There is something inherently wrong with the human. I asked why do animals run from humans when they see them? It is because we have destroyed the world and everything on the Earth. They run because we have destroyed the Earth, because we are destroyers.
I remember trying to get close to animals saying I am nice and I won’t hurt you and I do not hurt animals. If that idea of me were real they would stick around as they would see that I do not hurt animals, so in that case the idea of me as that is not real. Animals will only see a humans and that is what I am and as a human thus I am inherently destructive. Humans have lived this way forever, and everyone says its just the way it is, but within saying that there is inherent separation, because we must then say it is just the way we are. Many humans will not say that because that thus implies that we are responsible for the destruction, the hell, the maiming, the harm, the abuse that goes on in this world, but no we say that is just the way `things` are. But do you see any other species on this planet destroying it? Cutting down trees on an extensive level? Killing other species for `sport`? No. Humans are the thing that is just the why things are the way they are. We are the issue.
Participating in Desteni is a process of self-purification so that we may no longer harm. We take responsibility for ourselves the way that we are = abusive, harming, destroying beings, and we say till here no further. We are in a movement to get rid of the abuse that is us, we are in the movement to support a better world so that all life in this world may exist in the best possible manor of living, by consistently applying doing what is best for all, forgiving ourselves for abusing, forgiving ourselves for our past actions to not let the past haunt us as we all do at times, correcting ourselves to become pure so that we may be able to support life in this world instead of destroying it the way we have.
The way that is best for all currently is an Equal Money System. In the words of Bernard Poolman “for harmony to exist money must not harm`. That is all that money is during currently doing = harming. Most if not all things that revolve around money in this world are abusive, it supports profit, greed, that in essence is only considering what one wants, not what is best for all or even Self. In an EMS there is no possibility for profit thus eliminating greed, thus in essence supporting what can be done that is best for all as no one has anything to `gain` and as well eliminates power of an individual and gives power to the group, that group being humanity, and if humanity has equal power what will be done will be best for all of humanity.
Join desteni , support the EMS, purify yourself so that we may be able to remove this abusive existence from ever existing again, because as stated in the begging WE are the issue, Humans are the issue, humans are the destroyers, We are the Killers, Murders, etc. Investigate desteni, invest yourself into becoming a better human, investigate Equal Money System, invest yourself to support a better life. http//desteniiprocess.com
Showing posts with label hate. Show all posts
Showing posts with label hate. Show all posts
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Monday, January 24, 2011
Relatonship, Memories and How I have devoloped.
Ok so what I have related all of this to is the fact that as a kid, I was beat physically. From that point on, there were compounding thoughts from that one moment of being inferior, orsituations where I would allow myself to believe that I was inferior to the other or the situation. When existing in inferiority one is existing at that one side of the polarity. I have constantly allowed myself to feel inferior and express inferiority, I have been constantly through out my life questioning my self value in compared to another. I would question my own answer because another said a different answer and I would value their answer over my own = Inferiority, and non-existent self-value. I allowed myself to believe that I was inferior to my MOTHER, that word is key, for her beating me, I felt as if I had absolutely no power. So in past relationships I have given up all of my power, decisions, my own answers and directed myself through/as the other being because I felt inferior to them, allowed myself to express inferiority, and gave up my power of self, to my own inferiority…I did not give up my power to `them` I can only give it up to my own inferiority. What this Happiness shit and desire for a girlfriend is supported by….It is fascinating how intertwined all of this is….perfectly systematically implanted, through experiences. ..the media and love movies….when I watched a love movie, I allowed myself to feel the emotion that was implied…again there it is a feeling based on an interpretation = thin air = nothing…and I enjoyed that feeling of love…Ah it was called love but all I saw was happiness, so I started to believe that Love was happiness, that it brought great happiness, and so therefore within existing in inferiority for most of my life, I started to think that having a relationship would get me out of this feeling of inferiority, by making me happy…from the perception of polarity….so I started to desire a relationship, girlfriend to support me as inferiority, as me seeing that they are superior to me and capable of supporting me emotionally….That what a relationship has been for me a desire for support EMOTIONALLY, where I believe myself to be inferior and me seeing them as superior/stronger can help me out of the slump of depression that I would exist within, I would want them to `cheer me up`, there is the reliance of support within having a relationship/agreement.
So through my mother beathing me as a child, I then came to rely on my mother..as memory comes up where she tried to throw me on my bed out of anger, whips me by my arm and I am unable to hold myself up…my knees collapse, and I hit my back on the bed frame…within that moment I was extensively hurt, and my mother coming to her `senses` rushes to me and holds me trying to sooth me, this was a bundle of afuck up, as within that moment a person who I relied on `betrayed` me by physically hurting me, and then within that moment I was looking for soothing, some comfort, and I got it from the person who `betrayed` me, so growing up there was a large hate towards my mother, I felt very confused towards her….In the ages of 13-16 I swore extensively at her, I loathed her to no limit, I forgive myself for accepting and allowingmyself to abuse another with my words. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to express hate/anger within words. I forgivemyself for accepting and allowing myself to deliberately try and hurt another with my words. AS well in that span of time I resisted every touch of hers, I hated her touching me, I resisted it entirely/completely. Each time that she would touch me, I felt a sharp pain…I created a sharp pain wherever she touched me, If she hugged me I would be paralyzed like in that moment when she tried to sooth me and would not move, not hug her back, I put up with the hug until it was over…feeling disgusted during the hug. It came to a point where if she tried to touch me I would dodge her touch, I would physically resist that touch, and move away from her hand, and literally dodge myself out of the way of her hand, so that she would not touch me, because of that pain that I manifested each time she touched me. So I have existed as this inferiority in relation to my mother, and I have allowed this to stick with me through out my life. So within existing in inferiority I have existed as sadness…a lot of emotions that are on the `negative` side of the polarity. I have accepted and allowed this within me. I have been searching for something to make me happy, so I have looked and searched for something else to make me happy, not taking resposibilty for my own unhappiness, blaming it on my mother for most of my teenage years. So I saw the solution of being happy having a girlfriend who would love me, and support me, through times of negativity, thus again separating myself from myself and not taking responsibility for my own emotions. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame my umhappiness on my mother. I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to take responsibility for my own emotions. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to look outside of myself to replace the sorrow that I felt/feel. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold onto that feeling of inferiority throughout my entire life. …So this inferiority is related to my suicidal tendencies….as it has come from a point…I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to even now blame my mother for my inferiority, thus blaming her for my sucicdal tendencies. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to still exist in inferiority in comparison to my mother. I am going to continue this, I started to rely on a relationship…any relationship to make me happy, I found that I can make myself happy by fantasizing but each time I would come into reality seeing that I do not have happiness in the form of a relationship and thus manifest more sadness, believing myself to be less than a relationship and this is why I do not approach women…FEAR. From watching movies I started to create those same situations within my mind revolving around my life, so that I would feel that happiness, I just got home from work and my mind is a bit fucked, Iwas not breathing correctly during work, no anger though. Getting beat ( I typed brat as a typo) as a kid, I allowed myself to install in feariority within me, I started to fear speaking out and sharing myself through fear of being hit, feeling less powerful then. Her being my mother = female in my life, I started to fear women, yet at the same time desire them. I need to start a new point
When desiring a relationship, I believe that it will bring me happiness, so when I think that someone coming into my life gives the opportunity to start a relationship with I start to fantasize about happiness, as I believe that having a relationship makes one happy, that having a relationship is complete happiness. So I have hated myself for a while, for not being who I want to be, for not being comfortable with myself around others, for all of these fears that I have. So I have developed escape methods and one is fantasizing about `positive` situations. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fantasize about happy situations to escape from myself hating myself. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hate myself. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to abuse my self. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for hating myself. I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to love myself, and to do what is best for me as life. I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to let go of happy/positive projections. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to escape the fact that I am uncomfortable with myself most of the time. Iforgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to be comfortable with myself, to give myself comfort.
To re-cap getting beat as a child allowed me to create a point within myself of inferiority towards others, as less then and I must be them, as I was beat for being myself for the most part, thus allowing myself to create a point of fearing being myself, thus creating the inferiority. I have existed as that inferiority for most of my life and within that have been constantly looking for happiness, been in the constant pursuit of happiness. As being raised in this system I saw love as complete happiness from fairy tales and kids movies, and at that point started to desire happiness in the form of love, thus then and there creating a point of desiring a relationship to make myself feel happy. Iforgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become addicted to happiness, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself have an idea of what happiness is. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make myself believe that I am happy, Iforgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to deceice myself by making myself believe that I am happy. I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to express myself, I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to trust my own movement and decisions. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look for validation of myself….I look a the clock/time/numbers to help me confirm myself, and recently this has stopped as I have been more stable as myself, and not looking for that validation but trusting myself to do what is best for me, instead of looking to be guided.
So through my mother beathing me as a child, I then came to rely on my mother..as memory comes up where she tried to throw me on my bed out of anger, whips me by my arm and I am unable to hold myself up…my knees collapse, and I hit my back on the bed frame…within that moment I was extensively hurt, and my mother coming to her `senses` rushes to me and holds me trying to sooth me, this was a bundle of afuck up, as within that moment a person who I relied on `betrayed` me by physically hurting me, and then within that moment I was looking for soothing, some comfort, and I got it from the person who `betrayed` me, so growing up there was a large hate towards my mother, I felt very confused towards her….In the ages of 13-16 I swore extensively at her, I loathed her to no limit, I forgive myself for accepting and allowingmyself to abuse another with my words. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to express hate/anger within words. I forgivemyself for accepting and allowing myself to deliberately try and hurt another with my words. AS well in that span of time I resisted every touch of hers, I hated her touching me, I resisted it entirely/completely. Each time that she would touch me, I felt a sharp pain…I created a sharp pain wherever she touched me, If she hugged me I would be paralyzed like in that moment when she tried to sooth me and would not move, not hug her back, I put up with the hug until it was over…feeling disgusted during the hug. It came to a point where if she tried to touch me I would dodge her touch, I would physically resist that touch, and move away from her hand, and literally dodge myself out of the way of her hand, so that she would not touch me, because of that pain that I manifested each time she touched me. So I have existed as this inferiority in relation to my mother, and I have allowed this to stick with me through out my life. So within existing in inferiority I have existed as sadness…a lot of emotions that are on the `negative` side of the polarity. I have accepted and allowed this within me. I have been searching for something to make me happy, so I have looked and searched for something else to make me happy, not taking resposibilty for my own unhappiness, blaming it on my mother for most of my teenage years. So I saw the solution of being happy having a girlfriend who would love me, and support me, through times of negativity, thus again separating myself from myself and not taking responsibility for my own emotions. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame my umhappiness on my mother. I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to take responsibility for my own emotions. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to look outside of myself to replace the sorrow that I felt/feel. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold onto that feeling of inferiority throughout my entire life. …So this inferiority is related to my suicidal tendencies….as it has come from a point…I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to even now blame my mother for my inferiority, thus blaming her for my sucicdal tendencies. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to still exist in inferiority in comparison to my mother. I am going to continue this, I started to rely on a relationship…any relationship to make me happy, I found that I can make myself happy by fantasizing but each time I would come into reality seeing that I do not have happiness in the form of a relationship and thus manifest more sadness, believing myself to be less than a relationship and this is why I do not approach women…FEAR. From watching movies I started to create those same situations within my mind revolving around my life, so that I would feel that happiness, I just got home from work and my mind is a bit fucked, Iwas not breathing correctly during work, no anger though. Getting beat ( I typed brat as a typo) as a kid, I allowed myself to install in feariority within me, I started to fear speaking out and sharing myself through fear of being hit, feeling less powerful then. Her being my mother = female in my life, I started to fear women, yet at the same time desire them. I need to start a new point
When desiring a relationship, I believe that it will bring me happiness, so when I think that someone coming into my life gives the opportunity to start a relationship with I start to fantasize about happiness, as I believe that having a relationship makes one happy, that having a relationship is complete happiness. So I have hated myself for a while, for not being who I want to be, for not being comfortable with myself around others, for all of these fears that I have. So I have developed escape methods and one is fantasizing about `positive` situations. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fantasize about happy situations to escape from myself hating myself. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hate myself. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to abuse my self. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for hating myself. I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to love myself, and to do what is best for me as life. I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to let go of happy/positive projections. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to escape the fact that I am uncomfortable with myself most of the time. Iforgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to be comfortable with myself, to give myself comfort.
To re-cap getting beat as a child allowed me to create a point within myself of inferiority towards others, as less then and I must be them, as I was beat for being myself for the most part, thus allowing myself to create a point of fearing being myself, thus creating the inferiority. I have existed as that inferiority for most of my life and within that have been constantly looking for happiness, been in the constant pursuit of happiness. As being raised in this system I saw love as complete happiness from fairy tales and kids movies, and at that point started to desire happiness in the form of love, thus then and there creating a point of desiring a relationship to make myself feel happy. Iforgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become addicted to happiness, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself have an idea of what happiness is. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make myself believe that I am happy, Iforgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to deceice myself by making myself believe that I am happy. I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to express myself, I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to trust my own movement and decisions. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look for validation of myself….I look a the clock/time/numbers to help me confirm myself, and recently this has stopped as I have been more stable as myself, and not looking for that validation but trusting myself to do what is best for me, instead of looking to be guided.
Saturday, January 22, 2011
Work and an EX
I am experiencing extreme frustration right now, or well it has subsided a bit now that I have sat down and started to write. During work I was lost in my mind, To a total extent, I mean really fucking lost, I experienced the same stress as before but was now aware of how lost I am within my mind while working…this only exists while I work. What happened was that I was smiling and not minding work as I had to expectations of what work will be like, I knew what it would be LIKE but not specifically. So I was prepared for what I knew….So everything was going smoothly, I was prepared and not stressed out about having to do this or that…I then talked to one of my former teachers, and told him I liked his class and that he was a fearless man, as he `geeked` out most of the time and it takes guts to do that. I was planning to do that for a while as I kept on seeing him at both of my jobs and wanted to share that with him because I was an ass in his class, I was a disturbance and ego within that class, so I wanted to share that with him because I was a fool within his class like it was my repentance, so even the act of sharing that with him was for ego, as it was planned out. So after I said that I went back to work, and I kept on replaying it over and over and was trying to stop, but I couldn’t…I was feeding my ego within that moment, and analyzing my actions so that I would be able to define myself. This wasn’t too bad I was able to stop it periodically and just needed to focus, after this my ex-girlfriend came by with her boyfriend, and I have been blocked and removed from her life and completely ignored as I have walked past her before and seen her at work before, so I know that she ignores me, as well as her boyfriend as I knew him too. This is what got to me…them ignoring me entirely, and snickering as well…my left scapula s twitching as I am writing this out. I then allowed myself to go into defence of my EGO! Ok in believing that I need repect and attention, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I require attention. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to defend my ego. Defending my ego in that I feel inferior to her, and that I believe that I should not be ignored as life, and that I would like to be recognized by her, and say hello to humane. But that is not the way it is…I defended myself with looking at my life and believing myselfto be better than her…trying to make myself believe that Iam better than her by doing process and involving myself within desteni…I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use the fact that I participate in desteni as a superior point. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am superior than others who do not participate in desteni. I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see equality in life…The fact is is that I was giving her special attention…as her being my EX and not seeing her as another piece of life. I saw her as being significant as I am sure that many people who walk by me daily will laugh and judge me yet I do not care, it is only because of the fact that I dated her, felt emotions with her that I obviously have not dealt with yet. The emotions are being `in love` with her, I felt love for her..I thought that was love and I am still holding on the that desire for love, and I `had` it with her, although I disliked most of the time we spent together, It must be because I had someone to be there by my side and I was open with, and now I am being ignored like I do not exist and that openness is gone now…again it is because I was open with HER and not everyone…not open with myself. I forgive myself that I have accepting and allowed myself to believe that my ex-girlfriend has a significance in mylife. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create a significance of my Ex-girlfriend. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold onto the idea of love. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire happiness, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become addicted to happiness, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that love brings me happiness. I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to let go of my ex-girlfriend. I am equal to her…I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be inferior to her. I let go of this now, it is irrelevant to myself as life, it still infects my life, but the dis-ease will disappear, as I start to not care what she thinks of me or care about the relationship we have now. I went through a lot of hate and anger during work over holding onto that, and letting it fester within me. I was thinking about smoking to get out of my mind as I was completely stuck in it until Icould write, so that is just another point that I had to move through, I am sure that it will come up again, as a test and kep testing me until I stop the anger stress and beliefs that a cigarette will cure that and until I can get myself out of my mind. Anyways that shit doesn’t matter and I do not know it it is just ego. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to value what my ex-grlfriend thinks of me. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to value what other people think about me. This is going to go, I am not going to allow a belief, idea of her to control me, I am not going to allow that idea to exist within/as me. I am not going to allow this inferior bullshit to run me scared.
I have am writing more about me and work, and will post it soon.
I have am writing more about me and work, and will post it soon.
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Laughter
Watching AMerica's Funniest home videos is interesting. Some of them are genuinly funny but others are just about pain. I mean is pain funny? Do we laugh at starvation? Fuck no and if you did you would be mental. There where instances where people were truly hurt and we stand in separation laughing at them, not with. WIth is completely fine but at is abuse. Laughing at someone is like gossip saying that I am glad I am not you, pure separation. Laughing with is fine, no one is being subjected to or at.
Laughing at someone else's pain is sick and abusive. Movies like jackass that make light of pain I will not support. I will not support that in the world. Laughing at pain is at all pain. It is laughing at limbs being blown off, it is laughing at animal cruelty, it is laughing at child abuse, it is laughing at starvation. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from others' pain. Iforgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to subject other people to pain for my enjoyment.
That is the point right there. Enjoying pain! enjoying others pain because it is not you. Within that laughter one is saying fuck them I am not them I am separate from them they are not one and equal with me. So I will not support laughter at pain, and will forgive myself when it comes up. It I laugh with them then it is fine, they are fine and it is enjoyment between the both. But when one is hurt and one laughs than one is believing one to be more than one.
Laughing at someone else's pain is sick and abusive. Movies like jackass that make light of pain I will not support. I will not support that in the world. Laughing at pain is at all pain. It is laughing at limbs being blown off, it is laughing at animal cruelty, it is laughing at child abuse, it is laughing at starvation. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from others' pain. Iforgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to subject other people to pain for my enjoyment.
That is the point right there. Enjoying pain! enjoying others pain because it is not you. Within that laughter one is saying fuck them I am not them I am separate from them they are not one and equal with me. So I will not support laughter at pain, and will forgive myself when it comes up. It I laugh with them then it is fine, they are fine and it is enjoyment between the both. But when one is hurt and one laughs than one is believing one to be more than one.
Monday, November 29, 2010
Update on Life
I have been able to look at this world again within reality. I lost that ability a while ago when I started participating more with friends and relationships. So I started looking at this world on the whole and started writing about it. One thing that sticks out is I wrote, What the fuck have we done?
Seriously, what the fuck have we done. What have we created. We have created hell, we have created a terrible, horrendous, destructive, hating, lieing, deceptive, controlling, selfless world. I could not believe that we have created this so fucking blindly. We are still completely unaware of the extent of the abuse and suppression of life on this world. Every time you take a breath, a child is starving. Everytime you take a breath death happens, and I combated myself with but everytime life is born. HA! And that is believed to be a good thing. Life being put into this earth is not a good thing currently. As soon as life is put into this Earth within 10 years it is dead. It is dead from the sense that everything that life is stands for and as is no longer existent within the being. It is dead through the programming comming from the media, it is dead from the hell, from the lifelessness that is already here. And the child becomes what is here. How can one live in an evironment that one has not adapted to? We all must adapt and to adapt we become monsters! We thrive off of abuse. To clothe ourselves we use slave labour in countries that are seen as less than others. To get almost everything in the western world, the eastern world is enslaved, by money, to make. This world is hell for most so that only a few can `enjoy` it. And the lie is that we are all looking for happiness when there is NONE in this reality. Truly what is good in this reality that is infinite? Love does not last. Love isn't even good if you look at it. One gives the entire self up to retain that one feeling tat will ultimately fuck with you becasue we are looking for the ultimate fuck. Animals can't even live well. When I say well I mean without worry that humans will come and kill them for money. Money is truly to root to all evil, but what creates money what give vlaue to money. Us as minds give value to money, so really us as minds are the root to all evil in this world. Trees and plants can't even exist without abuse. We have damaged every living thing on this Earth with our self-interest manifested within and as the search and greed of money. Nothing is free from the affects of money! so we must Change the application of money, in order to stop the search need and greed of money, we must give it away equally to all to support their life. Keep the application of money, change the value and means of getting it to support people to not have a fear of survival! http://www.equalmoney.org/
Seriously, what the fuck have we done. What have we created. We have created hell, we have created a terrible, horrendous, destructive, hating, lieing, deceptive, controlling, selfless world. I could not believe that we have created this so fucking blindly. We are still completely unaware of the extent of the abuse and suppression of life on this world. Every time you take a breath, a child is starving. Everytime you take a breath death happens, and I combated myself with but everytime life is born. HA! And that is believed to be a good thing. Life being put into this earth is not a good thing currently. As soon as life is put into this Earth within 10 years it is dead. It is dead from the sense that everything that life is stands for and as is no longer existent within the being. It is dead through the programming comming from the media, it is dead from the hell, from the lifelessness that is already here. And the child becomes what is here. How can one live in an evironment that one has not adapted to? We all must adapt and to adapt we become monsters! We thrive off of abuse. To clothe ourselves we use slave labour in countries that are seen as less than others. To get almost everything in the western world, the eastern world is enslaved, by money, to make. This world is hell for most so that only a few can `enjoy` it. And the lie is that we are all looking for happiness when there is NONE in this reality. Truly what is good in this reality that is infinite? Love does not last. Love isn't even good if you look at it. One gives the entire self up to retain that one feeling tat will ultimately fuck with you becasue we are looking for the ultimate fuck. Animals can't even live well. When I say well I mean without worry that humans will come and kill them for money. Money is truly to root to all evil, but what creates money what give vlaue to money. Us as minds give value to money, so really us as minds are the root to all evil in this world. Trees and plants can't even exist without abuse. We have damaged every living thing on this Earth with our self-interest manifested within and as the search and greed of money. Nothing is free from the affects of money! so we must Change the application of money, in order to stop the search need and greed of money, we must give it away equally to all to support their life. Keep the application of money, change the value and means of getting it to support people to not have a fear of survival! http://www.equalmoney.org/
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