Apr 5th 2011
I was looking at morality today. The point came up within thinking about smoking and continuing or not. I have chosen to quit before out of morality believing myself to be good for doing it, or being positive for doing it and negative for starting again if I did, so when I started again I went into judgement and depression. I was looking at this point and I noticed that morality changes quite often, if I did it to be good then for only so long I would want to be good, we all have these wants to be bad or go against beliefs and rules, and I set that rule for myself of not smoking. Again since morality changes quite often and moods change quite often using that point as a starting point of stopping anything, using moreality, to stop anything is useless and ineffective as I have found. I was looking at the reason for stopping smoking to stop supporting cigarette companies who use their money to abuse, deceive, manipulate etc. If one uses a point within reality that will not change then one can use that point to stand on as it does not waver. Meaning that I can use the fact that cigarette companies abuse to stop smoking, I can use that point to stop smoking because it is stable and is unwavering as it is set in reality. And if they were to suddenly stop abusing then and only then would that point waver and then one could then choose to smoke or not because the point ended. If I were to use that point to stop smoking standing would be easier as it does not waver, and since I have used morality to stope smoking before, I wavered and fell. So that is an interesting point and I am using that point when I am done smoking this pouch.
Showing posts with label Standing. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Standing. Show all posts
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
Saturday, February 19, 2011
A Smile, Sm(LIE)
I Smile When I meet strangers, I smile to place a perception of myself as positive, and accepting of the other. I am dishonest to myself in this moment. I am not happt to meet the other person, I want to seem like I am. so I lie to myself with a smile. I lie to myself by smiling making myself believe that I am positive within that moment. I make myself believe that I am positive, so I put on a lie of myself as a smile.
When I meet someone I usually start with a smile and a hello, greeting them and putting off an expression of acceptance of them, where in I am mostly judging or comparing myself to them. I smile at strangers so that I see myself as positive and accepting of them which is not the reality of me. The reality is that I am subjective of who I allow within my reality, and that I will not simply accept anyone, so I lie to myself with a smile.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to lie to myself by smiling at people, making myself believe that I am a positive being.
Many people do this. I notice at work whenever co-workers meet we will smile and say hello, each and every time, this happens thousands of times. Happiness and a smile are usually lies to ourselves. Rarely have I ever been genuinely happy. I mostly use a smile and happiness within energetics to place myself within the positive polarity to make myself happy and forget that this world is dying and I am responsible for it. I smile to show acceptance, yet it is all a lie, it is a want of acceptance from myself to myself. That I desire to accept myself through another's opinion of myself through a smile back.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to require anothers opinion of myself to stand on.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to stand for myself in each moment.
I forgivemyself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to stand as myself free from opinion and judgment of myself.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to simply stand for/by myself.
As well this happens within a friendship. Most friendships are started this way which is through a smile and a positive greeting etc. Therefore all friendships are deceptive in nature. Therefore all friendships are dishonest. When in a friendship I will follow along with all others. I will place myself as one as a group, not one within a group. I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to stand as myself within a group.
My friendships have always started with a polarity as a smile. I then allow myself to believe that I will be happy being around this person...which is definately not true in anyway, and is only deceptive unto myself. We all search and give off that shit. Within and as a lie as a smile.
When I meet someone I usually start with a smile and a hello, greeting them and putting off an expression of acceptance of them, where in I am mostly judging or comparing myself to them. I smile at strangers so that I see myself as positive and accepting of them which is not the reality of me. The reality is that I am subjective of who I allow within my reality, and that I will not simply accept anyone, so I lie to myself with a smile.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to lie to myself by smiling at people, making myself believe that I am a positive being.
Many people do this. I notice at work whenever co-workers meet we will smile and say hello, each and every time, this happens thousands of times. Happiness and a smile are usually lies to ourselves. Rarely have I ever been genuinely happy. I mostly use a smile and happiness within energetics to place myself within the positive polarity to make myself happy and forget that this world is dying and I am responsible for it. I smile to show acceptance, yet it is all a lie, it is a want of acceptance from myself to myself. That I desire to accept myself through another's opinion of myself through a smile back.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to require anothers opinion of myself to stand on.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to stand for myself in each moment.
I forgivemyself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to stand as myself free from opinion and judgment of myself.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to simply stand for/by myself.
As well this happens within a friendship. Most friendships are started this way which is through a smile and a positive greeting etc. Therefore all friendships are deceptive in nature. Therefore all friendships are dishonest. When in a friendship I will follow along with all others. I will place myself as one as a group, not one within a group. I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to stand as myself within a group.
My friendships have always started with a polarity as a smile. I then allow myself to believe that I will be happy being around this person...which is definately not true in anyway, and is only deceptive unto myself. We all search and give off that shit. Within and as a lie as a smile.
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Socializing and `Falling`
Feb 16th 2011 10:03pm
I am here right now finishing the last of the `The girl who` movies, If you are not familiar it doesn’t matter lol. I have started to write and watch movies at the same time. The distraction of this is quite interesting. I have done this before and I get distracted quite easily by the video and forget and stop caring about writing. I start to become much more interested in the movie than in writing. Right now I see a difference. I am not as distracted. I am able to type effectively and watch the movie together. I notice that I am much more distracted with facebook than anything else. I plan to write or to do something and I become entanced by facebook and start to look at everything and purposely distract myself with socialization.
Socialization is a large distraction and falling point for me. When smoking cigarettes socializing was my biggest point to move through. To stand alone was my biggest point within that. When I was falling on that point I desired to be included within the socialization so I would give into smoking so that I could socialize. One large point was that within work where a co-worker who I did not know too well smoked and at a point where I was working with him, he asked me to go out for a cigarette. That morning I stood with confidence in stopping smoking and that point took me over. I socialized and went for a smoke, debating with myself to not do that yet I gave in to socializing within smoking. Within that moment I did not stand under my own principles but gave myself up to a want to socialize. As well this happened many times, as I have placed others as more than me. When I think about it now and place myself within that situation there is a fear of falling again within that point where I see someone as much more than me who smokes and asks me to smoke and within that I give in to socializing with them as I want to be like them. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to place my own actions outside of myself.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become an idea of myself in the situation of being in an environemtn where I believe someone is `more than me` in which I become the idea of myself that I should follow the superior being.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I must follow a superior being.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that I am one and equal with all beings, all life, all of existence as myself.
So I am sure that I am not the only one who falls within socializing, becoming an idea of who they should be within the context of the situation. For which I say stand as yourself, Breathe and bring yourself back into your body instead of comparing yourself with the other. Breathe and make sure that you stand absolutely as yourself with no doubt of who you are within that moment, not being an idea of yourself, but standing as yourself as your principles. Remove the want to be like the `superior being` and place yourself equal to the other, Know that you are equal to the other, and allow yourself to stand as yourself. Breathe, make sure you stick to breath…this could be for drinking, smoking, doing something criminal, or simply laughing along when you know that you think it is not funny, just to fit in and socialize.
Socializing has become a large enslavement point for many beings. It is the experience of placing yourself less than another for some stupid fucking reason, and wanting to be like the superior being, thus mimicking them standing as an idea of yourself being less than and as well an idea of who you want to be within comparison to the other. Stand as yourself and this is done within breath. Can only be done within breath. Stop giving yourself up humanity to some bullshit ideals of yourself…trying to be the ideal person of yourself through following the `superior being` constantly within an infinite loop.
To start to research breath and what humanity as yourself have really become Join Desteni visit http:/desteni.co.za Humanity needs to change and the tools and the support provided within the site/group is phenomenal, it is unfathomable, as one will never see support like this outside of the site, as all others are systems all following their ideals of themselves, become the ideal of yourself through creating yourself within breath of each moment. Stand as yourself, Stand as Life! Join Desteni, Support an Equal Money system http://equalmoney.org
I am here right now finishing the last of the `The girl who` movies, If you are not familiar it doesn’t matter lol. I have started to write and watch movies at the same time. The distraction of this is quite interesting. I have done this before and I get distracted quite easily by the video and forget and stop caring about writing. I start to become much more interested in the movie than in writing. Right now I see a difference. I am not as distracted. I am able to type effectively and watch the movie together. I notice that I am much more distracted with facebook than anything else. I plan to write or to do something and I become entanced by facebook and start to look at everything and purposely distract myself with socialization.
Socialization is a large distraction and falling point for me. When smoking cigarettes socializing was my biggest point to move through. To stand alone was my biggest point within that. When I was falling on that point I desired to be included within the socialization so I would give into smoking so that I could socialize. One large point was that within work where a co-worker who I did not know too well smoked and at a point where I was working with him, he asked me to go out for a cigarette. That morning I stood with confidence in stopping smoking and that point took me over. I socialized and went for a smoke, debating with myself to not do that yet I gave in to socializing within smoking. Within that moment I did not stand under my own principles but gave myself up to a want to socialize. As well this happened many times, as I have placed others as more than me. When I think about it now and place myself within that situation there is a fear of falling again within that point where I see someone as much more than me who smokes and asks me to smoke and within that I give in to socializing with them as I want to be like them. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to place my own actions outside of myself.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become an idea of myself in the situation of being in an environemtn where I believe someone is `more than me` in which I become the idea of myself that I should follow the superior being.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I must follow a superior being.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that I am one and equal with all beings, all life, all of existence as myself.
So I am sure that I am not the only one who falls within socializing, becoming an idea of who they should be within the context of the situation. For which I say stand as yourself, Breathe and bring yourself back into your body instead of comparing yourself with the other. Breathe and make sure that you stand absolutely as yourself with no doubt of who you are within that moment, not being an idea of yourself, but standing as yourself as your principles. Remove the want to be like the `superior being` and place yourself equal to the other, Know that you are equal to the other, and allow yourself to stand as yourself. Breathe, make sure you stick to breath…this could be for drinking, smoking, doing something criminal, or simply laughing along when you know that you think it is not funny, just to fit in and socialize.
Socializing has become a large enslavement point for many beings. It is the experience of placing yourself less than another for some stupid fucking reason, and wanting to be like the superior being, thus mimicking them standing as an idea of yourself being less than and as well an idea of who you want to be within comparison to the other. Stand as yourself and this is done within breath. Can only be done within breath. Stop giving yourself up humanity to some bullshit ideals of yourself…trying to be the ideal person of yourself through following the `superior being` constantly within an infinite loop.
To start to research breath and what humanity as yourself have really become Join Desteni visit http:/desteni.co.za Humanity needs to change and the tools and the support provided within the site/group is phenomenal, it is unfathomable, as one will never see support like this outside of the site, as all others are systems all following their ideals of themselves, become the ideal of yourself through creating yourself within breath of each moment. Stand as yourself, Stand as Life! Join Desteni, Support an Equal Money system http://equalmoney.org
Thursday, January 20, 2011
Lost of writing with no direction....
Sleeping and feeling like I am ineffective in relation to being uncomfortable with my posts.
This point was brought up when watching Sunettes video on depression, the point that I woke up with today was feeing that I have been ineffective, and that my life was worthless and that I have done nothing….Ths was a lie and in watching sunnette’s video I see that I was expereinceng a past experience of myself as a belief of myself as being effective. This point came up out of fearing my posts, and believing that I am not `good` enough, not knowledgeable enough to effectively support another individual and was fearing that I was going to end up fucking with someone. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe and fear that I am not enough to help someone else. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I first must be enough to support someone, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from another being who is delusional. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe thatI am intelligent or smart enough to help someone. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my own actions within/as reality. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to concern myself with the worry of whether or not I am actually effective in helping someone thus separating myself from my own actions and allowing a system or program to guide me. I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to use my own words to help and support another individual being. I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to become and realize that I am equal to all other beings, and I forgive myself for accepting and allowing separation to exist within the words of stupid, intelligent, ignorant, aware. So that is what I woke up with today is this heavy depression of a belief and experience of that belief of myself being ineffective and worthless in regards to helping another. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to allow depression to take me over, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give my own power over to depression and allow it to control me. I pushed through this to write it out and now I am depressed that I cannot get rid of these superior thoughts. And starting to become frustrated with the thoughts as I do not like it yet I believe it. I am existing as both ego here when believing that I am superior and not liking the fact that I am thinking I am superior. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to dislike the fact that I am thinking that I am superior thus separating myself from the fact that I am accepting the thought. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am more than others through/as intelligence and application of myself. I am not taking this point directly on I am not existing as it standing equal to it, I am projecting myself onto it as a belief that I can control it and remove yet I still give myself up to the thought andnot stop within the moment. I am that depression right now, I am not breathing I have just been sitting here trying to think this over and try to think my way out of this. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that thinking is the solituon. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try and solve my depression by thinking. Why I started to feel this way is, that I am watching the Radical Relationships and the God System and I realize that I have been only following and not creating my own reality, only following stopping sugar because it has been said, only stopping cigarettes because it has been said, and I become depressed with that fact and the realization that Imust completely start over. And re-start my entire process with myself as the starting point….I became depressed because I saw it as a large task to complete and believe that I will not be what I want to be which is done or superior or transcended, I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to be me. I forgive myself thatI have not accepted and allowed myself to exist as/for me. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to ignore the fact that I am an abuser with believing that I have free will. I believe that have free will right now and can do whatever I want, and what I want is to believe that I am more than another….Iwas watching 2 movies in the past 2 days (28 days later, and 28 weeks later) during the movie I was thinking about what I would do if I were in that position…free will no consequences…no foreseeable consequences, I would participate in my free will and believe that I can do what ever I want, and this is coming through now…In one of Katie’s videos where she reviews the Black Swam movie she describes that she becomes the energetic experience that she felt throughout the movie, and then ended up living it out, with the thoughts of If I starve myself I can become skinny…I can look like that…and this I experienced as well, where I gave way to my `darkside` where I thought abusive thoughts, and within this movie I am living out my free will, where I think whatever I want which is revolving around that I am better than any/every one. Movies fuck with one a great deal…but the movie is assisting withbringing out what is within oneself anyways, so it obviously is not the movie, it is me. I forgive myself for accepting and allowingmyself to believe that I am more than any other being. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in thoughts of superiority. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to believe that I am more than another. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist within a mind reality when thinking/believing myself to be superior. I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to place myselfin the physical reality when thinking/believing that I am superior.
This point was brought up when watching Sunettes video on depression, the point that I woke up with today was feeing that I have been ineffective, and that my life was worthless and that I have done nothing….Ths was a lie and in watching sunnette’s video I see that I was expereinceng a past experience of myself as a belief of myself as being effective. This point came up out of fearing my posts, and believing that I am not `good` enough, not knowledgeable enough to effectively support another individual and was fearing that I was going to end up fucking with someone. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe and fear that I am not enough to help someone else. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I first must be enough to support someone, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from another being who is delusional. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe thatI am intelligent or smart enough to help someone. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my own actions within/as reality. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to concern myself with the worry of whether or not I am actually effective in helping someone thus separating myself from my own actions and allowing a system or program to guide me. I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to use my own words to help and support another individual being. I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to become and realize that I am equal to all other beings, and I forgive myself for accepting and allowing separation to exist within the words of stupid, intelligent, ignorant, aware. So that is what I woke up with today is this heavy depression of a belief and experience of that belief of myself being ineffective and worthless in regards to helping another. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to allow depression to take me over, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give my own power over to depression and allow it to control me. I pushed through this to write it out and now I am depressed that I cannot get rid of these superior thoughts. And starting to become frustrated with the thoughts as I do not like it yet I believe it. I am existing as both ego here when believing that I am superior and not liking the fact that I am thinking I am superior. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to dislike the fact that I am thinking that I am superior thus separating myself from the fact that I am accepting the thought. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am more than others through/as intelligence and application of myself. I am not taking this point directly on I am not existing as it standing equal to it, I am projecting myself onto it as a belief that I can control it and remove yet I still give myself up to the thought andnot stop within the moment. I am that depression right now, I am not breathing I have just been sitting here trying to think this over and try to think my way out of this. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that thinking is the solituon. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try and solve my depression by thinking. Why I started to feel this way is, that I am watching the Radical Relationships and the God System and I realize that I have been only following and not creating my own reality, only following stopping sugar because it has been said, only stopping cigarettes because it has been said, and I become depressed with that fact and the realization that Imust completely start over. And re-start my entire process with myself as the starting point….I became depressed because I saw it as a large task to complete and believe that I will not be what I want to be which is done or superior or transcended, I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to be me. I forgive myself thatI have not accepted and allowed myself to exist as/for me. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to ignore the fact that I am an abuser with believing that I have free will. I believe that have free will right now and can do whatever I want, and what I want is to believe that I am more than another….Iwas watching 2 movies in the past 2 days (28 days later, and 28 weeks later) during the movie I was thinking about what I would do if I were in that position…free will no consequences…no foreseeable consequences, I would participate in my free will and believe that I can do what ever I want, and this is coming through now…In one of Katie’s videos where she reviews the Black Swam movie she describes that she becomes the energetic experience that she felt throughout the movie, and then ended up living it out, with the thoughts of If I starve myself I can become skinny…I can look like that…and this I experienced as well, where I gave way to my `darkside` where I thought abusive thoughts, and within this movie I am living out my free will, where I think whatever I want which is revolving around that I am better than any/every one. Movies fuck with one a great deal…but the movie is assisting withbringing out what is within oneself anyways, so it obviously is not the movie, it is me. I forgive myself for accepting and allowingmyself to believe that I am more than any other being. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in thoughts of superiority. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to believe that I am more than another. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist within a mind reality when thinking/believing myself to be superior. I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to place myselfin the physical reality when thinking/believing that I am superior.
Monday, December 20, 2010
Head-Ache and Morality
The headache.
When I think about the headache I am realating it to my blood sugar. But It is from separation. Blaming it on my blood sugar and not the fact that I am my blood sugar. I was 10.9 a while ago. And I went to that from being low. I have gotten headaches before from going high and low and high and low. Lol it is a headache. Too much to think about and focus on. It started as I was watching the banksy movie. A point that I am thinking about is value, that I am supporting value of something that I am still holding onto the belief and idea that `street art` is cool and `hip` and `modern`…I do not like using that world because I feel like I sound like a pompous jackass. Anyways I was valuing art and the supposed worth of it. Art is not valuable no matter what it is. I mean the dude in the movie only did that shit because he wanted fame and he found a lot of people who had fame but tied no monetary value to their work…well did not commercialize themselves like he did, and he made too much shit and he is now worthless. He did all this shit for money and fame and used other peoples work…leech. He is a defined leech and I can relate. I am unoriginal. Have no creativity to my own process. Only following blindly to what I believe I must do according to posts by Bernard or other people. I mean when Linday posted a video saying that she is going to run I thought OH!...what can I commit myself too? I only acted on that point because of my belief of Oh! That is a good thing to commit and I want to commit to so I will follow her…I do not take lead. I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to follow myself. I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to follow myself. I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to create for myself. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be created. I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to take responsibility for creating my own world and directing it the way I want it to become the outcome. This point has come up a few times and each time I think about smoking…which is just following my programmingbecause I actually do nt want one…physically do not want one. So how do I create myself? But actually making a stand and standing as my words here. And not fearing a think. I create myself in every moment anyhow, unaware of what I am creating. When I speak through and as my ego/personality, I create my reality through and as that. When I stand as self, speaking from as me as the principles that I stand by then the reality I create will be one that will be as of my principles. So I will no longer be a system but a principle within the stance of it. So it starts within words for me, because actions will come from the thoughts as a form or words. Words are where I can start and my participation in words is where my principle will stand.
When I think about the headache I am realating it to my blood sugar. But It is from separation. Blaming it on my blood sugar and not the fact that I am my blood sugar. I was 10.9 a while ago. And I went to that from being low. I have gotten headaches before from going high and low and high and low. Lol it is a headache. Too much to think about and focus on. It started as I was watching the banksy movie. A point that I am thinking about is value, that I am supporting value of something that I am still holding onto the belief and idea that `street art` is cool and `hip` and `modern`…I do not like using that world because I feel like I sound like a pompous jackass. Anyways I was valuing art and the supposed worth of it. Art is not valuable no matter what it is. I mean the dude in the movie only did that shit because he wanted fame and he found a lot of people who had fame but tied no monetary value to their work…well did not commercialize themselves like he did, and he made too much shit and he is now worthless. He did all this shit for money and fame and used other peoples work…leech. He is a defined leech and I can relate. I am unoriginal. Have no creativity to my own process. Only following blindly to what I believe I must do according to posts by Bernard or other people. I mean when Linday posted a video saying that she is going to run I thought OH!...what can I commit myself too? I only acted on that point because of my belief of Oh! That is a good thing to commit and I want to commit to so I will follow her…I do not take lead. I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to follow myself. I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to follow myself. I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to create for myself. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be created. I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to take responsibility for creating my own world and directing it the way I want it to become the outcome. This point has come up a few times and each time I think about smoking…which is just following my programmingbecause I actually do nt want one…physically do not want one. So how do I create myself? But actually making a stand and standing as my words here. And not fearing a think. I create myself in every moment anyhow, unaware of what I am creating. When I speak through and as my ego/personality, I create my reality through and as that. When I stand as self, speaking from as me as the principles that I stand by then the reality I create will be one that will be as of my principles. So I will no longer be a system but a principle within the stance of it. So it starts within words for me, because actions will come from the thoughts as a form or words. Words are where I can start and my participation in words is where my principle will stand.
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