Mar 27th 2011 11:41am
A few reactions are going on within due to some events that took place yesterday. I my sister got kicked out of my fathers house from an argument that they had. I was thinking of a way to try and help her without her reacting with emotion, yet I could not. She was describing that she wanted to crawl into a whole and not face anything. Anyways I am about to go into a rant about her, but anyways I noticed that I was fearing her reaction and this was limiting me within saying anything, because I saw that anything I said would set her off. I was saying that when I had that feeling it was self-judgment and asked her a few more questions which lead to the answer self-judgment but she would not admit it. So I felt hopeless and went into backchat about…if you will not be self-honest then it is up to you then I will not help you. I became frustrated, which is simply showing me that I frustrate and dislike the fact that I am dishonest to myself and I do not like the fact that I will not admit things to myself and be self-honest to myself.
I forgive myself to accepting and allowing myself to judge myself for being dishonest with myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge other people/beings for being dishonest with themselves
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to dislike myself for being dishonest
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not like myself.
So I mean yes if she isn’t willing to be self-honest than I simply cannot help her, I cannot assist her as she must actually assist her self by being honest with herself thus getting down to the actual self-created situation. But simply I can not do anything about this. I noticed that I wanted to and believed that I should help her with this, which is an ego point that I am now diffusing because I have to focus on myself first and not others and their processes. Simply I have to help myself first and be honest with myself.
And the second point is moving through ego. I realized that I have been using ego to push myself for the past week or so, and within this I fell meaning I went into a depression and sadness through having my ego shot down. And within this I have stopped applying myself as touch, and I noticed this this morning, that I have not been applying myself within touch. This I am using now for myself to keep myself here rather than going into the mind and using that to move myself. Yesterday I stopped applying myself this way and I allowed myself to move into desire and self-interest. I realized this as I noticed that I was not paying attention to myself. So I am again re-applying myself to touch and stopping the backchat of ego and superiority. I ground myself within touch, and within this I stop the ballooning of myself rising high into my sphere. And then I pop it through rising too high and I then ground myself lol. So I am keeping myself on the ground
Showing posts with label Touch. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Touch. Show all posts
Sunday, March 27, 2011
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Light and Physicality and bullshit lol
Mar 21st 2011 10:10
I just allowed myself to go into my mind. I was looking for something to attach myself to memory wise = sweet food, Cigarettes, Tv, Video games, Things of that Nature. I was allowing myself t stray away from myself within breath again, within the physical touch.
I am here in this moment as the movement within the pen here writing with me as me assisting and supporting me unconditionally ( I am copying this from My notebook)
So this light thing. Knowing about the white light – this actual Light is blocking me. Everything that I see is the information that is coded and reflected back to me with light (I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame light for my sight.) The Light that I see is specifically directed towards me. I am blinded by this Light. I cannot see the information that exists, so My physical Eyes are untrustworthy. I must and probably can use my minds eye, But I am too much enslaved for that right now. SO I am going to stick to the physical touch and movement for right now. But yes there is a bright light stopping me from seeing what is here.
The physical is definitely Real the Image is not. The picture representation that I see is not real, but th actual paper and pen and friction and hand are real, but the image seen/shown is not real it does not exist like that I can feel its existence. But there are no Words for it so Simply I cannot word it, I can only feel it as me here.
I am enslave me, the light does not enslave me
I just allowed myself to go into my mind. I was looking for something to attach myself to memory wise = sweet food, Cigarettes, Tv, Video games, Things of that Nature. I was allowing myself t stray away from myself within breath again, within the physical touch.
I am here in this moment as the movement within the pen here writing with me as me assisting and supporting me unconditionally ( I am copying this from My notebook)
So this light thing. Knowing about the white light – this actual Light is blocking me. Everything that I see is the information that is coded and reflected back to me with light (I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame light for my sight.) The Light that I see is specifically directed towards me. I am blinded by this Light. I cannot see the information that exists, so My physical Eyes are untrustworthy. I must and probably can use my minds eye, But I am too much enslaved for that right now. SO I am going to stick to the physical touch and movement for right now. But yes there is a bright light stopping me from seeing what is here.
The physical is definitely Real the Image is not. The picture representation that I see is not real, but th actual paper and pen and friction and hand are real, but the image seen/shown is not real it does not exist like that I can feel its existence. But there are no Words for it so Simply I cannot word it, I can only feel it as me here.
I am enslave me, the light does not enslave me
Sunday, March 20, 2011
Pets and an EMS and Suffering
Mar 20th 2011 7:14pm
I enjoy writing and moving myself within process. I simply want to enjoy myself writing right now, I simply am allowing myself to write whatever comes. I have been again playing video games, and focusing a bit more on that. I realize that I can pay attention to videos a bit easier when I am distracted. Meaning that I can hear the words easier, as I tend to backchat while I am listening and trying to focus on the words and not my interpretation of the words. I would like a goal right now, I am wanting to do something. I do not want to sit here thinking. I am looking at what I can do that would be any worth right now and I see writing myself as having some worth. So what would I like to write about. Lets just take on something simple. Owning pets and an Equal Money system.
Owning pets will not be an issue. I heard a story of a person throwing kittens out of his car window because he did not want to take responsibility for them, and that is a solution?! It is not a solution. As I have said destruction is not a solution, it only makes things worse. This person wanted to destroy the cats, destroy his responsibility to the cats, and destroy himself. He decided to throw them out of his car while driving to `get rid` of the problem, but this created suffering within the cats as they got hit by cars, and now police are looking for him. So really he did destroy life, and destroy himself in the process for not taking responsibility for this. Many people love cats, and there are many ways to place them for adoption for free, yet this person decided to kill them, most likely because of money as it surrounds every point within existence right now. The food, the dishes, the litter, etc, So in an EMS this will not need to happen. As ALL life will be supported on Earth. In this case he will be provided money to feed the cats and take care of them or they would be found a place to live, and not sentenced to death like this after a few months on Earth.
Mar 20th 2011 8:56
A question that I have been asking myself for a few days now is where does the suffering end? Looking at an apple which is life, and that can feel because I can feel it, when I cut it with a knife it must feel that, may not hear the pain, hear the scream from the apple, but everything can feel, this keyboard can feel me as I feel it. To think that humans are the only things that has the sense of touch is ridiculous. So I ask the question where does the suffering end for the apple. Does it end when it is picked off the tree. I say no because it can still rot. And from my understanding it is suffering the entire time at the grocery store, because once you take that bite into it will decay quicker than without a bite, so I say that it is still alive until it completely dies like a human body, If you cut a slice out of me I will still be alive for a while until I lose blood, and die and rot. So I was questioning if the suffering ended somewhere or if it could still feel as it is being digested…if I was eaten bit by bit then I would simply die before I hit the stomach, but if I was eaten whole then I would feel being digested and would suffer in the stomach. So I have answered the question with myself.
I enjoy writing and moving myself within process. I simply want to enjoy myself writing right now, I simply am allowing myself to write whatever comes. I have been again playing video games, and focusing a bit more on that. I realize that I can pay attention to videos a bit easier when I am distracted. Meaning that I can hear the words easier, as I tend to backchat while I am listening and trying to focus on the words and not my interpretation of the words. I would like a goal right now, I am wanting to do something. I do not want to sit here thinking. I am looking at what I can do that would be any worth right now and I see writing myself as having some worth. So what would I like to write about. Lets just take on something simple. Owning pets and an Equal Money system.
Owning pets will not be an issue. I heard a story of a person throwing kittens out of his car window because he did not want to take responsibility for them, and that is a solution?! It is not a solution. As I have said destruction is not a solution, it only makes things worse. This person wanted to destroy the cats, destroy his responsibility to the cats, and destroy himself. He decided to throw them out of his car while driving to `get rid` of the problem, but this created suffering within the cats as they got hit by cars, and now police are looking for him. So really he did destroy life, and destroy himself in the process for not taking responsibility for this. Many people love cats, and there are many ways to place them for adoption for free, yet this person decided to kill them, most likely because of money as it surrounds every point within existence right now. The food, the dishes, the litter, etc, So in an EMS this will not need to happen. As ALL life will be supported on Earth. In this case he will be provided money to feed the cats and take care of them or they would be found a place to live, and not sentenced to death like this after a few months on Earth.
Mar 20th 2011 8:56
A question that I have been asking myself for a few days now is where does the suffering end? Looking at an apple which is life, and that can feel because I can feel it, when I cut it with a knife it must feel that, may not hear the pain, hear the scream from the apple, but everything can feel, this keyboard can feel me as I feel it. To think that humans are the only things that has the sense of touch is ridiculous. So I ask the question where does the suffering end for the apple. Does it end when it is picked off the tree. I say no because it can still rot. And from my understanding it is suffering the entire time at the grocery store, because once you take that bite into it will decay quicker than without a bite, so I say that it is still alive until it completely dies like a human body, If you cut a slice out of me I will still be alive for a while until I lose blood, and die and rot. So I was questioning if the suffering ended somewhere or if it could still feel as it is being digested…if I was eaten bit by bit then I would simply die before I hit the stomach, but if I was eaten whole then I would feel being digested and would suffer in the stomach. So I have answered the question with myself.
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