Sunday, February 20, 2011

Environmental Affects and Habits

Feb 20th 10:05pm 2011

I am here at my dads with my sister. As I stepped into this house what I was when I was here came running back to me. I have not made myself equal to all environments yet, I have not made myself the environment. I just realized how I have created myself within the environment and how affective the environment we grow up in is. I started to want to smoke weed and smoke cigarettes, and do everything that I was doing while I was here. I was thinking about smoking weed to create the psychosis that I experienced here while I was living here, and I was using that as an excuse. I have been breathing and calming myself down removing myself from the participation of this and stabilizing myself here. It is quite interesting to experience how the environment affects an individual so much. I reverted back to everything that I was while I was here. So this is a point to transcend, who I have created myself within this environment. I find myself being more distracted by the tv while writing, I was writing before at my moms while watching tv and I was able to concentrate quite easily on writing. Again it is interesting to witness myself acting just like I did while I was living here. I was sitting infront of the fireplace just like I did when I was living here. I would smoke weed and sit infront of that fireplace and lose myself deeply within my mind and create a whole bunch of beliefs through my psychosis, not realizing the consequences.

I have been stopping all of the habitual actions that I have created within this habitat. I have been breathing and stopping the desires to smoke weed and smoke cigarettes. I am applying breath to keep myself here and out of my mind, as I have created these habits and I breathe to keep myself here, and keep myself stable. Looking at everything in this house is interesting as well as I have created many `psychotic` points with the objects here. Yet most of the points I do not feel anymore. For example there is a red railroad spike hanging on the wall and when I would look at this before I would feel a pressure right in the centre back of my neck, now I do not create that feeling within me. I focus on myself rather than the railroad spike. When I breathe and place myself here I keep myself stable, I create myself rather than being subject to how I have created myself within the environment.

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