Sunday, April 3, 2011

Self-Sabotage and Self-Trust

Apr. 3rd 2011 12:21pm

I ended up sleeping deciding to sleep for a bit, to move through some time while I waited for the day to begin after working. I slept past the time that I wanted to and within this I did not want to face the fact that I slept past that time so I slept more only compounding the problem. So I mean I cannot trust myself I have to check my starting point each time and I have to move on and within self-honesty or I will not be able to trust myself with my life which is definitely a problem. So to do what is best for me each and every moment within breath and not react like I have just done which is going out for lunch with my mom instead of staying here and writing myself out.

So I have noticed many times throughout the day I do not do what is best for me. I allow myself to go into thoughts about right and wrong within following a thought and debating whether or not I should when I know what is best for me within each and every thought, and within this, within the debate I know that I am debating for it when I should go against it, for example cigarettes, well not against it but disregard the debate and do what is best for me anyways. Doing what is best is simply not a debate it just is. It cannot be a question it is a statement. Like for example I will debate with myself whether or not I should do insulin at a particular moment and I will debate with myself on whether or not I should get up out of this lazy slump and do it. Many times I have allowed myself to go stay within that lazy slump putting off doing what is best for me which is insulin until later = when I get up. This is self-sabotage, where I chose to stay in my lazy slump and put off doing insulin in which I then go high and feel uncomfortable and then do damage to my body by doing this. So I have been self-sabotaging myself for quite a while and recently I have been judging myself for this separating myself from it, not taking responsibility for it and for changing it as me.

So slowly I am moving past each point of self-sabotage and judgment for sabotaging myself. I have to accept myself as that to change it because if I do not then I am separating myself from it giving it power over me.

Slowly breath by breath

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