Mar 21st 2011 10:10
I just allowed myself to go into my mind. I was looking for something to attach myself to memory wise = sweet food, Cigarettes, Tv, Video games, Things of that Nature. I was allowing myself t stray away from myself within breath again, within the physical touch.
I am here in this moment as the movement within the pen here writing with me as me assisting and supporting me unconditionally ( I am copying this from My notebook)
So this light thing. Knowing about the white light – this actual Light is blocking me. Everything that I see is the information that is coded and reflected back to me with light (I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame light for my sight.) The Light that I see is specifically directed towards me. I am blinded by this Light. I cannot see the information that exists, so My physical Eyes are untrustworthy. I must and probably can use my minds eye, But I am too much enslaved for that right now. SO I am going to stick to the physical touch and movement for right now. But yes there is a bright light stopping me from seeing what is here.
The physical is definitely Real the Image is not. The picture representation that I see is not real, but th actual paper and pen and friction and hand are real, but the image seen/shown is not real it does not exist like that I can feel its existence. But there are no Words for it so Simply I cannot word it, I can only feel it as me here.
I am enslave me, the light does not enslave me
Showing posts with label Rant. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Rant. Show all posts
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Resonant Symbols and Ideas of Self-Creation
Mar 21st 2010 8:49pm
Procrastination has lead me to this point, where everything comes together in one large moment and I rush to get through Everything. Right Now I am taking on the points of No Videos games, No Tv for Entertainment, No skateboarding videos, no looking a myself within a reflection, Stopping looking at numbers for meaning. I am physically Getting my passport Re-newed I am switching Locations of Work so that I may make more Money I am not wanting to write. I am looking to indulge. Looking to Eat peanut Butter and Jam, Looking to smoke All of this imagery which is not Real. All of these Resonant Symbols.
I was debating whether or not to buy a Pack of cigarettes and I looked at the consequence of doing this which would lead me back into smoking again, And I chose to say No to buying a Pack because simply I do not want to keep on smoking as It limits me.
I am at the point where I create `psychosis` I am right now not doing anything and I started to listen to music and A feeling came rushing within me of the music being `beautiful` . I remember allowing myself to go into this feeling and create many manifestations within myself- creates many ideas about what was going on and I followed the most `beautiful` Idea which was that I was special/significant/important to some degree and in some way.
I allowed myself to continue those Beliefs - I remember that I sat for hours listening to one song looking for the maning in it – Never finding that meaning. I was blinded by the search and belief that there was meaning. Never Questioning it and when I did I simply allowed it to continue on because I enjoyed the game. (Side note the meaning has become physically manifested – Typos = Maning as I left it above and When I typed anything I typed Anuthing and looked for meaning within that) And them I became addicted to that game and Search and creation within those ideas and beliefs in which I then created myself as. Like Inception where they go deep into the `subconscious` and created their entire world and he created an idea there and then it affected her in reality. And In reality if you do that not only the idea would show on the surface but everything else created.
Simply All of those beliefs and ideas I created there was for a good feeling, was for a belief of myself being special etc, and simply those beliefs and ideas of myself are not real, real is here, and the consequence now is that I must remove all of those beliefs that I have created myself as.
Procrastination has lead me to this point, where everything comes together in one large moment and I rush to get through Everything. Right Now I am taking on the points of No Videos games, No Tv for Entertainment, No skateboarding videos, no looking a myself within a reflection, Stopping looking at numbers for meaning. I am physically Getting my passport Re-newed I am switching Locations of Work so that I may make more Money I am not wanting to write. I am looking to indulge. Looking to Eat peanut Butter and Jam, Looking to smoke All of this imagery which is not Real. All of these Resonant Symbols.
I was debating whether or not to buy a Pack of cigarettes and I looked at the consequence of doing this which would lead me back into smoking again, And I chose to say No to buying a Pack because simply I do not want to keep on smoking as It limits me.
I am at the point where I create `psychosis` I am right now not doing anything and I started to listen to music and A feeling came rushing within me of the music being `beautiful` . I remember allowing myself to go into this feeling and create many manifestations within myself- creates many ideas about what was going on and I followed the most `beautiful` Idea which was that I was special/significant/important to some degree and in some way.
I allowed myself to continue those Beliefs - I remember that I sat for hours listening to one song looking for the maning in it – Never finding that meaning. I was blinded by the search and belief that there was meaning. Never Questioning it and when I did I simply allowed it to continue on because I enjoyed the game. (Side note the meaning has become physically manifested – Typos = Maning as I left it above and When I typed anything I typed Anuthing and looked for meaning within that) And them I became addicted to that game and Search and creation within those ideas and beliefs in which I then created myself as. Like Inception where they go deep into the `subconscious` and created their entire world and he created an idea there and then it affected her in reality. And In reality if you do that not only the idea would show on the surface but everything else created.
Simply All of those beliefs and ideas I created there was for a good feeling, was for a belief of myself being special etc, and simply those beliefs and ideas of myself are not real, real is here, and the consequence now is that I must remove all of those beliefs that I have created myself as.
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