At work today I started with breath. Meaning that I was able to stop thoughts and breathe with myself here and place myself within the physical reality and focus on cleaning. I was breathing and applying Self-forgiveness during the first part of my work, I was allowing myself to look at and face the majority of thoughts that were coming up and forgiving them and then applying myself back within breath. After time it slowly faded. At the end of my work I forgot everything, I forgot to breathe, I forgot who I was within each moment. This has been a pattern for a few days now. I used to just completely forget everything and go right into thoughts, so I am not facing myself equally in each moment.
I was remembering some points that I was going to write about at the beginning of my shift, by the end I had forgotten everything. This happened just because I participated in thoughts. I slowly kept on thinking about past events or future, I continued to project myself out from the physical existence. I thought about what I could do today and how I was going to control myself within the point I am taking on which is taking care of myself thorugh eating better and doing insulin. I was thinking about how to do this, only building up a positive energy base to then act up-on, and make myself feel better by believing that I am taking this on. So I got lost in positivity. Cool, as I now see it and I can cross-reference it aswell, as I know where I created that belief within myself of being positive. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to make myself believe that I am a positive being and happy, and loving, and blissful, when really I am existing in ignorance. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to ignore the fact that I am only making myself believe that I am positive. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to ignore the fact that I am not positive.
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