Self-Application

Mar 13th 12:43pm 2011


On my way to this coffee shop I noticed that again I was not aware of my breath and through this I placed myself within my breath and looked at what I was within breath, and I noticed that I am fearing my application of myself. On the way here I knew that I would be watching videos and writing and facing myself, and this I feared because I have not been equally applying myself in each moment. I feared pushing myself past this point to where I apply myself here in each moment. I feared using my time `wisely` instead of this free choice…I fear giving up my free choice to fall into desires and the same ugly shit I have been existing within. I feared facing this point – the point that I have not been applying myself the way I would like myself to apply myself in each moment. I have been allowing myself to stray away from what I can do within these points that I am giving myself and not pushing myself within these points but allowing myself to fall into desire and distraction. I was fearing myself within applying myself directly here within breath. As right now I am hiding myself within myself not placing myself directly here. I am In a public coffee shop and for some reason I am not allowing myself to expose myself here within breath. I am not exposing myself to myself within breath, in which I realize that this is because I am looking at other people comparing myself to them, and as soon as I type that I place myself here free from comparison now focusing on myself typing here and what I can do here instead of looking out the window or at other people within the coffee shop. I am now not fearing myself here I am accepting myself being here, being open, being vulnerable, and not fearing it because I am not allowing myself to compromise myself. I stand stable here within what I stand for = and 1ness. Ah I was placing myself within my personality to try and attain attention, and now I am here breathing as my body not wanting attention….Neat how I was giving others attention and in which I was looking for attention. Now I am paying attention to myself and what can be done here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use personality to gain attention to feed ego

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to distract myself through paying attention to others
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear my own application
I forgive myself for accepting and allwing myself to fear facing myself
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear myself and what I have accepted and allowed myself to act within and upon
I realize that I am responsibile for my actions
I realize that I have to take control of myself within applying myself equally in each situation/environment I am within
I stop I breathe and I face myself when I realize I am not breathing
I fear my application of myself here within this moment through equally applying myself in each moment in doing what is best for all as myself. As I have been neglecting myself in some moments allowing myself to recently fall into desires. I have been distracting myself from myself here within the physical and breath. So I have only been fearing this because I did not want to face this point. And now through writing this out I face myself deception of myself here and my application of myself.