Saturday, April 2, 2011

Depression and facing the points

Apr. 2nd 2011 4:03pm

Again another night of sleeping 13 hours because I do not want to face my depression from the fact that I am and have been participating in desteni to get something that I wanted. I do not want to continue on with this so I am not. I am letting go of the depression and starting over new, being a part of the group acting for and as the group. I am not going to allow my wants of self-interest to be a barrier to myself standing for life. The point here is such bullshit, I was complaining and whining about not getting what I want and within that I was ready to give up on life. I mean damn that is crazy.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give up on doing what is best for life, for self-interests.

I felt overwhelmed with what I had to face and within this I became depressed because all of these points I was suppressing, and placing beliefs of myself progressing in the place of reality of the point that I was suppressing. This takes point wil have to be taken slowly. I am trying to move past it too fast. Ok breathe, take it slowly, remove yourself, and stop. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to write with the curiostity and projection of people reading this. I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to write for myself.

I am aggravated and agitated right now. I do not feel comfortable, in the sense of being out of alignment from my environment. Having to re-do many actions and having to focus heavily on myself here so I do not make these mistakes and have to re-take them. I am looking at this process as massive as something that I cannot do…I cannot do It within one moment. I have to take chips out of the whole until it widdles down.

Breathing now, stopping my aggrivation, placing myself here, focusing.


  1. Hey, I've just written a post dealing with similar points as you've discussed on your blog recently. Check it out -’t-get-what-i-want-i’ll-betray-you/