Make! Believe

Mar 19th 2011 1:20pm


After work I notice that I am quite exhausted. I struggle to participate here. I lose myself within my mind and this is the consequence of allowing myself to move into psychosis which again will take time and effort to correct. So within psychosis I would take words and sounds and make a definition that I wanted to hear or that was already programmed within me. I would take words within music and direct them towards me and use my own words and definitions to create a belief of what it meant to me regarding my life. I went heavy into this creating beliefs that I am god, antichrist, jesus, the devil, much polarized beliefs and I played with myself heavily within that sending myself through massive highs and lows. Anyhow the point is that I made myself hear what I wanted to here, and this is what I do at work. I place myself in a desired position instead of here, I am placing myself in la la land, not focusing on myself here, and thus it takes a lot of thought and energy to create such beliefs and ideas, so after work I become quite exhausted. After I get off work and sit down I do not know where the fuck I am. I sit down and say…shit I am here! I do not realize where I am when working, I really take myself away from here, this is a massive issue for my health. I have allowed myself to move into this through psychosis and this is the consequence of it…not being able to place myself here, I can rarely hear tv analysts, and only when my mind is `calm` can I actually participate in reading, when it is not I again place myself in a projection and/or idea. So now that I can see this clearly I am going to investigate it. And create a plan to stop this because this is seriously limiting me from being here, from realizing myself HERE. I see reading as a starting point for pushing myself through this. I am going to start to read much more, as I watch most vlogs and do not read much blogs, so I am going to start to read more blogs from other desteni members, read the news, read more material…and understand it. I am going to stop listening to music when I can, stop using music as a distraction point I will say, as well I am going to stop tv for 21 days to get myself out of IMAGEination.