Monday, December 20, 2010

Head-Ache and Morality

The headache.

When I think about the headache I am realating it to my blood sugar. But It is from separation. Blaming it on my blood sugar and not the fact that I am my blood sugar. I was 10.9 a while ago. And I went to that from being low. I have gotten headaches before from going high and low and high and low. Lol it is a headache. Too much to think about and focus on. It started as I was watching the banksy movie. A point that I am thinking about is value, that I am supporting value of something that I am still holding onto the belief and idea that `street art` is cool and `hip` and `modern`…I do not like using that world because I feel like I sound like a pompous jackass. Anyways I was valuing art and the supposed worth of it. Art is not valuable no matter what it is. I mean the dude in the movie only did that shit because he wanted fame and he found a lot of people who had fame but tied no monetary value to their work…well did not commercialize themselves like he did, and he made too much shit and he is now worthless. He did all this shit for money and fame and used other peoples work…leech. He is a defined leech and I can relate. I am unoriginal. Have no creativity to my own process. Only following blindly to what I believe I must do according to posts by Bernard or other people. I mean when Linday posted a video saying that she is going to run I thought OH!...what can I commit myself too? I only acted on that point because of my belief of Oh! That is a good thing to commit and I want to commit to so I will follow her…I do not take lead. I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to follow myself. I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to follow myself. I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to create for myself. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be created. I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to take responsibility for creating my own world and directing it the way I want it to become the outcome. This point has come up a few times and each time I think about smoking…which is just following my programmingbecause I actually do nt want one…physically do not want one. So how do I create myself? But actually making a stand and standing as my words here. And not fearing a think. I create myself in every moment anyhow, unaware of what I am creating. When I speak through and as my ego/personality, I create my reality through and as that. When I stand as self, speaking from as me as the principles that I stand by then the reality I create will be one that will be as of my principles. So I will no longer be a system but a principle within the stance of it. So it starts within words for me, because actions will come from the thoughts as a form or words. Words are where I can start and my participation in words is where my principle will stand.

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