Politeness = Judgment, Supression

Since moving into this new environment, I have been limiting myself within expressing myself through existing as the `expression` of politeness. I have noticed that politeness is only a limitation as I have been limiting myself of expressing myself through my definition of politeness

What I have been doing within the want to be polite is that I have been keeping myself somewhat secluded, I have not asked questions, basically I have been `keeping myself out of the way` so that the others that live in this house will have their same experience.

It is a point of keeping myself so small and `out of the way` that it is like I do not exist. That is what I am attempting to achieve in fact, yet I have only seen this point now in this moment. I am attempting to become as small as possible = have as little effect on the environment as possible so that the experience of the other people that are here will be the `same` for them as they have been living together for their lives and I am `new` to this place.

Through existing within my definition of politeness I am limiting myself by attempting to not been seen or heard, or smelt even lol. In the first day that I was here I felt incredibly uncomfortable due to the `politeness` that I have been existing in, I felt uncomfortable because I was unsure of where to put all of my shit, and I did not want to `impose` myself onto the other people that are living here so I did not ask questions or assist myself through communicating points to the other people here, I kept myself quiet and I allowed myself to suppress myself through/within/as politeness.

When I started to set up my room I was unsure of where to put my stuff as some things of the person who was previously living here were still in here and I did not want to move that stuff around through/as politeness and through/as possession/ownershit,  not seeing the item (It me) for what it was = me as life here as substance in actuality. So I left it there and then moved myself and the shit that I carry with me and use around the item that I was defining as `not mine` and thus I have not `right` to touch it or move it.

At that time I was feeling very overwhelmed with things and was noticing that I was participating in the limitation of/as politeness so I stopped that in that moment and moved the shit that I carry around with me and use to where/how I wanted it to be placed.

Still though I have been limiting myself within my expansion of myself, through trying to make myself as small as can be and thus not `impose` myself onto the people here or this environment. Points that I have been limiting myself within have been hygiene, movement, sounds, placing things in places = taking power over the placement, and food. I have see now that I have been limiting my power as myself through/as expression and power of /as myself here through attempting to make myself as small as possible and attempting to exist like I don’t exist lolol.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use politeness as an expression of me when in fact it is a limitation of me
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear imposing myself onto other people
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear expanding myself within a new environment
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that politeness is the best way to act when in `new company`
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to limit myself within being `polite`
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not do what is best for me = wash my clothes, place my hygiene products in the bathroom, or feed myself properly in any and every situation/environment that I place myself within
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself to extensively that I believe it to be polite to limit myself and to attempt to make myself as small as possible to not influence, impose myself onto people or the environment
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to express myself unconditionally, through/as living the word joy
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to limit myself expressing myself unconditionally within as joy through existing within my definition of politeness
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to keep myself locked in my room = enslaved, through wanting to not be heard and not be seen.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself and call this `politeness`
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to stay away from the people that live here as well when I move out of my room in attempts to keep myself unheard and unseen, but really judging myself.

When  I start to hide myself I look at what I am trying to hide and I look at what I am judging about it, and if need be I disconnect myself from it and stop attaching any ideas and beliefs unto the action I am doing or about to do. I breathe and simply place myself here as me in the physical, I look at myself ad only live for me. I do what I must and what is best for me. I do not allow myself to judge my actions before hand with projections about what/how I may be perceived. I breathe I do the action I move on.