Justice and Anger

A Man In Scarborough, Ontario has been accused of assaulting his family a number of times and of sexually assaulting one of his patients in his dental practice. He has been charged on three incidents of assaulting his family members. He got angry at his daughter for wanting to leave a family friend’s house and hit her ankle with a metal rod when they came home, ending her up in the hospital the day after. He became angry with his wife and threw a knife at her piercing her leg. He Threw a metal toy car at his son for telling his father to stop beating his wife. He has been charged six months in jail for his crimes and his dental license has been revoked.

2 things that can be discussed here are the point of justice and the point of the demon possession that is anger.

The fact that he has been sentenced to six months in jail is not going to solve his problems of lashing out on others because of his anger. The entire point of the justice system is not a correction it is a `quick fix` solution that does not actually fix the problem. Incarcerating this man is not going to give him the tools and understanding that he needs to deal with his anger. The only point that this may serve is installing fear in him so that he does not lash out again in this matter causing him to suppress the anger which causes a lot of health problems as well. In the justice system when people are jailed, it never ends up as a solution. It is a Temporary fix to the problem. It does not allow the person to investigate themselves in how they have made themselves angry, and why they choose to lash out on other in a way to deal with their anger. It does not provide tools to release the anger from within him, nor does it offer assistance to realize himself in his anger. Jailing a criminal does not solve the problem from happening again as it always deals with the problem after the fact, the real solution here would be stopping the issue from ever happening, thus the justice system is not a solution for this man’s anger, it is a punishment when anger should not be punished but understood.

The possession of anger is the accumulation of thoughts that manifest outbursts such as these that cause harm to others and self. This world does not support the self-understanding nor the ability to deal with through living a solution to anger. Thus events like these are able to happen. This world system does not stop events from happening prior we only deal with the consequences after which is not a solution to the events themselves, as a solution to the events would to be preventing them from happening in the first place. In the article it is never said or investigated as to why he got angry, or what was bothering him to the extent that he would lash out on his family members. He simply was sentenced to sit in jail = it is similar to being sent to sit in a corner when we were children = it didn’t solve our actions, only installed fear in us. This world is not set up in a way to give us the time to understand ourselves, thus we need a new way of living, and since our way of living is based on money we need a new way of dealing with money. Would this man beaten his family if he would have been given the funds to support his life? Would the family have stayed with this man if they were financially supported on their own? For the answers visit http://equalmoney.org and to start learning tools for self-investigation visit http://desteni.org

An example of Consequence and Effect

At work today 2 people started `warring against eachother`. We play around at times at work to make each other laugh and establish workplace relationships so sometimes shit happens. It started off with a guy throwing a box of rice at another and causing him to almost crash his machine, supposedly, I understand this perspective. So the guy who got hit by rice ended up throwing a cookie at the other guy and it hitting him in the nuts. The guy who got hit by rice took the incident quite seriously and thought that by hitting the other in the nuts made him furious so he then too reacted in anger.

 At break, he was furious, he was exploding with violent words etc and scheming to get the guy back. After he vented for a bit I told him the best thing to do it to simply let it go. He said he wouldn’t. He was giving excuses on how his family is vengeful and how he thus must be like them and get his vengeance (this is paraphrasing). Each time he would come around I would continue with telling him to just let it go, calm down, breathe. He again continued with excuses and other shit, and at a point he was continuing with `it’s in my genes` type of deal, and I told him let it go, he replied with I can’t. I said yes you can, he said `it’s in my genes` etc etc, in this point I saw him for what he was accepting and allowing so I said yes you can you just don’t want to. He then smiled at me and told me to shut up in a manner of bubbliness lets call it. That is a cool point as in this moment he was honest with himself through knowing it and just not wanting to admit it so I got him in a way to admit that he just didn’t want to let it go, which I find cool as I have seen this before. I laughed in that moment like` hahah I caught you` and we both knew it.

There was a point where the guy he was pissed off at had his skids at the wrapping machine, and they were tall skids according to the angered person. He said he wanted to push them over yet had a second thought about it with `What would Paul say?` He then saw me working in the aisles and he decided against it which I found Awesome.

Through standing firm on my position of him letting it go and telling him to let it go whenever he would rant to me it had an affect on him. I did not accept his bullshit of anger and revenge, I told him continually to let it go and I stood on that point and repeated it not giving my acceptance of vengeance or revenge.

We can all have this affect on people through standing as the principle of doing what is best for all, we simply need to incorporate/live it into our lives, and soon enough it will have an affect. It would not have been as easy if I were to give any way to his vengeance like saying `fine do whatever you’re going to do just understand there will be consequences` = I allowed myself to give no opportunity to the idea of revenge, told him continuously to let it go and that had an affect = if I were to give way at any point he could have used that to justify himself for doing something quite possible stupid as a supervisor may have seen it and then get him in trouble, and as well the relationship between him and the other would have gone `sour` as we were all cool hanging out at break before this.

Letting go of Anger and Happiness.

I have been able to get over anger easier in the past few days. I would in the past sit on anger and blame all others for my own anger. The past few days I was feeling very aggitated because of my own actions and occurances within my own life.

One example is at work. I was cutting open a skid, and the skid had some product removed from it.  I thought nothing of it but when I did open it everything started to fall. Some milk spilt....lol crying over spilt milk. And other product fell and broke and I had to clean it up. I thought that one of my co-workers opened and removed the product from the boxes. I immediately blamed others for what I went through. The reality was that this was my own fault and no others. I was backchatting after this happened, and `dealing` with my anger through that. I noticed myself participating in this and stopped it and forgave it. And was able to actually get rid of the anger with using breath and forgiveness. I was trying to not take responsibility for this by thinking of smoking. I stopped that and took responsibility for my own anger and let it go. This was all related to time and work. I Was stressed that this event took up time and that I had to use all of my time effectively and that this event took away time. I was stressed that this would affect my job, and that my manager would look down on me for not getting my work done and `trust` me less to do my job. I was able to let all of this go by taking responsibility for this.

The second time I got angry was the day after. Everything was going `wrong`. I woke up 10 minutes before I had to leave for work. The sidewalks were not plowed. All of this was leading up to being late to work and again I was stressed about the whole responsibility for work. I was having trouble letting this go. I then started to do a recording. And within doing that  Iwas able to see everything that I was holding within and not allowing myself to see clearly. Again usually I would allow myself to exist in anger for hours and it would compound.
These are examples of how I have been able to now allow myself to let go of anger.

Recently I have been taking on my happiness. I am addicted to happiness. Each time I talk to a person or communicate I try and gain some type of happiness from that experience. I am always making light of a situation...=consciousness. Anyhow, what I have been doing within work is letting go of that energy immediately. I will talk and laugh with a co-worker and then immediately let it go. I have allowed that situation to replay within my mind thousand times over so that I could become happy and happy and ahppy and happy. I have been stopping this as happiness has allowed me to take myself away from what is real. Away from what is actually happening in this world, and my constant search for it is abusive unto myself. Fidelis said in a video that he uses the past to look for happiness within the present, this is exactly what I do, I do it with the immediate past and any other situation that has made me happy that I have locked into place within my mind. So I have been stopping this as it is a must.

When Ido this I have that energetical feeling within me and I breathe and `dispell` it immediately. I do not allow myself to sit on that feeling thus allowing myself to retain this happiness and `psychotic` smile upon my face. It literally is psychotic because I am smiling at nothing, only what is existent within my mind, it is not being here. Slowly I am applying myself in not participating in these happy conversations. I find it hard as it is an addiction. Slowly but surely I will get this done!

Work and an EX

I am experiencing extreme frustration right now, or well it has subsided a bit now that I have sat down and started to write. During work I was lost in my mind, To a total extent, I mean really fucking lost, I experienced the same stress as before but was now aware of how lost I am within my mind while working…this only exists while I work. What happened was that I was smiling and not minding work as I had to expectations of what work will be like, I knew what it would be LIKE but not specifically. So I was prepared for what I knew….So everything was going smoothly, I was prepared and not stressed out about having to do this or that…I then talked to one of my former teachers, and told him I liked his class and that he was a fearless man, as he `geeked` out most of the time and it takes guts to do that. I was planning to do that for a while as I kept on seeing him at both of my jobs and wanted to share that with him because I was an ass in his class, I was a disturbance and ego within that class, so I wanted to share that with him because I was a fool within his class like it was my repentance, so even the act of sharing that with him was for ego, as it was planned out. So after I said that I went back to work, and I kept on replaying it over and over and was trying to stop, but I couldn’t…I was feeding my ego within that moment, and analyzing my actions so that I would be able to define myself. This wasn’t too bad I was able to stop it periodically and just needed to focus, after this my ex-girlfriend came by with her boyfriend, and I have been blocked and removed from her life and completely ignored as I have walked past her before and seen her at work before, so I know that she ignores me, as well as her boyfriend as I knew him too. This is what got to me…them ignoring me entirely, and snickering as well…my left scapula s twitching as I am writing this out. I then allowed myself to go into defence of my EGO! Ok in believing that I need repect and attention, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I require attention. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to defend my ego. Defending my ego in that I feel inferior to her, and that I believe that I should not be ignored as life, and that I would like to be recognized by her, and say hello to humane. But that is not the way it is…I defended myself with looking at my life and believing myselfto be better than her…trying to make myself believe that Iam better than her by doing process and involving myself within desteni…I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use the fact that I participate in desteni as a superior point. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am superior than others who do not participate in desteni. I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see equality in life…The fact is is that I was giving her special attention…as her being my EX and not seeing her as another piece of life. I saw her as being significant as I am sure that many people who walk by me daily will laugh and judge me yet I do not care, it is only because of the fact that I dated her, felt emotions with her that I obviously have not dealt with yet. The emotions are being `in love` with her, I felt love for her..I thought that was love and I am still holding on the that desire for love, and I `had` it with her, although I disliked most of the time we spent together, It must be because I had someone to be there by my side and I was open with, and now I am being ignored like I do not exist and that openness is gone now…again it is because I was open with HER and not everyone…not open with myself. I forgive myself that I have accepting and allowed myself to believe that my ex-girlfriend has a significance in mylife. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create a significance of my Ex-girlfriend. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold onto the idea of love. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire happiness, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become addicted to happiness, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that love brings me happiness. I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to let go of my ex-girlfriend. I am equal to her…I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be inferior to her. I let go of this now, it is irrelevant to myself as life, it still infects my life, but the dis-ease will disappear, as I start to not care what she thinks of me or care about the relationship we have now. I went through a lot of hate and anger during work over holding onto that, and letting it fester within me. I was thinking about smoking to get out of my mind as I was completely stuck in it until Icould write, so that is just another point that I had to move through, I am sure that it will come up again, as a test and kep testing me until I stop the anger stress and beliefs that a cigarette will cure that and until I can get myself out of my mind. Anyways that shit doesn’t matter and I do not know it it is just ego. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to value what my ex-grlfriend thinks of me. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to value what other people think about me. This is going to go, I am not going to allow a belief, idea of her to control me, I am not going to allow that idea to exist within/as me. I am not going to allow this inferior bullshit to run me scared.

I have am writing more about me and work, and will post it soon.

The Day of Shit

I do not really want to post my day because I have yet to write it out and I am doing that for the course = limitation. I don't see why I can't write it out here. I just made the excuse of the fact that I do not have enough time to look at my entire day and write it out.... it is like I do not want to spoil it...I have made the plans to write it our when I get home and if I write it out here I spoil it? nonsense.

Again today I was wanting to escape to a certain degree. I slept in when I wanted to get up and move myself wthin the world. I wanted to get my rent from the bank when it opened up (8) and go to the library when it opened(10) to utilize the most of my time. I ended up sleeping in past these times. Who am I within that? I did not care about what I wanted to do to support me. I only wanted to further my experience with sleep. I was enjoying not being here. I was enjoying not having to face the cold or the winter or having to move myself around in the winter time. I bike around everywhere in the winter and dislike the cold to an Nth degree. I did not care about whether I was effective in the day or not I just really enjoyed the sleep I had. As well it was the motivation to get up. I had no motivation. I used to use cigarettes - a want or desire - to get up and start the day. I would normally think ( !!! I get to smoke if I get up) then I would get up to have a cigarette. Today I did not have any in the morning so there was no motivation to move. I did not care about myself in applying myself in doing what I needed to do in the day, I was too involved in my mind and its desires which was sleep and escape lol. I didn't have a desire to get me up but I had one to keep me asleep. I eventually got up with the thought of "Fuck this is enough of this" and started to move myself in my day.

Money was the start of my day. I started off with calling about getting internet at my house and to find out the prices and what were the options of getting it. Money is a large factor in this and it would be too expensive right now for me to pay for it - that was my excuse ...I have the money. I do not want to spend that amount of money on the internet at the house for something that I can currently get for free and faster elsewhere. It is frugality. Lol excuse. I do not want to put the money towards it, and that is it. I went to the bank to find out that it was closed and was happy that it was closed so that I could hold onto money for a bit longer and not have to pay my rent right now...I hold onto money until I MUST spend it. Anyhting that is not a must I will not allocate it towards it...that is something that I will work on and apply myself within.

My dad (Stephen) ended up calling me to go out for lunch and we decided to go to his place for lunch...again I was glad that I did not have to spend money on food and would be fed by anothers monetary means. I am working on this point and stopping myself from going to my mothers for food and internet. the reason I went with my father is because I thought that since I missed boxing day I would have some shit that I would have allocated to me. I had a gift card to the licqour store that I was initally upset about then stopped because participating in that was bullshit and ended up giving it to my sister. What would have been best is to completely throw it out... holy shit I am fearing greatly my participation in life as I am now looking at all the bullshit that I participate within the day. I used the fact that I gave her that giftcard to get her to buy me cigarettes. I smoked one and stood up within myself creating the decision for and as myself separate from beliefs to stop. I left the pack in her car(e) <-- typo and gave them to her.

At Stephens house me my sister and him got into an argument about my participation in desteni. I was very angry in this because the phrase it has been and will always be came up and I reacted to this in anger...Intense anger. I was not sharing myself in the conversation only yelling....only shouting AT them. So that went nowhere really and their main point was that of fear for me for losing my number within society. They reacted to the fact that I give them money and that they asked for my passport...believing that People will steal my identity Now that I am looking at myself within my day I can see the shit that I participate in and would normally become very judgemental at myself but am grateful right now for ITD.

Enjoy Paul.