2012 Courage facing our thoughts

Does Process take Bravery? Courage? + How does one develop said courage

In the process of self awareness we must face ourselves unconditionally. We must face the ugliness that is ourselves in/as the reflection of the world who we are living as. Meaning that the world is a reflection of ourselves and we must face who we are as the world equal and one. Self-honesty is a must and that is where courage comes in, because if you look at what and how humans are living as themselves they are quite fucked up, and that is what we in fact have to face = how fucked up we are living as.

Look at your thoughts and see how many thoughts that you have had over your lifetime that you have attempted to stuff away into your physical and suppress within your sub and unconscious minds in order to not face the fact that you have accepted and allowed those thoughts to take space within as yourself and your reality. That is where courage comes in, looking at ourselves in self honesty to the point of facing the ugliness that is ourselves. Anything less than that will be a fuck up that we will have to move through only to get back to the point of self-honesty again. It takes dedication to be consistently willing to look at ourselves in the mirror and to see who we are in fact are. I mean fuck, I have resisted many thoughts because of the ugliness of the thoughts and in that I have become weak in my application because I have not had the courage to face myself in/as the thoughts that I have accepted and allowed as me as mind.

So yes facing ourselves is going to take courage from self and self will because no one can do this for us except for us and in that we must take responsibility for ourselves and in that we must be willing/courageous to look at who we are in/as the ugliness that we have become and developed ourselves as. The ugliness is not our enemy it is who we have become and in self honesty can we face that which we have become and transcend ourselves to become human in fact. For all that struggle with this point I suggest listening to this interview (http://eqafe.com/p/reptilians-who-is-the-mind-part-15) done by Anu which will assist tremendously with this point.

Justice and Anger

A Man In Scarborough, Ontario has been accused of assaulting his family a number of times and of sexually assaulting one of his patients in his dental practice. He has been charged on three incidents of assaulting his family members. He got angry at his daughter for wanting to leave a family friend’s house and hit her ankle with a metal rod when they came home, ending her up in the hospital the day after. He became angry with his wife and threw a knife at her piercing her leg. He Threw a metal toy car at his son for telling his father to stop beating his wife. He has been charged six months in jail for his crimes and his dental license has been revoked.

2 things that can be discussed here are the point of justice and the point of the demon possession that is anger.

The fact that he has been sentenced to six months in jail is not going to solve his problems of lashing out on others because of his anger. The entire point of the justice system is not a correction it is a `quick fix` solution that does not actually fix the problem. Incarcerating this man is not going to give him the tools and understanding that he needs to deal with his anger. The only point that this may serve is installing fear in him so that he does not lash out again in this matter causing him to suppress the anger which causes a lot of health problems as well. In the justice system when people are jailed, it never ends up as a solution. It is a Temporary fix to the problem. It does not allow the person to investigate themselves in how they have made themselves angry, and why they choose to lash out on other in a way to deal with their anger. It does not provide tools to release the anger from within him, nor does it offer assistance to realize himself in his anger. Jailing a criminal does not solve the problem from happening again as it always deals with the problem after the fact, the real solution here would be stopping the issue from ever happening, thus the justice system is not a solution for this man’s anger, it is a punishment when anger should not be punished but understood.

The possession of anger is the accumulation of thoughts that manifest outbursts such as these that cause harm to others and self. This world does not support the self-understanding nor the ability to deal with through living a solution to anger. Thus events like these are able to happen. This world system does not stop events from happening prior we only deal with the consequences after which is not a solution to the events themselves, as a solution to the events would to be preventing them from happening in the first place. In the article it is never said or investigated as to why he got angry, or what was bothering him to the extent that he would lash out on his family members. He simply was sentenced to sit in jail = it is similar to being sent to sit in a corner when we were children = it didn’t solve our actions, only installed fear in us. This world is not set up in a way to give us the time to understand ourselves, thus we need a new way of living, and since our way of living is based on money we need a new way of dealing with money. Would this man beaten his family if he would have been given the funds to support his life? Would the family have stayed with this man if they were financially supported on their own? For the answers visit http://equalmoney.org and to start learning tools for self-investigation visit http://desteni.org

Fear of Not Making Process

Fear of not making it

I have come to a realization within myself that I have been fearing making process and within that I am not taking the stance to stand eternally for all life. Lol Within this the fear is stopping me from actually making it, as taking a stance to stand for all life is actually `making it` as life is not involved in thoughts, it is here thus  must be equal to life in order to be able to assist it and support it.

Anyways I have been noticing a trend at times that I do not care whether or not I become abuseful = smoking or masturbation or even simply thinking about desires, acting on greed, = being of `human nature`. I –at times- wimply!!!! That was a type – simply do not care about making the important decision to do what is best for all life and within that I give into thoughts, desires, dis-honest actions, abuse towards myself and consequently others.

The opportunity poops up and I give it consideration out of a fear of not making it = if I am not going to make it then why even try to my fullest extent? Is what I live in that moment and within that I give into my own self-interests of experiencing and self-interested delusions.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear not making process and within that holding onto the fear allowing it to influence me in my decisions of whether it is `worth` it to stand up for life and within that manifesting my own `failure` within/as process
 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect process to fear and within that fear my own fear
 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist within the fear of not making process and allow myself to limit myself from actually standing as change eternally as what is best for life, making myself equal to/as life
 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to resist and hold back on making a definite change withinas myself and my living conditions/standards because of the possibility of `not making process`
 

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that I make process that I am the decider of whether or not I will make process.

Within the fear of not making it I am limiting myself to practical action to do what is best for all. I am allowing myself to accept this fear as reality. Within accepting the fear as reality I am sitting on the fence, I am not making that absolute stand as what is best for all life as myself living it in each moment breath by breath.

This is not cool as it is LIMITING. I am not allowing myself to move past my systematic patterns which I have defined as myself due to fear of not making it and fear of changing. This fear is absolutely holding me back from me living as an expression of life instead of a Mind Consciousness System. I question myself – Do I want to be life…I do not know as I do not know what life is…so do I want to be a MCS? No as I see what I have been participating in and have been limiting myself within and I dislike living out the same pattern day after day after day after day.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to live out the same patterns of/as my/the Mind consciousness system day after day after day because I am accepting this fear of not making it as real and am allowing the fear of not making it hold me back from removing myself from participating in the systems in which I have come to accept and allow myself to live as
 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear becoming life = breathing here in every moment when in fact I have no idea what that brings/would be like

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear something that I have no idea what it actually is
 

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to find out what living life here in every moment is though applying myself as breath here in every moment doing what is best for all life here in every moment as myself as life as breath
 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to live the fear of not making process as a reality
 

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that the fear of not making process is not a reality as I have no idea what it actually is thus I am creating an idea about what it is and thus the idea of what it is is not real because I have not lived being here in every breath as life as myself as an expression of life
 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear changing through fear of losing who I have come to define myself as
 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I must then re-define myself when I remove myself
 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to limit myself within defining myself as ego/as what I believe myself to be when in fact it is not real, it is not me

I realize that I have not lived life in fact and thus have no idea what it is thus the fear of living life in fact as breathing here in every moment is irrelevant to what breathing here as life in every moment actually is
 

I stop the fear of not making it as it is not real
 

I stand here as who I currently am within the mind and remove my addictions/beliefs/ideas/separations etc from existing into/as my reality

 
I stand within an utmost effort to stop myself as who I have become within the mind
 
I stop all ideas about what living here as life as breath in every moment is

`Me` Time

An interesting point yesterday was brought up within me and that point was `me` time. I looked at what `me` time was. That is where I give myself time to not care. I looked at what I did within `me` time, and I end up watching skateboarding videos for quite a while or looking a funnies on the internet, or watch some program on tv to entertain myself. So using the words `me` time is deceptive and dishonest, as all time is my time. I have all time to myself it is only what I choose to do within that time is what is relevant. Removing the words me time from that and equating all time equally, I saw that I was simply using that time to not give a fuck and to stray away from myself in actuality. I allow myself to give up on breath within `me` time and I allowed myself to not care about the current state of the world when participating in `me` time. Me time thus is dishonest, thus is deceptive, thus is abusive. Thus I am dishonest, I am abusive, I am deceptive.


Until I create all time as a process of self-investigation I will not change, as I have always used the excuse `ok enough `work` I have `me` time now` within which I am deliberately giving up on changing myself or pushing myself past any points. Me time is a lie to myself. There is no me time, the me time that I participate in is self-interest simply.

A few years ago I was completely invested in desteni,, in reading the material, in living the material, all of that. Only recently have I started to become more self-interested, so I have fucked with myself. I enjoy reading the material I enjoy writing, I enjoy living the material and discovering how to live it effective that is the real Me time, that is truly what I enjoy. The `me` time that I have participated in is simply self as the mind interest. It supports everything of the mind and as soon as I accept myself participating in `me` time and do not stop I allow everything of the mind to come back to me as me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in `me` time

I forgive myself that I have hidden behind the words `me` time

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in self-interests of the mind that feed the mind with mind definitions

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that all time Is me time

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to participate in what I truly enjoy

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give up on myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not care

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed to change myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within a pattern that is thinking.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to define process as work

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define dishonesty as `playtime` or `me` time

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to simply realize that I enjoy process

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in self interests as self being of the mind

I stop allowing myself to participate in self interests

I stop and breathe and check my starting point when I participate in what I have defined as self-interest and move myself within self-honesty

I am going push myself to continually participate in process investigating myself and changing myself seeing where I can take myself and expand myself within.