An example of Consequence and Effect

At work today 2 people started `warring against eachother`. We play around at times at work to make each other laugh and establish workplace relationships so sometimes shit happens. It started off with a guy throwing a box of rice at another and causing him to almost crash his machine, supposedly, I understand this perspective. So the guy who got hit by rice ended up throwing a cookie at the other guy and it hitting him in the nuts. The guy who got hit by rice took the incident quite seriously and thought that by hitting the other in the nuts made him furious so he then too reacted in anger.

 At break, he was furious, he was exploding with violent words etc and scheming to get the guy back. After he vented for a bit I told him the best thing to do it to simply let it go. He said he wouldn’t. He was giving excuses on how his family is vengeful and how he thus must be like them and get his vengeance (this is paraphrasing). Each time he would come around I would continue with telling him to just let it go, calm down, breathe. He again continued with excuses and other shit, and at a point he was continuing with `it’s in my genes` type of deal, and I told him let it go, he replied with I can’t. I said yes you can, he said `it’s in my genes` etc etc, in this point I saw him for what he was accepting and allowing so I said yes you can you just don’t want to. He then smiled at me and told me to shut up in a manner of bubbliness lets call it. That is a cool point as in this moment he was honest with himself through knowing it and just not wanting to admit it so I got him in a way to admit that he just didn’t want to let it go, which I find cool as I have seen this before. I laughed in that moment like` hahah I caught you` and we both knew it.

There was a point where the guy he was pissed off at had his skids at the wrapping machine, and they were tall skids according to the angered person. He said he wanted to push them over yet had a second thought about it with `What would Paul say?` He then saw me working in the aisles and he decided against it which I found Awesome.

Through standing firm on my position of him letting it go and telling him to let it go whenever he would rant to me it had an affect on him. I did not accept his bullshit of anger and revenge, I told him continually to let it go and I stood on that point and repeated it not giving my acceptance of vengeance or revenge.

We can all have this affect on people through standing as the principle of doing what is best for all, we simply need to incorporate/live it into our lives, and soon enough it will have an affect. It would not have been as easy if I were to give any way to his vengeance like saying `fine do whatever you’re going to do just understand there will be consequences` = I allowed myself to give no opportunity to the idea of revenge, told him continuously to let it go and that had an affect = if I were to give way at any point he could have used that to justify himself for doing something quite possible stupid as a supervisor may have seen it and then get him in trouble, and as well the relationship between him and the other would have gone `sour` as we were all cool hanging out at break before this.

Responsibility and Blame

Mar2nd 2011 5:51am


I have just woken up and the responsibility point is relevant. Meaning that I am right now placing myself as myself standing as myself for me only without need for others. The blame point is here as well and I am removing that each time it comes up and taking responsibility and doing so the blame and frustration goes away. I see the frustration right now, yet I cannot remove it entirely…I am attracted to it right now. As I pull away it pushes further towards me. It is a habit to blame. So I breathe and I stop and slow down.

This morning was quick paced. I woke up from sleeping in a bit. And I started to move rapidly so that I could get everything done quickly so that I could be here typing this and be ready for work. I was thinking quickly too, not stopping right away. I noticed this and again placed myself as myself and took responsibility for myself. Responsibility for stopping the thoughts, for stopping myself rather than getting angry over the fact that I am not stopping which is redundant. I was blaming the thoughts for my thinking and hoping that they would somehow stop. I was not intervening and stopping for myself and taking responsibility. Through blaming and not taking responsibility within breath for myself the thoughts kept on coming and I would have gotten quite frustrated.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to breathe, taking responsibility for myself as myself, for standing as myself as my principles.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become frustrated over not getting something that I want.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from myself through frustration over not getting what I want

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that I am one and equal to frustration as me, and that what I want is not outside of me, not separate from me, it is here as me.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to take responsibility for myself in every way

I breathe here now removing the frustration and `overwhelming` thoughts, and I stop wanting and I stand here knowing that only I am here and that something outside of me cannot help me.

Standing alone is much `nicer` than being frustrated as you are mad at nothing. I cannot be mad at myself for this shit, and if I am then I am in separation from myself. It is an ultimate relief from the frustration and that compression within my head. Standing alone as well I enjoy. I do not rely on anyone else. I stand alone. I breathe. I do not project. When I do this I can catch myself projecting and backchatting quite quickly and stop it within that moment. When I blame I continue backchatting hoping that it will stop through a force separate from me and become frustrated with it not stopping.

Living in the past and looping

Mar 1st 2011 5:40pm


I am now laying down with my eyes heavy learning to type on this keyboard with a napkin wrapped around one finger. I cut myself on a cheese grater fairly deep on my `ring` finger on my right hand right on the knuckle. At the time I was washing dishes and watching tv. I was getting distracted by the tv, and not focusing on myself within breath. This has been happening all day today…I have not focused and allowed myself to fall into my mind. The start of my day was getting up and finding out that my laptop was broken. I solved it through vlogging and not limiting myself further within spending money. I was wide awake and creating happiness this morning and holding onto that happiness. I started to become frustrated with myself for holding onto that happiness. I was allowing the past to affect me. I would look at the fact that I was holding onto the past as happiness within a new moment, meaning I would stop and look at what I just did which is the past and then become angry and try and correct the past instead of unconditionally letting go. I become fearful as well, as I was able to let go immediately a few days ago and I was fearful that I would not be able to apply that again, I was too mindfucked by fear and the past to let go of anything within that moment. So I got frustrated at work. I was possessed heavily by my ego, I was constantly holding up an idea of myself and backchating that idea and then I would get frustrated at allowing myself to backchat. Always existing in the past of myself, and looping myself within that frustration. A few days ago I was able to let go of all frustration and focus on myself within the physical, so I suppose it was not real as it did not stand the test of time. I became frustrated at myself as well for not living up to my expectations of that past, meaning I was trying to re live the experience I had when I was not frustrated and allowing myself to stop backchatting and breathe.

I was in and out of breath and realizing that I was out of breath again frustrated me at the fact of `not finding` myself in breath. I was very unfocused during work, too focused on women. Women are a large distraction point for myself, and I catch myself thinking and fantasizing quite frequently. That is going to stop from here out. I am breathing through all of this shit and placing and making sure I stay in breath. There is a fear of repeating past patterns. I usually find something of myself and then `lose` it. It is usually a feeling and an experience of myself and that is what it usually is. Breathing as myself here I force myself within breath, I do not allow myself to simply breathe. It seems as though I must allow myself to breathe on my own, yet while I was breathing I was able to stop backchatting quite frequently and focus on myself in the physical, so I have trusted that result, as I ended up in breath within the physical. That was the desired outcome…It is a desire, so no I am dishonest somewhere within this application of myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire being in the physical as breath

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from/as myself as breath in the physical through desiring it

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that I am and always have been here within the physical, and that it is not separate from me

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from myself as the physical as breath

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear placing myself here within breath

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear backchatting

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to face my fear of myself backchatting.

Work and an EX

I am experiencing extreme frustration right now, or well it has subsided a bit now that I have sat down and started to write. During work I was lost in my mind, To a total extent, I mean really fucking lost, I experienced the same stress as before but was now aware of how lost I am within my mind while working…this only exists while I work. What happened was that I was smiling and not minding work as I had to expectations of what work will be like, I knew what it would be LIKE but not specifically. So I was prepared for what I knew….So everything was going smoothly, I was prepared and not stressed out about having to do this or that…I then talked to one of my former teachers, and told him I liked his class and that he was a fearless man, as he `geeked` out most of the time and it takes guts to do that. I was planning to do that for a while as I kept on seeing him at both of my jobs and wanted to share that with him because I was an ass in his class, I was a disturbance and ego within that class, so I wanted to share that with him because I was a fool within his class like it was my repentance, so even the act of sharing that with him was for ego, as it was planned out. So after I said that I went back to work, and I kept on replaying it over and over and was trying to stop, but I couldn’t…I was feeding my ego within that moment, and analyzing my actions so that I would be able to define myself. This wasn’t too bad I was able to stop it periodically and just needed to focus, after this my ex-girlfriend came by with her boyfriend, and I have been blocked and removed from her life and completely ignored as I have walked past her before and seen her at work before, so I know that she ignores me, as well as her boyfriend as I knew him too. This is what got to me…them ignoring me entirely, and snickering as well…my left scapula s twitching as I am writing this out. I then allowed myself to go into defence of my EGO! Ok in believing that I need repect and attention, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I require attention. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to defend my ego. Defending my ego in that I feel inferior to her, and that I believe that I should not be ignored as life, and that I would like to be recognized by her, and say hello to humane. But that is not the way it is…I defended myself with looking at my life and believing myselfto be better than her…trying to make myself believe that Iam better than her by doing process and involving myself within desteni…I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use the fact that I participate in desteni as a superior point. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am superior than others who do not participate in desteni. I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see equality in life…The fact is is that I was giving her special attention…as her being my EX and not seeing her as another piece of life. I saw her as being significant as I am sure that many people who walk by me daily will laugh and judge me yet I do not care, it is only because of the fact that I dated her, felt emotions with her that I obviously have not dealt with yet. The emotions are being `in love` with her, I felt love for her..I thought that was love and I am still holding on the that desire for love, and I `had` it with her, although I disliked most of the time we spent together, It must be because I had someone to be there by my side and I was open with, and now I am being ignored like I do not exist and that openness is gone now…again it is because I was open with HER and not everyone…not open with myself. I forgive myself that I have accepting and allowed myself to believe that my ex-girlfriend has a significance in mylife. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create a significance of my Ex-girlfriend. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold onto the idea of love. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire happiness, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become addicted to happiness, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that love brings me happiness. I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to let go of my ex-girlfriend. I am equal to her…I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be inferior to her. I let go of this now, it is irrelevant to myself as life, it still infects my life, but the dis-ease will disappear, as I start to not care what she thinks of me or care about the relationship we have now. I went through a lot of hate and anger during work over holding onto that, and letting it fester within me. I was thinking about smoking to get out of my mind as I was completely stuck in it until Icould write, so that is just another point that I had to move through, I am sure that it will come up again, as a test and kep testing me until I stop the anger stress and beliefs that a cigarette will cure that and until I can get myself out of my mind. Anyways that shit doesn’t matter and I do not know it it is just ego. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to value what my ex-grlfriend thinks of me. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to value what other people think about me. This is going to go, I am not going to allow a belief, idea of her to control me, I am not going to allow that idea to exist within/as me. I am not going to allow this inferior bullshit to run me scared.

I have am writing more about me and work, and will post it soon.

Please...Get the fuck out of my way

So the title kind of explains what I am going to write about.
Today that has been my expereince, joining it a tingling in my knees and a not being able to stay still when that feeling occurs. It has been relating to my environment and not being able to stand it. Not being able to stand within it. The knee point in Veno's structural resonance document is the thoughts, personality, knowledge - memory based mind aspects. I have been taking on this point recently in stopping myself from escaping commuting....I have been writing my day out for about a week and noticed a pattern of escape. I have taken on this point and it has been mostly occuring when I am commuting, trying to escape the time/space construct. This is a memory based point as I will always project and fantasize about memories and ideas.

As well I did not allow myself to smoke today. I am taking on the wants = happiness, and the not getting what I want = unhappiness point within myself. I wanted and desires and was tempted to have a cigarette but I did not give in, and was feeling very unwilling to do anything today, I did not want to move, write, watch videos, movies, tv, I just wanted to sit and think, I didn't even want to think, I wanted everything to go and allow myself to escape. I could not stand being here for too long in the environment that I am in. I could not stand the cold for long, I got cold and rushed to get inside when I would walk the dog (molly). Like I could not take it when I got inside, I rushed to get all of my outerwear off and shoes off so that I would not be touching anything cold, sit down and place myself in a comfortable position and sit under a blanket and watch videos, or read articles etc.

There was a point where I made food and went to sit down by the computer and had no place to put my food. I got anxious at `needing` to put my food down and the fact that I could not position everything right the way it was, and position myself within that to set up a comfortable position where I could eat and use the computer made that feeling within myknees come up and I could not stand my environment not `suiting` me, suiting me meaning fitting me in. So I had to stop breathe and move the environment differently. I was about to sweep everything off of the table and just sit, and be done with it. It comes from accumulating not cleaning up after myself. I leave it until I literally cannot put anything more down or whenever I think it is too crowded with shit, then I rearrange or clean up. This time I did not clean up in time and had too much shit scattered, all it took was some rearranging and I was able to set my food down, but again I could not stand the fact that I was not allowing myself to place myself effectively within my environment.

I am forgetting things much more. Usually I have everything I need on me = Wallet, Keys, Cellphone. Recently I have forgotten my keys a few times, when I have needed them. As well as my cell phone. I am relating this to not effecitvely placing my environment around me allowingmyself to have on my what I need.

I do not know exactly where this is stemming from but tomorrow will be another day without a cigarette, and I can check if it comes from that. I am going to start cleaning up after I eat, or use something, and see where that takes me, as there is shit on the table right now, and it is limiting my mobility....That is it. My mobility being limited. The cold I allow it to limit my mobility...not wanting to be cold so I do not move to the point where my skin touches a new part of the jacket, I keep it in one place thus keeping that same place warm and keeping my warmish. So I limit myself within my mobility,through the cold. and the shit on the table is limiting my mobility, Mobile phone so that I am able to connect with people wherever I go and the keys are what allow my to move around more effectively. So again the title of the post was get out of my way, so that I am able to move....Claustrophoic. Cool.