Saturday, February 12, 2011

Within the Moment

Feb 12th 2011 5:54am

Time is how one can be within the moment. Each second be here each moment be here. Talking/typing here. When I write this I write from 5:54am. I am now at least. When I wrote before as these words are an example of how I write from memory, not from 5:55am. That is a cool perspective that I have not looked at before. In each moment of breath one equalized themselves with time. I write from now from here from/as breath. I do not look at the past and write I look at what is here within me and write. I see me. I cannot see myself entirely..but I am going on from knowledge and information of myself being sound, being a darkness. That is how I have extensively fucked with myself. Through knowledge and information. I think about my past knowledge and information, I place that knowledge and information into the current moment and live through/as the knowledge and information I have accessed. Sound is how I can tell whether or not I am here. If I can hear then I am here. If I cannot here then some corrections must be made…knowledge and information of being here = good. Simply, if I can’t hear then I am not here. I am somewhere else – thinking within my mind of something irrelevant because it is not here, I then become irrelevant, as I am not hear. I am not writing specifically from here, only within breath can I actually be here. The sound is key, when I hear sound I know I am not thinking. When I can hear all sound I can see in myself. I was hearing as I was looking within a want for a relationship, and it is only for sex, it is not a company thing nor a partnership thing only for sex. To be honest with myself in a relationship knowing and standing only for sex I am able to let all connections go. Because I am honest with myself. That is a positive Idea. So it is irrelevant. I am here typing with coffee, porridge, and toast to my left, These are the foods I and in the process of consuming. I was happy with myself for creating the porridge, a form of pride. I made porridge that has strawberries, blueberries, grapes, and a banana in it. I thought that this is a `good` meal so I created pride and happiness with myself for `creating` this meal. I read this over. It seems relevant, the idea of it is jibberish – meaning bullshit talk. I do not explain myself. I understand myself. That is all. I do not need to explain, should I explain myself. If I want to be understood possibly. But others understanding of me is irrelevant to who I am within the moment. I do not need to explain, if an explanation is wanted then I can give, but it is never a need. So for now this is only for me. I understand me as I write me. I am thinking of something to write. I am allowing ideas to pop up into my head through memory. I did not know what to write. I thought of something to write and second guessed myself. I thought it and did not immediately type it. I hesitated within thinking is this `good enough` towrite? Is it worth while to write that out. Will I bee seen as positivity if I write this? The whole Idea of positivity and wanting to be positive is something that I allow myself to fuck myself with. I think that positivity is wanted in any and every moment, and to `achieve` that is godlike. Trying to be godlike. I strive then for to be positive or seen as positive in every moment. As I have done this I have created the opposite side of this within my secret mind. Which I see and is completely disgusting. That which I think is completely ugly. I have tried to avoid it and place all the happiness up front so that I can be conscious of it, and then I suppress all of the ugliness within me. So writing and bringing that up is the best thing for one to do.

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