Sunday, March 27, 2011

Grounding Myself

Mar 27th 2011 11:41am

A few reactions are going on within due to some events that took place yesterday. I my sister got kicked out of my fathers house from an argument that they had. I was thinking of a way to try and help her without her reacting with emotion, yet I could not. She was describing that she wanted to crawl into a whole and not face anything. Anyways I am about to go into a rant about her, but anyways I noticed that I was fearing her reaction and this was limiting me within saying anything, because I saw that anything I said would set her off. I was saying that when I had that feeling it was self-judgment and asked her a few more questions which lead to the answer self-judgment but she would not admit it. So I felt hopeless and went into backchat about…if you will not be self-honest then it is up to you then I will not help you. I became frustrated, which is simply showing me that I frustrate and dislike the fact that I am dishonest to myself and I do not like the fact that I will not admit things to myself and be self-honest to myself.

I forgive myself to accepting and allowing myself to judge myself for being dishonest with myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge other people/beings for being dishonest with themselves

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to dislike myself for being dishonest

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not like myself.

So I mean yes if she isn’t willing to be self-honest than I simply cannot help her, I cannot assist her as she must actually assist her self by being honest with herself thus getting down to the actual self-created situation. But simply I can not do anything about this. I noticed that I wanted to and believed that I should help her with this, which is an ego point that I am now diffusing because I have to focus on myself first and not others and their processes. Simply I have to help myself first and be honest with myself.

And the second point is moving through ego. I realized that I have been using ego to push myself for the past week or so, and within this I fell meaning I went into a depression and sadness through having my ego shot down. And within this I have stopped applying myself as touch, and I noticed this this morning, that I have not been applying myself within touch. This I am using now for myself to keep myself here rather than going into the mind and using that to move myself. Yesterday I stopped applying myself this way and I allowed myself to move into desire and self-interest. I realized this as I noticed that I was not paying attention to myself. So I am again re-applying myself to touch and stopping the backchat of ego and superiority. I ground myself within touch, and within this I stop the ballooning of myself rising high into my sphere. And then I pop it through rising too high and I then ground myself lol. So I am keeping myself on the ground

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