Today I got my passport which allowed me to travel to the Desteni NA meeting. I booked my flight and am completely set expect for booking time of work, and since they have been cutting my hours I am sure they will not mind LOL. I got incredibly excited over this fact and became quite egotistical and positively charged and started backchatting extensively. I was not focused on myself in the physical on about the idea of the meeting. I was stopping and applying breath and forgiveness, but this was not working as I was still holding onto that fact/the idea of the meeting. I was crazily excited and energetic. I was yipping and jumping as I walked. There was a relief because I did not know how hard that process would be and if I could manage everything in time. I was having trouble slowing myself down and calming myself down. Eventually I took it breath by breath and calmed myself down looking at the reality of the situation.
I have started to notice that I will back chat more extensively when I am confident and excited and happy, as well as the opposite being depressed angry and upset. In Each of these polarities I backchat heavily to maintain that feeling or expression. I do not calm myself down immediately. When I started to fear the consequences I started to slowly stop. I was backchatting egotistically placing myself more than when I was happy/excited and backchatting against myself placing myself less than when I am upset/angry.
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