Stopping Backchat at Work

Apr 4th 2011 11:58


I find it hard to stop backchatting at work. I do not stop and take a breath I constantly push myself to keep working and within that constant pushing I do not stop the breathe. I do not stop the thought process until I get home and sit down and relax for a bit. I noticed today as well that I will always end up at sex or money and then I will judge myself and say stop or no. that judgment I am working on at the moment accepting the fact that I always end up thinking about sex or money. And it comes from any thought, I can think probably about anything and it will end up in sex. I think about one person and then it leads to another and eventually it turns into sex. And the money part is primarily about fear of lack of and I use backchat to try and equate the pattern but it never works out. I use backchat as well as a form of comfort by placing myself within my mind and thinking heavily about anything.

When I get home I stop. There is no fear here at home. I am not in a situation where I am expected to perorm or have to meet any standards or codes, I can be me and relax. So I am definitely tense at work. I am tense because I feel like I am being constantly watched and judged on my actions and my work `effort`. So I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear my work effort. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect my work effort to fear and thus I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear my own fear.

I have written about this point before and still I have not followed through on this point so I am going to keep on investigating myself at work. I notice that I have to take it slow at work, calm myself down and breathe and remove the fear of being watched or seen doing my work and simply focus on my self working.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to slow myself down at work, breathe and investigate myself stop, and focus on myself working

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to push myself while working within the fear of losing my job.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear losing my job

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect losing my job to fear and thus I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear my fear.