Thursday, February 24, 2011

Waking Up

Feb 24th 2011 5:41am

I am here having coffee and finishing my breakfast before work. Yesterday I did go the full day without any naps and slept 4 or 5 hours I cannot remember. When I got home from work yesterday I could feel me getting tired. I went to my moms to pick up a government check and I sat down to watch some videos and during one I started to get heavy eyes. I was opening and closing my eyes and found it hard to keep them open. I did not want myself to fall asleep so I looked and found a solution. Each time prior to this I would have most likely fallen asleep. This time I breathed. I breathed hard and fast and this kept me up, this kept me aware and able to here Bernard’s voice. I focused on his voice and not his words. I had to breathe quite `roughly` to keep myself awake in that moment and from not falling asleep or allowing myself to sleep. I ended up putting my head back and my eyes closed and I `slept` for about 3-5min. I was unconscious of this, and as soon as I became conscious of this meaning I had to think that I am asleep to wake myself up, I got myself up.

That is an interesting thing. I have experienced this quite a number of times. I would push my alarm clock and not realize that I have closed my eyes again and am unconscious. I then think about myself sleeping and that I should be up where in I then become conscious that I am asleep and wake myself up. This has happened with school. I have pushed the alarm fell back to sleep and slept through being `on time` for school. As I was sleeping I thought about school, and somewhat became aware of the position that I was in, and realized that I was still sleeping and thought within the moment of waking myself up `Oh shit I am late`. I have missed a few tests due to this. And I am going to start to get up when my alarm goes off. Today that even happened for 2 minutes. I had to piss so I ended up waking up 45min before my alarm and thought about staying up but did not and decided I would enjoy more sleep. The alarm went off, I set it for a half hour later, and repeated the same thing. I then woke up at 5:15 and had to piss again. I stopped the alarm, and laid there, I ended up closing my eyes unconsciously, and fell into `sleep mode`, where in I became aware that I did this…I became aware of the moment that I closed my eyes, I did not become aware of myself within the moment…neat, I became aware of what I did within the past….I was still existing within that one moment of closing my eyes, so I realized this and woke myself up, not knowing how much time went past…it was only 2 min. I have done this with hours and minutes, it all seems like the same amount of time because I still exist within that first moment of closing my eyes. I did not see the fact that I became aware of the moment I closed my eyes before writing this. That is a compromising position to place myself within so I am going to start to wake myself up when the first alarm goes.

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