Friday, June 15, 2012

Standing In For the Pancreas

Through having diabetes I must take the place of the pancreas and live out the actions in my day to day living of what the pancreas would normally do if it were functioning normally. In this I must stand in place for the pancreas. For supporting the body at maintaining the blood sugar levels, I must manually inject insulin into the body so that the sugar within the blood is able to move from the blood stream into the cells and not raise too high causing health problems.

This is an extensive process and includes quite a variety of variables, such as the food that I eat, whether it is a mono or complex carbohydrate, when/how much I sleep, how much I exercise, any illness that I run into, any stress that I cause for myself, insulin dosages my life style and life habits, with each variable having a varying affect on the others. Suffice it to say, I had no idea that the body managed this without the awareness of myself as the body. It manages so much for us to keep us alive without us even knowing!  Shows how much knowing gets us.

So lets take on one point right now and move with insulin dosages. When I was diagnosed I was on 2 types of insulin ( I still am on two types but one is a different type than what I started out with). One type of insulin I used lasted 12 hours and one that lasted four hours. Both types of insulin has a spike in the effectiveness to time ratio meaning that when I inject the insulin that lasts for four hours (Rapid) it works its `hardest`, `best`, after 2 hours after injection. So when I eat and inject insulin to be able to transfer the sugar within the blood stream into the cells, I must be aware/consider that after 2 hours is when the insulin is going to be working it's hardest, and to be honest I was never told WHY insulin peaks, only that it does peak and I must deal with it. Through research I found that the insulin molecule starts out as a hexamer,

With that variable taken into consideration, if I end up going low an hour after injection (low meaning below 4 mmol/l of sugar within the blood) I know that I am going to have to still monitor my sugar levels and I usually expect to continue to go low when this happens because the insulin has not reached it' s peak performance yet, I then have to eat more or I must eat again when I go low again. The pancreas manages the blood sugar between 4 and 8 mmol/l all the time every time excreting enough insulin perfectly every time one eats to always keep it in that range, there is no need to consider any spikes, or insulin rates, or how much one eats, or if one has ate too much or if the pancreas has secreted enough insulin because that is all managed automatically with or  without our awareness or consideration of what it in fact does.

And let me tell you, in order to keep the blood sugar between 4 and 8 all the time takes a great deal of effort,  I must check my blood sugar almost every hour to make sure that I regulate it if I were to attempt to keep it at 4-8 the entire day. I say that it is impossible to maintain it at 4-8 all the time because once I eat it takes 15 minutes for the food to start to be broken down and the nutrients extracted, so in order for me to be 4-8 at the end of the four hour duration of the insulin being active;  the first hour I must be around 12-13 in order for the insulin to reach it's peak and descend with the blood sugar ending up at 4-8 at the end of the time that the insulin is effective. There is the insulin pump which constantly injects the rapid insulin into the body at a constant rate at a slow pace, with the ability to inject a large dose of insulin when one eats, but this as well works on rapid insulin which still has the peak effectiveness which still boils down to having to go high at first in order to maintain the blood sugar levels later on. To cross reference this, I tested my sister's blood sugar after she ate quite a bit of candy because I wanted to know that from that large amount of candy, if the blood sugar would go above 8 on a non-diabetic, so I tested her sugar level and it was 8 on the spot, which was cool feedback for me. In this I have to take the responsibility for the pancreas, take responsibility for managing the blood sugar level to assist me in staying alive. To consider that the body does this unconditionally no matter what we do is quite cool = it does this to support us even when/as we abuse the body with what we ingest.

The second type of insulin lasts 12 hours with a spike after six hours. This insulin was called NPH. What this insulin does is regulate the blood sugar throughout a 12 hour period with me injecting it every 12 hours. Why it regulates it over the 12 hour period is because the liver will produce a hormone called glycogen that will inevitably heighten the blood sugar throughout time without any insulin to act as the transmitter for the sugar to pass into the cells, that is why the insulin is designed to last 12 hours - because the liver is consistently producing this hormone. Again this is another variable to consider as it must be the right amount for the specific person and if too much one will end up going low quite frequently throughout the day, if too little one is quite high throughout the day. As well, it must be considered where you inject it, and whether or not you go too deep or not deep enough when injecting into the skin. Too deep, you hit muscle, it hurts, and causes the insulin to act too quickly, too shallow and one does not hit the layer of fat beneath the skin causing the insulin to not follow the desired effect, in addition to this, where on the body one injects also has an effect, wherein each part of the body will have a different amount of fat which the insulin must move through to work effectively, causing the amount of fat to slow down the rate of effectiveness.

What I am getting at within this blog post is that the body is specific in how it operates and functions in order to keep us alive within the body so that we have the opportunity to live here on Earth, and that when we take away a single aspect of the body only then we realize what the body actually does for us, what the body is capable of, and how hard it is to manage the body the way the body does through external means. This is to give a perspective on possibly what you were not aware of, to show how much the body does for us each day and each time we eat, and most of the time we are not considering the body, most of the time we are up in our heads, thinking , worrying about emotions and feelings, in this missing the body and it's amazingness and what is does to keep us alive even if we are abusive assholes. We must consider the body, the physical, and all it does for us to live here in the physical and stop considering the mind, as shown through me, I had not an iota of an idea what it took to manage the body, but through creating diabetes within myself I had to see, and in this seeing; realize the body does much more then what we are aware of as we supposedly `live` our lives.

Sunday, May 13, 2012

Quantity of Life vs Quality of Life

In the capitalistic system we value the amount of money the we have in our bank accounts. We value how much we have, how much money, how much materials, how much resources, how much sex we have, how many friends we have, how much, how much, how much. All of this gathering of value within quantity is irrelevant to life, because when you die, how much do you in fact have? Only yourself.

What we have done within the capitalistic system in only value the quantity of things/money, placing value on having more than having what's best, forgetting and ignoring the quality of things/life living/existent on the planet with us. We are searching for the quantitative value assuming and believing that more is better = the more the merrier = the more the happier I become. In this search we are missing the quality of all life that is being lived by the majority of the inhabitants of this Earth, not just humans but insects, trees, animals, bacteria, marine life, etc. We are living a life that is based on the principle of the more of a material one has the more value one has…the more money I have the more valuable I am…"What is my net Worth?" It is showing us all over that we value the quantity rather than the quality and as long as we have quantified enough money for only ourselves we don't care about the quality of life that we lead because we can simply add more to the quantity of shit that we possess to keep us happy, to keep us blind to the quality of life that is being lived placing value/happiness in quantity instead of happiness/value in Quality!

Ask yourself the questions - Does quantity of money exist? - based on a capitalistic system where the game of the monetary system is more profit, then yes, we are able to get more and more money, we are able to have quantity of money. We search for more quantity, we save for more quantity, we want more instead of having the best.

Does quality of money exist? Quality based on the actual physical reality of money, well you can have a quality bill where it is hard to be destroyed, but in that quality does not in fact exist as the bill will be circulated, traded from one person to the next to near infinity, but money is still going to have to be produced. More money will have to be injected into the monetary system as it is now existing to keep it fueled, in that the quality of money is not existent because the quality of the bill is in fact worthless when the quantity is where value is placed within. There is no better or worse money based on designed structure of lastingness as it doesn't last as money is valued within/as quantity = more quantity less value/quality = it doesn't matter if you have 100 million dollars if that dollar is not worth anything due to the quantity of that dollar in circulation = quality money doesn't exist as it is affected by inflation rates.

 Does the quality of life exist in the current money system? - yes it does, but that quality of life has been ignored for a long damn time because of the false value placed within the quantity of money. Quality of life has been not considered as much as the quantity because as long as one has quantity of money one is able to produce the quality of life for self without regards to the quality of life for all, in this allowing the quantity to destroy the quality as more is better without consideration of how the `more` exists, in that disregarding the quality of how the more exists. Creating more as value within harvesting more and more of the resources so that one is able to get more quantity of money/materials, in this calling it value, not considering the quality of that which is being resourced/created only the quantity.

 Does quantity of life exist? - Yes quantity of life exists, but again in the perspective of the capitalistic system quantity is good in the aspect of we have more people to make money and inject into/as the capitalistic system, only valuing the quantity of life due to make more money. In this, quantity out weights the quality, through the perspective of having more people living on the planet the more money in circulation thus more quantity for everyone while disregarding the quality of life that it being lived. Only allowing a minority that have quantity of money to live in somewhat quality due to the quantity of humans. In this, the quality of life is accepted and not questioned by the minority that have the quantity, in this disregarding the quality of life equally throughout the planet because they have their comfort and happiness within the illusioned quantity of value.

Now within the Equal Money system that has no profit objective lets ask the same questions
Does quantity of money exist? - Quantity within the numbers yes, quantity within being able to have more or less, no because profit will not exist, one is not able to extract money from another to build up ones own bank account, meaning that when a `sale` is done the money does not continue into the seller's account, it disappears, so in this quantity does not exist in fact as it disappears from the equation once used. In the initial point of having digits in a bank account, sure that can be the `quantity` but that quantity is not able to be measured within more or less as money will not be `gained` through the sales of items. So within the accepted definition as it now stands as quantity being a more or less measured through comparison…no quantity will not exist within an Equal Money System.

Does Quality of money exist? - When money only exist as digits on a screen the quality of money will not exist, there will be no value in money, thus no form of use to make it qualitative. It will only be digits on a screen and used as a tool as it is used now as a means of transference of goods, but in that no profit will be allowed to exist, and understand that the goods are not going to be existent as they are today with massive companies doing the work and then transporting the goods across the globe for only a select few with the quantity of money to purchase. The goods will be based on person to person with/as that which would be given to all equally, in that which is in support of all life, as there is no profit so there is no point in creating a good solely based for profit and all that is left to consider is what will improve the quality of life equally for all.

Does Quantity of Life exist? Yes, there will be abundance of life, but the quantity will not be supported due to more influx of money into/as the system, quantity of life will be the prospering of life, allowing life to flourish, stopping the point of more life more money, but more life more life  to life with and as, in this allowing the ability of the quality of life to improve within the quantity of life until it has reached it's peak and plateau (the best)

Does Quality of Life exist? Most definitely. What is fascinating within this is that since there is no quantity of money existent, the only thing that is left of/as value is the quality of life that each individual lives within/as and since the quantity will not get quality = the more money the better life one has, as it exists now, the quality will be considered and given throughout in eQuality. Meaning that the goal will no longer be in the search for more and more and more money in order to maintain or improve upon a quality of living. The goal will be the quality of living throughout in Equality, where the quality of life will improve in each individuals life when all life is given quality of life equally simply through the global actions in improving the quality of life equally, not allowing the individual quality to be valued within the quantity of money. The quantity will not outweigh the quality, and in that the quality of life will be taken into consideration, as there will be no more search for more quantity to improve life, but how to improve the quality of life throughout the globe because of quality being the quality of life not based on quantity of life. The quality of life will finally be given value equally throughout the world, through the stopping of the search for quantity and to improve what we have here as the quality of life. It is to improve the life that is here, not to make more quantity in hopes of improvement through more quantity.
So what is fascinating in an Equal Money system is that to only thing that is left to consider value towards is the quality of life that each individual is living, and in equality we will be able to start to look at how each individual's quality of life is being lived, in this giving value to life itself. There will be no more search for more, only the quality of what is here will be improved as there will be no `more` as `more` has always been a lie, no more resources can exist than what is here, so in this the goal is to then improve the quality of that which we create out of the resources so that we no longer need to dig for MORE resources, improve the living conditions of EVERYTHING, laptops, televisions, trees, bugs, animals, cups, clothes - improve the quality of the life that is being lived within/as everything that is this Earth/universe.

So…visit share your vote on each of the categories, share comments and start to support a life where the quality of life is valued, not the quantitative value of digits/monies.

Thursday, May 10, 2012

My Experience on the Desteni Farm


When I first got off the plane in Durban I didn't know what to expect which was cool because previously to departing from Canada I was removing all expectations and ideas about what may happen and/or what it would be like. I had lost my luggage somewhere along the trip so I was informing the airport of the lost luggage as fast as I could so that I could stop waiting to meet Bernard as I knew he was just waiting outside the doors to Durban.

When I walked outside the doors I saw HIM!!! (lol) standing there with Cerise and I immediately smiled because I was finally there, and finally going to live on the farm for a bit. I was doing what I had planned for quite sometime, I am meeting Bernard, I am going to get to find out what the farm is actually like, I am going to meet people in person whom I have followed over the internet for a few years. I was excited.

I got to the farm at night, so everything was dark and I was not sure where or what everything was. The first thing I remember when I got out of the car was Lindsay randomly popping up beside me and saying hi with a hug then Sunette saying hello with a hug as well. Most people were asleep at that time, so I got some food to eat and had a quick tour in the dark of where things were and how the farm was structurally set up. This was cool because immediately it was inviting. Immediately I felt welcome, I didn’t feel out of place, I was fed which was a bonus lolol and was accommodated for, my room was made ready the day before by the people on the farm. Since I lost my luggage, I was given some clothes to use, so everything from the start was welcoming, everything was provided for without having to was all very accommodating.

Getting accustomed to the routine didn't take too long. I had a bit of trouble getting up in the morning for work and when I had horses in the mornings I missed it more frequently then I made it to the horses. But the fact that there is a routine there helped to get accustomed quickly as I quickly knew what to expect in the days and how and where to direct myself in each new day. This was cool as it gets into the movement of the farm really quickly. I didn't wander around on my own slowly getting accustomed to the place I was placed within it without question, again which is cool because it sped up the process of getting accustomed with the structure on the farm allowing me to fit myself within the structure.

Since the farm is incredibly welcoming, I was `myself` much quicker than in other environments. It usually takes me a long time to find out how to develop myself within a specific environment so that I can `fit` in, such as with work or moving to a different city, but on the farm it didn't take long. I was able to express myself after about a week of being there, in this having conversations with more people and getting to know them as well as sharing myself. I was happy there because of this fact. I was invited and accommodated for, in this I felt welcome as that is what they did, they welcomed me into the farm. I have never experienced that before where I am able to move into a place and within a week I feel absolutely comfortable. That was a big point for me which was comfort. I usually don't feel comfortable outside of my accepted reality, but at the farm comfort was all around. I was able to relax myself in fact, I didn't need to pretend to be anyone to survive, I did not need to develop another personality to fit in, I was comfortable in/as myself, and sharing myself not having to speak words to upkeep the personality in a specific environment

I enjoyed the amount of animals and the wild life that I haven't been able to witness before. On the drives to town often I would see monkeys crossing the road or swinging from branches just off to the side. We had 2 antelopes (I think) hanging around the farm every morning, jumping around in the horse field. I had no idea how well they could jump and traverse land like that, really cool to see. The dogs there were supportive as well, twice they helped out when defusing a build up of energy within a point through showing us that we are still here, the cats were cool, it took a while to get used to how they like to be pet and treated, but once a few cats started coming around the others would start to trust me more as well. The animals were a large part in support of the welcoming and comfort that existed there.

Ohhh the comfort. There was many things for me to do there and to help out in, in this I was included in the farm and not seen as an outsider, or a `visitor` but as an equal in this I felt comfortable as I was not expected to act in any way or present myself in any way but to simply be there and do the duties that were required of all equally.

Even within sharing myself there was comfort. I shared points about being addicted to sex and masturbation and in that others shared how they got over it and what they utilized to get over it, in that there was a comfort in sharing and exposing myself and hearing others stories in which I was able to apply to myself. Talk about relationships was really cool as much was shared in how they had to maintain the agreement and how they had to maintain the agreement and deal with the shit within the agreement and then once getting through the shit and dealing with the shit for the best of the agreement the agreement turned out to be awesome and completely supportive of each in the agreement. Again here comfort within sharing stories, me about past relationships and how I had been within `em and them sharing how they dealt with the shit within the agreement to make the best of the agreement.

I faced the diabetic point within me to an extent where I am not uncomfortable sharing the fact that I have diabetes and how diabetes works and what I must do to maintain the body with insulin injections and testing my blood. Before I was ashamed of having diabetes and having the point pushed within me allowed me to see it as an opportunity to explore instead of holding it as a burden over me. I this I had to develop discipline to test and to stick to a strict diet at times to test out how the diets and foods affect the body and how my relationship with the body also affects the insulin and blood readings.

Overall I enjoyed the fuck out of the time I spent there. It is a second family. A family that is unconventional in the family sense, because we all come from over the world and know each other and share ourselves/experiences to the core of who we are. We all share the same points and are supportive. It is not like the `normal` families where self interest is rampant, it is a family that supports the best possible living conditions of the family. And being included in the family was a joy unlike all other joy. I plan on returning every year when possible.

Sunday, April 29, 2012

Sport and Sugar

As a kid I was quite active. I would play around a lot. I was a fast kid so I enjoyed running fast, I did track later on, I tried rollerblading, I would bike through forests and go off of dirt jumps. I really enjoyed a lot of sport and activities with my body. I joined soccer when I was in grade 3, which I enjoyed a lot because I could run a lot and use my speed to my advantage, and attempt to win. From the age of 4 or 5 until I was 10-11 I was very active, most days doing something. I was also heavily, not addicted per say, but participated in video games and television…actually yes I would say I was addicted. When I was younger I remember on the weekends always renting a video game, wanting to beat it quickly I would wake up really early, and basically play it the entire day, with periods of activity in between, that was the majority of my time. I would also come home and sit down for hours watching television and being influenced by that. Luckily the activity that I did was a balance with my sedentary lifestyle.

My diet consisted of candy, and carbohydrates. Fruit and vegetables was rarely in any of my meals, I was brought up on grilled cheese, peanut butter and jam sandwiches, macaroni and cheese, cereals, and whenever I could get my hands on candy I would consume it until I was ill. I remember being given the opportunity to go down to the store and buy myself my own cereal. Previously to this I had wanted the most sugar infused cereal possible, always being denied getting it as many parents do in the grocery store. Now I was free from parental supervision, and I was able to get what I wanted. So I got cereal that I saw as loaded with sugar, looking for the words chocolate and a picture of a cereal that had candies embedded in the cereal as well. All of this food was not balanced through the intake of fruits and vegetables which would give me fibre to assist in breaking down the extensive amount of carbohydrates that I was eating. The fiber would have created somewhat of a balance to the food that I was eating and stop the excessive carbohydrates that I was eating. My addiction to sugar was extensive as well. My relationship with sugar has always been a reward system and I associated sugar with happiness, so if I was feeling down I would turn to sugar to keep myself happy, I allowed my world to revolve around sugar, and through the influence of media with kid shows demonizing vegetables…"Ew, Broccoli" I decided in that moment that I as well didn't like broccoli, then with the constant commercials supporting high sugar food and candies I started to want those too. Understand that my mother was a single mother, and living in a suburban neighbourhood I was easily susceptible to these things. She had to have time to herself to, she could not easily manage 2 kids, a full time job, and then her other responsibilities on the side, so I was left to find my own way basically. Then with the media's influence on children I became a violent, sugar abusing, little shit that wanted what I wanted without compromise.

In sports as well they would give out the majority of the time popsicles, candy, other various frozen treats, and when they did give fruit I did not like it so much because it wasn't candy. So eventually I ended up quitting soccer because I was not winning as much, in that looking for another happiness source to maintain the influx of happiness, in which I turned to more sugar, and more of a sedentary lifestyle wherein it was easy for me to win at videogames so I started to play them more and it was easy for me to generate emotions and feelings when watching a television show so I started to do that more, still playing with friends from time to time, but we would then mostly play video games together. My diet stayed the same, mainly carbohydrates and candy, rarely eating fruits and vegetables, not getting the necessary fiber that I needed.

All of the carbohydrates that I was taking in had a massive effect on my body and it took 2 years for it to manifest into diabetes. Too many carbohydrates meant that my pancreas was producing an extensive of insulin in order to maintain my blood sugar at the levels that they are supposed to be. Over time breath by breath the amount of carbohydrates became too much and the body started to react to the insulin that I was producing because with all the food that I was consuming with less and less activity the cells has an enormous amount of energy that they could use but weren't so the body saw that the insulin was damaging the cells through being a transmitter of the glucose in the blood stream to the cells and since there was no activity to use up the glucose in the blood stream the body said, what the fuck is going on?, and decided to attack the insulin producing cells in the pancreas to stop the harm that I was doing to the body, causing the sugar in the blood stream to build up causing a physical consequence that I could see with me being thirsty and having to pee at an alarming rate.

So here are the factors that was involved in me being diagnosed with type 1 diabetes. Take into consideration what children are doing to their bodies with the sugar intake and consider what influences them in their food intake. The media is a terrible fucking perpetrator in the push for more sugar consumption, and look at all the foods that are designed for children, they have outrageous quantities of sugar in them. Diabetes will become more of an epidemic than it is now if things are not changed, because we are getting more sedentary than ever before.