2012 Microchipping Humans

Yesterday me and a few co-workers got into a discussion about microchipping. I was `in support` of microchipping due to human nature whereas they were opposed to it. I was having trouble elaborating on the subject and as to why I was `in support` of it other than desteni is in support of it so this here is for me to explain my backing of said microchipping and to further elaborate on the subject for myself.

Microchipping can be an absolutely useful tool in terms of managing humans. Face it, humans are deceitful, manipulative, abusive, harmful, etc, so why and how can we trust humans with the nature in which it exists currently, and even more than that how can we trust them to change their nature without self-forgiveness. The microchip then becomes a solution at monitoring humans and making sure that crimes against life do not happen, making sure that a human being is stopped and corrected before it takes the thoughts into physical action of harming another human being.

Look at the example of the Okalahoma Bombing where an individual blew up a truck killing a little over a hundred human beings. If this person was monitored through his actions and the key signal points were caught showing that this person is going to harm someone or some people he could have been stopped and shown how we was in fact only harming himself and how destruction/violence/murder is not a solution to what he was going through. It could have been shown to him how he was in fact creating the fuckupedness that was existing in/as himself  and shown how to release himself of his self-created demons. So in that manner it is possible to stop many people from committing criminal acts before they set out to harm another living being.  Same can be said for the Norway killer who murdered 77 people. If he was monitored he would have simply been stopped before this man could commit these crimes. So for the reason that the human is the way it is, it is beneficial for the human to be monitored through microchipping so that we are not allowed to become this possessed and are able to be helped before we kill people.

One of the arguments that they were carrying with them is the `mind-control`, where the argument is based out of the belief that the `higher powers` or `elite` will control their every whim and get them to do their bidding. What is ironic in this situation is that we are now controlled to abide by their every whim. We accept going to war as a justifiable action to people who `offend us` or do not follow our own set of rules. We buy the products that they want us to buy and we give into the belief that we need these products. There is rarely a person that exists that is not influenced whatsoever by media and the desires supported through media, thus we are controlled through our desires into doing what the `elite` want. So the argument stating they will control us becomes irrelevant because we are already controlled to an extensive level.

Another argument was brought up of conforming to society, that the creators of the microchip and/or monitors of the microchip will cast out any person who thinks differently than the accepted norm of society and jail them or brainwash them. If you have read 1984 by George Orwell this refers to `Thought Police`. Now what is fascinating about this reality is that they don’t need to monitor individual by individual on their thoughts, because the moment a person speaks about a different life, other individuals will snap on them, call them outcasts, hate on them, and do everything that they see fit to stop the person from continuing to speak against the accepted and allowed norms, so what has developed now is much better than thought police because society will attempt to shut down any person who speaks out against society, so a group of individuals do not need to monitor other individuals because the whole monitors the whole keeping everyone in check and balance to the conformity of the society.. A perfect example is desteni where we stand as a message that humanity is killing this Earth, that we are but a infection to  this Earth, but through forgiving ourselves, through becoming aware of our actions, through transcending our minds we can create a new self that is will live in the principle of what is best for all and thus harmonizing self with the Earth yet, many individuals fear this message, and throw abusive, really nasty, words at us, even going to the extent of death threats showing that the whole will attack an individual that speaks out against the whole effectively keeping the whole in check and balance to the accepted and allowed rules/laws without question. So the point of they will monitor anyone who thinks outside of the accepted norm is again already established despite microchipping.

So what I've learnt is that people who are against microchipping only want to defend their ability to abuse others, they want to defend their own thoughts that harm others, they want to defend their `right to abuse` as it were. I see no other reason as to defend humanity to not have microchips other than fear and the want to continue abuse.  For more information read the material at http://desteni.org Investigate http://equalmoney.org to understand why/how humanity has been living the way that it has. Only when we forgive ourselves for how we have been acting, once we live the forgiveness, once we start to live as breath realizing that we are not separate from this Earth can we start to rebuild ourselves and our lives on this Earth equal and one.

2012 Fearing others and Allowance of Self-Sabotage

 I have feared standing up to others for a lot of my adult life. In this I see myself as less than all others and in this I always consider my perspective as inferior to another’s, allowing myself to submit myself and become a subordinate. The fear that I experience is in relation to being yelled at and confronted in conflict, meaning that when standing up, such as asking a person to clean up I react in fear because of a possible lashing out and me not wanting to deal with it.

This fear relates to a certain type of person. My sister has that type of person who is really hard to work with due to a reactiveness that I do not want to deal with. I fear asking her to help me out at anytime because of her reactions towards such suggestions. I find it hard to work with her and in that I fear standing up to her because when working with her I am thus then reliant on her participation wherein she is able to exist in spite immediately if she chooses to. In this I fear standing my ground as I fear her then causing the entirety of the situation to blow up, for example I asked her to drive me home one night and convinced her to do so. We had to stop and get gas and she asked if I could pump the gas. I said no because I saw this point as laziness on her part, then she utilized the point of her driving me home to use guilt that I have decided to not pump the gas for her…It is not her that causes guilt but it is the attempt to do so, I responded that she is using guilt to manipulate me into pumping gas. All the while I was speaking in a high pitched tone and laughing to conceal my fear of standing my ground in not pumping the gas for her. What I was fearing here is bluntly stating no I am not pumping the gas for you in the fear that I liked a ride home and did not want to walk, thus feared standing up and stating myself, through the fear of a reaction from my sister being told no and throwing a `fit` of anger resulting in an action of spite.

I was looking recently at how I was accepting and allowing this and why I was continuing to accept and allow this as myself. I accept myself as a subordinate so that I can expect more from others than from what I equally put in. Through accepting myself as a subordinate I can say that others should put in more effort than what they are doing because I am somehow less than others, and in this I expect things from others of that which I am not willing to do myself, which is unfair and existent within inequalities, which are ugly as this world system is showing us now.

In the aspect of the fear, I fear standing up to another because then I will see myself as an equal, and in that having to stand up for myself in taking equal responsibility, and in that not allowing myself to judge others for doing what they are doing, because when I allow myself to exist in the perception of myself as an inferior or subordinate I then allow myself to judge others and be harsh on others for not `pulling their part` or for whatever action that they do, not allowing myself to stand equal to them, focusing on my own actions and directing myself within/as the situation.

So through accepting myself as a subordinate I accept myself judging others and expecting more from them than what I am willing to put in, and in the fear I accept myself as a subordinate furthering the allowance of myself of judgment and inferiority projecting superiority, and using the fear as a justifier for keeping myself in the position that I am accepting myself in the position of. Thus myself fearing standing up is only my acceptance of myself in the perspective of an inferior/subordinate so that I can keep myself judging others and expecting more from them than what I am willing to put in and in that allow myself to become lazy and have others do the work that I should be equally participating in.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use fear to justify my positioning of myself as inferior to others so that I can remain lazy and rely on others to do work for me
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rely on others to take responsibility for me, and in that fear standing up in my Response Ability
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place responsibility for myself outside of myself, as separate from myself
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want another to take responsibility for myself and in that remaining lazy, not allowing myself to take responsibility for myself, allowing myself to exist in fear of responding to another allowing myself to remain an inferior to another all so that I do not need to put in the effort that I must in order to take responsibility for myself.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to focus on myself and only myself taking my own responsibility for my actions, directing my own actions, remaining constant with my own dedication towards myself and live as an example
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to push my own wants and desires within/as information and knowledge onto others.

In this The only point that I am able to focus on is myself and my own actions and who I am in my own actions. I am not able to direct another person, I am only able to direct myself one and equal to the situation. I do not allow myself to use fear to continue the way that I have been living in pushing myself onto others, and expecting more from them than what I am putting in myself. I stop limiting myself in my response ability due to fear.

I only focus on directing myself in and as the situation, doing what is best for me, not fearing being direct and asserting myself in equality.

Immauturity in the Approach to Sex

Immaturity within/as Sex
When I first attempted to have sex I could not get it up. I was nervous, anxious and fearful of what the act of sex would entail and within that had many ideas, images, thoughts about how to experience myself within/as sex. Within this I was not placing myself as the maturity I needed to deal with/as sex. I was still very kiddish about it meaning, I saw it as an adult thing, I placed myself as less then, I did not go into it with the attitude I needed to get it up.

I did not have the maturity to understand what exactly I was participating in, I did not see myself equal to it, I saw it as a fun and game type deal and not seriousness, meaning taking the breath, slowing myself down and participating equal and one within the physical act of sex. I had the mentality of a kid, I had the expression `Ouuuuuu sex yay` which in itself is a kiddish expression. I did not have the capacity to understand what I was moving myself within and within that had no idea, yet many ideas on how to interact with my partner within sex.

The point that brought this out was a self-forgiveness statement, one that said  “I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to enter into sex/sexuality within me and my world in absolute uncertainty/fear/anxiety/unknown - all reactions manifested within me with walking 'behind the veil into the secret dark land of the grownups' without any understanding/comprehension of the actuality of what sex is as an actual self-expression of/as the physical, but instead accepted and allowed myself to give-into fear and fall into darkness and participate in secret, equal-to an done with how thos ethat have gone before be approached the world/action of sex and within that - fell into, fed and created the wordl/actuality that sex has become for humanity for which I am equally as one responsible for, for not taking self-responsibility in who I am within and as sex from the start” – In this I saw that when I was not able to get an erection I was seeing myself as a kid moving into a grown up world of/as sex not seeing it as a physical expression and within this not giving myself the maturity to take a breath and find out what is was for myself and not letting any ideas thoughts or images I have created through masturbation and within/as the media to influence me on how I was going to go about within/as sex.

I was far from being stable within myself at that point and the point still comes up = fear of starting sex with a new person. Therefore maturity within approaching and dealing with sex is a must, as it is not an `adult` thing that I participate in, it is a physical act that we all participate in equally.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to approach the act of sex with a immature stance as an expression of myself
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see myself as a kid moving into the `grown up` world when participating in sex
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react when about to have sex with excitement stimulating the ideas emotions thoughts and images instead of breathing calming myself down and moving with/as the physical within/as the act of sex

Fear = Violence and Destruction

Fear
I was driving a car past a couple who were walking their dogs, there were cars parked on the side of the street so making me drive closer to the couple with their dogs than I `normally` would. I felt a point of projection onto the man who was holding the leashes for the dogs, it was a point of fear, and I was projecting myself onto him with fear of me driving too close to him and the dogs being hit by the car. I saw him then pull hard on the leash with fear to try and keep the dogs by his side. It looked very discomforting to the dogs for the leash to be pulled like that.

His fear led to violence...I am equally responsible for his fear because I was thinking the exact same thing as he was, and thus I accepted the fear just as he did instead of me realizing that I am in control of the car and I have self-directive power of/as the car and thus I can decide where to direct the car.

I have seen many examples of fear leading to violence and death. There was a wasp in a van with me and my father, he being allergic to bees caused a fear within him. As well I was reacting with splurges of fear when it would come close to my hand. I was attempting to direct it out of the window with my hand and when it would come close to my hand I reacted with fear as well, although there was no physical reaction from me in this instance. The wasp was not moving out of the window and the fear became too great for my father which he then smacked the wasp with paper and knocked it out. I thought it was dead and gone thus I stomped on it with my foot to make sure it was dead so that it would not suffer from being concussed or injured due to the impact from being hit. In this instance again fear took over the being and he reacted with violence to his fear of being stung.

When people fear all they see is the fear, they cannot see the actuality of whatever it is they fear, they can ONLY see the fear that they are making up from the image that they are seeing, and people generally dislike fear so they want to get rid of it within themselves, not seeing that it is them themselves that are fearing, they are placing the cause of the fear onto the image that they are connecting fear with and thus they want to get rid of the image that they are fearing = in this case the wasp, in the previous case the dog being hit by the car, wherein the man violently tugged on the leash to remove the image of fear happening in reality.

It is never the image that is fear itself, it is us that is fear itself. We are the fear and the acceptance of the fear, and from us not wanting to face our fears we always turn to destruction and violence towards whatever it is that we are projecting fear onto.

A friend of mine has a fear of wasps due to being stung heavily when he was a child. He would usually run from wasps out of fear, and if they followed he would swat them and stomp on them if possible = do everything in his power to kill the wasp and remove the fear from him = it is an IMAGE wherein if he were not to see the image of the wasp there would be no fear. Anyways at one point I suppose he realized that he could kill them and that he did not need to run away as much. One day he went on a killing spree of wasps and was continuously repeating “I am facing my fear” when in actuality one is only acting on their fear when they try and destroy something. To face ones fear is to not allow the fear to inhabit yourself, it is to realize that the fear is not real, it would be to realize that the wasp may or may not sting, and that it is simply living its life. To face the fear is to REMOVE the fear from yourself and not become and act on the fear = that is REALly facing ones fear.

So when a being acts on fear it leads to violence and destruction, and I am sure that that is why the human has been destroying the Earth so immensely = fear of life, whereas in the early years of the human we have had to seclude ourselves from nature due to the harm that it may cause to us = fear. So now unconsciously we are still involving ourselves within fear to life, fear to what the Earth may bring for us in terms of harm, and that is why Unconsciously we are destroying the Earth in every way.

Fear for me in terms of wasps and harm to myself is slowly being removed as I am the creator of my own harm = there was a wasp following a red package that I had in my hand, and me not wanting to deal with it was moving the package away from the wasp to where it stayed in the same proximity to the package as I was moving it = bees see differently and they thus move according to how they see = that is why it was staying in the same proximity to the package even though I was moving it away from it. Now if I were to react in fear in that moment I would panic with the thoughts of `shit this isn’t working how do I get this to stop?` then would most likely result to killing the wasp. But in that moment of it following the package I remembered how wasps or bees see and I knew then why it was doing it = it wasn’t unknown to me = fear of the unknown. I stopped moving the package and it went away maybe after 2 seconds and I went on my way as did it, so I did not access fear within me although it came up momentarily and thus I did not need to resort to violence or destruction of life, and thus if I reacted in fear the wasps would sense it and react in fear within itself due to my fear and protect itself in the way/capability that it has = its stinger and most likely attempt to sting me = I am the creator of my own harm due to fear.

In the Desteni I process, in the third or forth lesson we deal with fears and learn how to effectively FACE the fears, and within this we stop the HARM and ABUSE that we have created to this world as ourselves, visit http://desteniiprocess.com for more information.  

Change in Experience of myself.

Apr 12th 2011


A few days ago I cut my finger open and had to get stitches. This was an interesting experience. Starting off I was opening a bike lock that I bought because my old one broke because we have invested shit into shit thus making more shit, so the bike lock was shit simply. The bike lock that I bought had cable ties holdoing it in place and I was using a knife to cut it open. I got the first cable tie open and as I ut the second one the force that I was using continued through right into my finger. So I immediate dropped everything and started to run water on it. The pain was interesting, it didn’t hurt to the point I could not stand it, but it was still very prominent. So I ran water and my mom said to apply pressure and got me a towel to do so, and I did so. I was standing over the sink for a bit jut resting there, I put my head down on my arm to rest more, my mom told me to go sit down, when I told her I will do what I want. We cracked up in that moment bursting into laughter because it was an unexpected remark. I said this because in the past people have told me to do things that simply I was not ready for or wanted to do and would come to a point of passing out if I pushed myself to do something that someone wanted me to do or thought I should do and was not ready, so the words I will do what I want was a reaction to being told what to do, and I was not ready. So I layed there for a bit by the sink and rested holding it and once I caught my breath and started to focus then I sat down.

In the clinic I was waiting to be called. I was fine with taking care of myself and directing the situation for myself. So I let my mom walk out and go shopping, I let her entertain herself not needing her to be by my side. When the nurse had a look att my finger another nurse came and said did he beat the girl from yesterday to which Ithought `WTF I did not hit any girl causing this` and I realized that it was thus a competition point meaning that a girl came in yesterday who had to get stitches for her finger and thus I then hoped that I would win in that case. I never found out, but a fucked up point none the less. I noticed this a few times throughout my life where me and others will compete with having the worst injury as if we are proud of making through it but that doesn’t matter as none of us will survive death.

I got into the doctors office and there was a needle sitting there and I was imaging it being put into the tip of my finger and the pain that would occur from that I started to fear the that pain. Since doing the ITD course on fears I forgave that fear and was looking at that fear. And simply I would have to feel that pain, there was no `escaping` it. So I realized that I had to go through pain simply and had to face that pain. The needle went into the base of my finger to numb the finger, and the pain was not as bad as I thought it was, in fact it was cool. It did not hurt worse then a `bad` needle being injected into my stomach while doing insulin. A bad needle would be one that does not go in properly and somewhat sticks and I have to push it through. So the pain was and it was not that bad, the cool part was the fact that they called it a ring block, and as he was injecting it I could feel a pressure surrounding my finger exactly like a ring.

While having the stitches in I was talking to the doctor about the election. In that moment I realized that I simply struck up conversation with a stranger about a topic that was interesting to me. I did not question about what to say or what his interests were or anything like that, nor feared about speaking to him. I simply asked him if he watched the news and went from there. It is simple to speak to people without fear, and the only thing that would limit me would be the fear of speaking. I enjoyed speaking to him and gathering a perspective from a person in the medical industry, where he too was glad to get off work when the time permitted, just like anyone else. He did not enjoy his job but did It for the money. I talked to the nurse afterwards about diabetes, and again no fear no insecurity just simple talking. We were talking about life and she said a cool thing where her relative got diagnosed with diabetes at age 80 and she said why would you want to live 5 years unhappily instead of living 2 years happily enjoying chocolate cake. This I found as an awesome perspective, because we are all fearing death trying to live as long as possible with no joy in life. So why at the end of ones life try and keep it going unhappily when death is just around the corner. Why not enjoy yourself with some chocolate cake?

I write this because in the past I would have feared about what to do, about how to handle the situation, but through participating in desteni and the Desteni I process I have been abele to take responsibility for myself and remove some fears. I mean sure I could have complained about this situation but I did it to myself, no one to blame, and I am fine. I took directive responsibility within it and I enjoyed this, no negative emotion. I did not fear not working that night through money, I did not beat up on myself for creating this, I just went through it doing what I needed to do, all things that I have learnt to develop through participating in the Desteni I process, and Desteni. The change in experience of myself is quite cool.

http://desteniiprocess.com

Lack of Fear Creates Enjoyment

Apr 7th 2011


Today at work I was working with the fear of time constraints, within the fear of being fired, fear of not having money and then the fear of death. The starting point here is fear of death then it grows outwards. During work I usually fear not being able to get done on time, within this I fear being incompetent, thus I then fear being fired, not having enough money and then dieing through lack of money. So today I was moving within/as these fears, when I realized I was doing this IS topped and moved myself for/as myself not caring whether or not I get the work done and removing that fear. I noticed that when I stopped this fear I starting moving a hell of a lot slower and started to breathe more, I became relaxed, my voice changed, my tone of voice changed, and all together myself changed. I relaxed myself and enjoyed myself. There was still backchatting going on, but it was not as hard to stop, as in work previously moving myself quickly trying to get everything done, I have eextensive backchat and I do not stop as I physically do not stop. I was able to stop the backchatting easier and I did not become frustrated with still backchatting. I slowed myself down entirely, and I did not get all of my work done. A starting point within this is asking to be cut. When I started I said if hours need to be cut I would not mind going home early, and within this I had no fear of losing money, I purposely placed myself within it. When I get cut I usually rush again and harder trying to still get everything done knowing that it simply is not possible. So I am going to apply this again tomorrow and stop the backchatting entirely. One way that I have found this helps is to fell the physical, is to purpose feel the physical placing myself on holding the broom, or mop handle and allowing myself to feel the movements. I enjoy the movements as I create them and I enjoy the flow that I can create with the mop. So there is a point that I can enjoy within work so I am going to place myself within that tomorrow and see how that goes, I am going to remove all fears, and am going to notice my backchat more and stop it placing myself within the physical and breathing. So I mean the interesting thing here is the fact that I went slow. I am intrigued by this. Because it is an expression of me. When I do not fear I slow down extensively. In everything that I do. When I was skateboarding today I met up with friends that I have consistently felt inferior to and within this I was rushing trying to run from the fear lol. So I realized this and placed myself as myself and enjoyed the movement more, yet I still accepted the inferiority and quickly again fell into that fear thus again attempting to run from it by pushing myself to skate `harder` same point within work, instead of facing the fear I push myself harder physically to escape the fear. As well I do not try `hard` tricks that I cannot land consistently, I like to do many tricks that I can land consistently to keep that flow `alive`. It is a lot more enjoyable that way because I can continue in motion instead of trying to trick and failing 5 out of 10 tries to which I then have to start the motion all over again. I enjoy keeping the motion alive and then trying a difficult trick eventually, not just jumping right into the difficultness. So yes I `fell`. I learned from it and I am going to skateboard for MY enjoyment, as I was skateboarding today I was doing tricks to be noticed as `skillful` rather than doing it for my own enjoyment of the activity. So simply I am going to skate for my enjoyment, not to be noticed as good or bad, Ah as well I noticed that I judged myself extensively while skateboarding in public, degrading myself for not landing a trick, so that other people will see me get frustrated and think that not landing the trick was acceptable through my frustration which I laugh at now. :) because it is ridiculous. I noticed that that is a main poijt for my while skateboarding which is doing it for attention :))) Quest to be seen = Quessy. So again my enjoyment does exist in this yet I am not allowing myself to enjoy myself and that is what I am going to place myself in doing in skateboarding from now on.

So In an equal money system People will simply Enjoy work!!! as there will be no fear

Fear of Sharing That I am part of Desteni and Reactions within a Conversation

Apr 4th 2011


So today there was reactions within me about talking about desteni with a friend of mine. We were catching up and talking about anything new or interesting happening within our lives and I meantions that I was going to Houston, She asked why and I said it was to meet with a group of people deliberately not mentioning the word desteni or what is was about, I cut myself of within that moment not allowing myself o explain further, to which she replied to meet your Bald friends? I said yes and in this moment I was ok with it. I have had reactions about talking about desteni because I have accepted and allowed the reactions to influence me of other when I have spoken about it within the past, and in this moment I realized that since I am online and `out` with it people know without me telling them. I enjoyed that there was no reaction and that there was acceptance within her, which shows that I do not accept myself as a destonian, still trying to hide within my personality, who I have defined myself as when I have interacted with her or any friend within the past. An interesting point came up hereafter where I was able to speak clearer on subjects and was not so afraid to share a perceptive that I have gained from participating in desteni. There are still a few thigns that I flagged within the conversation where I accept and allow excuses and justifications for things, and was resistant to speaking about resonant points, meaning that she mentioned that she had pains within her back shoulders and neck to which I backchatted about the resonant points and what they would be, and within that I allowed an excuse within her of it being based on going out and drinking last night.

During this time too I felt a point of not wanting to let her go do her own thing through a fear of loss, within which I notied it and did not allow myself to further participate in it because it would have lead to depression as I have noted before. I stopped within that moment and breathed and separated myself from the situation energetically, within which I then moved myself back to myself and took the smile off of my face. It was a point fo not wanting to let go of the happiness that I was creating around her and through the interaction with her. So I stopped within that moment and brought myself bak to myself and stood as myself and moved as myself, not allowing myself to rely on her for any experience of myself. So I was able to breathe more within this meeting and conversation, It was not constant as there was still some backchatting going on and some reactions. I notice that I can breathe in every moment but my lack of applying myself and removing that fear of loss of who I have defined myself as still exists, and within that it is stopping me from breathing here in each moment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear losing who I have defined myself as

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect losing who I have defined myself as to fear and thus I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear my own fear.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear losing an experience of myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect losing and experience of myself to fear and thus I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear my own fear

I forgive myself for accepting and allwing myself to rely on another being for an experience of myself

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize in each moment that only I create the experience of myself, within which I do realize that only I create the experience of myself

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that antoher creates an experience of me

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to rely on other to experience me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as an experience

An experience is simply a moment and I am not only one moment I am all moments of myself and within which defining myself as an experience is limiting myself to a certain specific time/experience of myself and thus I enslave myself to time/experience/past/memories.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold onto my personality

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself as a personality

A personality is a method that I have developed within the fear of survival and the fear of loss to hold onto that which I have defined as me and thus I am not a personality, it is only a systematic method of `surviving in this world` or `getting by within this world`

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to accept personality as a way of getting around within this world

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use personality as a way to get around within this world instead of using self-honesty

Slowly and surely I am going to move within self-honesty within this world and thus remove the fears of beign accepted and fears of losing myself

I am here within this moment not completely certain of that last self-corrective statement, as I feel that I can do it now but I am allowing the fears to control me. So the words slowly but surely are why they are there because I fear diving head first into it, I would rather get my feet wet first. And within this I did today, I got my feet wet within removing this personality and I liked it as I was able to direct the situation much more effectively, not allowing pre-programming or programming to interfere with solutions.

so YES I am removing these fears and I am applying myself to move in this world within self-honesty starting within this moment.

Fears are the Possibilites of this Reality

Mar 10th 2011 4:36am


I am watching Joanna’s video on her hunger and the physicality and the equality of the physical. She was talking about how some will fear not having food. Now I saw within this that fear shows what is possible in this world. We must ask then why are we fearing this and why is this an accepted existence. Meaning we fear not having food, we fear not having sustenance, so we must ask then why is it possible to not have food, why is this an accepted `way of life` . Why is it possible to go without food, why is it possible to not have sustenance? As well as how. So this fear of not having food shows the reality of the world. It shows that it is possible to not have food, it shows that it is possible to go insane, it shows that in this world it is possible to not have shelter. So why are these fears accepted within reality as us. Why are we existing as these fears, why are we allowing these fears to exists both internally and externally. It is not so much a question of why but how. How is because of money, because we have accepted and allowed ourselves to become reliant on the amount of money we have, and that amount determines or quality of life, which is completely fucking stupid as one look at the economic system. We are all subject to this crap and limitation. I was walking through a university, and I realized that there are a lot of people in that university…how many jobs could there actually be out there that support each ones `field`. I then questioned how many people will get a job and how many people are `wasting` their money setting themselves up for disappointment. So just because one has an education does not mean that a job is readily available to oneself, we are still limited by the limitation within this world…and we accept it. We accept starvation and poverty through this system…and it is murder because it is ACCEPTED it is a CREATED reality, not a fact of life as many believe, we ACCEPT starvation through our own accepted limitation of this system, through dependency on a job to get money. If 1500 people have a University degree and there are only 1000 jobs, which is the limitation, then 500 people are left without a job, left without an income, and left to `fight for their own survival`. This world is truly merciless. And we accept that fact of limitation as a reality, we accept it as `part of life`, and that is another thing to…we believe that life is and always will be this way…HA! Many do not believe in god, but through that accepted belief it is absolutely equal to the belief of a god. Anyways life is not a set pattern, it is completely changing, and through this and through realizing that we humans have control of the planet, control of existene right now, we can create a world where we are not dependant on jobs to create an income, we aare not dependant on a limitation within the system to support ourselves as life in this physical existence…An Equal Money System solves the limitation of jobs and an income, where one is no longer dependant on a job to provide income, no longer dependant on an outside resource to provide a physical existence for oneself.

The realization that this system cannot support itself is right infront of your eyes but we are blinded by our wants and self-interests to see, so suffering will either come to you or you will realize that we are responsible for our own suffering.

Stand for all life Equally and support an Equal Money System.

Being alone and Work

When I am alone, I start to think rapidly, I start to project myself into conversations with people, I start to involve myself within ego and think according to ego. This all exists within work…I can still exist the same way when I am alone and not working. I start to become very aggravated with myself…I try and stop and fail ove rand over again, and within the there obviously is friction and then I create a negative energy…cool did not see that before. When I am alone..from looking at the past, I start to think immediately out of fear. I fear being alone, and fear my application of myself when I am alone I fear not being good enough to support me. I fear a lot when I am alone and try to escape that fear by becoming tense and thinking a lot to take myself away from being here. So today while working I was looking at this, and when someone would ask me a question or I would converse with someone then I would HOLD on to that conversation and place it as a memory and replay it because it was holding onto that person within that I was holding onto that moment of not being alone. I noticed that when I knew that someone would be around me for a while in which I could express myself the way I think I am…For instance when a outside worker for Nestle came and helped out for a bit I started to talk to her as a being not a worker and allowed myself to not fear being seen as a bad worker but as a human. And within this I thought that I was expressing myself the way I am..and within this I became relaxed and stopped fighting with myself and stopped thinking. I stopped thinking rapidly within that moment of knowing that I have company as many of my thoughts were conversations or projectional. I noticed that it was because I believed that I now how company to exist with me and support me. After she left I went back into my mind and warred with myself again…This point is from support. My forgiveness was on the point that t revolves around…me supporting me and fearing supporting me, as I have had others to support me for my life until just recently. So what happens is that when I am alone I become very tense and constricted and I am trying to in every moment control myself in what I believe I have to do or what is best for me. I am contantly thinking about having to do, and I must do, and trying to figure out how the future is going to happen so that I can be prepared and then not have to worry about it = bullshit. I noticed that when Ithought about knowing that I am going to be around my mother/sister/father/friend in a future point, I become relaxed in that I can wait for them to support myself and them to support me. I literally wait. I have not ate before because I was going to get supported by food from another in a future point. This is why I am angry within work, because I am not trusting myself to support myself through/as work. I fear not being good enough to keep the job thus not being able to support myself…What a parent would go through with these same thoughts would be horrendous. I fear not being `capable` of supporting myself. I fear myself allowing myself to allow myself to die….Like I fear not being able to support myself monetarily and eating right and living so I constantly project myself to escape the fact that I have to support myself, that I must take responsibility for myself in every moment. I become very tense when I am alone. I was unaware of this tenseness before and therefore I was unaware of the fear…this is cool to see. The physical directly relates to the mental. I purposely made myself believe that I was going to meet my dad later in the day today, and I completely relaxed within that moment, relaxed with the sense of I no longer need to support myself in every moment, that I have him to support me, and that I can let go of all these worries and fears that I hold onto. It obviously is a fear of not being able to support myself, and a reliance on others to support me and the fact that I trust them to support me in what is best for me, and that I do not trust myself to support myself in what is best for me. I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to trust myself to support my life, my existence. I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to be aware of the fact that I have demonstrated that I can support my life. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist in a programmed belief that I cannot support myself. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want others to support me. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rely on others, mainly family and friends, to support me. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give up on supporting myself as life, through allowing others to support me. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that others will stop me if I am going to fall. I feel that I need to be prepared and plan out for the future so that I do not `lose` myself, lose my personality. Within that I believe that I need to prepare myself in who I believe myself to be so that I can keep who I believe myself to be within as personality as I am projecting from the past as who I am….Thank you Sally. When I project it is out of a fear of not being able to keep myself the way that I am used to…that I must `improvise` within the moment of not being prepared, that I cannot rely on my knowledge of myself to support me within knowing how I will be within that moment so that I can be prepared within KNOWING how I will be, thus not allowing myself to be myself as life within the moment. I forgivemyself for accepting and allowing myself to fear losing the idea/knowledge of who I am. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold onto the knowledge of who I am. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I am knowledge. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist as knowledge.

Fearing a Post

I am fearful of my post being seen. I was on the forum and afraid to look at my post to see if anyone has commented on it yet. I was afraid because I was judging myself as inFEARior, as I had a lot of fear. I posted a vlog about an idea of how to start to move the world in a direction to our favour, at the time I thought that this was a good idea and that I want people to see me, I did not write this out then so here is stagnant energy coming through as fear. As well there is this whole persona of I have found the way…I know that I am in the direction that I must move in…all ideas and beliefs and thoughts. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I am on the path to where I need to be, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have an idea of where I need to be. I forgivemyself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I need to be somewhere. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold up an idea about myself. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear who I really am as deception. What just happened is that I was looking at the equality equation of my actions and noticed that it was completely done in ego. That if I were to continue this then I would not be open and honest in every moment. I am justifying it through beliefs. This is going to stop. I am not a benevolent being. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to try and be a benevolent being. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to try and be an idea of a benevolent being. I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to breathe in the moment and stop.

I see this thought process as a virus. It cannot continue. Within this belief of myself being a benevolent being I allowed myself to judge others harshly, I compared myself in trying to maintain the superiority. Again I did this because I was believing that I was on some path to being in the physical…not directing myself…and if I am on this path that I will continuously be on this path. So what happened when I looked at my post on the forum is that I completely feared being exposed in that moment, I had this idea of trying to climb into the computer to remove it…like no one can see this…but this is the epitome of what I have become. So all must see this and I must expose this. What I have become is trying to find ways to create a perception of myself as benevolent, and this has been coming through as ideas. Now when I posted this I was justifying it with the thought of this is a good idea. I was sitting in this thought and playing it over and over and over thus allowing myself to stimulate my ego.

I have just read the comment left be Adele and was trying to figure out whether “wow…” was meaning wow it was inspirational or wow that was delusional…both parts of a system. Those thoughts are only what I think. Looking at this I could have posted this and not thought a damn thing about it, but thinking about it being good and this idea being `good` only allowed me to exist as a system, thus having to go to the other end of the polarity. The starting point of posting this was of an idea…believing that idea to be `good`, and wanting to share this idea…I have defined myself by/as that idea and thus defining myself as good. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am good. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am good. I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to live as breath as the physical, as life, stopping all polarity of good and bad, I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to stop all ideas of good and bad. It does not matter what this video is perceived as, this video is. It is no idea, it is neither good nor bad it is, It is myself showing myself....as well...now as I am about to post this, the video will have more of a chance to be seen and thus again I was both fearful, as well as hoping that it will be seen. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that this video is bad...

Exposing Deception

The deception that I am directing in this moment to no longer fear is an ego point. Everytime someone has posted comments on my youtube channel or my blod or facebook I become smiley and happy with the thought that someone has noticed me for being what I wanted to be = an activist. I am within this deception of who I am as life.

I enjoy believing myself to be an activist. Which I am not. I am life here. Within this I become confident in my actions and happy believing myself to be effective through validation of what I believe myself to be via others comments. Within this I have been participating in desteni form an alterior motive starting point other then self honesty. It has been a starting point of trying to prove that I am something and doing something. This shows up in a lot of my actions...my anger towards people's comments of this is the way it is and there is no point in trying to change it. I get angry in this because as I have defined myself as an activist, I try and stand up and prove myself as being an activist for this world within and as my anger.

I am exposing this point because I can see this biting me in the ass. I am exposing this because this belief has stopped me from participating in my reality freely...free from ego. This belief, would have stopped me from participating in desteni freely...I would only choose to expose certain things, from seeing what others have typed....meaning that I would only move within a point if someone has moved already within that point. So that I have a belief basis in how to use the words and to use my actions. This showed up to me in my first vlog post. I said that I had a lot of reactions because I saw others saying this same point...looking at it I made myself believe that I had a lot of reactions when there really was none. I said this because others have gone before me saying the same thing. So I could become a copycat of what they were saying and believing them to be stable I would then project myself as `stable`. There is a large fear within me of being kicked out of desteni, resulting from this point of being a copycat and not living for and as myself...that is why I am here now typing this out because I will no longer participate in that.

To put this into perspective in the banksy movie, the main person that they were documenting was a person who only video taped everything and gained knowledge of how to move around in the underground graffitti movement. He then started to do the same things that he learned from others. He started to make his own stencils from no orginality, his origin was not from himself. His orgin was from how he saw others and how he could obtain that by doing exactly the same thing. He then put on a gallery in which he only wanted publicity...that was his priority. I have a large fear to him and his actions because I saw that as me and I saw that as how I have been. I connect the dots only now. Connect the points. I have defined this as being a leech. And that is how I see myself as being a leech off of others words and actions so that I could stand as I saw them = being stable. What the person in the movie did was ruin the underground graffitti movement by making it mainstream and `selling out` because he made millions off of shit that he threw together. This is what I see myself potentially doing in that I hae obviously misled myself in using the desteni material within becoming SELF and not others....not conforming. So who am I within my participation in desteni...a leec. Using other peoples words and actions calling them my own.

No wonder I have lost myself...I have become everyone that has been in my environment. Within this I have not been living what is best for all but what is best for me as personality as ego, as what I want myself to believe that I am.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to COPY others words and actions and use them as my own to establish a belief for myself.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to need validation from others for my own beliefs.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to deceive myself in my participation in what is best for all by masking it in doing what is `best` for me as ego.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to stand as myself participating as myself in what is best for em as life as all.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to copy others actions so that I can project myself as stable. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to copy other actions and words so that I can decieve others into believing what I want them to believe as what I want myself to believe that I am.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to live as myself as life. I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to stand up for myself as life as all.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to deceive myself in trying to be something that  I believe I want to be. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to be an activist. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define being an activist as a benificial things - benevolent thing.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become that which I see and like. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to only do what I like. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in likes form a mind starting point. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become that which I like. To rephrase that...I hae become that which I see and like. If I see someone wearing skinny jeans and I like that I now leech off of them and buy a pair of skinny jeans so that I can become them. That is what has happened in my participation in desteni. The starting point is to become superior to become like not to many have been. To become like bernard. To become a portal, to become something that I see and like, from becoming a perspective from and as the mind/ego.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to participate in desteni as myself as life for the purpose of solving this situation on Earth. I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to become life as myself. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become a projection of what I like.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to live myself as life as all = equally.

Again I have been writing this down because I am no longer standing as the fear of myself in who I have become. I will no longer accept the fear of fucking up desteni by not living the principles of what is best for all and equality and oneness. I no longer accept the fear of who I am = allowing it to limit my expression.