Pattern of Sleeping

Feb 21st 12:20pm 2011


I woke up this morning from 5 hours of sleep I got up pissed and layed down by the fire with my cat and slept some more. I knew that once I layed down that I was quite likely to sleep again which I did not want to do yet I took no action towards it. I ended up sleeping for roughly an hour by the fire and when I woke up I decided that since I slept there I was going to sleep more…since I fell there I will fall more. I find it hard to stand up from falling in this context, I say I will but the action are not there. The thoughts are there yet no actions. This needs to be solved. I acted upon the though `If I have fallen what could hurt if I fell further?` So I did. I allowed myself to sleep 12 hours. I have been allowing this to happen for a few days now. There is a point in this as well where I know that I can move and stay up…after I woke up from sleeping by the fire, I layed down on the couch and remembered that I was going t stretch in the mornings to assist me to wake up. I did not act on that thought, so really I want to sleep. The reality of the situation is I get up feel tired and `decide` to sleep purposefully. I then feel guilty about this for letting myself down and not waking myself up when I know I can. I deliberately ignore or participate in the thoughts that will lead me to more sleep.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be dishonest with myself thinking that I am going to stop sleeping 12 hours.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to be honest with myself in realizing that I purposefully act to sleep 12 hours to escape reality.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to sleep to escape reality.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give up on myself within standing up within sleeping 4-6 hours.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to deceive myself believing that I am going to stand up

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to place myself within reality when this point occurs

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to place myself within my mind thinking about the problem and solution while not taking responsibility within my actions, allowing myself to fall into patterns of myself.

Self-corrective application here is to take responsibility for myself within these moments and applying myself as responsibility for getting myself up and waking myself up and not allowing myself to further place myself within the mind acting on the feeling of being tired.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to purposefully sleep allowing myself to not trust myself.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to take responsibility and act on the solution
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not take responsibility by ignoring the solution as myself and hoping that it will all magically happen