Friday, March 25, 2011

Sleeping and Self-honesty

Mar 25th 2011 7:46pm

Ok so the point of sleep I want to write about right now. The point of sleep I am writing about is the fact that I am in the mornings having trouble waking up fully. The past 2 days I have slept past my alarm and the first day I woke up and sat on the toilet and peed lol and was questioning whether or not to stay up because I knew that I would exist in that same pattern as I have previously of sleeping until the last minute not getting up in time to eat properly and write in the morning like I like to do. I knew in that moment within self-honesty to stay up but I did not. So this point off applying self-honesty is a point I am willing to change at this moment, because I see myself falling, and I question how I allowed myself to fall and simply is because I am not standing self-honestly for and as myself to do what is best for me to not stay enslaved to these patterns that I have become and acted out. My application of self-honesty needs to change…yes I can be honest but I have not been taking that honest route and that is also a part of self-honesty. I mean I am right now honestly enslaving myself. Which is a stupid from my perspective. At the point of sitting on the toilet I was still tired and exhausted and I did not apply myself to get up in that moment meaning take that first breath and move myself. Instead I convinced myself to sleep a bit more and the outcome of this was stopping the Alarm each time it went off until I decided to call into work because of being tired and exhausted all because in that moment I did not take the honest route and breath in that moment getting up and taking on the day.

The second day which is today I stopped my alarm clock unconsciously, sleeping 2 hours past the alarm going off. I was not late to work but if I set the alarm any later I would have been, and this point I want to write about. The point of stopping my alarm unconsciously and then staying asleep. I have done this a few times where I am unaware that I have stopped my alarm….well not conscious of the fact and I end up sleeping with my cell phone/alarm in my hand lol because I have shut it off. I have made it too easy for myself to do this and if I cannot stop this because of consciousness that I must trick and apply measures of some other sort. So I have decided to place my alarm further so that I have to get out of bed to stop the alarm. So I have to get up out of the bed and walk to shut it off, and in this moment I will have some sort of consciousness and in that moment I can move within self-honesty or not, each one I know the path. And unfortunately I have been moving on the dishonest path within honesty. So I mean there are points here to consider, The sleeping not the worst or the most important but the application of self-honesty and the accumulating affect is something that I am considering as I see it becoming detrimental to be myself.

Simply I know what must be done and I must be relentless on myself in the moments of `its ok, no big deal`. It really is no big deal on the grand scale of all, but in all of me it is a big deal.

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