Environmental Affects and Habits

Feb 20th 10:05pm 2011


I am here at my dads with my sister. As I stepped into this house what I was when I was here came running back to me. I have not made myself equal to all environments yet, I have not made myself the environment. I just realized how I have created myself within the environment and how affective the environment we grow up in is. I started to want to smoke weed and smoke cigarettes, and do everything that I was doing while I was here. I was thinking about smoking weed to create the psychosis that I experienced here while I was living here, and I was using that as an excuse. I have been breathing and calming myself down removing myself from the participation of this and stabilizing myself here. It is quite interesting to experience how the environment affects an individual so much. I reverted back to everything that I was while I was here. So this is a point to transcend, who I have created myself within this environment. I find myself being more distracted by the tv while writing, I was writing before at my moms while watching tv and I was able to concentrate quite easily on writing. Again it is interesting to witness myself acting just like I did while I was living here. I was sitting infront of the fireplace just like I did when I was living here. I would smoke weed and sit infront of that fireplace and lose myself deeply within my mind and create a whole bunch of beliefs through my psychosis, not realizing the consequences.

I have been stopping all of the habitual actions that I have created within this habitat. I have been breathing and stopping the desires to smoke weed and smoke cigarettes. I am applying breath to keep myself here and out of my mind, as I have created these habits and I breathe to keep myself here, and keep myself stable. Looking at everything in this house is interesting as well as I have created many `psychotic` points with the objects here. Yet most of the points I do not feel anymore. For example there is a red railroad spike hanging on the wall and when I would look at this before I would feel a pressure right in the centre back of my neck, now I do not create that feeling within me. I focus on myself rather than the railroad spike. When I breathe and place myself here I keep myself stable, I create myself rather than being subject to how I have created myself within the environment.

Please...Get the fuck out of my way

So the title kind of explains what I am going to write about.
Today that has been my expereince, joining it a tingling in my knees and a not being able to stay still when that feeling occurs. It has been relating to my environment and not being able to stand it. Not being able to stand within it. The knee point in Veno's structural resonance document is the thoughts, personality, knowledge - memory based mind aspects. I have been taking on this point recently in stopping myself from escaping commuting....I have been writing my day out for about a week and noticed a pattern of escape. I have taken on this point and it has been mostly occuring when I am commuting, trying to escape the time/space construct. This is a memory based point as I will always project and fantasize about memories and ideas.

As well I did not allow myself to smoke today. I am taking on the wants = happiness, and the not getting what I want = unhappiness point within myself. I wanted and desires and was tempted to have a cigarette but I did not give in, and was feeling very unwilling to do anything today, I did not want to move, write, watch videos, movies, tv, I just wanted to sit and think, I didn't even want to think, I wanted everything to go and allow myself to escape. I could not stand being here for too long in the environment that I am in. I could not stand the cold for long, I got cold and rushed to get inside when I would walk the dog (molly). Like I could not take it when I got inside, I rushed to get all of my outerwear off and shoes off so that I would not be touching anything cold, sit down and place myself in a comfortable position and sit under a blanket and watch videos, or read articles etc.

There was a point where I made food and went to sit down by the computer and had no place to put my food. I got anxious at `needing` to put my food down and the fact that I could not position everything right the way it was, and position myself within that to set up a comfortable position where I could eat and use the computer made that feeling within myknees come up and I could not stand my environment not `suiting` me, suiting me meaning fitting me in. So I had to stop breathe and move the environment differently. I was about to sweep everything off of the table and just sit, and be done with it. It comes from accumulating not cleaning up after myself. I leave it until I literally cannot put anything more down or whenever I think it is too crowded with shit, then I rearrange or clean up. This time I did not clean up in time and had too much shit scattered, all it took was some rearranging and I was able to set my food down, but again I could not stand the fact that I was not allowing myself to place myself effectively within my environment.

I am forgetting things much more. Usually I have everything I need on me = Wallet, Keys, Cellphone. Recently I have forgotten my keys a few times, when I have needed them. As well as my cell phone. I am relating this to not effecitvely placing my environment around me allowingmyself to have on my what I need.

I do not know exactly where this is stemming from but tomorrow will be another day without a cigarette, and I can check if it comes from that. I am going to start cleaning up after I eat, or use something, and see where that takes me, as there is shit on the table right now, and it is limiting my mobility....That is it. My mobility being limited. The cold I allow it to limit my mobility...not wanting to be cold so I do not move to the point where my skin touches a new part of the jacket, I keep it in one place thus keeping that same place warm and keeping my warmish. So I limit myself within my mobility,through the cold. and the shit on the table is limiting my mobility, Mobile phone so that I am able to connect with people wherever I go and the keys are what allow my to move around more effectively. So again the title of the post was get out of my way, so that I am able to move....Claustrophoic. Cool.

For The Masses

So We have been Constantly forgetting that we are lives mostly due to the fact that we are thinknig about munny constantly. WE focus on our jobs or houses or so to speak Lives>! WE are submitting to money even though we don't like having to participate in it, The only ones who enjoy money are the rich. YEs it is luxiourious and comfortable to have what we have but at what expense.? Yourselves, What did you think of then? Your body or what you define as life? What Im saying is jsut stop right now, Leave let be/Stop and Drop Everything and no more money trouble, so no more property ownershit, and all other possessional status that you have with anything else. When there is no electricity items that we put some worth to become valueless, when theres no more care of whom it belongs to. Live freely from anything that we have dfined as stresses or worries or cares, still care for the people around you and live free from judgment from people around you for minor insecurities about themselves, Why people are racial has nothing to do with the fact that the others are different than them It has to do with the fact that they are insecure with something within himself. So Yes I Understand that with all these masses of people some must die Un fortuneatly yes. But Why We Fear death is only Because We don't Understand Death. And To Understand Death Isnt't that hard just an opened mind and clear perception of what you see. If your free from any preconceived Belief of how things are and came to be then take a look at desteniproductions on youtube and just watch and listen to see if you find truth in what exists in the words spoken. And Then you can understand Death. Hopefully with knowledge of death you no longer fear it, But just to exist as it because death does not exist seperately from you! Its inevitable that we die so why worry about it, yes it may hurt or be unpleasent in some way but fuck its not like if you avoid that pain now to never feel what ever death is going to feel like. So Again Stop Dead Right NOW! And Spread the message of True freedom! No More possessions and Use common Sense to Judge how you best would live within the enviroment that we currently have but only if All that we currently have here is unoperated. I would say Start Grabbing fruit from the Grocerey stop but not franticly and planting them wherever they can be, and dont worry about "oh maybe ill die before this try grows to riping" but know that you in time created better survival for what ever is left and what ever there will be when you die. sO Will you?