Pushing Past Fears

An interesting point occurred a few days ago and that was myself pushing out a fear within me. I was fearing asking of suggesting a consideration of an agreement with me. The thought came up and before when this thought came up I ignored it and suppressed it with/as the fear but that day it was interesting! I felt that fear and saw the thought but this time I oculd not ignore it each time I recognized the thought I pushed it up within me further and further. It was very cool, it felt as I was going to vomit the fear through expressing it within words. There was still fear but I was not giving into it, through the Self forgiveness and self corrective statements that I was doing within the DesteniIprocess ( http://desteniiprocess.com ) I was able to see the ridiculousness of the fear. Doing the SF and SC didn’t mean that it would magically disappear, it meant that I am able to see the points in which I am accepting that are delusional and to remove those points to move past the delusion so I can see what is real! So I say the delusion in fearing her reaction and fearing myself not being able to handle the situation and I pushed that point out of me. I said fuck a few times before I spit it out because I knew that it was coming out and I was not going to ignore it and suppress it. I was in that time trying to find an `acceptable` way to approach the subject but again it was coming up and I said fuck it and spit it out in the way that I did. There was no `acceptable` way to approach it so I simply said what I needed to say. It was a `no go` and that is fine, there was no reaction towards it I simply stayed the same. There was no want or desire within asking about a consideration of the agreement it was a simply a question that had no answer yet, as well there was no expectation so within that I was moving with the moment not trying to create an outcome based on my desires or expectations.


Within the same day I felt an inferiority towards another person and I was possessed by this and was afraid of exposing the point to the person. I held back for quite a while trying to ignore it but the backchat was persistent and I was not stopping it. So in a moment I did not think at all and just said I felt inferior to him and explained a bit why. There was no thoughts but again the fact that I vomited up the fear was cool. I was not even conscious of the fact that I decided to move on that point meaning the decision came from no thoughts, I just moved on that point. I was just about to go out for a smoke and as I stood up I spoke the words “I feel inferior to you” I exposed this point because it was bugging me I wrote SF on it and SC but it persisted and from the past when I have been possessed by this I have bluntly exposed it and it disappeared so I did the same thing and it did disappear we started to communicate more and share, because before we were quite silent towards eachother not talking or communicating about points. There was another point to that I was afraid of exposing and that was a point of jealousy. I was afraid of exposing that point to him because I knew it was nasty and did not want to expose that so I was quite hesitant about exposing the point many times I was about to push it out but held it in. Eventually again I pushed that fear out and exposed the point of jealousy to get it clear and expose it and again there was more of a communication.

I was stopping the communication within the physical through communicating to myself within backchatting and within bringing out the backchatting thus removing the `conversation` from the mind and bringing into the physical

The Self forgiveness and Self corrective statements that I have applied since doing the DesteniIprocess has been significant as the points have een coming out and I have been pushing them out when I would have suppressed them.

Investigate and consider the Desteni I process to remove fears and realize things actually are in this reality http://desteniiprocess.com As well Investigate an Equal Money System as the solution to humanity http://equalmoney.org

Stopping Backchat at Work

Apr 4th 2011 11:58


I find it hard to stop backchatting at work. I do not stop and take a breath I constantly push myself to keep working and within that constant pushing I do not stop the breathe. I do not stop the thought process until I get home and sit down and relax for a bit. I noticed today as well that I will always end up at sex or money and then I will judge myself and say stop or no. that judgment I am working on at the moment accepting the fact that I always end up thinking about sex or money. And it comes from any thought, I can think probably about anything and it will end up in sex. I think about one person and then it leads to another and eventually it turns into sex. And the money part is primarily about fear of lack of and I use backchat to try and equate the pattern but it never works out. I use backchat as well as a form of comfort by placing myself within my mind and thinking heavily about anything.

When I get home I stop. There is no fear here at home. I am not in a situation where I am expected to perorm or have to meet any standards or codes, I can be me and relax. So I am definitely tense at work. I am tense because I feel like I am being constantly watched and judged on my actions and my work `effort`. So I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear my work effort. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect my work effort to fear and thus I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear my own fear.

I have written about this point before and still I have not followed through on this point so I am going to keep on investigating myself at work. I notice that I have to take it slow at work, calm myself down and breathe and remove the fear of being watched or seen doing my work and simply focus on my self working.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to slow myself down at work, breathe and investigate myself stop, and focus on myself working

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to push myself while working within the fear of losing my job.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear losing my job

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect losing my job to fear and thus I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear my fear.

Grounding Myself

Mar 27th 2011 11:41am


A few reactions are going on within due to some events that took place yesterday. I my sister got kicked out of my fathers house from an argument that they had. I was thinking of a way to try and help her without her reacting with emotion, yet I could not. She was describing that she wanted to crawl into a whole and not face anything. Anyways I am about to go into a rant about her, but anyways I noticed that I was fearing her reaction and this was limiting me within saying anything, because I saw that anything I said would set her off. I was saying that when I had that feeling it was self-judgment and asked her a few more questions which lead to the answer self-judgment but she would not admit it. So I felt hopeless and went into backchat about…if you will not be self-honest then it is up to you then I will not help you. I became frustrated, which is simply showing me that I frustrate and dislike the fact that I am dishonest to myself and I do not like the fact that I will not admit things to myself and be self-honest to myself.

I forgive myself to accepting and allowing myself to judge myself for being dishonest with myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge other people/beings for being dishonest with themselves

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to dislike myself for being dishonest

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not like myself.

So I mean yes if she isn’t willing to be self-honest than I simply cannot help her, I cannot assist her as she must actually assist her self by being honest with herself thus getting down to the actual self-created situation. But simply I can not do anything about this. I noticed that I wanted to and believed that I should help her with this, which is an ego point that I am now diffusing because I have to focus on myself first and not others and their processes. Simply I have to help myself first and be honest with myself.

And the second point is moving through ego. I realized that I have been using ego to push myself for the past week or so, and within this I fell meaning I went into a depression and sadness through having my ego shot down. And within this I have stopped applying myself as touch, and I noticed this this morning, that I have not been applying myself within touch. This I am using now for myself to keep myself here rather than going into the mind and using that to move myself. Yesterday I stopped applying myself this way and I allowed myself to move into desire and self-interest. I realized this as I noticed that I was not paying attention to myself. So I am again re-applying myself to touch and stopping the backchat of ego and superiority. I ground myself within touch, and within this I stop the ballooning of myself rising high into my sphere. And then I pop it through rising too high and I then ground myself lol. So I am keeping myself on the ground

Backchatting Superiority

Mar 23rd 2011 9:16pm


I am and have been backchatting extensively today and I see every consequence and how it is affecting me and my view of people and my interactions with them. I am backchatting, fighting with myself. Which is crazy as it has no other outcome then self-destruction. =War. I have backchatted about people being inferior to me, and I see how that is affecting my outlook on them thus the participation with them, and then the consequence of self which is separation from them.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge other people within backchat as being inferior fearing to actually say that with my voice

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge other people within backchat separating myself from them

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to separate myself from others believing that I am on a `different` level.

For me right now it seems like I am becoming power hungry. So many years of giving my power away and I am taking a stance within myself for myself and now I am placing myself above rather than below. So this simply is going

I do not allow myself from here further to compete with other for a place of power/of control of self or others.

I stand one and equal with and as others as self as me here.

Backchat and Emotion

Today I got my passport which allowed me to travel to the Desteni NA meeting. I booked my flight and am completely set expect for booking time of work, and since they have been cutting my hours I am sure they will not mind LOL. I got incredibly excited over this fact and became quite egotistical and positively charged and started backchatting extensively. I was not focused on myself in the physical on about the idea of the meeting. I was stopping and applying breath and forgiveness, but this was not working as I was still holding onto that fact/the idea of the meeting. I was crazily excited and energetic. I was yipping and jumping as I walked. There was a relief because I did not know how hard that process would be and if I could manage everything in time. I was having trouble slowing myself down and calming myself down. Eventually I took it breath by breath and calmed myself down looking at the reality of the situation.


I have started to notice that I will back chat more extensively when I am confident and excited and happy, as well as the opposite being depressed angry and upset. In Each of these polarities I backchat heavily to maintain that feeling or expression. I do not calm myself down immediately. When I started to fear the consequences I started to slowly stop. I was backchatting egotistically placing myself more than when I was happy/excited and backchatting against myself placing myself less than when I am upset/angry.

Responsibility and Blame

Mar2nd 2011 5:51am


I have just woken up and the responsibility point is relevant. Meaning that I am right now placing myself as myself standing as myself for me only without need for others. The blame point is here as well and I am removing that each time it comes up and taking responsibility and doing so the blame and frustration goes away. I see the frustration right now, yet I cannot remove it entirely…I am attracted to it right now. As I pull away it pushes further towards me. It is a habit to blame. So I breathe and I stop and slow down.

This morning was quick paced. I woke up from sleeping in a bit. And I started to move rapidly so that I could get everything done quickly so that I could be here typing this and be ready for work. I was thinking quickly too, not stopping right away. I noticed this and again placed myself as myself and took responsibility for myself. Responsibility for stopping the thoughts, for stopping myself rather than getting angry over the fact that I am not stopping which is redundant. I was blaming the thoughts for my thinking and hoping that they would somehow stop. I was not intervening and stopping for myself and taking responsibility. Through blaming and not taking responsibility within breath for myself the thoughts kept on coming and I would have gotten quite frustrated.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to breathe, taking responsibility for myself as myself, for standing as myself as my principles.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become frustrated over not getting something that I want.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from myself through frustration over not getting what I want

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that I am one and equal to frustration as me, and that what I want is not outside of me, not separate from me, it is here as me.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to take responsibility for myself in every way

I breathe here now removing the frustration and `overwhelming` thoughts, and I stop wanting and I stand here knowing that only I am here and that something outside of me cannot help me.

Standing alone is much `nicer` than being frustrated as you are mad at nothing. I cannot be mad at myself for this shit, and if I am then I am in separation from myself. It is an ultimate relief from the frustration and that compression within my head. Standing alone as well I enjoy. I do not rely on anyone else. I stand alone. I breathe. I do not project. When I do this I can catch myself projecting and backchatting quite quickly and stop it within that moment. When I blame I continue backchatting hoping that it will stop through a force separate from me and become frustrated with it not stopping.

Living in the past and looping

Mar 1st 2011 5:40pm


I am now laying down with my eyes heavy learning to type on this keyboard with a napkin wrapped around one finger. I cut myself on a cheese grater fairly deep on my `ring` finger on my right hand right on the knuckle. At the time I was washing dishes and watching tv. I was getting distracted by the tv, and not focusing on myself within breath. This has been happening all day today…I have not focused and allowed myself to fall into my mind. The start of my day was getting up and finding out that my laptop was broken. I solved it through vlogging and not limiting myself further within spending money. I was wide awake and creating happiness this morning and holding onto that happiness. I started to become frustrated with myself for holding onto that happiness. I was allowing the past to affect me. I would look at the fact that I was holding onto the past as happiness within a new moment, meaning I would stop and look at what I just did which is the past and then become angry and try and correct the past instead of unconditionally letting go. I become fearful as well, as I was able to let go immediately a few days ago and I was fearful that I would not be able to apply that again, I was too mindfucked by fear and the past to let go of anything within that moment. So I got frustrated at work. I was possessed heavily by my ego, I was constantly holding up an idea of myself and backchating that idea and then I would get frustrated at allowing myself to backchat. Always existing in the past of myself, and looping myself within that frustration. A few days ago I was able to let go of all frustration and focus on myself within the physical, so I suppose it was not real as it did not stand the test of time. I became frustrated at myself as well for not living up to my expectations of that past, meaning I was trying to re live the experience I had when I was not frustrated and allowing myself to stop backchatting and breathe.

I was in and out of breath and realizing that I was out of breath again frustrated me at the fact of `not finding` myself in breath. I was very unfocused during work, too focused on women. Women are a large distraction point for myself, and I catch myself thinking and fantasizing quite frequently. That is going to stop from here out. I am breathing through all of this shit and placing and making sure I stay in breath. There is a fear of repeating past patterns. I usually find something of myself and then `lose` it. It is usually a feeling and an experience of myself and that is what it usually is. Breathing as myself here I force myself within breath, I do not allow myself to simply breathe. It seems as though I must allow myself to breathe on my own, yet while I was breathing I was able to stop backchatting quite frequently and focus on myself in the physical, so I have trusted that result, as I ended up in breath within the physical. That was the desired outcome…It is a desire, so no I am dishonest somewhere within this application of myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire being in the physical as breath

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from/as myself as breath in the physical through desiring it

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that I am and always have been here within the physical, and that it is not separate from me

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from myself as the physical as breath

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear placing myself here within breath

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear backchatting

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to face my fear of myself backchatting.

Backchatting at Work and Co-workers

I have purposely placed the word `Co-workers` to invite and entice my co-workers to read this. My blog is an exposure of me showing the reality of myself to anyone who reads it myself included. It it is process of self-realization of who and how I have become what I have become, and an process of self-investigation, so yes there are topics in my blog which are the most intimate moments with/as myself. Read if you want
Enjoy

Feb 23rd 2011 11:15am


A co-worker today told me that he has been reading my blog. I laughed and was embarrassed as there is much personal stuff on there and felt very vulnerable in that moment. I have found out that other co-workers have read it as well. So looking at this, sure I am completely vulnerable through this and now I am going to have to watch what I say…It will never be about others but it could definitely be about my job.

I have been breathing and removing myself from backchatting today. I have been placing myself within the physical. I have in the past few days been very exhausted after work because of the backchatting that I have been doing while at work, so I decided to really push myself within this today. I was able to stop it quite frequently. I definitely did not stop it completely, I stopped it and was able to focus on myself within breath and within my body, and got out of my mind and the ideas and situations that I was creating within my mind. There was a long moment where I was getting wuite frustrated at myself for participating in backchatting and not stopping it. I would loop the fuck out of myself always participating in the past and observing the past which extensively fucked me up. I would think stop backchatting then look at that thought, think about the fact that I looked at the thought `stop backchatting` and this would lead into infinity and I would get completely frustrated for not stopping, and I would have to stop everything and just breathe or I would have gone fucking insane. This lasted until I realized that I have to completely let go of the backchatting and not judge myself nor look back and participate in the current moment the moment I breathe and completely let go of the backchatting that I was holding onto. This resulted in no frustration, I disregarded the past as the past and moved on within breath. This is helping me to not get angry and to not get frustrated about backchatting, believing that I must stop it. Instead of believing that I must stop it which infinitely loops me within the past, I actually stop it. Meaning I stop it within the breath and moment I become aware of myself backchatting, instead of believing that I must stop it, within believing that I must stop it I look at the past and judge myself within the belief that I must stop it thus infinitely looping me within the past. So I removed the infinite loop I was creating for myself and placed myself within the physical as breath each moment I caught myself, instead of worrying about what I have done in the past. So cool experience there, as I have stopped much of my backchatting, and cause of my frustration within my mind.

During the moment The co-worker told me he read my blog, I was quite nervous…and embarrassed, not being able to `hide` any longer. Not being able to hide the fact that I am part of desteni…which is quite cool as he actually looked into desteni, he said he watched anti-desteni and as soon as I heard the word desteni come from a person who does not participate in desteni, I was weirded out…lol. It was not `normal` to me, I have not heard anyone say desteni outside of desteni before with such non-chalance. So This shows that I am still living a `double life` where I do not incorporate both my personality and what I must do within the system and desteni as speaking about reality and truth, and what Really exists as this world as us as humans.

It was interesting to hear someone speak to me about desteni. After that happened I went into thoughts about how I must now watch what I say when blogging/vlogging, but I really do not. I have been allowing myself to write whatever and now only the information and knowledge that people in my direct reality are reading my blog in limiting me. So shows was knowledge and information does, it only limits ones ability to perceive reality.

I have been possessed by this point, Worrying what others at work are now thinking about me and there are a few things that I must realize. 1 I do not change through a different idea within another, meaning that just because another now `sees` `perceives` `thinks` about me differently, I do not change, I stay the same as the physical. If someone has a `new` idea about me it is just an idea, not real I stay the same as the physical. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be affected by thoughts. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself as an idea. I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that I am physical here as all equal to all physical existence. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become an idea of myself. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to affect myself with thoughts.

2 Only I allow this affect to exist within me. I accept and allow myself to be affected by others thoughts through backchatting about the fact that others now `know` something `more` `different` about me. Backchatting about a belief that others may hold now towards me through knowledge information perception and judgment . I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be affected by others judgment, perception, knowledge, and information. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be affected by others judgment, perception, knowledge, and information by judging myself, by creating a perception of myself and by defining myself through knowledge and information.

I am allowing myself to worry how I will handle this event, as many points about me are now vulnerable that I did not allow myself to expose unconditionally in every moment of and as myself. So be it. It does not matter, I will take the conflict if any exist, any judgment if existent, and handle it with self-honesty. That is all that I can do. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear exposing myself to people. I forgivemyself for not accepting and allowing myself to unconditionally expose myself. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hide myself from certain people. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create separate personalities. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from/as personality. I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that I have created myself as personality. Iforgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame my/the environment for creating myself as personality. I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to take responsibility for myself as personality.

BackChatting

After watching that video I had a large reaction to this within/as fear. I knew to a point that backchatting had consequences but now I understand a bit more, with the words knives, swords, stones, sticks, at how affective that it can be. I have backchatted immensely through out my life, and now fear fucking with myself. Recently I have backchatted quite a bit in regards to meeting Sally, I was not honest with myself within my starting point, the starting point was seeing it as a friend, date, etc, not person to person meeting and sharing and exploring eachothers process within desteni. That is what I put it off as, yet had ulterior motives, motive that lay under the surface…I am judging myself immensely for this point, because of the abuse that I have done. What happened within the backchatting is….ok so some of it was not backchatting, it was not `negative` or to attack…although I felt some at points of spite. Ok so most thoughts were not backchatting in the relation to judgement or negativity or attack. Some were though…What happened was that I would believe that anyone ends up judging me for the way that I am acting…but it is only my judgment of myself for not being self-directive and creating an ulterior motive, and then I think a knife, and throw it at them. I forgive myself for accepting and allowingmyself to through knives/thoughts, at others for my own self-judgment, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to attack others through/as my own inferiority, I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself ot remove myself from the situated, tied down construct of inferiority. This is what I amwithin this, tied down to my own position of inferiority trying to attack others and blame others for tying myself down. I see them as more than me and try to `cut` them down to where I reside, I forgive myself for accepting and allowin myself to resent myself as where I have placed myself. Ok so yes it id definitely out of inferiority, what just happened is that my friends whom I skateboard with are goig to a skatepark and my one friend is going and I am not, believing that I need to be invited to go, and within that I thought about typing that they are dicks, because I feel less than them as I believe that I should be invited but it is only up to me to decide whether or not to go, it is up to me to direct the situation not others to push me, as I would have said that I would not want to go as I see this as much more important. So yes it stems from me believing myself to be inferior to others, but I limit MYSELF, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame others for my own inferiority. There are many inferiority points within me…it is a made belief that I think that they are superior to me..so it is a blatent belief of superior judgement. As well it is comparison….1 they are better than me = cooler, more intelligent, insightful, progressive, attractive, and 2 I see myself as less than and try to cut them down to my size by throwing energetical thoughts with intent to hurt. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to intend to hurt another with my thoughts! I really do not want to hurt someone, have been playing with it and it is possible to stoponly when I realize that I hurt someone. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that my thoughts have no consequences, I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that I can hurt someone, with my energetic possessions. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hurt others with my thoughts.


BackChatting comes from my inferiority construct, when I feel inferior or intruded upon, what happened just now is that my roommate walked in on me while I was making a sandwich…I was judging myself for making that sandwich because I just ate, and ate more..so I wanted to be left alone and not exposed, and then he came in and I wanted him out so I backchatted in my head towards him, attacking the weakest point that I see. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hide my own judgments of myself, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take out my own judgments on other people. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear exposing my own judgments. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to attack other people if I think they will know what I am judging myself for. What I noticed is that I do not care, was not aware that I was hurting another being…I did not see consequences…I cannot see my thoughts , so I have assumed that there are no consequences but I can feel them. What I noticed is that I WAS hurting people and myself, and I came to this realization and I do not want to hurt others or myself, So I tested it out a few times and I noticed that it has become habit for me to defend myself, to attack another being, but It is my own problem…it is my inferiority that I am trying to defend yet I am actually protecting it, within attacking another with thought, I end up keeping myself in the inferiority position. As well I judge them within thinking or believing something that is a lie, like for instance religion, I have started to judge others for believing in religion, and within my mind call them ridiculous or crazy or pathetic, etc. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be self-righteous through believing my knowledge to be absolutely true, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to value my knowledge over people as life. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to value knowledge over life. Life is a lot more valuable than something that is questionable in every moment. Life feels pain, knowledge is bullshit, I know nothing, I do not KNOW whether or not god exists, All I know is that religion has brought us all into deceit, into deceiving others and trying to make money, that Is what religion is, another money based system, so it is not their faults for believing in it, they as me have wanted to find absolution outside of myself/ourselves. So again that point is not worth it, not worth hurting life, for my righteousness. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to be right, through/by applying self-righteousness. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I know everything. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I am always right. As I was testing out this BackChatter I have a tightness In my throat – for the words that I think. They have a resonance and a consequence. I do this just to judge people like I am some all mighty motherfucker, who can decide to judge. Whomever I feel. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I have the right to judge whomever. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge another because I feel inferior to them. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel inferior. Inferiority is bullshit, it does not exist as many of the things that I feel inferior for do not exist in reality, it is all valued thoughts that I have allowed myself to give value to. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give value to thoughts or ideas. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to value grammar, words, clothing, appearance, money, possessions, neatness, intelligence, sophistication. I forgive myself for accepting and allowingmyself to have an idea of what is valuable within appearance, grammar, accents, clothing, hygiene, intelligence, sophistication, money, possessions, neatness, fatness, sexuality, coolness. What I realized as well is that I fear them judging me as I have judged myself yet I do not care if they judge me, when I do not care to attack them, I do not judge myself, and I realized that within me not fearing being judged I do not attack them and that I am willing to `love` them anyhow, I do not fear them, so I can still support them no matter how much they will judge as Ido not judge myself, It all comes from judging myself first and foremost. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within morality. I judge on stupidity…judging myself for being stupid, judging myself for not knowing, for fearing for not being smart enough. Anything that this world has systematically disapproved of I have feared and judged myself for being. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become of this world. I do not accept myself as this world any longer. Breathing is who I am. I am breath. I am not a personality designed so that I can get what I have seen as a positive polarity.