Inhereting Humanity

There is something inherently wrong with the human. I asked why do animals run from humans when they see them? It is because we have destroyed the world and everything on the Earth. They run because we have destroyed the Earth, because we are destroyers.


I remember trying to get close to animals saying I am nice and I won’t hurt you and I do not hurt animals. If that idea of me were real they would stick around as they would see that I do not hurt animals, so in that case the idea of me as that is not real. Animals will only see a humans and that is what I am and as a human thus I am inherently destructive. Humans have lived this way forever, and everyone says its just the way it is, but within saying that there is inherent separation, because we must then say it is just the way we are. Many humans will not say that because that thus implies that we are responsible for the destruction, the hell, the maiming, the harm, the abuse that goes on in this world, but no we say that is just the way `things` are. But do you see any other species on this planet destroying it? Cutting down trees on an extensive level? Killing other species for `sport`? No. Humans are the thing that is just the why things are the way they are. We are the issue.

Participating in Desteni is a process of self-purification so that we may no longer harm. We take responsibility for ourselves the way that we are = abusive, harming, destroying beings, and we say till here no further. We are in a movement to get rid of the abuse that is us, we are in the movement to support a better world so that all life in this world may exist in the best possible manor of living, by consistently applying doing what is best for all, forgiving ourselves for abusing, forgiving ourselves for our past actions to not let the past haunt us as we all do at times, correcting ourselves to become pure so that we may be able to support life in this world instead of destroying it the way we have.

The way that is best for all currently is an Equal Money System. In the words of Bernard Poolman “for harmony to exist money must not harm`. That is all that money is during currently doing = harming. Most if not all things that revolve around money in this world are abusive, it supports profit, greed, that in essence is only considering what one wants, not what is best for all or even Self. In an EMS there is no possibility for profit thus eliminating greed, thus in essence supporting what can be done that is best for all as no one has anything to `gain` and as well eliminates power of an individual and gives power to the group, that group being humanity, and if humanity has equal power what will be done will be best for all of humanity.

Join desteni , support the EMS, purify yourself so that we may be able to remove this abusive existence from ever existing again, because as stated in the begging WE are the issue, Humans are the issue, humans are the destroyers, We are the Killers, Murders, etc. Investigate desteni, invest yourself into becoming a better human, investigate Equal Money System, invest yourself to support a better life. http//desteniiprocess.com

Support

I was looking at the word support. I was relating to me within the word support. I compared myself to a building. What supports it, is the foundation. So what I relied on is what supported me...I wrote relief before relied as this is a relief to share myself without trying to decieve myself or omit certain things. So in the past I have used girlfriends as support. I have used my mother as support. I have used friends as support. I have created many buildings from each support structure...each support structure is a foundation to a different building that is me as I have defined myself. So I have created different mes around different people, I have created many buildings from each support structure. And what is interesting is that when that support structure is removed we fall entirely. So for instance I was relying on my girlfriend to keep me up, to support me as who `I` was. When she dumped me, everything that I build with her as that foundation crumbled completely. So I fell. Luckily everything that I created with her was a lie of me and it was easy to bring myself back to finding(FOUNDation) me, although it is still a defining of me within a belief of who I am. So I made my world around her and as soon as she removed herself from the world I no longer could continue the world, so it all fell. I no longer had a stablility point, a support point to continue the revolution of the world as me that I was creating. So it all crumbled and I was standing alone trying to find myself again.

The problem with this is that I am still trying to create a world as me. I am not allowing myself to be THIS world, the actual physical reality. I am creating a belief of me around my friends, around my mom, around anything that I use as support, so that I can hold onto that belief of who I am around them

Who I am around other people

When I interact with another person, it is always a happy go lucky persona. I always want to smile and make others smile, it is an addiction to happiness. When Watching one of Bernard’s videos a while back he was talking about diabetics and their pursuit for sweetness/happiness and this obviously struck a chord within me. This is who I am around other people. I am a constant search for happiness and creating happiness around other people. It is an addiction to people and a `need` to be accepted. It is an addiction to being accepted so that I can create a relationship and then share myself with that person and then say this is who I am.

When around other people I tend to smile a lot and not take a lot of things seriously, so that I can play this happy persona and pretend like I am happy…what is this happiness, why do we all want it? Why!? Are we all addicted to happiness? Within me it is because that feeling, yet looking at that feeling it is psychotic, it is idiotic, what do you do when your happy? Acts all sorts of stupid. That is irrelevant. When I am around strangers I try and act as nice as possible, to support happiness and my ego. Within my ego I believe myself to be a `nice` person. I am not this `niceness` I am life. From watching Alex’s Guides interview I realized that I have been trying to still define myself around the people that I am comfortable with….That I am `real` when I am around certain people, which I still am not when believe myself to be that way around people I am familiar with. When I am around people that I know I am able to be much more honest, and real about myself…well actually no, I become more negative. When I am around people I know I am negative as I am positive when I am around strangers….I believe that I do not need to hold up that act of pretending to be nice and happy and joyful etc, so when I stop the act I well still act but on the other side of the polarity. I stop that act when I am around people that `know` me as personality, and still must get rid of all the energy by becoming negative.

When I talk to strangers I keep the conversation short and sweet…that is how I used to be. That is how I used to describe myself, I did not say a lot and was trying to keep the positivity around. And when I stopped that act the negativity came out. I tested this out today. I talked to a coworker about the book she was reading, at first I laughed at myself…I asked her what book she was reading and she answered…not knowing where to go from there I laughed and disregarded it, I used happiness to escape. I stopped this within the moment of silence and asked what it was about. I was trying to not smile within that moment and I realized that the answer is not trying to be or to not be but to simply listen and respond according to the words spoken and not intended….many people will laugh because they have a different belief of the intention of the words. I have done that…it is laughing out of fear of not knowing what they meant, so I laugh…to again escape the fact that I do not know and believe that I should know. Within listening there is no intention to be any thing, within listening one is able to actually speak from the conversation and not past knowledge and information, one is actually able to understand within actually listening and within listening all personas and personalities go out the window. It comes frm body language...when one starts to talk higher I see that as a joke, when lower I see that as serious, I can see the intention of the sentence about to be said and I prepare myself to act that way to be accepted and to comply with their bullshit.

I am not negativity or positivity I do not need anyone to support a belief of who I am, I am life in the physical I am not an idea of how I should be, I am not a need for happiness I do not need happiness, I have ears, I use them, I have a mouth I use it, I stand equal to my ears and mouth when communicating, I am not a minds perception of the words spoken. I am no longer accepting myself participating in ideas about what is said. I am not an idea of who I am, I just am life, I am living I am a being, I am not a personality, I am lfie here, I do not need to act nor am I an act, I am a blink, I am a breath, I am snot, I am a tongue I am not an idea that moves the toungue, I move the togue as the tongue as me

Existing for others

I have decided to take on this point as it has started to be shown within my reality and I have come to start to notice it and no longer am going to allow this to affect me. This point opened up through my sleeping habits. I have been sleeping more and more and more. And when getting up I think about all the things that I have to do today for myself, and I have been saying/thinking “fuck it, sleep is more enjoyable”. Within this I have been wanting to sleep more. I have not been getting up and moving myself for myself. I have been existing in desires and wants of escaping my reality and facing myself here. In the past I was able to sleep 4-6 hours a night no problem, and I realize now that my starting point was to prove myself as being effective to life. So recently I have not been sleeping 4-6 hours a night and it is because I have been wanting to sleep in because of the escape. I have not been existing for myself within this. I have been existing with the mind within this giving into desires because I no longer wanted to prove myself. I only now am aware of this point although I have noticed it many times, I have ignored it though. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to ignore the fact that I am responsible for my reality and must direct it accordingly. That is what happens when I wake up. I think about the things I have to do within that day, and compare that to sleeping more and I ignore that fact that getting up in that moment is what would be best for me and continue sleeping. Within this I obviously am not existing for myself. I am taking on this point before it becomes a problem in my reality…I see that if I continue this I am going to have to give up some things that I want to keep. Like writing for example, as if I sleep too much I will only have time for work and won’t be able to write…the looking at this point within the equality equation I see that this is possible because I have started to sleep to get through any time that I have to wait through instead of doing something productive that would assist me.


When I exist for others I exist as a perception that others will `hopefully` accept and enjoy. I place myself within/as this perception through fear of sharing myself, because of childhood abuse…I spoke about in my vlog the link is attached. I have been fearing other people and their power over me….AH cool I did not see this before. I got hit as a kid because I stood up and my mother having power over me abused it, and now I fear being abused again by people having power over me. The thing is that I give my power to them by existing in inferiority. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being abused by power. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to abuse power. The reason why I exist like this is because I saw when I got hit that people that have power over me have a direct control of my reality, and that if I stand up and show them them then they will fight back against me, and being a kid at the time I was not strong physically, I had to stand there and take it. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be affected by getting slapped. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing getting hit as a kid to affect my standing up in my reality now. I have not seen these points before….So I have given up my power to everyone in my reality, from the perscpective that if I want friends the other people are in control of that, and I must mold myself into their liking. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to mold myself into as someones likings. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to mold myself into a belief of how to be liked. This revolved around wanting to be accepted by others, and not accepting myself as life as who I am. I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to accept myself as life as who I am . Iforgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to stand as who I am as life.

Within conversation with people I notice that I give into their words. I do not hear their words, I just blindly accept their words. I confirm everything they say, unless it is completely abusive, from fear of not having anyone around to support me. Through fear of being alone, through fear of standing as myself alone. I will speak in a manor of acceptance of their words and not give my own perspective on it. I am not inferior to anyone, I only give them my power through acceptance of inferiority, I only allow them to walk over me if they choose to, I do not need to comply with everything in this system, I will only move myself around in this system effectively and existing within inferiority is not effective. People are not going to stand up for themselves, rarely do they ever as I show myself, This is going to be a process of walking myself through this and when I fear saying something out of fear of not being accepted or hurting another’s ego I must check my starting point and continue to say it if it is self-honest or effective at stopping this inferiority construct. And stop participating inothers conversations if they are bullshit and go no where. I no longer accept myself as inferiority, and I no longer accept this bullshit in my reality.

Thank you, Paul Quessy

Desiring Cigarettes

As in all desires I desire cigarettes for the feeling/experience I have attached to it. I have attached comfort, escape, excitement/indulgence, stress/relief, depression, and physical feelings as well within/as my throat.


Cigarettes for me has been a very tough point to move on, each time I decide to stop I fall somewhere within one of the points that I smoke for. I smoke for the experience and desire that experience in many moments.

So to start I started smoking cigarettes to stop weed, or well that is how it worked out, I just stopped smoking weed and used cigarettes as an alternative. So everything that I used weed for cigarettes then became the same substance that I would believe created the experience of me instead of knowing that only I create the experience of me. The starting point within smoking was escape and a relief at first. When desiring to smoke I am stressed, happy, excited, feeling inferior….ok the main points is escape from emotions and feeling and indulging in more feelings.

I used weed as a form of escape, I was smoking a lot of weed when I lived at my dads, I was because it was in the country and far away from the city and I was disconnected from people and being able to talk and communicate and socialize, so I smoked weed to escape being alone. I smoked weed to not face what was here, I smoke weed so that I did not have to face myself, and so now that is what smoking cigarettes is for me, an escape from facing myself…for example I slept today before work and only wanted to sleep 30 min so that I could finish writing this and not have to after work, and as I woke up I did not care about time I wanted to sleep more, I wanted to stay unconscious, I wanted to stay unaware, and I did not care about the consequences of me sleeping more. So when I actually got up I wanted a cigarette because I didn’t want to face the fact that I allowed myself to sleep in and not get up and do something productive and needed. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to smoke to escape facing myself. Desiring a cigarette is a form of escape for me/ smoking is a form of escape for me because when smoking I will start to think and not place myself here in the physical, just keep myself occupied in my mind as I used to do as well when I smoked weed.

As well smoking comes from a thought of wanting to indulge and make the experience more than. So the first time that I was able to stop smoking I stopped for 2 weeks then gave in because I wanted to over indulge, what happened was that I was skateboarding with most of my friends who skate as well, so the friend and energy construct was there, I was landing a lot of the tricks that I was trying, therefore an accomplishment feeling was there, and I was enjoying myself through energetics and wanted to make the experience more and I wanted to indulge in something, everyone was smoking so I decided to give into buying a pack so that I could fit in more and indulge more in the situation. This happened today as well, when I went out for dinner with my dad. I saw this as a free meal and was feeling an energetic experience of happiness within this, and wanted to make more of it, so I thought about smoking, I did not allow this to continue as saw exactly what was happening in that moment, I stopped connecting myself energetically in that moment to the situation and him, and stopped and breathed and it all went away…the energy faded immediately. As well this point was a point of comfort to that I felt comfortable in the experience of being supported financially by someone else and wanted to further this comfortable feeling by smoking. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing other people to support me financially, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be comfortable with other people supporting me. I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to support myself financially.

Escape again – When I feel depressed and alone, and I do not want to feel that anymore I turn to cigarettes again to take my mind off of that situation or feeling/experience of myself. When smoking weed I would end up not feeling anything when I was high, I did not feel boredom, I did not feel alone, I did not feel depressed, and I substituted cigarettes for the same experience. So when I would feeling depressed or stressed I would turn and believe that a cigarette would relieve that experience, within desires I give up my entire self-control to these thoughts and experiences. I am the creator of the experiences equal and one, I have been believing that I am less than these experiences and thus allowing them to guide me allowing a system of feelings and emotions and wants to guide me, wants within the sense that I wanted more or less of the feeling.

So I would obviously smoke for mental reasons for the most part, the physical reasons were for physical feelings, like when I would drink a hot beverage a cigarette would feel good after that, it would feel like it would sooth the feeling of a scalding throat and mouth. I looked into this and I am the creator of this as well as the physical equal and one within this feeling, and that I cannot substitute anything for this feeling…meaning that I can obviously stop and give myself the comfort that I want through as myself, as well as the relief of stress by stopping and placing myself here and touching the physical, but I cannot manifest and make that feeling of a cigarette exist within me, because it comes from the physical and I must physically smoke to have that feeling. I have to let that want go entirely, I have to let that feeling go entirely and allow myself to be here without wants of a different physical feeling that I have had in the past. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire past feelings/emotions. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold onto past feelings and emotions.

Smoking as well is something to do to pass the time….I used weed for this as well. I would smoke weed in order to get high and not be aware of the time that I had to “wait” through to do something else, which was the start of another day. I would get home and get high, and stay high until the end of the night so I did not have to face the time/space construct and move myself through it. The same thing has occurred with cigarettes, whenever I wait I would smoke usually, anytime that I had in between things I would have a cigarette because again when having a cigarette I place myself in my mind and occupy myself within it, thus not having to face the physical time/space construct of `waiting`. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to escape the time/space construct by thinking. I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to face myself within moving through time/space. I forgive myself that Ihave accepted and allowed myself to jump through time/space by becoming unaware of where I am here by thinking.

Significance and work

Picking up from the last post which was this morning. I participated in desteni and watched the Money system update video, as well talked to Bella. The night before I posted a post on the forum and thought it was revelational. After thinking it was revelational I wanted to justify and validate this...I projected and imagined a situation where someone would talk or post a reply being really excited about the post, thus validating my bullshit...looking at it now I am glad no one did...Bella did not justify it/ I did not justify it in reading Bella's post. I am glad that no one did because I would have allowed myself to participate in that bullshit. I still have a point of wanting to be special or famous, and have been fearing it coming out, here it is and I am sharing it. I have wanted to be significant to gain power and to gain trust so that I can guide life, because I believe that my ideals are rightous. So self-rightousness and ideas are a point that I am going to take a look at. That post was an Idea, an Idea from an observation, An it was stemmed from an idea because I had the idea that all we need to do to move this world is to complain about the position it is in. Within that beclieving it to be significant - it wasn't. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire and want to be signidficant so that I may have power and be `looked up to` thus being able to control. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire control of this world. I forgive myself to not accepting and allowing myself to control myself - To move as Myself. I have feared allowing this point out because I fear being excluded from something that I have found that I have finally involved myself in, finally been able to participate in something with Honesty! = Desteni. I forgive myself for accepting and allowingmyself to attach myself to Desteni. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to attach/latch/leech myself to Desteni. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself as desteni. I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to stand alone using the desteni material to move myself effectively in my process. Ok After that I uploaded a video and had no reactions to that I did not care if people watched or rated or liked or gave a fuck lol, I went to work at 9 am and worked until 545pm.

During work I notcied that I always am attracted to looking at females...Attracted in the sense that I am not controlling myself I am energetically directed to females. so during work I was trying to focus on the work infront of me and remove myself from looking at females that I would be able to establish a relationship with. I did not catch every moment and applied SF on the attraction. During work I was not working my hardest, not moving myself within the stress that I usually would worrying whether or not I would lose my job. This was nice because I gave myself time to look the task that I was assigned over with a bit more clarity and I was able to not become stressed out over mistakes because I was giving myself time, now this was because I was not doing my normal job. I usually work shipment which is absolutely time based. We get a UPH (Units per Hour) to do. And we normally get in around 6000 units. So if the UPH is 150 and we get 6000 units in we have 40 hours split between the shipment team to complete it. And so you can see how it is completely time stressed. I will see how I handle this point now that hoidays are over and my regular schedule is back. In the past I would stress myself out because my manager is rushing us asking us to get shit done faster and faster and faster, and giving us time updates every half-hour or so. I become stressed out because I fear osingmy job if I do not comply with the requirements. So 1 I must not fear losing my job 2 I must not fear death. Losing my job and Death are completely related.
Another Interesting point during work is that I have been reading Tao Te Ching and after reading it I gather a state of mind of `peace`. Within this I still think the same thoughts being in clamer state. Within the state I was very unhappy and within that I did not give into looking at females I was more concentrated on the work although I still thought about how I would be perceived by females. So I ask myself why do I need anothers honest words to live by, why Am I not lving by my own word. Obvious within that because I am not living my words. During conversation I dive deep into my persoanlity, and supress my actual self. I say shit that I normally would not say and participate in shit thatI would not normally participate in. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear speaking as myself. I forgive myself for accepting and allowingmyself to fear conflict of words. I do not need to participate in the conflict as soon as one `harsh` word is said I can walk away. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I must continue to participate in conflict until it is resolved through moving deeper into the conflict. The conflict can and is easily solved by walking away from the harsh words and moving on.