Mar 6th 2011 6:46pm
I have nothing to write about in the context of myself, I have been up for 3 hours and have only been on the computer. I have not lived I am only observing, and I am looking for something to place myself into, I am looking for something to put myself into, I am thinking about smoking so that I may participate in something. I am sitting here looking for something to do, I am bored. I am waiting for work and waiting to go home to my home. I am not applying myself in areas in which I could be…I am looking to stimulate my mind. I am looking to stimulate my mind through cigarettes, skateboarding, I could be reading, but I am not. I am looking for energy. I am not participating in the physical, I am within my mind right now looking for something to attach to in which I can give myself a task within, something that is entertaining though. So this is harmful for me and I am going to read.
Showing posts with label Self-Expression. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Self-Expression. Show all posts
Sunday, March 6, 2011
Saturday, March 5, 2011
Videogame Time-loop and Acheiving
Mar 5th 10:04am 2011
I am re-downloading a game right now and I have gone through this point many times of buying a game system and then removing it from my reality, and then getting another one and doing the same and downloading and deleting games. I asked myself why I am I going through this. I have been doing this because I have wanted to `achieve` something through the games, to `accomplish` something to make myself something more than what I am. I have not played the game to simply play the game, the point has always been to achieve something. This I now see even within skateboarding. It has been to accomplish something, to land a new trick, or to learn a new trick, or beat someone in a game of skate, I have recently been correcting this, yet that point still is relevant. I go skateboarding to do something I never have done before, to make myself an idea of more of learning something new, but it has always been me, always been within me…just had to find it and realize it. I have been now starting it out of self expression of me and the board and the movement as one, not trying to create anything, allowing myself to simply express myself. I find that I enjoy this much more as I am not expecting anything from myself and I have noticed that I learnt new tricks while doing this, as I did not push myself to try it only allowed myself to feel the board and allow myself to move myself on how the trick `should` move.
This is within the game as well, I play the game to upgrade the avatar, to make the character more and moer and more and more. This is a point of greed as well. So expressing myself within the game, we will see. I am not going to try to achieve anything…just allow myself to move myself through the game just like skateboarding now. And If I get tired then I stop…just like skateboarding now. To express myself within/as a video game, to have a goal is not the purpose, as I will be directed and limited to that goal, to simply play the game is self-expression. And to experience myself within the videogame as the videogame.
To want to acheive something as within a hobbie or a activity is separating yourself from that achieve, as you are trying to get to it, not realizing that is already here as yourself, you just need to realize it as yourself. For example to want to land a trick, I am placing that trick separate from myself, moving myself to try and acheive that trick, not placing that trick as myself here realizing that I am the trick and within that not realizing that I make the trick...I do not acheive it.
So the starting point of wanting to achieve something is dishonest as it is in separationn of self
I am re-downloading a game right now and I have gone through this point many times of buying a game system and then removing it from my reality, and then getting another one and doing the same and downloading and deleting games. I asked myself why I am I going through this. I have been doing this because I have wanted to `achieve` something through the games, to `accomplish` something to make myself something more than what I am. I have not played the game to simply play the game, the point has always been to achieve something. This I now see even within skateboarding. It has been to accomplish something, to land a new trick, or to learn a new trick, or beat someone in a game of skate, I have recently been correcting this, yet that point still is relevant. I go skateboarding to do something I never have done before, to make myself an idea of more of learning something new, but it has always been me, always been within me…just had to find it and realize it. I have been now starting it out of self expression of me and the board and the movement as one, not trying to create anything, allowing myself to simply express myself. I find that I enjoy this much more as I am not expecting anything from myself and I have noticed that I learnt new tricks while doing this, as I did not push myself to try it only allowed myself to feel the board and allow myself to move myself on how the trick `should` move.
This is within the game as well, I play the game to upgrade the avatar, to make the character more and moer and more and more. This is a point of greed as well. So expressing myself within the game, we will see. I am not going to try to achieve anything…just allow myself to move myself through the game just like skateboarding now. And If I get tired then I stop…just like skateboarding now. To express myself within/as a video game, to have a goal is not the purpose, as I will be directed and limited to that goal, to simply play the game is self-expression. And to experience myself within the videogame as the videogame.
To want to acheive something as within a hobbie or a activity is separating yourself from that achieve, as you are trying to get to it, not realizing that is already here as yourself, you just need to realize it as yourself. For example to want to land a trick, I am placing that trick separate from myself, moving myself to try and acheive that trick, not placing that trick as myself here realizing that I am the trick and within that not realizing that I make the trick...I do not acheive it.
So the starting point of wanting to achieve something is dishonest as it is in separationn of self
Sunday, January 30, 2011
Breathing vs Thinking
When I think I am not here and I am my personality it its entirety. When I breathe I am much more stable at placing myself here, and letting everything go and being my body. Even now as I think I become more and more tired and as I am `waking up`, as I breathe I feel as if I have been up for hours. I can focus when I breathe, When I think I am only focused on one thing and that is within my mind being placed somewhere else. When I breathe I can analyze anything, When I think I am very limited to one expression I am limited to what I want to try to be. When I breathe I can look at any situation and express myself in the moment. When I think I am limited to expressing only what I think about, to only be what I believe or think the situation is, and my thinking is just a pre-programmed design of who I should be within this system.
So when I think I am extremely limited in who I am, When I think I am unlimited in my expression, I am here and not trying to be an idea/a thought/ a belief of my experience or the situation that I am involved in. When I think I am trying to match the situation with my thoughts. Right now I am watching a movie and it is `unraveling` and I am trying to understand it, when there is nothing to understand as it is right in front of my face, There is no need to understand anything, and when I am thinking I am trying to piece some puzzles together…but when I breathe the puzzle fits for me. When I breathe I let the movie just play out, I become humble and allow it to unfold for me, As I said it is right before my eyes, and all I need to do is breathe and I understand everything because there is not anything `more` to understand when watching a movie, As I think I am trying to create a definition onto trying to create words onto it, when I breathe as I am watching this movie The pictures and words define it for me there is nothing to think about when watching a movie, yet we all do. So it is pointless to think about anything, as what is is before your eyes. I like the saying when you look at a tree you do not need to say/think tree the tree says it’s a tree by being a tree. So really, is thinking useful? Does it make progress? In reality does thinking assist us in seeing, or does it only create a false interpretation of what we look at, When we think we are trying to see something that is not there. If we stop thinking we are able to see the reality of the situation. We are able to see it clearly rather than through the fog of words and definitions existent within out mind, trying to find the right words and definitions to `clearly` explain the situation but the situation is right at hand being shown clearly to us. So there was just a scene and It looked unfamiliar to me and I was wondering where the fuck is this…what is this. It is just what it is. There is nothing else to it…it is not beautiful it is not ugly, it just is. Thinking allows one to see it differently than what it really is. We all look through our minds eye at the moment and that eye is crowded with words definitions, knowledge, Information and we are sifting through all of that shit to find something to place on the idea experience that we go through at any moment, and then define ourselves according to information/knowledge of what we believe to be an adequate interpretation of the experience/situation.
So when I think I am extremely limited in who I am, When I think I am unlimited in my expression, I am here and not trying to be an idea/a thought/ a belief of my experience or the situation that I am involved in. When I think I am trying to match the situation with my thoughts. Right now I am watching a movie and it is `unraveling` and I am trying to understand it, when there is nothing to understand as it is right in front of my face, There is no need to understand anything, and when I am thinking I am trying to piece some puzzles together…but when I breathe the puzzle fits for me. When I breathe I let the movie just play out, I become humble and allow it to unfold for me, As I said it is right before my eyes, and all I need to do is breathe and I understand everything because there is not anything `more` to understand when watching a movie, As I think I am trying to create a definition onto trying to create words onto it, when I breathe as I am watching this movie The pictures and words define it for me there is nothing to think about when watching a movie, yet we all do. So it is pointless to think about anything, as what is is before your eyes. I like the saying when you look at a tree you do not need to say/think tree the tree says it’s a tree by being a tree. So really, is thinking useful? Does it make progress? In reality does thinking assist us in seeing, or does it only create a false interpretation of what we look at, When we think we are trying to see something that is not there. If we stop thinking we are able to see the reality of the situation. We are able to see it clearly rather than through the fog of words and definitions existent within out mind, trying to find the right words and definitions to `clearly` explain the situation but the situation is right at hand being shown clearly to us. So there was just a scene and It looked unfamiliar to me and I was wondering where the fuck is this…what is this. It is just what it is. There is nothing else to it…it is not beautiful it is not ugly, it just is. Thinking allows one to see it differently than what it really is. We all look through our minds eye at the moment and that eye is crowded with words definitions, knowledge, Information and we are sifting through all of that shit to find something to place on the idea experience that we go through at any moment, and then define ourselves according to information/knowledge of what we believe to be an adequate interpretation of the experience/situation.
Friday, November 26, 2010
Most Miserable City in Canada
Least happy city in Canada
Toronto Was voted the most miserable, not voted but concluded upon, city in the country. Lets look at Toronto. It has roughly 1 million people living in the city. There are a lot of businesses, It is not self sustainable. Toronto Vs the Country. The country is open, the country, you can see a lot of nature. In a city one is bombarded with lights and advertisements, always looking for something to buy, being programmed to search to buy something. Being programmed to search outside of self with the use of money for happiness. No one is there to help, everyone looks out for themselves. Where is the enjoyment in that. When no one is around to help out one becomes depressed. Everyone is searching for there next paycheck, Everyone is in a rush to get the next paycheck, so no one is looking out for the neighbour. So when people help eachother out it is much nicer to live, because you are living with someone, you are not alone, which when one looks at it there are people all around us yet we believe ourselves to be absolutely alone, that everyone else is a stranger, they are stranger than you, do not speak fear them for their strangeness. Everyone is walking around for themselves. Anyhow Happiness is immeasurable, people are happy and sad, and when one has to constantly fight for survival because no one is helping then one will become frustrated, because we all like to be helped out in this world. I tested this out, In work I work alone and with people, I enjoy working with people because the more people working on a task the faster it goes and the more fun one has because you can help eachother out. When working alone it becomes much more stressful because one has to work out all problems alone and sometimes we do not give ourselves the insight we need because we are blinded by the stress and anger and frustration. That is why Toronto is the most miserable city in Canada, In an Equal money system everyone will be working for everyone=unlimited fun and joy and self-Expression.
Toronto Was voted the most miserable, not voted but concluded upon, city in the country. Lets look at Toronto. It has roughly 1 million people living in the city. There are a lot of businesses, It is not self sustainable. Toronto Vs the Country. The country is open, the country, you can see a lot of nature. In a city one is bombarded with lights and advertisements, always looking for something to buy, being programmed to search to buy something. Being programmed to search outside of self with the use of money for happiness. No one is there to help, everyone looks out for themselves. Where is the enjoyment in that. When no one is around to help out one becomes depressed. Everyone is searching for there next paycheck, Everyone is in a rush to get the next paycheck, so no one is looking out for the neighbour. So when people help eachother out it is much nicer to live, because you are living with someone, you are not alone, which when one looks at it there are people all around us yet we believe ourselves to be absolutely alone, that everyone else is a stranger, they are stranger than you, do not speak fear them for their strangeness. Everyone is walking around for themselves. Anyhow Happiness is immeasurable, people are happy and sad, and when one has to constantly fight for survival because no one is helping then one will become frustrated, because we all like to be helped out in this world. I tested this out, In work I work alone and with people, I enjoy working with people because the more people working on a task the faster it goes and the more fun one has because you can help eachother out. When working alone it becomes much more stressful because one has to work out all problems alone and sometimes we do not give ourselves the insight we need because we are blinded by the stress and anger and frustration. That is why Toronto is the most miserable city in Canada, In an Equal money system everyone will be working for everyone=unlimited fun and joy and self-Expression.
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