When I interact with another person, it is always a happy go lucky persona. I always want to smile and make others smile, it is an addiction to happiness. When Watching one of Bernard’s videos a while back he was talking about diabetics and their pursuit for sweetness/happiness and this obviously struck a chord within me. This is who I am around other people. I am a constant search for happiness and creating happiness around other people. It is an addiction to people and a `need` to be accepted. It is an addiction to being accepted so that I can create a relationship and then share myself with that person and then say this is who I am.
When around other people I tend to smile a lot and not take a lot of things seriously, so that I can play this happy persona and pretend like I am happy…what is this happiness, why do we all want it? Why!? Are we all addicted to happiness? Within me it is because that feeling, yet looking at that feeling it is psychotic, it is idiotic, what do you do when your happy? Acts all sorts of stupid. That is irrelevant. When I am around strangers I try and act as nice as possible, to support happiness and my ego. Within my ego I believe myself to be a `nice` person. I am not this `niceness` I am life. From watching Alex’s Guides interview I realized that I have been trying to still define myself around the people that I am comfortable with….That I am `real` when I am around certain people, which I still am not when believe myself to be that way around people I am familiar with. When I am around people that I know I am able to be much more honest, and real about myself…well actually no, I become more negative. When I am around people I know I am negative as I am positive when I am around strangers….I believe that I do not need to hold up that act of pretending to be nice and happy and joyful etc, so when I stop the act I well still act but on the other side of the polarity. I stop that act when I am around people that `know` me as personality, and still must get rid of all the energy by becoming negative.
When I talk to strangers I keep the conversation short and sweet…that is how I used to be. That is how I used to describe myself, I did not say a lot and was trying to keep the positivity around. And when I stopped that act the negativity came out. I tested this out today. I talked to a coworker about the book she was reading, at first I laughed at myself…I asked her what book she was reading and she answered…not knowing where to go from there I laughed and disregarded it, I used happiness to escape. I stopped this within the moment of silence and asked what it was about. I was trying to not smile within that moment and I realized that the answer is not trying to be or to not be but to simply listen and respond according to the words spoken and not intended….many people will laugh because they have a different belief of the intention of the words. I have done that…it is laughing out of fear of not knowing what they meant, so I laugh…to again escape the fact that I do not know and believe that I should know. Within listening there is no intention to be any thing, within listening one is able to actually speak from the conversation and not past knowledge and information, one is actually able to understand within actually listening and within listening all personas and personalities go out the window. It comes frm body language...when one starts to talk higher I see that as a joke, when lower I see that as serious, I can see the intention of the sentence about to be said and I prepare myself to act that way to be accepted and to comply with their bullshit.
I am not negativity or positivity I do not need anyone to support a belief of who I am, I am life in the physical I am not an idea of how I should be, I am not a need for happiness I do not need happiness, I have ears, I use them, I have a mouth I use it, I stand equal to my ears and mouth when communicating, I am not a minds perception of the words spoken. I am no longer accepting myself participating in ideas about what is said. I am not an idea of who I am, I just am life, I am living I am a being, I am not a personality, I am lfie here, I do not need to act nor am I an act, I am a blink, I am a breath, I am snot, I am a tongue I am not an idea that moves the toungue, I move the togue as the tongue as me
Showing posts with label perceptions. Show all posts
Showing posts with label perceptions. Show all posts
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Saturday, December 11, 2010
Inception
I watched the movie Inception and I found it to be completely interesting. I enjoyed it. So the movie is based on this group of people that attach themselves into peoples dreams so that they can access their subconscious to gain secrets...Information. What happens is that a energy company is at war with another company and want to gain absolute power and not let the other have absolute power, so they hire this group of people to place an idea into the rival energy companies heir's head that he wants to destroy the company. This is what they call inception, placing an idea into ones head.
What is interesting about this movie is that they explore the mind entirely, the conscious, subconscious, unconscious, and a level they call limbo. When placed inside a dream they can access the beings subconscious in the entire world around them, through talking to the people because they are all projections.
They go around finding people in real life to act as their `professions` within a dream state, so for example they try and find an architect to place themself within the dream to create the dream world. They find a fraud, someone who replicates casino chips to make money, to recreate and act as someone who the dreamer knows. The fraud would look like and talk like the person that the dreamer knows, so that they could manipulate the dreamer into more information. This entire movie revolves around deception. They all try and deceive the dreamer to gain information.
After this movie I had more of an understanding of the mind which was interesting! I was watching Maya's video response to voice tonality and I could see and understand the entire consequence and reality of a reaction, on how it is not real and how it is a complete possession. A Reaction is when one goes into the mind and becomes completely controlled by it through not wanting to face or realize a point through fear of losing itself. And this mind takes us over completely, so I saw what it means to be possessed by the mind and how we allow it and how fucked up it truly is. Like A reaction to words said to you, like you are fat, if you go into a reaction it is the fear of being fat and the belief that you are fat coming into play. This is absolute possession and control. We are allowing this to take over our LIVES. So I looked at a definition I held of a past girlfriend because I noticed that I would still think about her every so often. So I looked at that picture of her in everything that it was, I forgave...Truly forgave, myself on believing that to be her, and then realized that if I saw her in the physical that the picture presentation I had of her would be irrelevant to what she actually is within the physical, So I was able to let that go unconditionally and absolutely.
Forgiveness for me is much more effective if I forgive within and as myself without words. I have to look at myself in what I have accepted and allowed myself to believe within and as my mind, look at it and then forgive. When looking at it within the mind I can see the entirety of the belief or perception or idea of something and unconditionally let it go with forgiveness. I must forgive myself first when looking at it and then I can speak it and mean it knowing that I do forgive myself rather than speaking empty words that I cannot stand behind because I have not lived them within the moment or know what they really mean.
So this is what helped completely. In the movie the main character is holding onto a belief of who his wife is, and the belief is surrounded by guilt and from that guilt comes regret and not being able to let it go, which is completely relevant to what desteni has brought forth within information. So he was holding onto a belief of his wife even though she died. She would still be within his mind fucking with the dream state of anothers dream, because all of their subconscious would come through and she was a large part of the main character that he could not let go. I looked at this point of that, even though it is jsut a belief it has immense consequences within the person because it becomes them. So I looked at any belief I had and looked at it entirely and forgave myself for believing it and within that moment I could see the reality of that which I believed to be. So If I were to believe a Person to be special or happy or sad or any `definition` I forgave it and could immediate see what they were in reality, no within any set definition. And I saw that they were me....deceptive lieing, polarity based, judgmental, mental (lol), etc.
I enjoyed this movie quite a lot because I was actually able to take away a better understanding of beliefs, I suggest you watch it and if you do not understand the movie start to research psychology, only a little through, then watch it again and see if you can understand it again. And Check Self-forgiveness as well because what I found interesting as well is that it was suggested within the movie to the main character to release his guilt.
What is interesting about this movie is that they explore the mind entirely, the conscious, subconscious, unconscious, and a level they call limbo. When placed inside a dream they can access the beings subconscious in the entire world around them, through talking to the people because they are all projections.
They go around finding people in real life to act as their `professions` within a dream state, so for example they try and find an architect to place themself within the dream to create the dream world. They find a fraud, someone who replicates casino chips to make money, to recreate and act as someone who the dreamer knows. The fraud would look like and talk like the person that the dreamer knows, so that they could manipulate the dreamer into more information. This entire movie revolves around deception. They all try and deceive the dreamer to gain information.
After this movie I had more of an understanding of the mind which was interesting! I was watching Maya's video response to voice tonality and I could see and understand the entire consequence and reality of a reaction, on how it is not real and how it is a complete possession. A Reaction is when one goes into the mind and becomes completely controlled by it through not wanting to face or realize a point through fear of losing itself. And this mind takes us over completely, so I saw what it means to be possessed by the mind and how we allow it and how fucked up it truly is. Like A reaction to words said to you, like you are fat, if you go into a reaction it is the fear of being fat and the belief that you are fat coming into play. This is absolute possession and control. We are allowing this to take over our LIVES. So I looked at a definition I held of a past girlfriend because I noticed that I would still think about her every so often. So I looked at that picture of her in everything that it was, I forgave...Truly forgave, myself on believing that to be her, and then realized that if I saw her in the physical that the picture presentation I had of her would be irrelevant to what she actually is within the physical, So I was able to let that go unconditionally and absolutely.
Forgiveness for me is much more effective if I forgive within and as myself without words. I have to look at myself in what I have accepted and allowed myself to believe within and as my mind, look at it and then forgive. When looking at it within the mind I can see the entirety of the belief or perception or idea of something and unconditionally let it go with forgiveness. I must forgive myself first when looking at it and then I can speak it and mean it knowing that I do forgive myself rather than speaking empty words that I cannot stand behind because I have not lived them within the moment or know what they really mean.
So this is what helped completely. In the movie the main character is holding onto a belief of who his wife is, and the belief is surrounded by guilt and from that guilt comes regret and not being able to let it go, which is completely relevant to what desteni has brought forth within information. So he was holding onto a belief of his wife even though she died. She would still be within his mind fucking with the dream state of anothers dream, because all of their subconscious would come through and she was a large part of the main character that he could not let go. I looked at this point of that, even though it is jsut a belief it has immense consequences within the person because it becomes them. So I looked at any belief I had and looked at it entirely and forgave myself for believing it and within that moment I could see the reality of that which I believed to be. So If I were to believe a Person to be special or happy or sad or any `definition` I forgave it and could immediate see what they were in reality, no within any set definition. And I saw that they were me....deceptive lieing, polarity based, judgmental, mental (lol), etc.
I enjoyed this movie quite a lot because I was actually able to take away a better understanding of beliefs, I suggest you watch it and if you do not understand the movie start to research psychology, only a little through, then watch it again and see if you can understand it again. And Check Self-forgiveness as well because what I found interesting as well is that it was suggested within the movie to the main character to release his guilt.
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