still more value on money than life. Shows that money has become more valuable than life as it currently provides life. If I were to get into a car accident living would be much harder then dying. My mom doesn’t work right now and is in the process of going back so everything would come out of my pocket. And that would lead me to use a good chunk of my money towards that. In which my living application would then diminish and I would have to be incredibly frugal with my money. Anyways that is hypothetical.

It is unfortunate where we place money over life. Money over health. Money over the fact of our existence. Now this has gone into excessiveness where people now degrade life, butcher life, maim life, annihilate life, all in the name of money. We have started to deceive others, deceive ourselves all for the name of money, all for energy. These are more than fucked up things that we have done. We have disregarded life for the fact of value within the form of money. We have disregarded ourselves for the fa(c)t of money and greed. This world is dangerous if one does not control their reality, and if one does not have money! Now all of the people who do not have money, their problems are exponential to my thought. They must worry about getting sick, about food, about shelter, and staying warm, it is more than fucked up what we have created.

On the news there was a `story` of police handing out blankets to homeless because it was cold outside. This should be done aside from the fact of it being cold. It should be provided no matter what to people who do not have money, it was obviously doable within that moment so it could have been done in many moments and should have been aside from there being a catalyst of it being cold outside.

I am equally responsible for all of this through the `simple` at of thinking about money over health. This had gone on for far too long and it NEEDS to be stopped. Support an Equal money system for a better life for all living beings.

Pattern of Sleeping

Feb 21st 12:20pm 2011


I woke up this morning from 5 hours of sleep I got up pissed and layed down by the fire with my cat and slept some more. I knew that once I layed down that I was quite likely to sleep again which I did not want to do yet I took no action towards it. I ended up sleeping for roughly an hour by the fire and when I woke up I decided that since I slept there I was going to sleep more…since I fell there I will fall more. I find it hard to stand up from falling in this context, I say I will but the action are not there. The thoughts are there yet no actions. This needs to be solved. I acted upon the though `If I have fallen what could hurt if I fell further?` So I did. I allowed myself to sleep 12 hours. I have been allowing this to happen for a few days now. There is a point in this as well where I know that I can move and stay up…after I woke up from sleeping by the fire, I layed down on the couch and remembered that I was going t stretch in the mornings to assist me to wake up. I did not act on that thought, so really I want to sleep. The reality of the situation is I get up feel tired and `decide` to sleep purposefully. I then feel guilty about this for letting myself down and not waking myself up when I know I can. I deliberately ignore or participate in the thoughts that will lead me to more sleep.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be dishonest with myself thinking that I am going to stop sleeping 12 hours.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to be honest with myself in realizing that I purposefully act to sleep 12 hours to escape reality.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to sleep to escape reality.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give up on myself within standing up within sleeping 4-6 hours.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to deceive myself believing that I am going to stand up

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to place myself within reality when this point occurs

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to place myself within my mind thinking about the problem and solution while not taking responsibility within my actions, allowing myself to fall into patterns of myself.

Self-corrective application here is to take responsibility for myself within these moments and applying myself as responsibility for getting myself up and waking myself up and not allowing myself to further place myself within the mind acting on the feeling of being tired.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to purposefully sleep allowing myself to not trust myself.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to take responsibility and act on the solution
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not take responsibility by ignoring the solution as myself and hoping that it will all magically happen

Being alone and Work

When I am alone, I start to think rapidly, I start to project myself into conversations with people, I start to involve myself within ego and think according to ego. This all exists within work…I can still exist the same way when I am alone and not working. I start to become very aggravated with myself…I try and stop and fail ove rand over again, and within the there obviously is friction and then I create a negative energy…cool did not see that before. When I am alone..from looking at the past, I start to think immediately out of fear. I fear being alone, and fear my application of myself when I am alone I fear not being good enough to support me. I fear a lot when I am alone and try to escape that fear by becoming tense and thinking a lot to take myself away from being here. So today while working I was looking at this, and when someone would ask me a question or I would converse with someone then I would HOLD on to that conversation and place it as a memory and replay it because it was holding onto that person within that I was holding onto that moment of not being alone. I noticed that when I knew that someone would be around me for a while in which I could express myself the way I think I am…For instance when a outside worker for Nestle came and helped out for a bit I started to talk to her as a being not a worker and allowed myself to not fear being seen as a bad worker but as a human. And within this I thought that I was expressing myself the way I am..and within this I became relaxed and stopped fighting with myself and stopped thinking. I stopped thinking rapidly within that moment of knowing that I have company as many of my thoughts were conversations or projectional. I noticed that it was because I believed that I now how company to exist with me and support me. After she left I went back into my mind and warred with myself again…This point is from support. My forgiveness was on the point that t revolves around…me supporting me and fearing supporting me, as I have had others to support me for my life until just recently. So what happens is that when I am alone I become very tense and constricted and I am trying to in every moment control myself in what I believe I have to do or what is best for me. I am contantly thinking about having to do, and I must do, and trying to figure out how the future is going to happen so that I can be prepared and then not have to worry about it = bullshit. I noticed that when Ithought about knowing that I am going to be around my mother/sister/father/friend in a future point, I become relaxed in that I can wait for them to support myself and them to support me. I literally wait. I have not ate before because I was going to get supported by food from another in a future point. This is why I am angry within work, because I am not trusting myself to support myself through/as work. I fear not being good enough to keep the job thus not being able to support myself…What a parent would go through with these same thoughts would be horrendous. I fear not being `capable` of supporting myself. I fear myself allowing myself to allow myself to die….Like I fear not being able to support myself monetarily and eating right and living so I constantly project myself to escape the fact that I have to support myself, that I must take responsibility for myself in every moment. I become very tense when I am alone. I was unaware of this tenseness before and therefore I was unaware of the fear…this is cool to see. The physical directly relates to the mental. I purposely made myself believe that I was going to meet my dad later in the day today, and I completely relaxed within that moment, relaxed with the sense of I no longer need to support myself in every moment, that I have him to support me, and that I can let go of all these worries and fears that I hold onto. It obviously is a fear of not being able to support myself, and a reliance on others to support me and the fact that I trust them to support me in what is best for me, and that I do not trust myself to support myself in what is best for me. I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to trust myself to support my life, my existence. I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to be aware of the fact that I have demonstrated that I can support my life. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist in a programmed belief that I cannot support myself. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want others to support me. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rely on others, mainly family and friends, to support me. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give up on supporting myself as life, through allowing others to support me. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that others will stop me if I am going to fall. I feel that I need to be prepared and plan out for the future so that I do not `lose` myself, lose my personality. Within that I believe that I need to prepare myself in who I believe myself to be so that I can keep who I believe myself to be within as personality as I am projecting from the past as who I am….Thank you Sally. When I project it is out of a fear of not being able to keep myself the way that I am used to…that I must `improvise` within the moment of not being prepared, that I cannot rely on my knowledge of myself to support me within knowing how I will be within that moment so that I can be prepared within KNOWING how I will be, thus not allowing myself to be myself as life within the moment. I forgivemyself for accepting and allowing myself to fear losing the idea/knowledge of who I am. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold onto the knowledge of who I am. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I am knowledge. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist as knowledge.

Sharing my Days

I have not been sharing my days and my experinences within my days...it is useful to do so. Speaking about a day will show me where I am within my reality and process.

Yesterday.
I woke up after sleeping six hours and felt fine. I have been sleeping six or under for an effective 4 days. I have been moving myself within sleeping for six or less  hours a night for probably around 1month right now. I want to right about feelings and how I felt, and I felt `good` that I have been sleeping more effectively. This is a energetic movement inside of me, believing that I am doing something good for myself within sleeping less. And I am currenty juding myself for participating in good and bad, believing polarity to be bad. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that participating in polarity is bad. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be inferior to polarity. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give my power away to beliefs of morality and polarity. Yesterday, I did not have my laptop, and was wondering how I would move without it. I went to the library to use their computer. On my bike over there I noticed that I was rushing myself, trying to get there as fast as possible to utilize as much time as possible. I noticed myself in the movements of the pedals and how I was pushingmyself hard and not coasting when I could, continually pedalling as fast as I could. I got to the library, and went on the computers that were available. There was a 2 hour time limit, so again the point of believing to have to use as much of the time effectively revolving around speed was relevant. I checked my email, and watched a few videos and read some posts on the forum and facebook. I wsa trying to do as much as possible within each moment so I was not really takng in all the information provided only skimming through it picking out pieces. I picked up 2 cds a book by Lao Tsu on Tao Te Ching, and a movie called Savages. I was debating on what I should do first when I went home to utilize the amount of time that I had before work. I decided to watch the movie as it is loaned for 2 days. I went home sat down watched the movie and ate. After about an hour in the movie I realized that I needed to buy insulin. I was debating on whether or not to do that now or later, if I did it later it would make it much harder on me. The fucked up point is that I still wanted to sit and watch the movie and I would have if I did not intervene. What happened was the my psychosis moved and as the thought of I want to sit here and finish the movie, the movie said a phrase consisting of "well that's a hard choice". This meaning to me that its fucking OBVIOUS on what I should do. Participating in my wants was more of a `priority` to me. But again the psychosis helped because (I)t allowed me to see what I was participating in and I moved myself to buy insulin because I needed it for the next day.

I got the insulin and went back to my house did dishes and finished that movie lol. I allocated time to pick up my laptop that day and glad I did as it is useful now. I have a virus that I received in an email and had to get it wiped and reloaded. I went to work, and found out that I was supposed to work 2 hours more then what I was expecting and already created a point for my mother to pick me up after work. So I had to find a way around this and as I worked I knew that I had to direct this point effectively. Usually they would not let me off 2 hours earlier, but they were 77 hours underbooked meaning the needed to get people to work those 77 hours so I made a deal with my manager, with me working 9 hours today to get off the 2 hours earlier. Before this happened and before work I was in the break room reading Tao Te Ching and it was calming me down, giving me `peace of mind` = a mind state. As I walked onto the floor to start work I knew again that I had to direct the point and believed that I could now that I had that state of mind. I worked and went to my moms house for food and interenet - a point that I must deal with. And I came here and reloaded my laptop with the software that I was using and created it back to what it was without the virus. Slept 4 hours and now I am here typing this

:) Enjoy