Whole Hearted Motherfuckers

Feb 28th 5:41am 2011


I just looked at the word environment and saw the word Iron within it. I related this to knowledge of the Earth’s core being 95% Iron. So I related this to me being 95% affected by the environment. Bullshit connection but it is applicable. We are completely Affected by the environment we grow up in. This environment is disgusting. As a child we are force fed happiness and love and light and positivity with media. Tv shows are always happy and related to happy experiences and Male tv shows – from my experience – of playing the part of the hero eg: power rangers. I then grew up believing in light love and happiness and positivity, always searching for that positivity. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to search the world/environment for positivity. I was searching for positivity in a world where nothing is positive whatsoever. In reality everything is `negative`. A relationship is not blissful, it is ignorance. Ignoring the fact that it will not and cannot last in reality. It will inevitably break, and if one exists in positivity within participating in a relationship one is absolutely delusional and ignorant of the fact of reality. Sure some marriages stay, but again it is through negativity, it is out of fear of financial Stability, It is a manipulative point of getting what one wants, a fear of `being alone for the rest of your life`, and we all do this knowingly, yet we purposefully blind ourselves with ignorance and the idea of bliss, when in reality we are all fucking disgusting and self-interested and a relationship is only manipulative of self and/or the other person to get what we desire which is sex. I have done this myself where I have purposely manipulated myself within allowing myself to create a relative point within me so that I could relate to the other to then establish a relationship and then get what I desired which is sex…quite disgusting and ugly. There is a replay of a memory of a co-worker telling me that another co-worker has defined my writings as `dark`. Fuck…it is the true nature of us, investigate yourself in honesty and you will see some ugly disgusting shit as yourself….we all exist as this, and that is why the world is in the situation it is in right now. Investigate yourself in honesty and stop fearing yourself, it will only cause a large event to happen to yourself wherein you will have to face yourself in honesty of what you have really become, and if you are still believing yourself to be positive, and happy, and a `good person` in that moment you will throw up at realizing yourself.

So we are influenced heavily by our environment and that is why we become what we have become, as our environment is disgusting and we are hiding from what we really are through entertainment and distraction. We rarely see the actually rapacious nature of ourselves in reality, and therefore we hide from it and exist in ignorance of ourselves, thus believing ourselves to be positive and beings of `whole heartedness, love, light, happiness`. It is al bullshit when in reality we have destroyed ourselves and the environment and abused life and ourselves with self-interest in trying to hold onto that belief that we are happy and good whole hearted motherfuckers.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that the human is a benefit to life

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to ignore the true nature of myself as human

I stand here in honesty in realizing myself as the true nature of myself as evil, as hellish, as destructive, as rapacious to understand myself so that I may never allow it to again exist as me as reality.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to make myself blissful so that I may ignore and hide from the true nature of/as myself

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I am a good person

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hide from the true nature of what I have become

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to avoid at all `costs` facing myself in reality

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to spend money to keep myself dumb and happy and ignorant to the fact that I am an `ugly` being

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to cost myself my life in ignorance

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to be one and equal to all life allowing myself to see the true nature of myself as a human in what I have accepted and allowed within this world that is destructive, abusive, rapacious, harming, murdering all life forms on/as this Earth

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blind myself from the true nature of myself as being rapacious, destructive, harmful to all life on this earth, through believing myself to be good, and creating the pursuit of happiness.