Friday, April 22, 2011

Pushing Past Fears

An interesting point occurred a few days ago and that was myself pushing out a fear within me. I was fearing asking of suggesting a consideration of an agreement with me. The thought came up and before when this thought came up I ignored it and suppressed it with/as the fear but that day it was interesting! I felt that fear and saw the thought but this time I oculd not ignore it each time I recognized the thought I pushed it up within me further and further. It was very cool, it felt as I was going to vomit the fear through expressing it within words. There was still fear but I was not giving into it, through the Self forgiveness and self corrective statements that I was doing within the DesteniIprocess ( ) I was able to see the ridiculousness of the fear. Doing the SF and SC didn’t mean that it would magically disappear, it meant that I am able to see the points in which I am accepting that are delusional and to remove those points to move past the delusion so I can see what is real! So I say the delusion in fearing her reaction and fearing myself not being able to handle the situation and I pushed that point out of me. I said fuck a few times before I spit it out because I knew that it was coming out and I was not going to ignore it and suppress it. I was in that time trying to find an `acceptable` way to approach the subject but again it was coming up and I said fuck it and spit it out in the way that I did. There was no `acceptable` way to approach it so I simply said what I needed to say. It was a `no go` and that is fine, there was no reaction towards it I simply stayed the same. There was no want or desire within asking about a consideration of the agreement it was a simply a question that had no answer yet, as well there was no expectation so within that I was moving with the moment not trying to create an outcome based on my desires or expectations.

Within the same day I felt an inferiority towards another person and I was possessed by this and was afraid of exposing the point to the person. I held back for quite a while trying to ignore it but the backchat was persistent and I was not stopping it. So in a moment I did not think at all and just said I felt inferior to him and explained a bit why. There was no thoughts but again the fact that I vomited up the fear was cool. I was not even conscious of the fact that I decided to move on that point meaning the decision came from no thoughts, I just moved on that point. I was just about to go out for a smoke and as I stood up I spoke the words “I feel inferior to you” I exposed this point because it was bugging me I wrote SF on it and SC but it persisted and from the past when I have been possessed by this I have bluntly exposed it and it disappeared so I did the same thing and it did disappear we started to communicate more and share, because before we were quite silent towards eachother not talking or communicating about points. There was another point to that I was afraid of exposing and that was a point of jealousy. I was afraid of exposing that point to him because I knew it was nasty and did not want to expose that so I was quite hesitant about exposing the point many times I was about to push it out but held it in. Eventually again I pushed that fear out and exposed the point of jealousy to get it clear and expose it and again there was more of a communication.

I was stopping the communication within the physical through communicating to myself within backchatting and within bringing out the backchatting thus removing the `conversation` from the mind and bringing into the physical

The Self forgiveness and Self corrective statements that I have applied since doing the DesteniIprocess has been significant as the points have een coming out and I have been pushing them out when I would have suppressed them.

Investigate and consider the Desteni I process to remove fears and realize things actually are in this reality As well Investigate an Equal Money System as the solution to humanity

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