Memory Enslavement of MYself

Feb 20th 1:37pm 2011


I have been experiencing a thought in which I think more and try to define myself within that thought, that though being I do not know how to experience myself in this moment. I now see that within those words I create the experience of myself. When I think that thought I start to think about how I must experience myself within that moment. Should I experience myself as less than, more than, weak, strong…what is going on in terms of the outer world, and how should I relate myself to the outer world through my past in deifning myself as the experience I believe I should be within this current moment. That is the thought and thoughts that come up when this happens. I think about how I should be within that moment and how I should create myself as within the moment in relation to my past. It is absolutely habitual. It comes `naturally` I mean automatically. I define myself as the experience through a past memory of myself, and define the outer situation through a past memory as well so that I can relate it to something as myself through my past and then within that make myself as the experience I was within that past memory. Ok so for example: I will not know how to experience myself in a moment…that is the thought that comes up. I will then look at the outer experience/situation, and relate that to some part of my past. I will then look at how I have defined myself within that past situation and then place the experience of myself accordingly. Again this is automatic. I find it hard to stop this. When I breathe through this there is not thought nor any reaction or any experience of myself. It is a lot `nicer` to be within breath that is for sure.

I will run through many experiences within the moment of uncertainty of myself, and `grab` one that is relatable, and then define myself as that experience in the current moment. When I breathe I stop and place myself here directing myself which is cool, as there is no uncertainty nor any question of who I am within the moment, nor any definition, I only am here within the moment. That is how I have defined and enslaved myself to the past = within uncertainty of myself. I have trusted my past to define myself within the moment. Why? Why is my past reliable? Because it has already happened and the now is happening unknowingly, so I use the past to `prepare` myself to for the future of the current moment by defining myself as a past experience that I `know` myself within and believe that the current moment will play out the same way as the memory…or I Create it that way by placing myself as a memory. That is the answer I have come up with yet the past is not reliable because it does not exist now, the present is unknowable, so to rely on the past to define myself within the present is useless.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself within a past experience of myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to rely on a memory of myself to define myself and experience myself within the present.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold onto myself as past memories to rely on as a tool to define myself within the current moment and experience.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to enslave myself to a memory of myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use knowledge and information as a past memory of myself to rely on defining myself within the current situation/moment/experience of myself.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to place myself within breath within each moment new allowing myself to experience myself within the present moment thus not being a slave to my own creation of myself as memory.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to `remember` myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowingmyself to enslave myself within loops of myself by allowingymself to place myself as a memory, believing that the situation is going to play out the same way as the memory, when really I am creating it to play out the same way through placing myself as a memory, enslaving myself to that experience of myself, allowing it to loop, thus enslaving myself to a pre-program of myself.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that I enslave myself and create my reality as loops thorough placing myself as a memory of myself.

Forgetting through participating in thoughts

At work today I started with breath. Meaning that I was able to stop thoughts and breathe with myself here and place myself within the physical reality and focus on cleaning. I was breathing and applying Self-forgiveness during the first part of my work, I was allowing myself to look at and face the majority of thoughts that were coming up and forgiving them and then applying myself back within breath. After time it slowly faded. At the end of my work I forgot everything, I forgot to breathe, I forgot who I was within each moment. This has been a pattern for a few days now. I used to just completely forget everything and go right into thoughts, so I am not facing myself equally in each moment.


I was remembering some points that I was going to write about at the beginning of my shift, by the end I had forgotten everything. This happened just because I participated in thoughts. I slowly kept on thinking about past events or future, I continued to project myself out from the physical existence. I thought about what I could do today and how I was going to control myself within the point I am taking on which is taking care of myself thorugh eating better and doing insulin. I was thinking about how to do this, only building up a positive energy base to then act up-on, and make myself feel better by believing that I am taking this on. So I got lost in positivity. Cool, as I now see it and I can cross-reference it aswell, as I know where I created that belief within myself of being positive. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to make myself believe that I am a positive being and happy, and loving, and blissful, when really I am existing in ignorance. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to ignore the fact that I am only making myself believe that I am positive. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to ignore the fact that I am not positive.