Resonant Symbols and Ideas of Self-Creation

Mar 21st 2010 8:49pm


Procrastination has lead me to this point, where everything comes together in one large moment and I rush to get through Everything. Right Now I am taking on the points of No Videos games, No Tv for Entertainment, No skateboarding videos, no looking a myself within a reflection, Stopping looking at numbers for meaning. I am physically Getting my passport Re-newed I am switching Locations of Work so that I may make more Money I am not wanting to write. I am looking to indulge. Looking to Eat peanut Butter and Jam, Looking to smoke All of this imagery which is not Real. All of these Resonant Symbols.

I was debating whether or not to buy a Pack of cigarettes and I looked at the consequence of doing this which would lead me back into smoking again, And I chose to say No to buying a Pack because simply I do not want to keep on smoking as It limits me.

I am at the point where I create `psychosis` I am right now not doing anything and I started to listen to music and A feeling came rushing within me of the music being `beautiful` . I remember allowing myself to go into this feeling and create many manifestations within myself- creates many ideas about what was going on and I followed the most `beautiful` Idea which was that I was special/significant/important to some degree and in some way.

I allowed myself to continue those Beliefs - I remember that I sat for hours listening to one song looking for the maning in it – Never finding that meaning. I was blinded by the search and belief that there was meaning. Never Questioning it and when I did I simply allowed it to continue on because I enjoyed the game. (Side note the meaning has become physically manifested – Typos = Maning as I left it above and When I typed anything I typed Anuthing and looked for meaning within that) And them I became addicted to that game and Search and creation within those ideas and beliefs in which I then created myself as. Like Inception where they go deep into the `subconscious` and created their entire world and he created an idea there and then it affected her in reality. And In reality if you do that not only the idea would show on the surface but everything else created.

Simply All of those beliefs and ideas I created there was for a good feeling, was for a belief of myself being special etc, and simply those beliefs and ideas of myself are not real, real is here, and the consequence now is that I must remove all of those beliefs that I have created myself as.

Make! Believe

Mar 19th 2011 1:20pm


After work I notice that I am quite exhausted. I struggle to participate here. I lose myself within my mind and this is the consequence of allowing myself to move into psychosis which again will take time and effort to correct. So within psychosis I would take words and sounds and make a definition that I wanted to hear or that was already programmed within me. I would take words within music and direct them towards me and use my own words and definitions to create a belief of what it meant to me regarding my life. I went heavy into this creating beliefs that I am god, antichrist, jesus, the devil, much polarized beliefs and I played with myself heavily within that sending myself through massive highs and lows. Anyhow the point is that I made myself hear what I wanted to here, and this is what I do at work. I place myself in a desired position instead of here, I am placing myself in la la land, not focusing on myself here, and thus it takes a lot of thought and energy to create such beliefs and ideas, so after work I become quite exhausted. After I get off work and sit down I do not know where the fuck I am. I sit down and say…shit I am here! I do not realize where I am when working, I really take myself away from here, this is a massive issue for my health. I have allowed myself to move into this through psychosis and this is the consequence of it…not being able to place myself here, I can rarely hear tv analysts, and only when my mind is `calm` can I actually participate in reading, when it is not I again place myself in a projection and/or idea. So now that I can see this clearly I am going to investigate it. And create a plan to stop this because this is seriously limiting me from being here, from realizing myself HERE. I see reading as a starting point for pushing myself through this. I am going to start to read much more, as I watch most vlogs and do not read much blogs, so I am going to start to read more blogs from other desteni members, read the news, read more material…and understand it. I am going to stop listening to music when I can, stop using music as a distraction point I will say, as well I am going to stop tv for 21 days to get myself out of IMAGEination.

Reality Check

I started looking at my life from a top down perspective. I do this so I can understand the whole of myself and where and how I stand. As well the equality equation works effectively for myself this way. I proved this to myself by looking at the belief of myself making someone smile as valuable and me being a presence in someones life with a smile is valuable by looking at that in the total equation of life…I almost vomited. That belief is completely disgusting. I am glad that I have been able to use that. I have been able to see myself only directing my reality which is cool. I was applying for a job and looking at that situation entirely and directing that effectively by looking at myself in the exact moment from a top down view.  It is looking at myself from the sky and being able to pull myself back from my mind and look at the physical existence and any belief or idea that I have of something, and see if it is valid. Money is not valid within the entirety of the world but valid within my world so while looking for a job I just looked at myself. This is subject to knowledge and information. So for example when looking at myself in the belief of being good for smiling, I placed the knowledge and information of beings dying of starvation within the world and looked at the affect of this. It was disgusting because the only thing I affected was the person in my direct reality, and to believe that I am doing something good for making a fucking person who does not starve SMILE!???, That is a mad belief. I have been mad/insane/crazy/nuts. So I am now looking at myself in entirety, based on knowledge and information and memory…so this is not really the most effective way but it helps as I stop only focusing on myself. It is a reality check for myself. That how is this within reality. It is useful.

Desire, A general overview

I am continuing with my one a day point, and right now it is desires, I am doing a general overview of desire in the whole, The next few days I am going to take on each point individually, as there are a few sub-points within the point desiring.

As I have started to write this out I find that I desire an experience that I have had previously to using a substance/action. For instance sex, within sex I have an energetic experience of complete relief, so it is not sex that I am desiring/addicted to, it is the experience of it. When I think about a desire I think about the specific experience I had in relation the the desire. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to addict myself to a specific experience realted to a action/substance. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in desiring a specific expereince that I had in the past.

The expreiences that I desire are all related to an energetic feeling. Looking at all the points it is a feeling of relief, smoking, escaping, sex, sugar, it is all a relief from something. I desire the feeling of relief. Within relief I stop worrying about everything, I stop stressing about everything. That is interesting that a common point within this is relief of myself, and my participation in the mind.

Within desires I think about and action or substance that I have programmed within myself or have been pre-programmed and I then think about the experience realted to that action/substance and desire to have it in the current moment. Within this I project myself into the expereince and start to crave having it now.

At times I have stopped this, but I continue to participate in the thought and resist the fact that I am participating in it. I resist the fact by saying "no" and disregarding it out of fear of being controlled, I then allow it to come again and resist again and this sends me into desiring whatever I am wanting, for example resisting cigarettes and the feeling it gives me only perpetuates the desire for having a cigarette as the experience of having a cigarette, would alleviate to experience I am having which is fighting with myself through/as resisting myself. So within that it only makes the situation worse for myself, and then I eventually give in through the accumulation effect of my participation.

Within desires I think about the `enjoyment` that I experienced within a memory and then I want to enjoy that experience more and more and more and more = the way this system is = more. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want more of an experience. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in excessivenss. I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to participate in necessity, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in ideas about experiences.

Within desires, I participate in an idea about what I want, and Idea of a desire. For an example, desiring a stable relationship I participate in the idea I have about one, and then desire that Idea, try and manifest that idea.

So within desires I crave a expereince of an idea of an experience that I have separated myself from as me, and then try and attain that experience through re-creating the same situation and I had within the past when I had that specific experience, I also participate in ideas about an experience relating to a specific action/enviroment/substance, All desires are related to a specific experience I had within a past experience, and a desire to attain that expereince agian in the moment,
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to recreate a specific expereince that I had in a past memory/experience. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try to re-create that experience by participating in desires, I forgive myself thatI have not accepted and allowed myself to participate in each moment new. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to project past experiences into the current moment.