Apr 5th 2011
I was looking at morality today. The point came up within thinking about smoking and continuing or not. I have chosen to quit before out of morality believing myself to be good for doing it, or being positive for doing it and negative for starting again if I did, so when I started again I went into judgement and depression. I was looking at this point and I noticed that morality changes quite often, if I did it to be good then for only so long I would want to be good, we all have these wants to be bad or go against beliefs and rules, and I set that rule for myself of not smoking. Again since morality changes quite often and moods change quite often using that point as a starting point of stopping anything, using moreality, to stop anything is useless and ineffective as I have found. I was looking at the reason for stopping smoking to stop supporting cigarette companies who use their money to abuse, deceive, manipulate etc. If one uses a point within reality that will not change then one can use that point to stand on as it does not waver. Meaning that I can use the fact that cigarette companies abuse to stop smoking, I can use that point to stop smoking because it is stable and is unwavering as it is set in reality. And if they were to suddenly stop abusing then and only then would that point waver and then one could then choose to smoke or not because the point ended. If I were to use that point to stop smoking standing would be easier as it does not waver, and since I have used morality to stope smoking before, I wavered and fell. So that is an interesting point and I am using that point when I am done smoking this pouch.
Showing posts with label Morality. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Morality. Show all posts
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
Friday, March 18, 2011
The Individual does Not Mattter
Mar 18th 2011 9:06pm
So when I fell I did not want to write and I did not want to vlog. I wrote but did not vlog. The expression that existed within me at that moment was `you better not show your face around here`. I did not want to show my face and I thought that I had disgraced process as a being or entity separate from myself. Thought that I had disgraced life as it is something separate from me. So I allowed myself to write myself out and this shows me that writing has now become a habit which is beneficial for me, but I did not vlog about it because I did not want to face myself within it. So now I vlogged about the point of depression and giving into this morality design within myself, and I realize that I am still here. There is really nothing to fear because I am still here. So all of this moral belief and ideas about myself being a good person or bad person or better person or less than person doesn’t exist nor actually affect me because I am still here and truly nothing has changed and nothing did change. I only became aware of the fact that I was moving myself within process out of the want to `make` it and become special and significant to myself…so that I can attain that belief of myself being special or significant…same point why I allowed psychosis to exist within me. So simply I have to do this process never for self any longer, but for others as self, study self as others, so that I may understand myself as others, and thus assist and support others. Participate within desteni to support an EMS which is best for the whole, which is best for all. It is not to focus solely on myself as an individual because on the whole I do not matter, no ONE matter on the whole, each one matters as the whole and if one does not participate in the whole then one does not matter. So within this right now not many people matter as most of us are still participating in self-interest only focusing on ourselves as an individual not as a part of the whole. So it does not matter whether or not I make it, does not matter if anyONE makes it, it matters if the whole is able to pull ourselves out of this hole we have dug ourselves into.
So when I fell I did not want to write and I did not want to vlog. I wrote but did not vlog. The expression that existed within me at that moment was `you better not show your face around here`. I did not want to show my face and I thought that I had disgraced process as a being or entity separate from myself. Thought that I had disgraced life as it is something separate from me. So I allowed myself to write myself out and this shows me that writing has now become a habit which is beneficial for me, but I did not vlog about it because I did not want to face myself within it. So now I vlogged about the point of depression and giving into this morality design within myself, and I realize that I am still here. There is really nothing to fear because I am still here. So all of this moral belief and ideas about myself being a good person or bad person or better person or less than person doesn’t exist nor actually affect me because I am still here and truly nothing has changed and nothing did change. I only became aware of the fact that I was moving myself within process out of the want to `make` it and become special and significant to myself…so that I can attain that belief of myself being special or significant…same point why I allowed psychosis to exist within me. So simply I have to do this process never for self any longer, but for others as self, study self as others, so that I may understand myself as others, and thus assist and support others. Participate within desteni to support an EMS which is best for the whole, which is best for all. It is not to focus solely on myself as an individual because on the whole I do not matter, no ONE matter on the whole, each one matters as the whole and if one does not participate in the whole then one does not matter. So within this right now not many people matter as most of us are still participating in self-interest only focusing on ourselves as an individual not as a part of the whole. So it does not matter whether or not I make it, does not matter if anyONE makes it, it matters if the whole is able to pull ourselves out of this hole we have dug ourselves into.
Friday, December 31, 2010
Sharing my Days
I have not been sharing my days and my experinences within my days...it is useful to do so. Speaking about a day will show me where I am within my reality and process.
Yesterday.
I woke up after sleeping six hours and felt fine. I have been sleeping six or under for an effective 4 days. I have been moving myself within sleeping for six or less hours a night for probably around 1month right now. I want to right about feelings and how I felt, and I felt `good` that I have been sleeping more effectively. This is a energetic movement inside of me, believing that I am doing something good for myself within sleeping less. And I am currenty juding myself for participating in good and bad, believing polarity to be bad. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that participating in polarity is bad. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be inferior to polarity. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give my power away to beliefs of morality and polarity. Yesterday, I did not have my laptop, and was wondering how I would move without it. I went to the library to use their computer. On my bike over there I noticed that I was rushing myself, trying to get there as fast as possible to utilize as much time as possible. I noticed myself in the movements of the pedals and how I was pushingmyself hard and not coasting when I could, continually pedalling as fast as I could. I got to the library, and went on the computers that were available. There was a 2 hour time limit, so again the point of believing to have to use as much of the time effectively revolving around speed was relevant. I checked my email, and watched a few videos and read some posts on the forum and facebook. I wsa trying to do as much as possible within each moment so I was not really takng in all the information provided only skimming through it picking out pieces. I picked up 2 cds a book by Lao Tsu on Tao Te Ching, and a movie called Savages. I was debating on what I should do first when I went home to utilize the amount of time that I had before work. I decided to watch the movie as it is loaned for 2 days. I went home sat down watched the movie and ate. After about an hour in the movie I realized that I needed to buy insulin. I was debating on whether or not to do that now or later, if I did it later it would make it much harder on me. The fucked up point is that I still wanted to sit and watch the movie and I would have if I did not intervene. What happened was the my psychosis moved and as the thought of I want to sit here and finish the movie, the movie said a phrase consisting of "well that's a hard choice". This meaning to me that its fucking OBVIOUS on what I should do. Participating in my wants was more of a `priority` to me. But again the psychosis helped because (I)t allowed me to see what I was participating in and I moved myself to buy insulin because I needed it for the next day.
I got the insulin and went back to my house did dishes and finished that movie lol. I allocated time to pick up my laptop that day and glad I did as it is useful now. I have a virus that I received in an email and had to get it wiped and reloaded. I went to work, and found out that I was supposed to work 2 hours more then what I was expecting and already created a point for my mother to pick me up after work. So I had to find a way around this and as I worked I knew that I had to direct this point effectively. Usually they would not let me off 2 hours earlier, but they were 77 hours underbooked meaning the needed to get people to work those 77 hours so I made a deal with my manager, with me working 9 hours today to get off the 2 hours earlier. Before this happened and before work I was in the break room reading Tao Te Ching and it was calming me down, giving me `peace of mind` = a mind state. As I walked onto the floor to start work I knew again that I had to direct the point and believed that I could now that I had that state of mind. I worked and went to my moms house for food and interenet - a point that I must deal with. And I came here and reloaded my laptop with the software that I was using and created it back to what it was without the virus. Slept 4 hours and now I am here typing this
:) Enjoy
Yesterday.
I woke up after sleeping six hours and felt fine. I have been sleeping six or under for an effective 4 days. I have been moving myself within sleeping for six or less hours a night for probably around 1month right now. I want to right about feelings and how I felt, and I felt `good` that I have been sleeping more effectively. This is a energetic movement inside of me, believing that I am doing something good for myself within sleeping less. And I am currenty juding myself for participating in good and bad, believing polarity to be bad. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that participating in polarity is bad. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be inferior to polarity. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give my power away to beliefs of morality and polarity. Yesterday, I did not have my laptop, and was wondering how I would move without it. I went to the library to use their computer. On my bike over there I noticed that I was rushing myself, trying to get there as fast as possible to utilize as much time as possible. I noticed myself in the movements of the pedals and how I was pushingmyself hard and not coasting when I could, continually pedalling as fast as I could. I got to the library, and went on the computers that were available. There was a 2 hour time limit, so again the point of believing to have to use as much of the time effectively revolving around speed was relevant. I checked my email, and watched a few videos and read some posts on the forum and facebook. I wsa trying to do as much as possible within each moment so I was not really takng in all the information provided only skimming through it picking out pieces. I picked up 2 cds a book by Lao Tsu on Tao Te Ching, and a movie called Savages. I was debating on what I should do first when I went home to utilize the amount of time that I had before work. I decided to watch the movie as it is loaned for 2 days. I went home sat down watched the movie and ate. After about an hour in the movie I realized that I needed to buy insulin. I was debating on whether or not to do that now or later, if I did it later it would make it much harder on me. The fucked up point is that I still wanted to sit and watch the movie and I would have if I did not intervene. What happened was the my psychosis moved and as the thought of I want to sit here and finish the movie, the movie said a phrase consisting of "well that's a hard choice". This meaning to me that its fucking OBVIOUS on what I should do. Participating in my wants was more of a `priority` to me. But again the psychosis helped because (I)t allowed me to see what I was participating in and I moved myself to buy insulin because I needed it for the next day.
I got the insulin and went back to my house did dishes and finished that movie lol. I allocated time to pick up my laptop that day and glad I did as it is useful now. I have a virus that I received in an email and had to get it wiped and reloaded. I went to work, and found out that I was supposed to work 2 hours more then what I was expecting and already created a point for my mother to pick me up after work. So I had to find a way around this and as I worked I knew that I had to direct this point effectively. Usually they would not let me off 2 hours earlier, but they were 77 hours underbooked meaning the needed to get people to work those 77 hours so I made a deal with my manager, with me working 9 hours today to get off the 2 hours earlier. Before this happened and before work I was in the break room reading Tao Te Ching and it was calming me down, giving me `peace of mind` = a mind state. As I walked onto the floor to start work I knew again that I had to direct the point and believed that I could now that I had that state of mind. I worked and went to my moms house for food and interenet - a point that I must deal with. And I came here and reloaded my laptop with the software that I was using and created it back to what it was without the virus. Slept 4 hours and now I am here typing this
:) Enjoy
Monday, December 20, 2010
Head-Ache and Morality
The headache.
When I think about the headache I am realating it to my blood sugar. But It is from separation. Blaming it on my blood sugar and not the fact that I am my blood sugar. I was 10.9 a while ago. And I went to that from being low. I have gotten headaches before from going high and low and high and low. Lol it is a headache. Too much to think about and focus on. It started as I was watching the banksy movie. A point that I am thinking about is value, that I am supporting value of something that I am still holding onto the belief and idea that `street art` is cool and `hip` and `modern`…I do not like using that world because I feel like I sound like a pompous jackass. Anyways I was valuing art and the supposed worth of it. Art is not valuable no matter what it is. I mean the dude in the movie only did that shit because he wanted fame and he found a lot of people who had fame but tied no monetary value to their work…well did not commercialize themselves like he did, and he made too much shit and he is now worthless. He did all this shit for money and fame and used other peoples work…leech. He is a defined leech and I can relate. I am unoriginal. Have no creativity to my own process. Only following blindly to what I believe I must do according to posts by Bernard or other people. I mean when Linday posted a video saying that she is going to run I thought OH!...what can I commit myself too? I only acted on that point because of my belief of Oh! That is a good thing to commit and I want to commit to so I will follow her…I do not take lead. I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to follow myself. I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to follow myself. I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to create for myself. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be created. I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to take responsibility for creating my own world and directing it the way I want it to become the outcome. This point has come up a few times and each time I think about smoking…which is just following my programmingbecause I actually do nt want one…physically do not want one. So how do I create myself? But actually making a stand and standing as my words here. And not fearing a think. I create myself in every moment anyhow, unaware of what I am creating. When I speak through and as my ego/personality, I create my reality through and as that. When I stand as self, speaking from as me as the principles that I stand by then the reality I create will be one that will be as of my principles. So I will no longer be a system but a principle within the stance of it. So it starts within words for me, because actions will come from the thoughts as a form or words. Words are where I can start and my participation in words is where my principle will stand.
When I think about the headache I am realating it to my blood sugar. But It is from separation. Blaming it on my blood sugar and not the fact that I am my blood sugar. I was 10.9 a while ago. And I went to that from being low. I have gotten headaches before from going high and low and high and low. Lol it is a headache. Too much to think about and focus on. It started as I was watching the banksy movie. A point that I am thinking about is value, that I am supporting value of something that I am still holding onto the belief and idea that `street art` is cool and `hip` and `modern`…I do not like using that world because I feel like I sound like a pompous jackass. Anyways I was valuing art and the supposed worth of it. Art is not valuable no matter what it is. I mean the dude in the movie only did that shit because he wanted fame and he found a lot of people who had fame but tied no monetary value to their work…well did not commercialize themselves like he did, and he made too much shit and he is now worthless. He did all this shit for money and fame and used other peoples work…leech. He is a defined leech and I can relate. I am unoriginal. Have no creativity to my own process. Only following blindly to what I believe I must do according to posts by Bernard or other people. I mean when Linday posted a video saying that she is going to run I thought OH!...what can I commit myself too? I only acted on that point because of my belief of Oh! That is a good thing to commit and I want to commit to so I will follow her…I do not take lead. I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to follow myself. I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to follow myself. I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to create for myself. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be created. I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to take responsibility for creating my own world and directing it the way I want it to become the outcome. This point has come up a few times and each time I think about smoking…which is just following my programmingbecause I actually do nt want one…physically do not want one. So how do I create myself? But actually making a stand and standing as my words here. And not fearing a think. I create myself in every moment anyhow, unaware of what I am creating. When I speak through and as my ego/personality, I create my reality through and as that. When I stand as self, speaking from as me as the principles that I stand by then the reality I create will be one that will be as of my principles. So I will no longer be a system but a principle within the stance of it. So it starts within words for me, because actions will come from the thoughts as a form or words. Words are where I can start and my participation in words is where my principle will stand.
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