All one Vs To get Her

Feb 21st 9:15pm 2011


Being All one vs Being Out ToGetHer

Being Alone and realizing and accepting that I walk this process alone for me as all as life is reality is what is real is what will work and stand the test of time as myself. Being out to get her, out to be together with another will never stand the test of time as I will then always be looking and never realize that I stand as all as one, All One. Within together, I look for another being to hold onto in which I place an idea of myself of `together` with another being in which it will never stand the test of time as within death we separate, so being together is an absolute lie to myself, and I deceive myself within believing that I am together with someone and that I have company and that I am not alone. In reality yes I am not alone yet I am alone, as I am the only one responsible for myself. I am not physically alone but I must stand alone in each moment as All One, to realize myself as equal to all live. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to only consider the human in/as existence. I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to consider all life within/as existence.

Being together means that I am searching = To Get Her. Wanting another to `complete` me not realizing that I am complete as myself alone as All One, as one as myself. I am dishonest within searching outside of myself for anything as standing Alone means that I am All One, as all as life meaning that everything does not exist outside of me as life as All one, standing alone as me as life. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to search outside of myself for `completion` of myself. I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that I am complete as myself alone. This does not mean that I am perfect in any way, I must live myself alone and realize that I am All one, and stand as the principles of myself as equality and actually live equality firstly to then understand even the concept of perfection of myself alone as all one. I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to stand alone as all one of a group as everyone as the group thus looking out for the group as myself alone as all one as the group. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to search for another as myself not realizing that I am the other as myself and the other is me as them, thus not needing to search outside of myself, only needing to realize that I am them as myself in equality and oneness as we both will stand alone. I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to stand alone as all one as life as me. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to write this with others in mind and not standing alone as me as all one standing as me knowing that writing this for myself alone means that I write this for all as one. That is neat.

Not being Here within Work

This morning I found it incredibly hard to get up. I pushed the snooze button and was grateful for its existence. I was at the point of sleeping in more and then sleeping too much and then being late for work, so the snooze button was an excellent use in that moment. I got up after the alarm went off again and got up slowly. I made breakfast and knew that this day was going to be a difficult day for me because I was allowing myself to feel tired because of the physical movements that I had to do when I did not want to do them. I walked to work and within that I escaped the majority of the walk. I took myself out of the physical moment reality, and placed myself in a desired situation which was thinking about sleep and food when I were to get home. I got to work and was not wanting to be there in that moment, I was placing an idea of myself of wanting to sleep and to not want to be wherever I was within and as me. At work I was working incredibly slowly, very sluggish. Not try to do my work at all, simply accessing the system and program I was running within me and allowed it to run me, as I placed myself in a place that was not real within ideas and beliefs and ideal situations. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for accepting and allowing myself to run a system and a program within me to not face myself in the moment here. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become an idea of myself of the current moment.


I was allowing myself to participate in this feeling through the anticipation of the physical movements that I had to do within the day. I was placing myself within walking back to my house, and placing myself within walking to the library, and placing the idea of myself as being weak within and as that, so I became very depressed and unhappy to have to do all of that. I was not placing myself within the moment. I was very sluggish and not caring about my work, not giving myself the energy to move through work. I ended up sleeping for a short while when working, so that I could lol not be here. The lol is because when I opened my eyes I thought…”right I am still here”. I was dreaming and placing myself in a different reality, and when I awoke I was not thrilled in realizing reality. I realized that I was still at work and that I had to do work. So I got up and started to do my work. A bit more energized yet still not happy with the fact of being where I was and not being in a place of comfort and one where I can relax myself physically.

I noticed that I was doing this and texted my mom to see if she could pick me up…As well I have been desiring for the spring to arrive so that I can either bike or skateboard to work…biking is a lot quicker, and I would simply enjoy skateboarding to work as I get to do tricks along the way. She said that she could and within that one moment of knowing that I went out of my slump. I realized that I knew that I would be `supported` within not having to walk. I was happy that I was helped out so I did not have to walk home. And in that moment everything changed which is interesting. I did not have to rely on myself any longer…literally rely on myself to move myself. I could rely on another being. I simply wanted to lay back and allow the world to move around me when I was not being here. Unfortunately I was allowing myself to not be here and willingly accepting that fact, instead of questioning it and looking at it in common sense. This is a point of not wanting to support myself again. I could have taken the bus but I do not enjoy the money factor of taking the bus, it would cost be either $60 or $100 a month for bus fare…60 for a pass and 100 if I were to not have a pass and free if I walk. This greed has to go and I justify it with I can have an extra 60 to spend on food or save. Pubic transportation needs to be free! I can either complain or take responsibility for this point…somedays I am fine with walking and feel up to it other days I simply to not. So the common sense point would to be to take the bus on days that I do not feel up for walking.

Anyways the whole point within this is the fact that I did not place myself here and I allowed myself to fantasize about being elsewhere, and that there are options that are available yet I allow the Mind Consciousness System to influence me and my decision instead of looking at the fact within common sense.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from being here thorugh thinking about somewhere I would `rather` be.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from being here through placing myself as an idea of myself within a moment or situation.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have an idea of how I need/should be within a specific situation.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to live as that idea of needing to be/should be a certain specific expression within a specific situation.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fantasize about desires.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to place myself within a system and/or program and run it within me so that I do not have to face this world

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to abuse this world, this life, this existence through purposely not facing t.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to face myself here.

Judging Myself

I have been looking at judging myself today as I have noticed that I judge others the way that I judge myself…and I have not noticed this through judging them before. So there are a few things that I judge myself on…Skill, Appearance, Ethnicity, Diligence/commitment, Letting myself Down, Sophistication/Intelligence. These are all things that I have valued, and placed within myself as valuable, and I judge myself to try and create value. So I have valued a positive point, and do not value the negative, so I value being skinny, or fit, or strong, and I do not value fat, out of shape, or weak. So I have feared being weak, I have feared being fat, I have feared being out of shape. So I have created This value on perception and appearance from/by the media. Believing that Being skinny is better than being fat in the sense that you will be more accepted within society…and that is true…they do not make things for fat people, seats on trains, seats on plains, seats in general. Well I am thinking about the extreme example where someone won’t be able to fit into a seat because of their weight. Seats are made for average people. Seats are made for the average man and women, the extreme example are not taken into consideration…it is not equally valued within this world and that is what I fear being…not valued or considered in this world. So I become the system when trying to be skinny and judge others for being fat…not valuing them equally. They are the exact same…I have become the system this world is in this regard. As I have become the average male to try and fit into society…Literally, and by fitting in I have become the system and the system does not value all life equally, does not take into consideration all life equally, and therefore I have not valued all life equally and then judge fatness as myself through fear of not fitting in.

This is all an idea of what is valuable. We are placed into a world where average is accepted. Everywhere. So Me desiring to be accepted by everyone means that I would desire to be average…based on a value system. And it is all within judgment, so I judge fatness I judge skinnyness so I have programmed myself to be average…meaning that I will strive to be average, because I do not allow myself to be fat through fear, and I do not allow myself to be skinny through fear…another example is muscle, and again this is all media implantation. I desire to have muscle, to be defined by muscle, but again not too much because I judge too much muscle as a bad thing…an ugly thing and I do not accept that.

When I judge I look at a `defect` that I see within myself, and place it on another person. I am having trouble writing, I understand the point but am having trouble communicating it. There is a block, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge other people for my own insecurities, I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to take responsibility for my own insecurities, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to project my own insecurities onto other people.

That s exactly what I do, project my own insecurities onto other people. I try and make myself feel superior where I feel inferior through calling my inferiority within them less than the inferiority within me. This never works as I always will still feel shitty, and inferior to the person that I am judging.

K for example I judged this lady for having a protruding nose, and I have often judged myself for the exact same reason. Having a protruding nose, During a class in high school, A classmate nick named me birdface, so I was called birdface, and started to feel very insecure about this point and from what I remember I was not insecure about this point before. The point is that I will pick out the inferiorities I see within me within them. I will place my own inferiorities onto them. And judge them for it.

So everything that I judge myself for I have placed some type of value on, like clothing, muscle, and idea of value from getting attention or being desired, that if I look a certain way and act a certain way and be perceived a certain way that I will be desired and wanted and within that be accepted in society and my fear of being accepted will not be at the forefront of my mind…but most likely it would. I have placed value on that and it has been supported by the belief and value that the more friends one has the more valuable the person is…popularity. It is a game of popularity…inferiority is. I was reading a magazine that said “they’re just like us” referring to famous people, in order to say that one must believe that they are not like us, one is justifying ones own belief that they are more than us, different, more valuable. Thus one is believing that Famous people are superior to us, that we are all inferior to celebrities, and it is all based on money, that we feel inferior because we do not have as much money, and that we believe that we will never accumulate that amount of money so, we become jealous and need to judge them because we feel so damn inferior. A cool point and an obvious point I was looking at when I was cleaning the washrooms at work. One sees pee as disgusting, from my experience because it belongs to a person, and that person we are defining by a personality, believing I don’t want that person’s piss on me EW…really saying ew to that person. But looking at it in common sense, pee goes through the exact same process in anyones body, it is exactly the same and the personality cannot be attached to it, There it ABSOLUTELY NO difference from one persons pee to anothers. That is equality. So when we find pee or poo disgusting when we do not find our own, we create a belief of who that could have come from and create a value based on our imagination of who that substance came from and then define it as gross….I am sure that a celebrities piss could be sold on Ebay. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create an imagining of the owner of someones piss and define them as less than me believing that piss to be `gross`, through believing the imagining of the person to be gross. So we all define ourselves as gross then! We can only imagine ourselves, We can only create ourselves, so when we create that person who owns the piss we create an imagination of ourselves being gross. Thus we have defined and separated ourselves from piss as `gross`. There are many points within this that I have not taken on before so I am going to do what I did for desires and pull them out one by one and write and vlog about them, like appearance….appearance is a large on and has very many subcategories, I mean I really cannot see anything else that I judge a person on…So it is all about appearance, with many sub-categories…grammar, clothing, money, intelligence, sophistication, skill, tastes in movies, music, physical shape Ethnicity, Culture, if any more come up I will add and take on all of these, somein the same article some may take up an entire article…not sure yet