2012 Moving myself

Moving myself to get things done requires no involvement whatsoever in energy. I have been writing and writing and writing myself out each morning about my point of myself giving up each night and not being diligent and self-willed to get my homework done, to start to work on the assignment, this also leads to a point of doing things for rewards instead of doing them for me, but more on that another time. I tell myself in the morning that I am going to be self-willed today and work on the things that I have been putting off. That never happens, I get home and decide to watch funnies, entertain myself, and involve myself with the pursuit of happiness.

This pursuit of happiness has allowed me to continue the way that I have been approaching myself in being self-willed. My pursuit of happiness has been the point in which I allow myself to give up, give up myself being directive. I give up being diligent in my realtiy for happiness. The point of happiness goes like  this. I will get home sit down do the minimum that I need to do in order to maintain my reality with desteni and with the other things all the while backchatting about being diligent and within that using energy to maintain myself in the point of illusioned standing. I will then get all of my minimum daily requirements done and then look at the point of pushing myself to be more effective with myself through doing more than the minimum requirements of myself and decide against it pursuing happiness of my own accord.

What has to be approached here is letting go of the pursuit of happiness. I give up for happiness because  I see no happiness in doing the work that I must or in educating myself, although I enjoy it, I see no `happiness` within it and within the pursuit of happiness I then ignore doing what I have to do, and create excuses and justification as to why I should give up and why giving up is a good idea. Happiness here is from the perspective of that smile or laughing or spending, where ebing diligent is sitting with myself here creating myself in new ways in order to learn the material presented here in this reality...happiness is from the perspective of staying in my comfort zone, where diligence and dedication to myself is moving away from my comfort zone. 

In working on my English or desteni or writing a blog or making a vlog I must be here directing myself, not searching for a reward system of/as happiness and a `job well done`. My movements and actions must be for myself in what is best for me, not attempting for a point that I am separating myself from, for example I will reward myself with `downtime` when posting a blog, allowing myself to reward myself thinking I have done a good job and allow myself to move into energy and create an abundance of energy in relation to posting a blog, and from that ignoring myself here.

Thus the pursuit of happiness is quite fucked up. I am not happy I am only dumb. What I participate in in order to maintain my happiness keeps me in my limited shell, thus happiness is limitation from myself as life, thus in order to get shit done I have to let go of my want for happiness, place myself here and fucking do it simply, creating a starting point of myself and not for the search of happiness and letting go for any want or requirement for/as happiness in my life. 

Responsibility and Blame

Mar2nd 2011 5:51am


I have just woken up and the responsibility point is relevant. Meaning that I am right now placing myself as myself standing as myself for me only without need for others. The blame point is here as well and I am removing that each time it comes up and taking responsibility and doing so the blame and frustration goes away. I see the frustration right now, yet I cannot remove it entirely…I am attracted to it right now. As I pull away it pushes further towards me. It is a habit to blame. So I breathe and I stop and slow down.

This morning was quick paced. I woke up from sleeping in a bit. And I started to move rapidly so that I could get everything done quickly so that I could be here typing this and be ready for work. I was thinking quickly too, not stopping right away. I noticed this and again placed myself as myself and took responsibility for myself. Responsibility for stopping the thoughts, for stopping myself rather than getting angry over the fact that I am not stopping which is redundant. I was blaming the thoughts for my thinking and hoping that they would somehow stop. I was not intervening and stopping for myself and taking responsibility. Through blaming and not taking responsibility within breath for myself the thoughts kept on coming and I would have gotten quite frustrated.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to breathe, taking responsibility for myself as myself, for standing as myself as my principles.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become frustrated over not getting something that I want.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from myself through frustration over not getting what I want

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that I am one and equal to frustration as me, and that what I want is not outside of me, not separate from me, it is here as me.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to take responsibility for myself in every way

I breathe here now removing the frustration and `overwhelming` thoughts, and I stop wanting and I stand here knowing that only I am here and that something outside of me cannot help me.

Standing alone is much `nicer` than being frustrated as you are mad at nothing. I cannot be mad at myself for this shit, and if I am then I am in separation from myself. It is an ultimate relief from the frustration and that compression within my head. Standing alone as well I enjoy. I do not rely on anyone else. I stand alone. I breathe. I do not project. When I do this I can catch myself projecting and backchatting quite quickly and stop it within that moment. When I blame I continue backchatting hoping that it will stop through a force separate from me and become frustrated with it not stopping.

Giving the Finger to life and The Consequences

Mar 2nd 2011 2:35pm


I just got done watching the video Get real, stay Real, Be Physical and I would like to share my experience of that which Sunette is talking about in regards to willingly giving up and participating in dishonesty `giving the finger to life`. A year ago I went into a relationship knowingly participating in dishonesty as love as happiness as reliance, I was completely separate from myself. I knkew that I was participating in this yet I continued. I willingly gave up on myself, and allowed to fuck with myself immensely through believing in love and believing in all that shit. I purposely did this to achieve a large desire of mine, which was to fall in love, so I did and I created it and the outcome was horrific. I was blaming this before on the fact of the relationship, not taking responsibility for my actions within the relationship. So I gave up my process, said fuck it to life, and willingly went into that relationship to give into my desire and the consequences were dire. I went into this knowingly, so I ignored life, I ignored myself, I purposely forgot myself, and purposely allowed all of that shit to come into me = love, happiness, reliance, deception, abuse within as emotions, desire for sex, anger and blame etc. The consequence of this was a break up and emotional turmoil. And the consequence that was equal and one with my decision was the fact of me forgetting everything, me having to re-learn process from the beginning. Me having to restart absolutely everything over and re-live much of the moments that I went through previously. I forgot what self-honesty was, I had to re-learn to apply self-forgiveness, I was not applying self-forgiveness during the relationship and if I did it was a dishonest starting point where it was out of blame, or wanting to feel good about myself, I only forgave the negative within me, not realizing that this was absolutely dishonest, this was to again fulfill my desire of absolute bliss and love and utter happiness and an ever lasting happiness and positivity, disgracing life, disgracing myself through doing this as I used a tool which is helpful to support life, to say fuck it to life, and now I see the absolute evil of myself, and support my desire of an ever lasting positivity which is dishonest and only out of self interest.

So again the consequences of these actions is now an addiction to sex, I have to relearn everything over, I have held onto points within that relationship, I have lost trust of myself, and have only extensively limited and affected myself within process and have to move all of the shit that I accumulated during that year. It is at least going to take a year to move through, most likely more. I only extended my process and made it `harder` for myself. Harder than what it already was which was extensive because I was participating in that voice then, and believing that I was talking to the dead or `inanimate` objects. I keep on reading information and realizing that I already knew that and I keep on questioning…what the fuck happened to me s I went through that relationship…the truth is nothing happened to me, I made it myself, I did it to myself and now I am living the consequences. I realize points that I have `realized` way before, before I went into the relationship, and I keep on forgetting a lot of shit that I used to remember, hence the equal consequence of my action, in which I purposely ignored self-honesty to participate in desire, and thus I have now forgotten much of what was assisting me in process, and have to re-learn everything over. Simply I fucked myself through wanting to fuck.

Forgetting through participating in thoughts

At work today I started with breath. Meaning that I was able to stop thoughts and breathe with myself here and place myself within the physical reality and focus on cleaning. I was breathing and applying Self-forgiveness during the first part of my work, I was allowing myself to look at and face the majority of thoughts that were coming up and forgiving them and then applying myself back within breath. After time it slowly faded. At the end of my work I forgot everything, I forgot to breathe, I forgot who I was within each moment. This has been a pattern for a few days now. I used to just completely forget everything and go right into thoughts, so I am not facing myself equally in each moment.


I was remembering some points that I was going to write about at the beginning of my shift, by the end I had forgotten everything. This happened just because I participated in thoughts. I slowly kept on thinking about past events or future, I continued to project myself out from the physical existence. I thought about what I could do today and how I was going to control myself within the point I am taking on which is taking care of myself thorugh eating better and doing insulin. I was thinking about how to do this, only building up a positive energy base to then act up-on, and make myself feel better by believing that I am taking this on. So I got lost in positivity. Cool, as I now see it and I can cross-reference it aswell, as I know where I created that belief within myself of being positive. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to make myself believe that I am a positive being and happy, and loving, and blissful, when really I am existing in ignorance. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to ignore the fact that I am only making myself believe that I am positive. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to ignore the fact that I am not positive.

Zeitgeist Movement and an Equal Money System

There seems to be a war going on between the Venus Project/Zeitgeist Movement/Resource Based Economy and an Equal Money system. Now I do not know much about the Venus project, but from my understanding they use the idea of technological breakthroughs and removing money as the source of evil to create these perfect world. Now The example I am going to use is GAP and child abuse. So a while back GAP `found out` that some of their factories were using child Labour. What they did with the clothing that was produced by children was burn it. They decided to burn the clothing, burning the evidence, not taking responsibility, wanting to just put it past them and turn it into ashes. Wanting to ignore it. That is exactly what they did. There was a comment on this article saying that they could have taken responsibility for this – sold the clothes = used them, and given 100% of the proceeds to the children who have to work to support themselves. So I am relating this fact to the zeitgeist movement. The zeitgeist movement wants to completely disregard and ignore the fact that we are responsible for this monetary/capitalistic system, and to hope that the abuse will never happen again.


The Equal Money system will be the fact that never existed before. It will change the equation. The equation that we currently are is not taking responsibility for what we have created. Taking responsibility for what we have created as ourselves has never existed. The Equal Money system changes the equation entirely. It is the fact of selling the clothes and taking responsibility and using Money to support the children – something that has never existed. It doesn’t hope for a better world it takes responsibility for creating a better world by taking responsibility for the current world as ourselves. An equal money system completely changes the equation that is within and as us, as a system designed program. No hope no Faith – Responsibility for the creation and then re-creating something better and something that will support all live immediately.

The Venus project is only thinking about `first world nations`, what the fuck is going to happen to the villages in Africa, or how the fuck is all this technology going to solve the fact that favellas exist in Brazil. The venus project is not thinking or considering ALL life, where the Equal money system takes on the fact that controls the world currently = money. Giving money to all equally solves the inequality within this world, as money is the sole contributor to this inequality….well We are first and foremost, and the money system is the result of our own inequality unto ourselves.

Simply, support an equal money system as it looks at the reality of the situation, the venus project supports hope, faith, belief, and an idea or bliss…That shit has been around for ages and everything is the same…Taking responsibility for ourselves hasn’t and in an Equal money system responsibility for ourselves is a must.

The Venus project does not deal with the human in fact, it tries to ignore that we are responsible for creating this system, it tries to burn money when we need to purge ourselves of the shit that created this system in the first place.

If humanity decides to move with the zeitgeist movement, most likely things will not change and hell will only compound on this Earth for every being. If humanity decides to go with an Equal Money system then we have a chance at fixing the Hell on Earth. Investigate wisely Humanity.

Depression, judgment

I woke up this morning depressed. I got up and started to hate myself for allowing myself to become reliant on another being for support for happiness. I got up and checked out the sites and started to judge myself for allowing myself to feel depressed for not getting the happiness I desired/wanted. And I started to hate myself for this. The entire time I felt completely hopeless in as process. Like I have gotten nowhere. Like all my effort has led to nothing. That I am still everything that I was, I have only been ignoring it and blocking it within me. I am trying to find a quick-fix solution to all of these `problems` through my mind. I watched Bernards video response and the last one, I feared extensively, as well as this one. The same point opened up which was me judging myself and feeling worthless because I believe that I cannot change, believe that I haven’t changed. I have an urge to let go and give up entirely and just fuck off with myself. As though I am worthless. That I have nothing to give this world…I don’t I only have to give to myself. And the best present is presence. Simply. All of this worthlessness comes from projecting myself, an idea of myself, a belief of myself which is not real. Simply I have been trying to be something that I am not.


I ended up sleeping to not face this issue. It was unappealing. I slept through it, so now I will most likely time-loop and face this depression compounded at some point. So I did not take responsibility for this point by apply SF and Self-correction. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to search for happiness outside of myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take responsibility for my own feelings, emotions, thoughts, etc.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself t blame others for my thoughts, feelings, emotions, etc.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be powerless over myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I am powerless over myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give my power to thoughts, feelings, emotions, etc.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to be with myself breath after breath.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to breathe in each moment calming myself down to look at the frustration clearly. Allowing myself to move through it and forgive myself.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to love myself, to take care of myself physically and mentally.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rely on another being to support my physically and mentally.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to resist facing that point within me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am inferior to myself, thus relying on another being to support me to forgive myself and to let go of myself.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to do process for myself and only for myself.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to support myself as life on my own means.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to `solve` myself through my mind.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to simply place myself in the physical here.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to be here,

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to forget the fact that I am constantly here.

I forive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from myself within as believing that I am the thoughts I think, the emotions I feel, The feelings I create.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I am the thoughts I think, The emotion I feel, the Feelings I create.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use specific words to sound `profound`.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to breathe.

I forgive myself that Ihave accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for being inferior.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to enslave myself entirely.

I forgive myself that Ihave accepted and allowed myself to accept my enslavement as `just the way it is`.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to take responsibility for my own enslavement.

I am Responsible for This

Yesterday I went into inferiority. It lasted for quite a while knowing that I am not who I thought I was…this has happened before, yet somewhere I allowed it to continue again. This point assisted me a lot within stopping who I thought I was. I thought that I was somewhat stable and in realizing my application of myself I have noticed that this is not true. I feared starting over in my application of myself. I did not want to re-start over as I believed that I made `progress`. I was realizing that everything that I believed myself to be was a lie. I believed myself to be more than what I was believed myself to be on some type of path to myself. I realized this was al a lie, and that this is still a form of god for me. This whole belief of a path is believing that I have free will and that anything that I do is ok because I am on `that path`. I allowed myself to not take responsibility for myself because I thought that everything would be fine because I am on `that path`. So I went into an inferiority point because I saw myself as less than all others, believing myself to have been valueless as what I put value on as myself I realized is a lie. So I saw no value in myself as I did before. I went into a possession of hating myself. I did not want to do anything to assist myself…again I wrote myself out half assedly, not really trying to dive into the point. I felt inferior because I was jealous of other people being stable and me not being stable.


I realized that this inferiority, these beliefs of myself as being less than others is not real. It is all based on personality and who I believe myself to be. As well who I wanted to be. I wanted to be this stable person…so I was separating myself from stabilizing myself. I was believing myself to be what I wanted. I made myself believe that through thoughts and then had to face myself within these thoughts. In that moment I was somewhat accepting and allowing myself to exist like that. I was allowing it but stopped it from time to time, not allowing myself to participate in those feelings and emotions. I realize that I wanted to be like others not focusing on myself but trying to control myself to become like others that I saw as more than me = anybody in process. This is a great misunderstanding of who I am.

I am falling into the experience now as I am believing that my application in process is worthless and that I should not continue. I believe that my words are worthless and should not continue to write. I chose not to vlog today as I allowed this inferiority to take me over. I believe that my voice is worthless and that me standing up is not working. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to place worth on my personality. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not value myself within/as my words. I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to control/direct myself within/as my words. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to be stable. I forgive myself fthat I have not accepted and allowed myself to stabilize myself. This whole point is one that I have been struggling with as I enjoy hating myself. I realized that I am addicted to both polarities. I enjoy hating myself as I like taking everything away from myself. I enjoy not giving into any thoughts..I usually will think that I want food and will not give in, I will reject that thought out of hate for myself. I will not allow myself to do anything that will take me out of that feeling. This is a fucked up point as it is not best for me. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to keep myself in a point of self-hate. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate what I have become. I forgivemyself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to make amends with what I have become and correct it/mend it. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as this system. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to knowingly continue my time loops. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear standing up for myself. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear changing myself. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear removing myself from my patterned self.

This point is not really me. Whatever I believe myself to be inferior for is not real, it is no me. I have been directing myself in the physical. I am focusing on myself, what helps is keeping my head down when walking and focusing on my leg movement and actually moving myself as my legs and with breath. I have allowed this inferiority point to take control of me as I enjoyed being less than. I enjoyed hiding I enjoyed not being seen because within that I did not need to take responsibility as I was being ignored. I enjoyed being ignored because within that no one cared what I did I was allowed to become the worst of me, to involve myself in desires, in whatever pleases me drugs, masturbation, laziness, imaginations, fantasies.. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hide myself. I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to expose myself. I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to take responsibility for myself I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to dive deep into my desires. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to ignore myself. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be ignored. I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to expose myself taking full responsibility for myself. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire attention. I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to give myself attention. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create fantasies within my head, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to involve myself in imaginations. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create an imaginary world trying to place it in this world. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to escape this reality by imagining another one. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to abuse myself within separation that I have literally separated myself from everything. This is definitely going to be a hard process for me as I have created much shit within myself, and have accepted and allowed myself to become the `worst` of this world, fantasizing about rape, death, suicide, murder, Lol the polarity that I act as..I have always accepted and allowed myself to act as this nice, innocent person when in the mean time all of the shit that I have participated within my mind is the `worst` of this world. It is an absolute disregard for what life is. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to absolutely disregard life. I do not accept absolution as that is a word that defines never changing. I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to change. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become what I am.

I realize that I cannot reason with myself I cannot debate about this inferiority it is either breathe or be inferior. I cannot convince myself that I am not inferior as everything that I see and have put value on I do not value myself as much as other people and within breath I am disregarding them as who I believe them to be. I disregard my own values and perceptions. They still exist and I do not not care for them as life I just do not care for my own interpretations for who they are I am focused on myself physically and I guide that. This has helped as when I would walk by a person I would not be focused on myself I have focused on them and immediately judged and focused on them and not giving myself awareness. So when I look down and focus on myself I focus on moving my feet focus on moving myself past them and focusing on moving my feet past them. Making sure that I direct me past them, making sure that I do not `stop and stare` giving my perceptions attention.

This helps with videos as well, I usually will look around and distract myself not giving attention to the words spoken, now I breathe and I focus myself on the words and hear their words.