Followers

Showing posts with label Support. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Support. Show all posts

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

We are not Separate from the `1%`


In the book `The Tipping Point` by Malcolm Gladwell, he describes a scene of violence that took place on the New York subway system in 1984. A `Normal` Caucasian man entered the subway and sat down by 4 young black males who were not ebing sat next to by any of the other passengers on the train due to their rebellious nature. One of the teens asked the white man for five dollars…he demanded it, “Give me five dollars”. The elder man then got up and shot the four young blacks. He was fed up with the lack of justice in the subway system at that time, violence and crimes were becoming more and more, to which the white man shot four teens who were rebellious. He then goes into the history of both parties. He describes the background of each of the four youths, and the man who shot them. He describes the environment in which they were in. In those days the subway system of New York were splattered with graffiti and trash, the turnstiles for the subway barely worked. The environment in that time was in chaos, thus the chaos was represented in the behavior of the people on the subway.
                 
              What happened next is interesting. What most advocates of justice etc. would propose, is to place more cops in the subway system, to enforce more laws onto these people, but that is not what happened, what happened is that the person who became in charge of the subway system went an entirely different direction. He painted all of the subway again, he got them much cleaner, he enforced the law of turnstile jumping much more, and what happened at that time is that the crime started to diminish heavily. Only through the small acts of changing the environment and enforcing a law which many officers did not care about because it was only about $1.50 for each person jumping the stiles. Through the enforcement of the law of jumping the turn stiles they were able to catch much more people who were carrying knives, or guns, or drugs onto the subway system and within that effectively diminished crime. Through re-painting the street cars they were able to make the environment much more approachable and appealing for people who would have rather walked when the street cars were filthy.
                
              Malcolm then goes on to describe that people see us only in certain aspects of ourselves, yet many of us are that aspect and as well the opposite. Meaning that to describe a friend we can say that they are an `honest person` yet we do not see them in times of dishonesty due to the circumstances of each event. He then goes onto explain that if he went though the childhood despair that the man who shot the four youths did, and was placed in the same environment and context as that man, he would most likely have shot those four youths as well.
                 
           This is an important realization as it is a realization that we are no different than any other person on this Earth and to believe that we are is absurd. It is only the experiences that we go through, that we hold onto that come to define us and how we act, or approach any given situation. And this is currently what is happening in the occupy wall street movement. We are not realizing that if we were to place ourselves in bankers positions that we would absolutely act the exact same way that they have, we would be no different than them because of their upbringing etc. The movement is only saying that they are greedy and they have fucked us over when in fact we have all accepted this fuck over. We accepted people having more power than others, and thus within this the movement is attempting to state its power because the `1%` are greedy and they are not, yet if we were to exist in their shoes we would do the exact same thing. So it not to blame but to explain the workings of the system itself and how it is not fair for all in this world, and how it is not in fact beneficial for all that are living on this earth.  The problem within this world is the capitalistic system and the greed within all humans, and the capitalistic system allowing that greed to infest the entire world, and thus allowing the human to only look out for themselves, not placing themselves as all that are living in this world, plant and animal included.
               
        Most of the `1%` are for capitalism because they have profited from it, and I have seen the excuse that they employ others to justify their stance for capitalism, they are fine with capitalism because they have `won` while all others have `lost` within the game of capitalism. It is in fact the system that is in place that is the problem, it is the fact that the human is the way the human is within and without on all sides, no different from the rest of humanity. Thus the answer is a new system, not a `beheading` of the 1% or a demonization of the 1%, it is to realize that we too would have done the exact same thing in their shoes, through/as their upbringing and the environment that they have grown up around and have been exposed to.
                
          A new system is needed for this Earth to become truly sustainable…well for the human to become sustainable with/as the Earth. That is why I support an Equal money system. Investigate more at http://equalmoney.org all information is there, yes the forum is there as well, but not to support questions that the information on the site offers. As well there are many FAQ videos out now that answer those types of questions. Check it out, investigate it.

Thursday, March 10, 2011

DUHHHHHH

Mar 10th 2011 2:57pm


At work again I `lost` myself not realizing myself being here. I `lost` myself within my mind and thinking. Simply this was a fault within me. I through the assistance of Marlen realized that I have been forcing breath on myself…forcing myself to breath, beleivng this to be a correct way of applying myself within breath…that is neat. The words within breath, I have took literally, to place myself within breath. I did not look at reality that I am always breathing, I do not need to place myself within breath, or be breath as I am already and always have been breathing. An expression of DUHHHH occurs within me when realizing this…it has always been infront of my face, but I did not see it.

So now I have a different applicaton and realization of breath, so I am going to apply this within work as I have not been able to move past this `forgetfulness` of breath within work as I have used the words…I have forgotten to breath….when really I forgot that I was breathing.

Thank you Marlen

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Losing a Document and Responsibility

Losing a document


I experienced sadness within losing a document that I had just written. I felt sad because I no onger have it. I defined myself as it. That it is worth something as me. That the document I wrote was time spent on myself.I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to value and put worth in a document. I forgive myself that Ihave accepted and allowed myself to feel sad for losing something. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel as though I have lost myself. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing to believe that I have lost myself within as my writing. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel sad for losing writing. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to resist writing again. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I cannot write with the same effectiveness. I forgive myself that Ihave accepted and allowed myself to not write with the same effectiveness.

Feb 9th 2011 3:12pm: Responsibility

Taking responsibility for myself in this world is to support and to take care of myself as life. I have been relying on others to support me. What I have recently looked into is me staying at my moms house. I come here because everything is in one place and supporting myself here was free and easy. I say was free because now I pay her to stay here. It is easy because everything that I need is within reach. Food, internet, shelter, cleaning utilities are all within one place. At my apartment I must commute to get to all of these things. So I have allowed myself to come here and support myself here. Responsibility for myself would be moving myself in this world by my own means. I have started to pay my mom to stay here because I felt as though I was abusing her and using her resources. So I started to pay her so that I make up for everything that I use. I eat here and I shower and use utilities, so I have started to pay her accordingly for what I use here. I see this as taking responsibility for myself, as I am not relying on her to do everything for me. I will pay her for each day I stay here. I thought that taking responsibility for myself was to payfor everything in my life and not allow anyone to support me whatsoever. I thought that coming here to use the things that I use is not supporting myself. In a sense it isn’t as I am still relying on this place to support me but I am not relying on another to support me. I am not using my moms resources freely. I am not giving myself or allowing myself to have a free ride. I am paying for staying here just like I would pay to rent at my place. The only difference is that this place has everything within one area, and that at my place commuting is a big time consumer. So staying here is all about time and efficiency for me. I would like to continuously support myself alone, as I do enjoy being alone. Here is JUST(ification) simpler to be effective within. Everything is here. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to justify relying on my mothers place to support myself. I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to create my own place of living. What is best for me is to live on my own and create my own place. What is best for me is to live and gain experience supporting myself within my own life, not relying on anyone else in my reality to assist me. As I am relying on my mother for laundry…I do it myself but I rely on this place rather than doing it on my own at my place. I still have not used my place for doing laundry. I have always brought laundry here. So fuck morality and living outside of me. Looking at me and what I want for myself is to support myself entirely. That means living entirely on my own not reliant on anyone else for utilities or support. So that is what I am going to do. Simple. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to debate on morals. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist within morality of right and wrong. I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to live for myself in what I want for myself. So I will live here for what I see as best for me, which is living completely stable and alone. So that I do not need to rely on another for food,shelter,internet, etc.

Paying my mom is an `easy way out` of the situation that I have created for myself. It is a simple way to cut out everything that I have to do and it actually is not taking responsibility for myself. As I am not living for myself as me for what I want for myself within this world and I truly want to live completely on my own, so that I can direct my world intensely. I mean this is a way of taking responsibility for myself as I am paying for my existence….hmm my definition of responsibility needs a tweak. So what I ws doing before was hoping that everything would fall into place or I would wait for the situation to come into play where I HAD to take responsibility. For example I was getting kicked out of my house when it sold, so I got my ass up found a job found a place and found another job and situated myself so that I had what I needed around me. In that I waited for myself to take responsibility for myself living in the matrix. I waited for the situation to come to me whereI had to support myself. I was living off of my mother and her means of money. I was not living off of my own means. Now I am somewhat living off of her means now, when I stay here but I am supporting myself staying here with my own means of money, so I am not taking freely but taking responsibility for this world within/as money. Meaning that I am taking responsibility for my life and what life has become which is movement of money. I am moving my money around so that I may support myself living here. Again though what I want for myself is to be able to live completely alone and to create my own reality where everything is in one place. So the only thing that I need in my place is internet. That is the only thing that I have trouble with commuting for, as I need to prepare myself entirely to go use the internet. I always force myself to vlog before I go so that I do not need to vlog there through embarrassment and fear of others and the fact that I would be vlogging with a person 1ft away from me. I must prepare food. I limit myself within not giving myself internet at my home. So directing my reality is taking responsibility for my reality. As well as directing the money movement which unfortunately creates my reality is taking responsibility, now this is responsibility for my outer reality. Taking responsibility for my inner world is the exact same where I take responsibility for what I allow. So right now I am allowing myself to live off of support from others and not supporting myself entirely physically and mentally. Simple. I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to support myself entirely physically and mentally. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rely on others for support of myself physically and mentally. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed money to exist within reality for the complete manifestation of and as support. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed money to support existence. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed money to be the decision for the quality of existence one exists within. That is why I am here…money, that is why I now pay her, as I was seeing this within me as using it as a free haven, but now it is not free, but it is a haven outside of me.

Thursday, February 3, 2011

Support

I was looking at the word support. I was relating to me within the word support. I compared myself to a building. What supports it, is the foundation. So what I relied on is what supported me...I wrote relief before relied as this is a relief to share myself without trying to decieve myself or omit certain things. So in the past I have used girlfriends as support. I have used my mother as support. I have used friends as support. I have created many buildings from each support structure...each support structure is a foundation to a different building that is me as I have defined myself. So I have created different mes around different people, I have created many buildings from each support structure. And what is interesting is that when that support structure is removed we fall entirely. So for instance I was relying on my girlfriend to keep me up, to support me as who `I` was. When she dumped me, everything that I build with her as that foundation crumbled completely. So I fell. Luckily everything that I created with her was a lie of me and it was easy to bring myself back to finding(FOUNDation) me, although it is still a defining of me within a belief of who I am. So I made my world around her and as soon as she removed herself from the world I no longer could continue the world, so it all fell. I no longer had a stablility point, a support point to continue the revolution of the world as me that I was creating. So it all crumbled and I was standing alone trying to find myself again.

The problem with this is that I am still trying to create a world as me. I am not allowing myself to be THIS world, the actual physical reality. I am creating a belief of me around my friends, around my mom, around anything that I use as support, so that I can hold onto that belief of who I am around them

Sunday, January 23, 2011

Desiring an Agreement/Relationship

As I am reading the Relationship Success Support with Agreements Facing the Reality of Self I am having a physical reaction of wanting to not face the point that I am going through as I am wanting to close the document and not face the point, What is happening is that I am thinking about having a relationship/agreement while reading this and a reaction is coming up within me of sadness and not wanting to face this sadness, within desiring an agreement yet not moving on the point. I have been desiring a relationship/agreement for a while in which stability exists. In which there is trust and honesty in while there actually is an agreement within another and me. This point comes from `love` and `support` within the context of wanting support through/as love from another for validation of myself. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be insecure with myself. I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to validate myself as myself. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that others can validate myself. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to look for others to validate myself, I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to trust myself. Side note of looking at time and trusting myself within validation of thoughts. The reaction that I am having is in regards to sadness, the thoughts that come up are that I do not see a possible point to have an agreement I desire an agreement and yet there is no way I can move myself towards one…Like Sunette said that patience is the key within establishing an agreement. Iforgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to be patient. I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to support myself and stand as myself within/as patience. I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to live myself first and foremost. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire another to support me with `love`. The reality of the situation is that I desire a relationship and I do not see a point where it can happen, thus I become sad within not being able to get what I want…I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I can always get what I want. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I should get what I want. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to `whine and cry` for not getting what I want. As a kid I went through the temper tantrums when I did not get what I wanted. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to play the victim to get what I want. I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to stand as myself stable and effective. I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to support myself. Within my idea of agreement/relationship, it is an idea of happiness and positivity and love..I am having a resistance to writing the love, like I am afraid of exposing the fact that I still look forlove. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to addict myself to positivity and happiness. I have not supported myself for long enough. I have only just started to stabilize myself for/as myself. And within having an agreement I am liable to again give myselfup to another ideas/beliefs/perceptions, as I have not valued myself.I am not going to allow myself to exist like this. I am going to be patient and move on the point when it arrives in my reality, and decide then and there whether or not it will be supportive for me. I forgivemyself for accepting and allowing myself to search for an agreement. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself for having the word and idea `love` to exist within me. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself for not having a relationship, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to value having a relationship/agreement. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel inferior to others who are within an agreement/relationship….I justified it with the thought the they are two and I am only one. HA! I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to be comfortable with myself living as myself. What is interesting is that in the beginning of writing this article I felt `Low` and that feeling is very uncomfortable for me ,and now I do not feel as low, yet still a bit uncomfortable but noticeably less than at the start of this article…I am allowing the blood flow of myself not move effectively thus allowing myself to feel cold and thus making myself feel uncomfortable and creating a physical action of trying to make myself feel comfortable by being warm but I think about this within the point of bundling up so that no one can see me and hiding, thus feeling comfortable being `hidden`. I have been reading this article more and more and there is not as much of a reaction but still feel uncomfortable.

When a female enters mylife, usually a new one, I hold onto that experience tightly, and do not want to let it go…use up all the energy I can from it. I will constantly project myself into a situation with that being in mind and think about a positive experience thus believing a relationship/agreement to be a positive experience, that would last eternally. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to abuse myself by holding onto past memories and experiences of females….why do I desire a female greatly, to be in my life? It is obviously motherly related in the sense that I have been supported by her for my entire life until six months ago, and within desiring an agreement/relationship it is revolving around support, so I believe that A female will support me and desire to be supported as I do not need to take responsibility within being supported, or I believe. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I do not need to take responsibility for myself when in an agreement/relationship. I forgive myself that I have in the past not taken responsibility for myself within a relationship. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rely on a female to support me. I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to support myself as myself for myself. I forgive myself to define females as females. I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to define females as beings/life. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear not being accepted by females, thus not allowing myself to approach a female. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to resist approaching females through fear of not being accepted. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe and be and feel inferior to females as I was beat by my mother as a child. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold onto the experience of me being beat as a child. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being physically/emotionally hurt by females, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame females for my physical pain and/or emotional pain.

Saturday, January 22, 2011

Being alone and Work

When I am alone, I start to think rapidly, I start to project myself into conversations with people, I start to involve myself within ego and think according to ego. This all exists within work…I can still exist the same way when I am alone and not working. I start to become very aggravated with myself…I try and stop and fail ove rand over again, and within the there obviously is friction and then I create a negative energy…cool did not see that before. When I am alone..from looking at the past, I start to think immediately out of fear. I fear being alone, and fear my application of myself when I am alone I fear not being good enough to support me. I fear a lot when I am alone and try to escape that fear by becoming tense and thinking a lot to take myself away from being here. So today while working I was looking at this, and when someone would ask me a question or I would converse with someone then I would HOLD on to that conversation and place it as a memory and replay it because it was holding onto that person within that I was holding onto that moment of not being alone. I noticed that when I knew that someone would be around me for a while in which I could express myself the way I think I am…For instance when a outside worker for Nestle came and helped out for a bit I started to talk to her as a being not a worker and allowed myself to not fear being seen as a bad worker but as a human. And within this I thought that I was expressing myself the way I am..and within this I became relaxed and stopped fighting with myself and stopped thinking. I stopped thinking rapidly within that moment of knowing that I have company as many of my thoughts were conversations or projectional. I noticed that it was because I believed that I now how company to exist with me and support me. After she left I went back into my mind and warred with myself again…This point is from support. My forgiveness was on the point that t revolves around…me supporting me and fearing supporting me, as I have had others to support me for my life until just recently. So what happens is that when I am alone I become very tense and constricted and I am trying to in every moment control myself in what I believe I have to do or what is best for me. I am contantly thinking about having to do, and I must do, and trying to figure out how the future is going to happen so that I can be prepared and then not have to worry about it = bullshit. I noticed that when Ithought about knowing that I am going to be around my mother/sister/father/friend in a future point, I become relaxed in that I can wait for them to support myself and them to support me. I literally wait. I have not ate before because I was going to get supported by food from another in a future point. This is why I am angry within work, because I am not trusting myself to support myself through/as work. I fear not being good enough to keep the job thus not being able to support myself…What a parent would go through with these same thoughts would be horrendous. I fear not being `capable` of supporting myself. I fear myself allowing myself to allow myself to die….Like I fear not being able to support myself monetarily and eating right and living so I constantly project myself to escape the fact that I have to support myself, that I must take responsibility for myself in every moment. I become very tense when I am alone. I was unaware of this tenseness before and therefore I was unaware of the fear…this is cool to see. The physical directly relates to the mental. I purposely made myself believe that I was going to meet my dad later in the day today, and I completely relaxed within that moment, relaxed with the sense of I no longer need to support myself in every moment, that I have him to support me, and that I can let go of all these worries and fears that I hold onto. It obviously is a fear of not being able to support myself, and a reliance on others to support me and the fact that I trust them to support me in what is best for me, and that I do not trust myself to support myself in what is best for me. I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to trust myself to support my life, my existence. I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to be aware of the fact that I have demonstrated that I can support my life. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist in a programmed belief that I cannot support myself. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want others to support me. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rely on others, mainly family and friends, to support me. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give up on supporting myself as life, through allowing others to support me. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that others will stop me if I am going to fall. I feel that I need to be prepared and plan out for the future so that I do not `lose` myself, lose my personality. Within that I believe that I need to prepare myself in who I believe myself to be so that I can keep who I believe myself to be within as personality as I am projecting from the past as who I am….Thank you Sally. When I project it is out of a fear of not being able to keep myself the way that I am used to…that I must `improvise` within the moment of not being prepared, that I cannot rely on my knowledge of myself to support me within knowing how I will be within that moment so that I can be prepared within KNOWING how I will be, thus not allowing myself to be myself as life within the moment. I forgivemyself for accepting and allowing myself to fear losing the idea/knowledge of who I am. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold onto the knowledge of who I am. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I am knowledge. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist as knowledge.