My Experience in Vlogging and Blogging

June 11^th 2011
 

My experience within vlogging and blogging as a mirrored reference of myself.
I experience vlogging and blogging enjoyable although I have been recently resisting writing and vlogging. When I write there is a sense of accomplishment. I feel lighter, I am not burdening myself so much with holding myself back within writing. Writing is an awesome tool of self-support. I am able to write out the points that I am going through and within writing I will write things out that I will not have considered within my thoughts. By doing so I am able to have a different perspective on the point that I am writing and am able to expand on the point that I didn’t allow myself to see within thoughts, which always seems to be a point of `significance`. Within writing I am able to place that point out of myself within the mind and take a look at it and write more about that point within self-honesty getting down to the point that I have hidden from myself within thinking. 

Writing has been an incredibly assisting tool. Instead of running through thoughts about what or what not to do I place it down in writing, and through that I am able to see clearer about what I am accepting and allowing myself to participate in, and as well it gets rids of a lot of confusion within my mind.

Vlogging is as well a very supportive tool. I am surprised at times at how well I can convey a point through words. It as well gives one an opportunity to see oneself physically moving through a point and to see how one will move through a point and if there is an effective communication point.

Through these tools I am able to see any progress I have made. These tools give me a physical reference to where I am and how I have moved. Writing and vlogging allows me to place myself within the physical and any points that I am working on in the physical. It gives me reference to myself whether or not I have expanded. This point is certainly important. Through the mind time is not equated one can jump incredibly within the mind with no times, I can at one point believe that I am doing well in expanding myself and then another moment I may believe that I have not expanded at all. This is obviously contradictory, where the physical is a reference `set in stone` it is an ACUTAL reference point for ones expansion or lack thereof.

So my experience within  writing and vlogging has been enjoyable and it allows me to take the time to move through words to effectively explain a point or see where I am not effective at explaining. It allows me to see physically where and how I am standing within my reality. It is an awesome reference point for me to see myself Clearly instead of within the mind within thoughts and beliefs of where/how I am within my reality.

My application

I do not like my application of myself and I am not sure where I am moving to. I feel as though I am stuck right now. I believe that I must be doing something. The problem is that I am not taking responsibility still. I am still sleeping far too much. I do not care when I wake up. I have been at this point for a few days now, I do not feel like doing anything other than sitting down and breathing, waiting for the world to come to me. Again a responsibility point. I am not directing my life properly in these past few days.


I have been sleeping in a lot, Not been eating properly, nor allocating time for everything that I would like to do during the day. I have not been able to write effectively, I am looking out of windows, `staring into space` and not focusing on my writing or getting it done. I have been using bullshit words, just to collect space. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to bullshit my words. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not apply myself properly when the situations calls for it. I have been simply giving up for the past few days, I have not been applying breath and have been using excused to not get done what needs to be done. I have been fantasizing a lot, been taking myself away from here. I have not been directing myself. Within all of this I have lost my position. I have lost where I was/am. I do not know where I am right now, I have been simply following along waiting for life to come to me, instead of bringing life to me, directing my life.

The few points that I am stressing about is my writing, my vlogging, sleeping/responsibility, and my care. I have been slacking in my writing..I have not been looking at the entire point, only small points within the point, and within that I have not been able to write very much on the subject and I distract myself quite a bit. I am judging myself for this because I have put value on sticking to this, and if I am not then what the fuck am I doing here? I am judging myself for this because I know that I can put in the effort yet am allowing myself to distract myself and not write effectively. My vlogging is basically the same thing, I have been vlogging but not directing myself within vlogging, It has been scattered and I do not know where to direct it. I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to direct myself within my writing. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give up on myself through/as writing. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to slack within my application of myself. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be strict with myself, I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to look at this without judgment.

I have been slowing down with my writing and been sleeping more. I have not been taking responsibility for writing out a point or vlogging out a point. I have been resisting writing and within this I have been bullshitting my words. I have been thinking a lot forgetting about breath. I feel like myself was going nowhere and that writing myself out had to be planned. I noticed that when it was planned I could look at a point much easier and take it on much easier, and that when It wasn’t planned that I had no direction and spewing bullshit. So I started to plan things again…I still gave up a bit on my application of myself, as I felt like things weren’t going anywhere. I am fantasizing about my life, and where it will go. I have not been placing myself here taking responsibility for being here.

This most certainly has gone on for too long, My responsibility is slacking and I am going to take care of that, I can only do this within breath. I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to breath and direct myself. This responsibility point has been eating at me and I cannot allow this to continue. I am going to write everyday, even if I have not planned it, the not planning is still a plan. It is still a direction. For the most part I do not know what to write about, believing that I must write something extraordinary, or take on a point or something like that and I have noticed that I have not shared my life too much. That is something that I am going to start to do, I have basically been sharing emotions and feelings.