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Saturday, February 19, 2011

A Smile, Sm(LIE)

I Smile When I meet strangers, I smile to place a perception of myself as positive, and accepting of the other. I am dishonest to myself in this moment. I am not happt to meet the other person, I want to seem like I am. so I lie to myself with a smile. I lie to myself by smiling making myself believe that I am positive within that moment. I make myself believe that I am positive, so I put on a lie of myself as a smile.

When I meet someone I usually start with a smile and a hello, greeting them and putting off an expression of acceptance of them, where in I am mostly judging or comparing myself to them. I smile at strangers so that I see myself as positive and accepting of them which is not the reality of me. The reality is that I am subjective of who I allow within my reality, and that I will not simply accept anyone, so I lie to myself with a smile.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to lie to myself by smiling at people, making myself believe that I am a positive being.

Many people do this. I notice at work whenever co-workers meet we will smile and say hello, each and every time, this happens thousands of times. Happiness and a smile are usually lies to ourselves. Rarely have I ever been genuinely happy. I mostly use a smile and happiness within energetics to place myself within the positive polarity to make myself happy and forget that this world is dying and I am responsible for it. I smile to show acceptance, yet it is all a lie, it is a want of acceptance from myself to myself. That I desire to accept myself through another's opinion of myself through a smile back.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to require anothers opinion of myself to stand on.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to stand for myself in each moment.
I forgivemyself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to stand as myself free from opinion and judgment of myself.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to simply stand for/by myself.

As well this happens within a friendship. Most friendships are started this way which is through a smile and a positive greeting etc. Therefore all friendships are deceptive in nature. Therefore all friendships are dishonest. When in a friendship I will follow along with all others. I will place myself as one as a group, not one within a group. I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to stand as myself within a group.

My friendships have always started with a polarity as a smile. I then allow myself to believe that I will be happy being around this person...which is definately not true in anyway, and is only deceptive unto myself. We all search and give off that shit. Within and as a lie as a smile.

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