Pushing through Resistances - Wanting Destruction

Mar 20th 2011 1:21pm


I did have a resistance to writing when I woke up. I had a resistance because I slept 13 hours. I simply let myself sleep that amount of time because I do have anything to do right in that moment. I have noticed that I do this more frequently at my moms, I have been sleeping until the last minute, and neglecting to do my insulin on a schedule. I start to give up on myself here, and allow the pre-programming to take control instead of taking control of myself. I do not necessarily have a resistance to writing but I have a resistance to applying myself of taking that breath and looking inward at myself in what I am currently. There is a resistance to watching videos, that will expose a point within me that I then judge myself for and push myself to work through. I realize that the judgment is of no affect and does truly only impede on my physical expression, meaning that if I have a thought of judgment I will go into a inferior position and not speak much and look for others to console me. I noticed that today when I picked up my mom…I was judging myself for sleeping that much and I stopped that judgment as I noticed that I had a expression on myself of inferiority. The resistance is gone. There was really nothing to resist. The only point that I see within this is the resistance because I have judged myself. I judged myself as being inferior for allowing myself to sleep, and thus I did not want to face that point as I saw that I gave myself up to something and did not push myself through, and I did not want to expose that point = write it out, post it. So there is no resistance now because, simply there is no more judgment of myself. I am here pushing myself within writing I am still applying myself within reading so that I can analyze things a bit better than seeing what I want to see, hearing what I want to hear…this is cool though as it directly shows me me. I mean as I have been watching the news on Japan I have been directed and stimulated by destructive words, by hopeless situations, so I am still holding onto that want of the world to crumble, of the situation now to be destroyed, but through participating in desteni I have realized that this is not the solution nor what is best for all. If this Nuclear situation gets worse and affects all of Japan that is not what is best for all life, it is not best for all of humanity…maybe it will allow us to see the error of our ways, and possibly give us the motivation to stop and take a look at the consequences of our actions. But that is beside the point, the point within me is the fact that I am still hoping for the destruction of humanity, still blaming humanity for everything that is here, separating myself from humanity. I am equally responsible for what is here, we all are.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want the destruction of humanity to exist

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to direct myself towards destructive words, to destructive scenarios, to `negative` things.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see what is best for all

Seeing what is best for all is one thing and the reality is another, meaning that the nuclear plant is fucking up…not much I can do about it right now, but what is best for all is not hoping that is will stop and all will be better, it is not allowing this to happen again by changing the world, as well I will look at the reality, not again hoping for destruction

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be attracted to destruction

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want there to be no hope for humanity

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from all humans

I Realize that hoping for the destruction of humanity does not solve the problem

I realize that doing what is best for all does not include hoping

I stop looking for the destruction of humanity

I am not separate from humanity

I stop myself from hoping

I realize that changing humanities ways is the solution, and within that I must change my ways, so therefore I must change the want for destruction

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want the destruction of the Earth

I forgive myself for acceting and allowing myself to see destruction as a solution

within the want for destruction, it is only a want to avoid responsibility for what we have accepted and allowed on this Earth and not actually a solution

The solution is to make sure that humanity will never bring this hell around again.

the solution is to remove the hell from me.