Friday, March 18, 2011

Dedicating myself, and stopping

Mar 18th 2011 3:58pm

It is all up to me and my dedication. Today I was making sure that I participated here and removed emotions and feelings when the point stopped, meaning I would participate in a smile or an energetic when talking with someone and remove that immediately. I noticed that for the most part I used sadness to remove and not caring to keep myself directed. Meaning not caring about the people or things going on around me, kept myself focused on myself here, and directed myself within breath. I would have usually focused on things happening around me that I was not involved and backchat my involvement. So I kept a demeanor of not caring and that helped. I did not think about another person, kept myself here focusing on myself. The dedication and discipline point here is not allowing myself to continue participating in that energetic reaction within happiness or positivity but removing that immediately once the interaction has gone. With which I used sadness to remove it…or it felt like sadness, I mean if one were to come down from any type of happiness wouldn’t it feel like sadness. I am using the example of my blood sugar levels. Sometimes I am too high for too often and when I come down to normal it feels as if I am at a low blood sugar level when I am not, so I see this as applicable, to that situation. And I kept myself focused on myself, to not strafe away from myself by participating in thoughts and projections and backchatting towards my surroundings. I find that the method of completely stopping myself and then directing myself when a point comes up meaning I stop the emotions directly after I experience it and re-direct myself from myself participating in what I want to participate in not reacting to the point. So I was dedicating myself to stopping the participation within the energy today and this dedication was firm, I see now that it needs applying here as well, as I am allowing myself to move myself away from realzing that I am here breathing to thoughts and ideas and projections = backchatting

I see now that again I am placing happiness a positivity an idea of `success` within this post so fuck that...It works to stop it like that simply. Meaning the paragraph I wrote above is how it works.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed an idea of `success` to define myself as.
I am still here, still the same.

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