Acceptance of our entire existence here on Earth

Moving into education again.
I have an opportunity to do correspondence and get my high school grades up so that I may be able to attend a college or university and I have been delaying/resisting moving on this point

I am resisting it because I do not see a purpose in school. I have a life that I enjoy, and within that I do not want or need anything more than what I have, yet I see that this life is not one that I would ultimate enjoy leading…as I will be stuck in this life.

I was looking at the resistances of taking an online course and it was a point of seeing it as valueless, meaning I have already mapped out my life and I see that now. I have accepted my death already, I have accepted my entire life already based on what I am and am not willing to move within. I looked at the resistances towards going to school and they are invalid. I would rather have the opportunity to expand than be stuck in the life that I am leading currently.

Having my grades improved will help me get into a college and then get a better paying job, and even if I decide to not go to college the opportunity will always be there, I will not be limited in what I can and cannot due, which is what I am doing within directing myself and my life currently, as I am limiting myself in expansion due to not improving my grades.

I have decided to move within taking the correspondence courses to improve my grades, and thus I have decided to move my life on rather than being stuck in my current reality.

Resisting moving within taking correspondence courses would only limit myself further in where I can place myself within/as the system. I think that we all do this in one form or another = we accept how our lives will be lived out early on and then hope for something new each year. We accept ourselves as how we are and dare not move past/through who we are accepting and allowing ourselves to live as and through that we are accepting and limiting ourselves in who we can become and live as. We accept a daily pattern and we become accustomed to living that out day after day and fear to move past it. I feared to move past my current accepted patterned lifestyle because then my reality becomes uncertain, as if I were to not give myself the opportunity to go to college I would always know what was ahead of me in life…I would know my daily pattern for the rest of my life, and we all come to this point in our lives.

I see this point as a diminishment of life = we don’t allow ourselves to ever expand when we fear moving out of the accepted patterned reality that we have become accustomed to and thus we live ourselves as a pattern daily and then we ourselves become a pattern and limit ourselves from expanding. Generation after generation we have done this and accepted this itself as a pattern in a whole of how life is. Find a job and SETTLE into a lifestyle in which we can know the outcomes due to a patterned lifestyle and within this always hope for something better but never take the responsibility to get it done, as within hope we take away our responsibility to direct ourselves in our lives.

This accepted way of living is a programmed reality = we know due to a pattern/program what the outcome is going to be, yet we allow hope to blind us from realizing that we ourselves must make a change to our reality to expand = to break out of the daily lived/accepted pattern.

I have chosen to take the courses so that I have the opportunity to expand in/as my reality and to not accept my current way of living for my entire existence here on Earth, giving myself an opportunity to expand.

Pushing Past Fears

An interesting point occurred a few days ago and that was myself pushing out a fear within me. I was fearing asking of suggesting a consideration of an agreement with me. The thought came up and before when this thought came up I ignored it and suppressed it with/as the fear but that day it was interesting! I felt that fear and saw the thought but this time I oculd not ignore it each time I recognized the thought I pushed it up within me further and further. It was very cool, it felt as I was going to vomit the fear through expressing it within words. There was still fear but I was not giving into it, through the Self forgiveness and self corrective statements that I was doing within the DesteniIprocess ( http://desteniiprocess.com ) I was able to see the ridiculousness of the fear. Doing the SF and SC didn’t mean that it would magically disappear, it meant that I am able to see the points in which I am accepting that are delusional and to remove those points to move past the delusion so I can see what is real! So I say the delusion in fearing her reaction and fearing myself not being able to handle the situation and I pushed that point out of me. I said fuck a few times before I spit it out because I knew that it was coming out and I was not going to ignore it and suppress it. I was in that time trying to find an `acceptable` way to approach the subject but again it was coming up and I said fuck it and spit it out in the way that I did. There was no `acceptable` way to approach it so I simply said what I needed to say. It was a `no go` and that is fine, there was no reaction towards it I simply stayed the same. There was no want or desire within asking about a consideration of the agreement it was a simply a question that had no answer yet, as well there was no expectation so within that I was moving with the moment not trying to create an outcome based on my desires or expectations.


Within the same day I felt an inferiority towards another person and I was possessed by this and was afraid of exposing the point to the person. I held back for quite a while trying to ignore it but the backchat was persistent and I was not stopping it. So in a moment I did not think at all and just said I felt inferior to him and explained a bit why. There was no thoughts but again the fact that I vomited up the fear was cool. I was not even conscious of the fact that I decided to move on that point meaning the decision came from no thoughts, I just moved on that point. I was just about to go out for a smoke and as I stood up I spoke the words “I feel inferior to you” I exposed this point because it was bugging me I wrote SF on it and SC but it persisted and from the past when I have been possessed by this I have bluntly exposed it and it disappeared so I did the same thing and it did disappear we started to communicate more and share, because before we were quite silent towards eachother not talking or communicating about points. There was another point to that I was afraid of exposing and that was a point of jealousy. I was afraid of exposing that point to him because I knew it was nasty and did not want to expose that so I was quite hesitant about exposing the point many times I was about to push it out but held it in. Eventually again I pushed that fear out and exposed the point of jealousy to get it clear and expose it and again there was more of a communication.

I was stopping the communication within the physical through communicating to myself within backchatting and within bringing out the backchatting thus removing the `conversation` from the mind and bringing into the physical

The Self forgiveness and Self corrective statements that I have applied since doing the DesteniIprocess has been significant as the points have een coming out and I have been pushing them out when I would have suppressed them.

Investigate and consider the Desteni I process to remove fears and realize things actually are in this reality http://desteniiprocess.com As well Investigate an Equal Money System as the solution to humanity http://equalmoney.org

`Me` Time

An interesting point yesterday was brought up within me and that point was `me` time. I looked at what `me` time was. That is where I give myself time to not care. I looked at what I did within `me` time, and I end up watching skateboarding videos for quite a while or looking a funnies on the internet, or watch some program on tv to entertain myself. So using the words `me` time is deceptive and dishonest, as all time is my time. I have all time to myself it is only what I choose to do within that time is what is relevant. Removing the words me time from that and equating all time equally, I saw that I was simply using that time to not give a fuck and to stray away from myself in actuality. I allow myself to give up on breath within `me` time and I allowed myself to not care about the current state of the world when participating in `me` time. Me time thus is dishonest, thus is deceptive, thus is abusive. Thus I am dishonest, I am abusive, I am deceptive.


Until I create all time as a process of self-investigation I will not change, as I have always used the excuse `ok enough `work` I have `me` time now` within which I am deliberately giving up on changing myself or pushing myself past any points. Me time is a lie to myself. There is no me time, the me time that I participate in is self-interest simply.

A few years ago I was completely invested in desteni,, in reading the material, in living the material, all of that. Only recently have I started to become more self-interested, so I have fucked with myself. I enjoy reading the material I enjoy writing, I enjoy living the material and discovering how to live it effective that is the real Me time, that is truly what I enjoy. The `me` time that I have participated in is simply self as the mind interest. It supports everything of the mind and as soon as I accept myself participating in `me` time and do not stop I allow everything of the mind to come back to me as me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in `me` time

I forgive myself that I have hidden behind the words `me` time

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in self-interests of the mind that feed the mind with mind definitions

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that all time Is me time

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to participate in what I truly enjoy

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give up on myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not care

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed to change myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within a pattern that is thinking.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to define process as work

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define dishonesty as `playtime` or `me` time

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to simply realize that I enjoy process

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in self interests as self being of the mind

I stop allowing myself to participate in self interests

I stop and breathe and check my starting point when I participate in what I have defined as self-interest and move myself within self-honesty

I am going push myself to continually participate in process investigating myself and changing myself seeing where I can take myself and expand myself within.