Mar 27th 2011 11:41am
A few reactions are going on within due to some events that took place yesterday. I my sister got kicked out of my fathers house from an argument that they had. I was thinking of a way to try and help her without her reacting with emotion, yet I could not. She was describing that she wanted to crawl into a whole and not face anything. Anyways I am about to go into a rant about her, but anyways I noticed that I was fearing her reaction and this was limiting me within saying anything, because I saw that anything I said would set her off. I was saying that when I had that feeling it was self-judgment and asked her a few more questions which lead to the answer self-judgment but she would not admit it. So I felt hopeless and went into backchat about…if you will not be self-honest then it is up to you then I will not help you. I became frustrated, which is simply showing me that I frustrate and dislike the fact that I am dishonest to myself and I do not like the fact that I will not admit things to myself and be self-honest to myself.
I forgive myself to accepting and allowing myself to judge myself for being dishonest with myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge other people/beings for being dishonest with themselves
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to dislike myself for being dishonest
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not like myself.
So I mean yes if she isn’t willing to be self-honest than I simply cannot help her, I cannot assist her as she must actually assist her self by being honest with herself thus getting down to the actual self-created situation. But simply I can not do anything about this. I noticed that I wanted to and believed that I should help her with this, which is an ego point that I am now diffusing because I have to focus on myself first and not others and their processes. Simply I have to help myself first and be honest with myself.
And the second point is moving through ego. I realized that I have been using ego to push myself for the past week or so, and within this I fell meaning I went into a depression and sadness through having my ego shot down. And within this I have stopped applying myself as touch, and I noticed this this morning, that I have not been applying myself within touch. This I am using now for myself to keep myself here rather than going into the mind and using that to move myself. Yesterday I stopped applying myself this way and I allowed myself to move into desire and self-interest. I realized this as I noticed that I was not paying attention to myself. So I am again re-applying myself to touch and stopping the backchat of ego and superiority. I ground myself within touch, and within this I stop the ballooning of myself rising high into my sphere. And then I pop it through rising too high and I then ground myself lol. So I am keeping myself on the ground
Showing posts with label Superiority. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Superiority. Show all posts
Sunday, March 27, 2011
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Backchatting Superiority
Mar 23rd 2011 9:16pm
I am and have been backchatting extensively today and I see every consequence and how it is affecting me and my view of people and my interactions with them. I am backchatting, fighting with myself. Which is crazy as it has no other outcome then self-destruction. =War. I have backchatted about people being inferior to me, and I see how that is affecting my outlook on them thus the participation with them, and then the consequence of self which is separation from them.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge other people within backchat as being inferior fearing to actually say that with my voice
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge other people within backchat separating myself from them
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to separate myself from others believing that I am on a `different` level.
For me right now it seems like I am becoming power hungry. So many years of giving my power away and I am taking a stance within myself for myself and now I am placing myself above rather than below. So this simply is going
I do not allow myself from here further to compete with other for a place of power/of control of self or others.
I stand one and equal with and as others as self as me here.
I am and have been backchatting extensively today and I see every consequence and how it is affecting me and my view of people and my interactions with them. I am backchatting, fighting with myself. Which is crazy as it has no other outcome then self-destruction. =War. I have backchatted about people being inferior to me, and I see how that is affecting my outlook on them thus the participation with them, and then the consequence of self which is separation from them.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge other people within backchat as being inferior fearing to actually say that with my voice
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge other people within backchat separating myself from them
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to separate myself from others believing that I am on a `different` level.
For me right now it seems like I am becoming power hungry. So many years of giving my power away and I am taking a stance within myself for myself and now I am placing myself above rather than below. So this simply is going
I do not allow myself from here further to compete with other for a place of power/of control of self or others.
I stand one and equal with and as others as self as me here.
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Feeling more Than I am and forgiveness
Mar 15th 2011 5:06am
I have been backchatting more fererishly this morning. I am excited to be involved in desteni private forum and I am starting to believe myself to be more than I am. I do not accept this to continue. I am the same here as I always have been, I am here within breath. I am not more than myself I am not less. I am here. I am not more than another being. I do not accept myself continuing in this thought pattern I stop I breathe I am here. This came from excitement
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I am more than myself
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to project superiority
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use excitement to gain a positive egotistical energy
I stop I breathe
I am the same here as I have always been
I am not more or less I am the same here and always will be.
I am comparing myself to other desteni members. Placing myself as more than.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to compare myself to other desteni members
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself as process
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define others as process
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear backchatting
I am not process
Others are not process
I am not more within process
I am the same here
there is no point that is more or less than another point
We are all equal here within breath.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to compare process
Process is not comparable
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to compare value of life
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to value all life equally
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that all life is equal as breath
There is no comparable value between life we are all equal here within breath.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel good about process
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to BELIEVE that I am `excelling` at process
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that process is not definable as self, and that process has no comparable value between people
Process is the same for all and It is each
I am not allowing myself to continue this and am taking responsibility for myself.
I have been backchatting more fererishly this morning. I am excited to be involved in desteni private forum and I am starting to believe myself to be more than I am. I do not accept this to continue. I am the same here as I always have been, I am here within breath. I am not more than myself I am not less. I am here. I am not more than another being. I do not accept myself continuing in this thought pattern I stop I breathe I am here. This came from excitement
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I am more than myself
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to project superiority
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use excitement to gain a positive egotistical energy
I stop I breathe
I am the same here as I have always been
I am not more or less I am the same here and always will be.
I am comparing myself to other desteni members. Placing myself as more than.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to compare myself to other desteni members
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself as process
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define others as process
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear backchatting
I am not process
Others are not process
I am not more within process
I am the same here
there is no point that is more or less than another point
We are all equal here within breath.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to compare process
Process is not comparable
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to compare value of life
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to value all life equally
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that all life is equal as breath
There is no comparable value between life we are all equal here within breath.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel good about process
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to BELIEVE that I am `excelling` at process
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that process is not definable as self, and that process has no comparable value between people
Process is the same for all and It is each
I am not allowing myself to continue this and am taking responsibility for myself.
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Socializing and `Falling`
Feb 16th 2011 10:03pm
I am here right now finishing the last of the `The girl who` movies, If you are not familiar it doesn’t matter lol. I have started to write and watch movies at the same time. The distraction of this is quite interesting. I have done this before and I get distracted quite easily by the video and forget and stop caring about writing. I start to become much more interested in the movie than in writing. Right now I see a difference. I am not as distracted. I am able to type effectively and watch the movie together. I notice that I am much more distracted with facebook than anything else. I plan to write or to do something and I become entanced by facebook and start to look at everything and purposely distract myself with socialization.
Socialization is a large distraction and falling point for me. When smoking cigarettes socializing was my biggest point to move through. To stand alone was my biggest point within that. When I was falling on that point I desired to be included within the socialization so I would give into smoking so that I could socialize. One large point was that within work where a co-worker who I did not know too well smoked and at a point where I was working with him, he asked me to go out for a cigarette. That morning I stood with confidence in stopping smoking and that point took me over. I socialized and went for a smoke, debating with myself to not do that yet I gave in to socializing within smoking. Within that moment I did not stand under my own principles but gave myself up to a want to socialize. As well this happened many times, as I have placed others as more than me. When I think about it now and place myself within that situation there is a fear of falling again within that point where I see someone as much more than me who smokes and asks me to smoke and within that I give in to socializing with them as I want to be like them. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to place my own actions outside of myself.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become an idea of myself in the situation of being in an environemtn where I believe someone is `more than me` in which I become the idea of myself that I should follow the superior being.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I must follow a superior being.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that I am one and equal with all beings, all life, all of existence as myself.
So I am sure that I am not the only one who falls within socializing, becoming an idea of who they should be within the context of the situation. For which I say stand as yourself, Breathe and bring yourself back into your body instead of comparing yourself with the other. Breathe and make sure that you stand absolutely as yourself with no doubt of who you are within that moment, not being an idea of yourself, but standing as yourself as your principles. Remove the want to be like the `superior being` and place yourself equal to the other, Know that you are equal to the other, and allow yourself to stand as yourself. Breathe, make sure you stick to breath…this could be for drinking, smoking, doing something criminal, or simply laughing along when you know that you think it is not funny, just to fit in and socialize.
Socializing has become a large enslavement point for many beings. It is the experience of placing yourself less than another for some stupid fucking reason, and wanting to be like the superior being, thus mimicking them standing as an idea of yourself being less than and as well an idea of who you want to be within comparison to the other. Stand as yourself and this is done within breath. Can only be done within breath. Stop giving yourself up humanity to some bullshit ideals of yourself…trying to be the ideal person of yourself through following the `superior being` constantly within an infinite loop.
To start to research breath and what humanity as yourself have really become Join Desteni visit http:/desteni.co.za Humanity needs to change and the tools and the support provided within the site/group is phenomenal, it is unfathomable, as one will never see support like this outside of the site, as all others are systems all following their ideals of themselves, become the ideal of yourself through creating yourself within breath of each moment. Stand as yourself, Stand as Life! Join Desteni, Support an Equal Money system http://equalmoney.org
I am here right now finishing the last of the `The girl who` movies, If you are not familiar it doesn’t matter lol. I have started to write and watch movies at the same time. The distraction of this is quite interesting. I have done this before and I get distracted quite easily by the video and forget and stop caring about writing. I start to become much more interested in the movie than in writing. Right now I see a difference. I am not as distracted. I am able to type effectively and watch the movie together. I notice that I am much more distracted with facebook than anything else. I plan to write or to do something and I become entanced by facebook and start to look at everything and purposely distract myself with socialization.
Socialization is a large distraction and falling point for me. When smoking cigarettes socializing was my biggest point to move through. To stand alone was my biggest point within that. When I was falling on that point I desired to be included within the socialization so I would give into smoking so that I could socialize. One large point was that within work where a co-worker who I did not know too well smoked and at a point where I was working with him, he asked me to go out for a cigarette. That morning I stood with confidence in stopping smoking and that point took me over. I socialized and went for a smoke, debating with myself to not do that yet I gave in to socializing within smoking. Within that moment I did not stand under my own principles but gave myself up to a want to socialize. As well this happened many times, as I have placed others as more than me. When I think about it now and place myself within that situation there is a fear of falling again within that point where I see someone as much more than me who smokes and asks me to smoke and within that I give in to socializing with them as I want to be like them. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to place my own actions outside of myself.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become an idea of myself in the situation of being in an environemtn where I believe someone is `more than me` in which I become the idea of myself that I should follow the superior being.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I must follow a superior being.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that I am one and equal with all beings, all life, all of existence as myself.
So I am sure that I am not the only one who falls within socializing, becoming an idea of who they should be within the context of the situation. For which I say stand as yourself, Breathe and bring yourself back into your body instead of comparing yourself with the other. Breathe and make sure that you stand absolutely as yourself with no doubt of who you are within that moment, not being an idea of yourself, but standing as yourself as your principles. Remove the want to be like the `superior being` and place yourself equal to the other, Know that you are equal to the other, and allow yourself to stand as yourself. Breathe, make sure you stick to breath…this could be for drinking, smoking, doing something criminal, or simply laughing along when you know that you think it is not funny, just to fit in and socialize.
Socializing has become a large enslavement point for many beings. It is the experience of placing yourself less than another for some stupid fucking reason, and wanting to be like the superior being, thus mimicking them standing as an idea of yourself being less than and as well an idea of who you want to be within comparison to the other. Stand as yourself and this is done within breath. Can only be done within breath. Stop giving yourself up humanity to some bullshit ideals of yourself…trying to be the ideal person of yourself through following the `superior being` constantly within an infinite loop.
To start to research breath and what humanity as yourself have really become Join Desteni visit http:/desteni.co.za Humanity needs to change and the tools and the support provided within the site/group is phenomenal, it is unfathomable, as one will never see support like this outside of the site, as all others are systems all following their ideals of themselves, become the ideal of yourself through creating yourself within breath of each moment. Stand as yourself, Stand as Life! Join Desteni, Support an Equal Money system http://equalmoney.org
Saturday, January 29, 2011
Judging myself on Grammar, and Popularity
Judging myself with Grammar.
So this revolves around and within Intelligence and Sophistication Believing it to be valuable. I believe that intelligence and sophistication has power within/as it, so I have started to define myself as this to try and make myself believe that I have some type of power over others. This is within Ego. So from when I remember I was not that popular…desiring popularity I started to make myself look for another type of power….one that opposites popularity. That I saw was intelligence, Sophistication. Someone who does not have a lot of friends is always intelligent or sophisticated…and all that high-class shit. So I have tried to uphold the image of myself being intelligent or sophisticated by Judging myself for speaking ill, not speaking according to the definition that I hold within/as sophistication/intelligence. This is all for a form of control of myself so that I can hold myself to only being this definition for power, I control myself by judging myself so that I become that which I judge, so for example if I use a word that does not match my definition of intelligence/sophistication, I judge myself for it making myself feel bad for using it, and not wanting to `feel bad` I then try and not use it again thus controlling myself to become that definition of intelligence/sophistication. Again I want to be perceived as intelligent/sophisticated so that I can not feel inferior to people to have friends, to people who are popular, so that I can use my `knowledge/intelligence` to prove to them that I am superior. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel inferior to people who are popular, I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to live for/as/by myself. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to be popular, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to be significant.
So I have tried to gain the perception of being intelligent/sophisticated to gain power over people who are popular as I saw them as stupid, as being dumb, as purposely talking about Tv, Women, And other things as such, So I surrounded myself with investigating things, looking into the world, and this started off with conspiracy theories, and thus within that I tried to hold my belief of being superior through/as knowledge to those who were popular, believing that I am significant for knowing this and that they are less than for not. As well I held this for emergency situations lol of feeling inferior where I could go into my data bank of knowledge and `say` something, more like repeat something to make me sound intelligent in which I hope the other would feel the same and thus I would not feel inferior to another person, so I have felt inferior to people who I have seen as more intelligent than me, trying to find more information and knowledge so that I could spit more meaningless shit to uphold the image of me being superior through the belief of me being intelligent/sophisticated. I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to speak from myself. I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to use myself to speak. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to disregard myself as valuable within/as words. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take credit for other words spoken, then repeating them as my own. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use others ideas as my own and trying to make myself sound intelligent/sophisticated .
Judging myself for not being popular.
I have judged myself for not being popular/ not having friends. I have seen friends as support and that one is accepted through/by having friends. I have judged and valued myself as less than people who have friends as I have seen friends as valuable. That I am valued by having friends…as having more friends is like having more `support` for self, Thus being valuable..having others support you because of the belief of Value….That is why we have politicians and leaders, because we value them and support them. So I have judged myself as being inferior/not valuable because I was never `able` to accumulate friends. But knowing the friend structure, it is just a game of pointless talk, there is no support there for life, No one talks about life the whole friendship construct is blinding for me…I do not think about life I do not exist as life, I am a personality, trying to be personable trying to be accepted when I am `friendly`. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to value popularity, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to value friends. I forgive myself that I have nto accepted and allowed myself to see friends as people. Iforgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate from people within using the definition of friends. Again…a bit of procrastination so I have lost my place.
I have judged myself for not being popular. I have believed myself to be less than people who have friends. I have seen them as more important as theygot more attention than me, so being popular is about wanting attention. I have desired attention to feed my ego. Again this process always ends up about humbleness, to not care about whether you get attention or not getting attention that you remain stable as yourself within any situation, that is really cool. Again I have written about this point within desiring support around friends….that wanting to be around friends is a point of support for me which is only a point of support for my ego, only a point of support of believing who I am. Judgment only comes from ego, to remove ego I remove all judgment all belief of what is valuable, all belief of who I am, and I just become. So popularity is just what it is, no value, humbleness exists within me, I take a hold of that humbleness and stop all of this desire of attention of ego, of supporting my ego, I support myself with breath and not energy that I create through believing myself to be who I am through validation by/other peoples reactions to my words, actions, thoughts, ideas, anything that comes from me I stop validating through other people. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to valuedate myself through/as others reactions towards me. Iforgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself by/how other people react to me. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to need validation for a belief of who I am. I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to just be. I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to be humble as life. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am something. I am not a belief. I only am.
So this revolves around and within Intelligence and Sophistication Believing it to be valuable. I believe that intelligence and sophistication has power within/as it, so I have started to define myself as this to try and make myself believe that I have some type of power over others. This is within Ego. So from when I remember I was not that popular…desiring popularity I started to make myself look for another type of power….one that opposites popularity. That I saw was intelligence, Sophistication. Someone who does not have a lot of friends is always intelligent or sophisticated…and all that high-class shit. So I have tried to uphold the image of myself being intelligent or sophisticated by Judging myself for speaking ill, not speaking according to the definition that I hold within/as sophistication/intelligence. This is all for a form of control of myself so that I can hold myself to only being this definition for power, I control myself by judging myself so that I become that which I judge, so for example if I use a word that does not match my definition of intelligence/sophistication, I judge myself for it making myself feel bad for using it, and not wanting to `feel bad` I then try and not use it again thus controlling myself to become that definition of intelligence/sophistication. Again I want to be perceived as intelligent/sophisticated so that I can not feel inferior to people to have friends, to people who are popular, so that I can use my `knowledge/intelligence` to prove to them that I am superior. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel inferior to people who are popular, I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to live for/as/by myself. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to be popular, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to be significant.
So I have tried to gain the perception of being intelligent/sophisticated to gain power over people who are popular as I saw them as stupid, as being dumb, as purposely talking about Tv, Women, And other things as such, So I surrounded myself with investigating things, looking into the world, and this started off with conspiracy theories, and thus within that I tried to hold my belief of being superior through/as knowledge to those who were popular, believing that I am significant for knowing this and that they are less than for not. As well I held this for emergency situations lol of feeling inferior where I could go into my data bank of knowledge and `say` something, more like repeat something to make me sound intelligent in which I hope the other would feel the same and thus I would not feel inferior to another person, so I have felt inferior to people who I have seen as more intelligent than me, trying to find more information and knowledge so that I could spit more meaningless shit to uphold the image of me being superior through the belief of me being intelligent/sophisticated. I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to speak from myself. I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to use myself to speak. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to disregard myself as valuable within/as words. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take credit for other words spoken, then repeating them as my own. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use others ideas as my own and trying to make myself sound intelligent/sophisticated .
Judging myself for not being popular.
I have judged myself for not being popular/ not having friends. I have seen friends as support and that one is accepted through/by having friends. I have judged and valued myself as less than people who have friends as I have seen friends as valuable. That I am valued by having friends…as having more friends is like having more `support` for self, Thus being valuable..having others support you because of the belief of Value….That is why we have politicians and leaders, because we value them and support them. So I have judged myself as being inferior/not valuable because I was never `able` to accumulate friends. But knowing the friend structure, it is just a game of pointless talk, there is no support there for life, No one talks about life the whole friendship construct is blinding for me…I do not think about life I do not exist as life, I am a personality, trying to be personable trying to be accepted when I am `friendly`. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to value popularity, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to value friends. I forgive myself that I have nto accepted and allowed myself to see friends as people. Iforgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate from people within using the definition of friends. Again…a bit of procrastination so I have lost my place.
I have judged myself for not being popular. I have believed myself to be less than people who have friends. I have seen them as more important as theygot more attention than me, so being popular is about wanting attention. I have desired attention to feed my ego. Again this process always ends up about humbleness, to not care about whether you get attention or not getting attention that you remain stable as yourself within any situation, that is really cool. Again I have written about this point within desiring support around friends….that wanting to be around friends is a point of support for me which is only a point of support for my ego, only a point of support of believing who I am. Judgment only comes from ego, to remove ego I remove all judgment all belief of what is valuable, all belief of who I am, and I just become. So popularity is just what it is, no value, humbleness exists within me, I take a hold of that humbleness and stop all of this desire of attention of ego, of supporting my ego, I support myself with breath and not energy that I create through believing myself to be who I am through validation by/other peoples reactions to my words, actions, thoughts, ideas, anything that comes from me I stop validating through other people. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to valuedate myself through/as others reactions towards me. Iforgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself by/how other people react to me. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to need validation for a belief of who I am. I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to just be. I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to be humble as life. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am something. I am not a belief. I only am.
Thursday, January 20, 2011
Lost of writing with no direction....
Sleeping and feeling like I am ineffective in relation to being uncomfortable with my posts.
This point was brought up when watching Sunettes video on depression, the point that I woke up with today was feeing that I have been ineffective, and that my life was worthless and that I have done nothing….Ths was a lie and in watching sunnette’s video I see that I was expereinceng a past experience of myself as a belief of myself as being effective. This point came up out of fearing my posts, and believing that I am not `good` enough, not knowledgeable enough to effectively support another individual and was fearing that I was going to end up fucking with someone. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe and fear that I am not enough to help someone else. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I first must be enough to support someone, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from another being who is delusional. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe thatI am intelligent or smart enough to help someone. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my own actions within/as reality. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to concern myself with the worry of whether or not I am actually effective in helping someone thus separating myself from my own actions and allowing a system or program to guide me. I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to use my own words to help and support another individual being. I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to become and realize that I am equal to all other beings, and I forgive myself for accepting and allowing separation to exist within the words of stupid, intelligent, ignorant, aware. So that is what I woke up with today is this heavy depression of a belief and experience of that belief of myself being ineffective and worthless in regards to helping another. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to allow depression to take me over, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give my own power over to depression and allow it to control me. I pushed through this to write it out and now I am depressed that I cannot get rid of these superior thoughts. And starting to become frustrated with the thoughts as I do not like it yet I believe it. I am existing as both ego here when believing that I am superior and not liking the fact that I am thinking I am superior. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to dislike the fact that I am thinking that I am superior thus separating myself from the fact that I am accepting the thought. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am more than others through/as intelligence and application of myself. I am not taking this point directly on I am not existing as it standing equal to it, I am projecting myself onto it as a belief that I can control it and remove yet I still give myself up to the thought andnot stop within the moment. I am that depression right now, I am not breathing I have just been sitting here trying to think this over and try to think my way out of this. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that thinking is the solituon. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try and solve my depression by thinking. Why I started to feel this way is, that I am watching the Radical Relationships and the God System and I realize that I have been only following and not creating my own reality, only following stopping sugar because it has been said, only stopping cigarettes because it has been said, and I become depressed with that fact and the realization that Imust completely start over. And re-start my entire process with myself as the starting point….I became depressed because I saw it as a large task to complete and believe that I will not be what I want to be which is done or superior or transcended, I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to be me. I forgive myself thatI have not accepted and allowed myself to exist as/for me. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to ignore the fact that I am an abuser with believing that I have free will. I believe that have free will right now and can do whatever I want, and what I want is to believe that I am more than another….Iwas watching 2 movies in the past 2 days (28 days later, and 28 weeks later) during the movie I was thinking about what I would do if I were in that position…free will no consequences…no foreseeable consequences, I would participate in my free will and believe that I can do what ever I want, and this is coming through now…In one of Katie’s videos where she reviews the Black Swam movie she describes that she becomes the energetic experience that she felt throughout the movie, and then ended up living it out, with the thoughts of If I starve myself I can become skinny…I can look like that…and this I experienced as well, where I gave way to my `darkside` where I thought abusive thoughts, and within this movie I am living out my free will, where I think whatever I want which is revolving around that I am better than any/every one. Movies fuck with one a great deal…but the movie is assisting withbringing out what is within oneself anyways, so it obviously is not the movie, it is me. I forgive myself for accepting and allowingmyself to believe that I am more than any other being. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in thoughts of superiority. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to believe that I am more than another. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist within a mind reality when thinking/believing myself to be superior. I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to place myselfin the physical reality when thinking/believing that I am superior.
This point was brought up when watching Sunettes video on depression, the point that I woke up with today was feeing that I have been ineffective, and that my life was worthless and that I have done nothing….Ths was a lie and in watching sunnette’s video I see that I was expereinceng a past experience of myself as a belief of myself as being effective. This point came up out of fearing my posts, and believing that I am not `good` enough, not knowledgeable enough to effectively support another individual and was fearing that I was going to end up fucking with someone. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe and fear that I am not enough to help someone else. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I first must be enough to support someone, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from another being who is delusional. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe thatI am intelligent or smart enough to help someone. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my own actions within/as reality. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to concern myself with the worry of whether or not I am actually effective in helping someone thus separating myself from my own actions and allowing a system or program to guide me. I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to use my own words to help and support another individual being. I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to become and realize that I am equal to all other beings, and I forgive myself for accepting and allowing separation to exist within the words of stupid, intelligent, ignorant, aware. So that is what I woke up with today is this heavy depression of a belief and experience of that belief of myself being ineffective and worthless in regards to helping another. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to allow depression to take me over, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give my own power over to depression and allow it to control me. I pushed through this to write it out and now I am depressed that I cannot get rid of these superior thoughts. And starting to become frustrated with the thoughts as I do not like it yet I believe it. I am existing as both ego here when believing that I am superior and not liking the fact that I am thinking I am superior. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to dislike the fact that I am thinking that I am superior thus separating myself from the fact that I am accepting the thought. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am more than others through/as intelligence and application of myself. I am not taking this point directly on I am not existing as it standing equal to it, I am projecting myself onto it as a belief that I can control it and remove yet I still give myself up to the thought andnot stop within the moment. I am that depression right now, I am not breathing I have just been sitting here trying to think this over and try to think my way out of this. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that thinking is the solituon. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try and solve my depression by thinking. Why I started to feel this way is, that I am watching the Radical Relationships and the God System and I realize that I have been only following and not creating my own reality, only following stopping sugar because it has been said, only stopping cigarettes because it has been said, and I become depressed with that fact and the realization that Imust completely start over. And re-start my entire process with myself as the starting point….I became depressed because I saw it as a large task to complete and believe that I will not be what I want to be which is done or superior or transcended, I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to be me. I forgive myself thatI have not accepted and allowed myself to exist as/for me. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to ignore the fact that I am an abuser with believing that I have free will. I believe that have free will right now and can do whatever I want, and what I want is to believe that I am more than another….Iwas watching 2 movies in the past 2 days (28 days later, and 28 weeks later) during the movie I was thinking about what I would do if I were in that position…free will no consequences…no foreseeable consequences, I would participate in my free will and believe that I can do what ever I want, and this is coming through now…In one of Katie’s videos where she reviews the Black Swam movie she describes that she becomes the energetic experience that she felt throughout the movie, and then ended up living it out, with the thoughts of If I starve myself I can become skinny…I can look like that…and this I experienced as well, where I gave way to my `darkside` where I thought abusive thoughts, and within this movie I am living out my free will, where I think whatever I want which is revolving around that I am better than any/every one. Movies fuck with one a great deal…but the movie is assisting withbringing out what is within oneself anyways, so it obviously is not the movie, it is me. I forgive myself for accepting and allowingmyself to believe that I am more than any other being. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in thoughts of superiority. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to believe that I am more than another. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist within a mind reality when thinking/believing myself to be superior. I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to place myselfin the physical reality when thinking/believing that I am superior.
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