Saturday, March 5, 2011

Videogame Time-loop and Acheiving

Mar 5th 10:04am 2011

I am re-downloading a game right now and I have gone through this point many times of buying a game system and then removing it from my reality, and then getting another one and doing the same and downloading and deleting games. I asked myself why I am I going through this. I have been doing this because I have wanted to `achieve` something through the games, to `accomplish` something to make myself something more than what I am. I have not played the game to simply play the game, the point has always been to achieve something. This I now see even within skateboarding. It has been to accomplish something, to land a new trick, or to learn a new trick, or beat someone in a game of skate, I have recently been correcting this, yet that point still is relevant. I go skateboarding to do something I never have done before, to make myself an idea of more of learning something new, but it has always been me, always been within me…just had to find it and realize it. I have been now starting it out of self expression of me and the board and the movement as one, not trying to create anything, allowing myself to simply express myself. I find that I enjoy this much more as I am not expecting anything from myself and I have noticed that I learnt new tricks while doing this, as I did not push myself to try it only allowed myself to feel the board and allow myself to move myself on how the trick `should` move.

This is within the game as well, I play the game to upgrade the avatar, to make the character more and moer and more and more. This is a point of greed as well. So expressing myself within the game, we will see. I am not going to try to achieve anything…just allow myself to move myself through the game just like skateboarding now. And If I get tired then I stop…just like skateboarding now. To express myself within/as a video game, to have a goal is not the purpose, as I will be directed and limited to that goal, to simply play the game is self-expression. And to experience myself within the videogame as the videogame.

To want to acheive something as within a hobbie or a activity is separating yourself from that achieve, as you are trying to get to it, not realizing that is already here as yourself, you just need to realize it as yourself. For example to want to land a trick, I am placing that trick separate from myself, moving myself to try and acheive that trick, not placing that trick as myself here realizing that I am the trick and within that not realizing that I make the trick...I do not acheive it.

So the starting point of wanting to achieve something is dishonest as it is in separationn of self

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