Mar 3rd 2011 6:18am
I have been focusing primarily on the part of ego that I use to attract women and desire women and believe that if I do not have a women I am nothing. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that If I do not have a female or a partner or a gir by myside that I am nothing. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I am nothing without a female by my side. I have been focusing on that aspect primarily and I have not taken on the point equally in males. Taking on the point of wanting to be one of the guys, wanting to be accepted by males to equally by females. This point has shown up yesterday when I was contemplating having a cigarette to fit in with my friend and move with/as him to fit in with him. I stopped and breathed, the thought still came around but I continued to breathe as I noticed that this was a fucked up point. So I am focusing now on both aspects equally, To then stand absolutely as myself without wavering. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to fit in with `the guys`. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to compromise myself to `fit in` with the guys. I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to stand alone around both females and males. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to resist facing this opint around males. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to manipulate the situation using ego to have it go `my way` I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to face this point equally within both females and males. I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to remove all beliefs of as myself around both males and females and any `personality` unconditionally. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear losing friends. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear not fitting in. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear standing and being alone.
I have compromised myself in this same situation before. I quit cigarettes for a week and I felt `strong` standing as that point, then I compromised myself as all of my friends were smoking and I wanted to become like them and fit in and become part of the `brotherhood`. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be part of a `brotherhood`. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that as a group of males we each stand for and as eachother protecting eachother with and as ego. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel `secure` within a group of males - `brotherhood`. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to search for that security within a brotherhood so that I can be protected and protect all ego as one.
That is interesting. As one stands within a brotherhood they will all look out for one another as ego…if ones ego is attacked the group will move as one attacking the other. And If one stands up from the group they will also attack the stander, through trying to keep them locked within that same point…this is exactly like the family construct. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from security as myself. I forgive myself that I have not secured myself as myself standing as myself alone as the principle of equality and oneness, and what is best for all. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowe myself to compromise myself through desiring to be within a brotherhood. I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to accepting myself. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to be accepted within/as a brotherhood, thus not accepting myself. I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that through wanting to be accepted into a brotherhood I am thus not accepting myself as myself standing alone. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to only stand as a group. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to manipulate myself to that I may relate with the group and then create a relationship within a brotherhood. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I am not a man if I cannot stand with/as other `men`. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I am not a man if I do not have a girlfriend. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to try and be the idea of a man. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have an idea of what a `man` is. I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to be man to be all that exists, not to be a man, but to be man. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from being man through defining myself as A man (male).
Very fascinating! There are actually three similar points here: Relationship with a woman, 'brotherhood with other men' and the family construct. Each one is a 'place' where another will say to you either with words or actions that: 'you are ok just the way you are - you don't have to change a thing, because I accept you and your flaws'. Friends, family and a relationship is how we validate ourselves and each other even though we are not carrying self-responsibility - even though we make ourselves 'imperfect'. This is partially why we then feel invalid when we do not have friends, a mate or a family, even though with or without these groups, you are you! Very cool, Paul!
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