A Cool Day

Yesterday I enjoyed. I woke up and did my morning routine. I started to write about rape and got through writing that. I was waiting for the library to open so I started to watch tv to pass some time. I ended up falling asleep. I allowed myself to sleep because I did not having anything of perceptual value to do. I did not have another task in my day so I waited. I slept to wait. I woke up when the library was to open and did not care about getting up or not. I stayed asleep. I kept on sleeping through the day and woke up at noon. I went to the library and posted some blogs and wrote and watched videos. I was trying to use up my time as best I could since I had slept a lot longer than anticipated.


After a 2 hours at the library I had an urge to not continue pushing myself in the direction of abuse to myself in watching videos and forcing myself to write trying to be an idea of myself within writing and to let go and participate in something I enjoy. I called up my friend and went skateboarding. I was looking at myself when being around my friend. I noticed that I was being a yes man. At times I did not even look at his words and said yes or agreed about something. I observed this and stopped it within the moment, but it came back.

We went skateboarding in a walkway. We played a game of lines, after we warmed up. In the walk way there are three segmented sections divided by a small strip of metal embedded into the concrete. We each take a turn in doing tricks over these three strips of metal, to create a `line`. If someone lands all three tricks the other has to copy it. Looking at this the word Has to is not self-expressionate. There is not competition in this game. It is simply to express yourself in three tricks. They do not have to be hard or complex it is only up to self, and since there is no winning or losing, for me at least, I do not try to do hard tricks I simply stuck to what I felt within the moment according to the movement of me and the board. I enjoyed this quite a bit. Within me there is no want to win, and the fact of copying his tricks is cool as well because it takes me out of my comfort zone, I learned a trick a few weeks ago because of copying his line. The goal isn’t to do hard tricks so that the other will fuck up and `lose` but to express yourself as you want to.

After we got done we went for a coffee and started talking about some random things and skateboarding. I looked at my cell phone and asked him if he thought if cell phones should be free. I said this because in that moment I saw it as a necessity right now in this world to communicate. The abuse that it is currently being used as is extensive to the point where 2 people are walking together and both are texting. But It is an absolute useful tool within this world. And I saw it as a necessity and asked him if he saw it as the same and should money limit one from having a cell phone.

This was absolutely cool. I segued into talking about an Equal Money system, and what was even cooler was the fact that he had no reaction to it. He said simply if that would come into existence that would be awesome, that would solve a lot of problems. He understood it completely and understood the beneficial purpose of it. So I think that I am going to introduce him to desteni as when I was open about desteni before, this was about 2-3 years ago, I was telling him that his pants are aware that they are pants and that they can communicate about their existence of/as pants. I told him about toilet paper communicating through the portal and he said he wanted to know what toilet paper talked about. I never pursued this further but now am confident that he can comprehend the material. A cool question he thought of and it was that are all entertainment materials going to be equally valued? To this I had no answer, so for example is a 50’ TV going to be the same as a 20’. I had no answer but the answer is no. Simply people will get paid the same…and the prices stay relevant as they are today. People will simply be paid the same creating equality through labour credits. Meaning that everyone working a different job will get paid the same for the amount they work, and all of the prices of products will still be the same, thus creating an equality between purchasing power…so people will work the exact same amount to purchase the exact same thing. Simple now that I see it. I enjoyed the fact that he could understand the benefits on an EMS.

After this I went over to my moms house to use the internet more, she has been quite generous at letting me do this. I got a text from a friend who I rarely talk to and honestly this was my first time actually getting to know her. She used to hang around us when we skateboarded, then she went into rehab for drinking and drugs. I ran into her a while ago and asked how she was doing, we got onto the topic of self, and quitting smoking, we exchanged numbers and decided to meet up again sometime, as we enjoy talking about ourselves and the experiences we’ve gone through - lol for me it is ego. She has texted a few times before and I have been busy. I could have decided to not meet her and stay home to write and or watch videos, but I rathered go out and doing something.

Talking with her was enjoyable as I do not have too many people in my life in which sharing self exists. So we talked and we were able to share ourselves quite easily, from my perspective. I was surprised that she would end up sharing herself the way she was, because she seemed to hide a lot of shit a year ago when we met. It is cool to see someone go through that transformation and realize themselves. We got to talking about self and how we each experienced ourselves and we got to the topic of self-forgiveness which was again surprising to me because I have not experienced speaking about SF outside of desteni forums or anything of the like. We were open with eachother and allowed ourselves to push eachother through somethings…again I opened myself to my most intimate and repressed experience of having sex with my best friend when I was adolescent, which shows me that I am no longer repressing that, again that was surprising because she is a person who I have defined as a `other friend` where I would live my other life, but the desteni life is taking over . As well it shows that I am becoming more intimate with myself unconditionally. As well I helped her push through point of being more specific with herself and opening points within herself through specificity.

After that I went home and wrote abit more on the topic of EMS and the Zeitgeist movement then went to sleep. I enjoy actually living my life rather than constantly participating on the computer. Writing is a awesome tool and the environment that destonians have created is also awesome, but I am not going to allow myself to only have that environment on the computer, I am incorporating it into my reality in everyway.

Sharing my Days

I have not been sharing my days and my experinences within my days...it is useful to do so. Speaking about a day will show me where I am within my reality and process.

Yesterday.
I woke up after sleeping six hours and felt fine. I have been sleeping six or under for an effective 4 days. I have been moving myself within sleeping for six or less  hours a night for probably around 1month right now. I want to right about feelings and how I felt, and I felt `good` that I have been sleeping more effectively. This is a energetic movement inside of me, believing that I am doing something good for myself within sleeping less. And I am currenty juding myself for participating in good and bad, believing polarity to be bad. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that participating in polarity is bad. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be inferior to polarity. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give my power away to beliefs of morality and polarity. Yesterday, I did not have my laptop, and was wondering how I would move without it. I went to the library to use their computer. On my bike over there I noticed that I was rushing myself, trying to get there as fast as possible to utilize as much time as possible. I noticed myself in the movements of the pedals and how I was pushingmyself hard and not coasting when I could, continually pedalling as fast as I could. I got to the library, and went on the computers that were available. There was a 2 hour time limit, so again the point of believing to have to use as much of the time effectively revolving around speed was relevant. I checked my email, and watched a few videos and read some posts on the forum and facebook. I wsa trying to do as much as possible within each moment so I was not really takng in all the information provided only skimming through it picking out pieces. I picked up 2 cds a book by Lao Tsu on Tao Te Ching, and a movie called Savages. I was debating on what I should do first when I went home to utilize the amount of time that I had before work. I decided to watch the movie as it is loaned for 2 days. I went home sat down watched the movie and ate. After about an hour in the movie I realized that I needed to buy insulin. I was debating on whether or not to do that now or later, if I did it later it would make it much harder on me. The fucked up point is that I still wanted to sit and watch the movie and I would have if I did not intervene. What happened was the my psychosis moved and as the thought of I want to sit here and finish the movie, the movie said a phrase consisting of "well that's a hard choice". This meaning to me that its fucking OBVIOUS on what I should do. Participating in my wants was more of a `priority` to me. But again the psychosis helped because (I)t allowed me to see what I was participating in and I moved myself to buy insulin because I needed it for the next day.

I got the insulin and went back to my house did dishes and finished that movie lol. I allocated time to pick up my laptop that day and glad I did as it is useful now. I have a virus that I received in an email and had to get it wiped and reloaded. I went to work, and found out that I was supposed to work 2 hours more then what I was expecting and already created a point for my mother to pick me up after work. So I had to find a way around this and as I worked I knew that I had to direct this point effectively. Usually they would not let me off 2 hours earlier, but they were 77 hours underbooked meaning the needed to get people to work those 77 hours so I made a deal with my manager, with me working 9 hours today to get off the 2 hours earlier. Before this happened and before work I was in the break room reading Tao Te Ching and it was calming me down, giving me `peace of mind` = a mind state. As I walked onto the floor to start work I knew again that I had to direct the point and believed that I could now that I had that state of mind. I worked and went to my moms house for food and interenet - a point that I must deal with. And I came here and reloaded my laptop with the software that I was using and created it back to what it was without the virus. Slept 4 hours and now I am here typing this

:) Enjoy