Self-Image and Getting off topic

Mar 22nd 10:45pm


Stopping the image of myself definitely works at placing myself here. It allows me to feel myself, focus on my physical feeling and disregard the Image and stop judging myself and others. Today I had more of a hard time stopping the image of myself and placing myself within the physical breath. As well as placing myself within the physical touch. The one thing that I have been distracting myself from me here is the sound people are making. I was distracting myself to the conversations people were having…I notice now that this is a similarity to gossip.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in gossip.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to eavesdrop on conversations backchatting about them

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to backchat about people having conversations

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to simply focus on myself

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to simply hear the sound



I stop judging people for what they talk about.

I realize that all talk is equal to and as talk.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to value `topics` of talk unequally

All Talk is Equal

And slowly enough I was not focusing on myself within the physical. And that is where I am now. I am here not being abe to focus on myself. Not breathing. Not taking responsibility. I can take this slowly, moment by moment feeling myself here write myself out, taking the time to place myself here correctly. I feel low on energy and wanting to sleep or rest and within this I am not placing myself here. (At that moment I knew that when I got home I would be sleepy and want to sleep and I did end up sleeping, so that Is a point I am going to start to investigate)

This morning I found it difficult to move, to get out of bed. I woke up form my alarm a Few times and each time I would think “Ok now its time to move” I would still lay there, I would have that thought in place within my body but I did not Re-act to the thought = a Reaction would have been getting up in that moment. I stayed in bed layed there for a bit and listened to music for a bit. Cool so now I am here focusing a bit better. I am wanting to smoke a cigarette, to keep myself here. (In that moment I realized that each time I brought myself here a thought would come up of wanting a cigarette, or food, or something to distract myself with. It was not to keep myself here but to distract myself from here) Anyways sleeping this morning was interesting Because…this is all coming from the mind I am not standing up right now and taking charge of myself here. Meaning that I am not placing myself within each word directing the outcome I am allowing myself to run a program of laziness within writing.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be lazy right now (Lol not actual forgiveness, only a belief that that would fix the `problem`.)

As I layed in bed I was dreaming of getting up. I dreamt that I woke up and got out of bed this was interesting because I can see how I created this. I purposely created this so that I could believe that I was up and was doing what I needed to do. I make that dream and I made myself believe that dream was real. Only when I felt my physical did I realize this was a dream.